A puzzleing question about my girlfriend

[shep88ner]

Im asking this question on my girlfriends behalf since she doesnt even know i come to this site...but this is something that has been ongoing and it troubling me just as much as it is her.

 

my girlfriend cant seem to make any friends at all. now i know you're probably saying, "well maybe it's just her attitude" or something, but that's not it at all...and that is what is so confusing about it.

 

my girlfriend is one of the most sociable people ive ever met. she loves meeting new people, is good with words, can talk easily with strangers, and is an all around fun girl to be with. she is incredibly nice to people and goes way out of her way to help others and put them before herself. she's as nice as can be and never causes any trouble intentionaly. yet she cant make friends.

 

she always get shut out of social events and is always the odd-person out. she had a valentines thing at her church yesterday and it happened again. they were told to go sit at a this table and everything, so my GF was the first one to the table and so she sat in the middle. EVERYONE else sat at the far end and didnt even acknoledge she was even there. no body even said a word to her. when she arrived at the church, everyone walked in as a group and my GF was trying to catch up behind them because she was late...the group went through the door and let it shut right on her. she spent 10 minutes outside in the freezeing cold before anyone even noticed she was pounding on the door...

 

same at school. people write all this crap about her on the bathroom walls calling her names and stuff, saying "call ashley **** for a good time!" and they put her real cell number. she gets pranks all the time of people leaving her voicemails calling her names.

 

and the thing is, she's never done anything to anyone, she's only nice to people. she tries SO hard to make friends but it never happens for her no matter how hard she tries. she talks to people to get to know them then ends up getting blown off.

 

i feel absolutly terrible when she calls me to tell me about how bad her day had been and it hurts me so much when she gets those prank phone calls because i can hear the pain in her voice when she tells me. when she told me about the bathroom walls she was fighting tears trying to tell me...it tears me up inside and i cant understand why nobody will give her a chance...

 

 

any ideas???

[Zaphod]

Sounds to me like your girlfriend is a good person surounded by the usual common lump & proletariat that go to make up the general public.

 

I would argue it's not her that's at fault but them. She deserves a better class of person for a friend, now these are rarer to find. Be patient.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

unfortunately, sometimes people are like cows and we like to travel in herds. It seems that this herd of people have all chosen your girlfriend as the odd man out.

 

Maybe she can join groups in a different area with new people .....and they will begin to see the person that you see. =)

 

My heart just breaks for her... it really really really does.

 

Tell her to keep a chin up ..that in the end this will all make her stronger and better person.

[sddeaston]

These people will grow up (hopefully) someday. I felt bad for her just reading this. Tell her to keep being her sweet self, and she can't go wrong. She will find her niche. It may just be after high school when she meets people with some substance to them, and not just people looking for a way to feel good about themselves.

 

You are a good person for wanting to help her. Just be there for her, and help her when you can.

[shep88ner]

thank you everyone...i do have another question though

 

is it harder for girls than it is guys? because to be honest i was never as nice to people as my GF is and i still was able to make friends and all that. i never once had a group of guys blow me off and stick to themselves...they were always willing to talk and joke and listen if i had something to say...is it different with girls? something about them that just makes it harder for someone to come in and fit in?

[heloladies21]

Before anyone goes defending his gf,read over his old posts. Your gf has shown plenty of disrespect to you so if her actions with others are the same, then this is the reason why she gets picked on.

 

There's nothing you can do to help her get friends. You should be more concerned with handling your relationship right so that you don't get dumped/cheated on.

[flower99]

These people will grow up (hopefully) someday. I felt bad for her just reading this. Tell her to keep being her sweet self, and she can't go wrong. She will find her niche. It may just be after high school when she meets people with some substance to them, and not just people looking for a way to feel good about themselves.

 

You are a good person for wanting to help her. Just be there for her, and help her when you can.

I fully agree with this....great word.

I totally feel for her. One phrase I love, is 'Why try to fit in when we are made to stand out!'

Yes it can be really hard with girls...they are clicky. and honestly i think some have a fear of being replaced by the new girl sometimes, so rather than risk it they may shut her out.

She sounds like she deserves better friends than these. are their other 'outsiders' that she can make friends with & make feel welcome?

[flower99]

Before anyone goes defending his gf,read over his old posts. Your gf has shown plenty of disrespect to you so if her actions with others are the same, then this is the reason why she gets picked on.

 

 

Which posts ???

[shep88ner]

Before anyone goes defending his gf,read over his old posts. Your gf has shown plenty of disrespect to you so if her actions with others are the same, then this is the reason why she gets picked on.

 

There's nothing you can do to help her get friends. You should be more concerned with handling your relationship right so that you don't get dumped/cheated on.

 

this is the second time you've come out of nowhere and s*** on my post...this isnt about anything in the past. having someone call you with a blocked number like a coward and call you names is not because me and her have had our differences.

 

so no...you're wrong, the asnwer to every problem or situation i ask about on here is not becasue she's so terrible and i'm going to get cheated on bla bla bla...but hey, thanks for the concern

[flower99]

I stand by my post. regardless of past threads.

[shep88ner]

I stand by my post. regardless of past threads.

 

thank you flower...my other posts mentioned some of our personal disputes and stuff and really has nothing to do with this. ive seen her struggle and try her hardest to make friends and he's only nice to them, but it just doenst happen for her for some reason

[sddeaston]

Maybe her reason for acting out like that is because she has been treated this way in her past. You know her, we don't. Just make sure you are not compromising your own beliefs, morals or well being by defending her when she is wrong, or standing by her and the relationship if she crosses any of your personal lines.

[shep88ner]

Maybe her reason for acting out like that is because she has been treated this way in her past. You know her, we don't. Just make sure you are not compromising your own beliefs, morals or well being by defending her when she is wrong, or standing by her and the relationship if she crosses any of your personal lines.

 

im not...i mean we have our fights and arguments like any other couple. we're both young and so/say stupid things that most older people would never do...but as a whole we're very happy and i just want what's best for her

[EvaGina]

Once people finish high school, in my experience, they stop being so petty.

 

Either they do use her as a social scapegoat... or they dont like her, for valid reasons.

The "forgetting her" thing could just be beucase she is forgettable (no offence, my brother is like that and hes an amazing guy) but putting her number on toilet walls? She has probably done things to seriously annoy people... that kind of thing isnt done un-provoked

 

It could just be her additude, you dont KNOW what she is like when you arent around. People gravitate towards people they find appealing and want to socialise with, they dont desert and slander them.