Will my girlfriend ever be able to trully let go of her bisexual side?

[Tears May Fall]

Well if some of you who read my other post a few weeks back, it was about how my g/f slept with another female while on a trip out of the country, with another classmate, and told me as soon as she got back. She stated she only did it because i told her i was i was alright with her bisexual views. I never thought her being with another female would enrage me so much so i let her know i felt. I originally thought it wouldnt pose a threat to me if she was bisexual, but i only realized after it was too late of how turned off i would feel. She was very sorry for it and begged me for forgiveness, so I forgave her on it because she said she was willing to let go of that side of her and only be interested in me and no1 else and that nothing of that sort would ever happen again. --> this is the original post from the first topic -

 

Last weekend, me her and my friend and his gf went away on a ski trip weekend. We had our own cabin. My gf just met these people for the first time. The 2nd night we were there, we all were drinking. My gf started getting a lil loose and blunt. She was acting very happy go lucky and giddy. She started putting her arm around the other girl, acting very friendly with her, acting excited around her company, tickling her, wanting me to take pictures of the two of them. She at one point blurted out, "when i drink or smoke, i get very horny." She even earlier in the evening (before drinking) looked down her pants at the other girls lingerie that she had planned for her bf, but she stated that they were talking about it earlier.

 

I felt very uncomfortable about it at the time, mainly because of what had just taken place a few weeks back. It made me begin wondering if this was the true her, being very close and friendly with other females, especially when under the influence. It made all confused about what she had stated to me after the japan incident, that she wouldnt act that way and was willing to let go of her lesbian ways. The part that concerns me alot is that she acts VERY different when she in under the influence of alcohol as compared to not, even when it comes to the sex between us. Shes alot more open and aggressive even with me in bed when drinking.

 

I didnt say anything during the trip, but when we got back i did bring it up.

 

Then the next day, my friend actually gave me even more info, he said that at one point when i was in the kitchen, she went into the bathroom with the other girl, and asked her "if she was only straight." My friends GF felt very uncomfortable at that point, and clearly said yes she was only straight. She stated that she felt that if she said that she does go both ways, that my gf wouldve pounced on her.

 

After hearing that, i was just enraged. I couldnt believe my ears. I was totally hurt and felt disrespected once again. When i brought it to her attention, she stated that she was just being friendly with her, trying to become friends, and that she had no intentions of anything. She stated that it was just a question out of curiosity, nothing more. She said shes very friendly with females like that all the time, with her mom, sister, cousins, friends, etc. She said she wouldnt ever lie to me, and what she said a few weeks back, she meant. She said she wanted the whole weekend to be for us together, nothing else. She didnt have any thoughts towards anything of that sort. I am in a difficult position to believe her now. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to trust her at this point.

 

A part of me wants to believe her, but a part of me is very hurt and mad. I dont know what to believe at this point. I dont know if my gf is TRULLY capable of fully letting go of her bisexual nature, even if she states she has no interest in anyone but me. She stated last night when we spoke, that she still calls herself bisexual but just says that she doesnt practice it right now. But then she also stated that if her and I were to break up, she would go back to that. This is all is very confusing. I dont know what to tihnk. I cant stand the thought of her being interested in anyone but me

At this point, even knowing that the thought might cross her mind enrages me. I dont know if deep down inside, she ever would fully let it go. I get afraid of how she might be if shes drinking, and im not around. And you know what they say, when u drink, the truth comes out...so i wonder.

 

BTW, if the whole thing with her and another female didnt happen a few weeks back, i wouldnt have even thought anything of this, but the fact that it did, and especially that its sooo fresh in my mind still, is what confuses me and hurts me more than anything. I wouldve thought that she wouldve been smarter than to do something right in my face that might remind me or make me question her desires, especially so soon.

 

I dont know whether to stay in this relationship or not. this new incident is only pushing me further to wonder whether my GF can TRULLLYY let go of her bisexual side or if its just something she says she wants to do just for the sake of wanting to keep this relationship alive...i dunno what to believe at this point

My girl has never lied to me up until this point and has always been 100% open about everything, but its still hard for me to believe everything, because right now i believe the "other side" of her can come on at anytime, and thats what i cant trust. Am i overanalyzing this or do i have every right to doubt her trust at this point??

 

I know i prolly left out some details or what not, please ask if u need further detail on anything.

This post is not questioning whether what my GF did the first time around was cheating or not, because I already established that with that it was and she accepted it and apologized deeply. I just need feedback on what i stated the topic was, as well as what you might think this last weekend represented, thank you. Sorry to make it so long.

[Tears May Fall]

sorry to repost, but i felt as though i might have put it in the wrong forum originally, and the title wasnt what i wanted it to be before, sorry to those who might come accross it twice

this would also possible be good for the trust forum...thanks again to those who read and contribute

[NKP]

I think maybe yous two need time by yourselves, and you have to work out if you want to be with her after all of this. And she has to wake up and stop flirting with others in front of you, she might of been drunk but she has to know she cant keep doing this and knowing if she says sorry you will forgive her

[Tears May Fall]

yea she stated to me, "well i guess i shouldnt drink so much anymore"...and i told her that that is NOT a solution to all this...that still leaves your intentions, desires and thoughts up in the air...not drinking only gives her a way of not letting that side of her come out so easily but it doesnt bring out the truth and get to bottom of the matter. If she cant handle her alcohol, she needs to learn how to, by 24 you would think she'd be able to, especially since she has been drinking since 15. If the real her comes out when she drinks, then she can admit that, and she can work on that and try to figure herself out. If its just that she gets wild and loose when she drinks, thats another story.

If she doesnt trully know herself, then how can she expect someone else to understand her and get to know the whole her.

If she cant trust herself, with or without alcohol, then how does she expect me to trust her.

[Scotcha]

If she is truly bisexual then she will always be bisexual. No one can just make an aspect of their sexuality go away. BUT That doesn't mean she won't be faithful to only you.

 

For years I considered myself bisexual but in actuality I believe it was only a phase. Regardless, when I did identify with being bisexual... I had boyfriends that were uncomfortable with my being with another woman.. I always respected that. I don't think being bisexual means that you can only be satisfied by having both genders, it simply means you are attracted to twice as many people.

 

Your girlfrieds behavior sounds kind of flirty to me.. Flirty but mostly harmless. My friends and I can act like that if we've gotten a few drinks.. It never means anything or goes anywhere. I guess the question is, do you trust her?

 

You are uncomfortable with her flirting. It doesn't matter if it's with a guy or a girl, it's the same principle. Just because it's with another female doesn't make it okay. I think you should talk to her about this.

[g1234567890h]

My girlfriend is bisexual. She recently spent a weekend with a past girlfriend because her father died. I was fine with it. I know she's faithful to me, even if she is bisexual and spending time with her ex girlfriend. I trust her.

[elfscrap]

hello - I can speak from some perspective here. I am a bisexual woman. I am married to a man and have been for 6 happy years now. No infidelity!!!

 

I look at it this way, if I am in a comitted relationship - that's it. It doesn't matter my orientation. I have made a vow and I am sticking to it.

 

I still look at women and wonder/fantasize, but no more then any straight man or woman in a monogomous relationship would. I just don't act on it, and I don't feel like I need to.

 

To me, a relationship is emotionally fulfulling first and then sex comes with that. In order to keep me pleased, I just have to be emotionally fulfilled.

 

It seems to me, if your GF is using her "bisexual" orientation as an excuse for infidelity, then she does not respect you or your relationship.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Emma

[Shae]

dude... bisexual should NOT mean that you have to have both genders. She has to get this straight in her head. I'm bi, and to me what it means is that I can find love with either a girl or a guy, but once I do find love, thats it, I'm committed to that person. It wouldnt be any different to me than if I was straight... sex is irrelevent. If you're straight and married, and you're attracted to both caucasians and blacks, and you were married to a black person, would that mean you would HAVE to cheat with a white person every once in a while? No. And thats how it should be with a bisexual, IMO.

 

Honestly, though, for me it was hard too at first. When you are bi and end up in a serious relationship with a guy, if you have a certain type of personality, when the relationship gets broken in or hits a dull patch, you start to crave that sort of forbiddenness and taboo thrill that comes with a gay encounter. You just dont get that in a straight relationship, but im sue straight people crave thatthrill in their own way too... ie the excitement of that first night they will never have again. But you HAVE to make it clear to her that CHEATING IS CHEATING... straight, gay, bi, girl, boy, drunk, sober, in japan, ANYWHERE WITH ANYONE and that if she really loves you, she wont. period.