Shae

...and by the way, I want to continue with therapy as well. I just feel like without the meds, it won't do me much good. But neither will meds without therapy and my support groups.

i have been to four professional therapists all with PhDs, two counsellors and al-anon support groups (my mom is an alcoholic). i've aslo tried countless self help books.

hi, So I've been in therapy for pretty much four years now dealing with all the crap in my life from eating disorders to my abusive mother to an unplanned pregnancy and now postpartum depression. I've been to self help groups too. I'm at the point where I don't think therapy can do much for me anymore, because sometimes its not just that I have problems but I just feel like crap 24/7 for no reason. I have no energy to do anything, I have no motivation, and I avoid things at all costs. I have to force myself just to go out. I cant take it any more and I decided I want to try a diff route... antidepressents. How do I go about getting these? Do I see a psychiatrist? Where do I find one? Or can I ask my doctor? Will my doctor just hand me a prescription? Because she doesnt know any of my history (shes a new doctor) and I feel as though she will say something stupid like "go to therapy" which will no doubt make me more depressed. How do I approach this?

Thanks, everyone, for all your help and advice. Sorry I havent updated in a while. What ended up happening was that I discussed all of this with him and he did end up telling her. We argued for a long time afterwards though about me making such a huge deal and that he "wasnt hiding anything"- bs. he said "if you see a person every 7 days for 3 hours, for 6 weeks and all u do for three hours is work on physics, ur not going to have time to talk about your personallife." and so i say,"but yet she found time to flirt with you? when someone flirt with me i find the time... like last time it happened, and at the first time it was clear this guy was flirting... yes it felt good and i held onto that feeling... but i followed it up right away with something about you. i just feel like if i could tell that guy within 20 minutes of meeting him about how great YOU are, how come he cant do it in seven weeks?" after that, he admitted that he could have said it sooner. so now what? it's great he admitted he made a mistake, but i still have a bad taste in my mouth. yeah, i used to dump guys who gave me this sort of BS, but he is the father of my child... i cant give up on that. i went through five divorces as a child.

I'd say that he's taking the cowards way out. Stop trying to communicate with him. Haven't you learned from the last six months that he is unreliable? So stop relying on him and stop being let down by his unreliability! Because it's predictable and you deserve better so cut your losses...

Newest Update: Okay so we just got into a huge fight over this on the phone. I HATE to go to bed in the middle of a fight. He just doesn't seem to understand why it would hurt me so much and is really angry that I'm over reacting and that I don't trust him... he doesnt relate at all to the "put yourself in my shoes" strategy. I mean he cant understand that if he was the one stuck at home with no social life and I was leading some guy on that he'd be upset too? How can I make him understand? The more I try to explain, the more I appear completely insecure. Now he is completely turned off because he says I'm way too insecure...i want to be confident but its hard. He keeps telling me that there is no time to socialize in these labs and that it wasnt like she was outright flirting but just a general feeling he gets... and so i said to him, well then you didnt make that clear, and then im NOT over reacting because in my mind you made it seem like you two were flirting it up and not giving a damn, but if you are really being truthful and there really isnt that much going on then there isnt as much of a problem as i thought....either that or he changed his story. i dont know what to think now. I've never heard him speak in this tone...

its not about me having to shield her from flirting with him per se, although I do admit it sometimes makes me unhealthily uncomfortable since it plays on my insecurities. But in this case... I mean I know she might still flirt with him after the fact, but its more about the fact that he seemed so unwilling to tell her and that he put it off so long. I don't have a problem with the fact that this girl flirted in the first place, but it was how he handled it, that he let it continue for so long that worried me. And it's not that I want him to walk around with a big "taken" sign on his chest (hell, i know some women may even like the challenge), but that i just want a little respect here. I'm at home changing poopy diapers, covered in spit up with a headache from a colicky baby and he's out flirting it up with his lab partner? I don't think so.

So I talked to him again about it tonight and he basically said he'd tell her but he "wouldnt go out of his way". He was asking me if I'm jealous...do you think I am? I think it's more just that I'm scared of being hurt again and scared of not setting boundaries and being walked all over. Basically he was saying how he didnt see it as a big deal because even though they've been talking for two months, they "only see each other 3 hours a week, and we're busy with physics"... but I see it as, ok...yet she found time to flirt with you and you found no time to say four words: "I have a girlfriend"? Am I being immature? It's just that when someone flirts with me, I intercept it when it begins, especially if I'm consciously aware its going on. He says he wouldnt go out of his way to tell her, but to me it seems he was going out of his way not to... he doesnt seem to agree because he says he wasnt hiding anything, it just "didnt come up". Yes I'm glad he agreed to tell her but I still feel it is sort of unresolved because he still feels I am over reacting and I don't feel like I am. I feel like he's agreeing to it just to get me off his back... and to be honest, I don't know if I even trust that he WILL tell her, which is even worse because it means I dont trust him. Iam really afraid for myself right now, because I'm really not sure I will ever completely trust men. Sometimes I get obsessive thoughts about hiring private investigators because i just cant bare the pain... and sometimes it gets so bad that i dont think i can make a relationship work, because i will never be able to return the trust fully. i cant even bare it when he makes a comment about a woman in a movie, i'll sink into despression for days. i used to even have dreams that he did very sexually inappropriate things and sometimes i cant bare him talking sexually because it brings back terrible images in my head. theres not even any real reason for me to suspect that he would cheat on me... i mean yes he is being immature but is that a reason to think he would take it all the way? willi ever trust a man again? do i need help?

I feel like I did try to deal with it nicely at first, because when he first told me I let him know that I understood that it felt good to have someone interested but if he would please, for my sake, consider letting her know about me. I put it out of my mind after that, and we had an excellent valentines where I cooked him a lovely dinner. Today I asked him after his lab if he had told her, and thats when I realized that being nice like I always am wasn't going to solve it and I'd end up being a pushover... I don't think I could bare suggesting I meet her. I tried that strategy with my ex for this girl he said he used to have a crush on before me... I thought to myself that perhaps instead of appearing insecure and hiding from her, I suggest we all be friends because confidence is sexier right? Well much later into our relationship I found out that he'd been cheating with her all along right under my nose and to this day her face haunts my dreams...

I understand how it feels good to have someone flirt with you. When I get a chance to go out without the baby (which is rare), I do enjoy the occasional glance and comment dont get me wrong, I understand where thats coming from. But the difference is that when someone does it to me I dont neglect mentioning that I have a family for two months. I will just nonchalantly slip something in about my boyfriend or my daughter, so as not to let it go too far. First of all, I feel like it's unnatural to hide it because it's such a huge part of me, second of all I feel like it's unfair to him and to my boyfriend to hide it, thirdly I feel that if there WAS the tiniest bit of insecurity or the urge to cheat, then the longer I let it continue the harder it would be to stop it.

dude... bisexual should NOT mean that you have to have both genders. She has to get this straight in her head. I'm bi, and to me what it means is that I can find love with either a girl or a guy, but once I do find love, thats it, I'm committed to that person. It wouldnt be any different to me than if I was straight... sex is irrelevent. If you're straight and married, and you're attracted to both caucasians and blacks, and you were married to a black person, would that mean you would HAVE to cheat with a white person every once in a while? No. And thats how it should be with a bisexual, IMO. Honestly, though, for me it was hard too at first. When you are bi and end up in a serious relationship with a guy, if you have a certain type of personality, when the relationship gets broken in or hits a dull patch, you start to crave that sort of forbiddenness and taboo thrill that comes with a gay encounter. You just dont get that in a straight relationship, but im sue straight people crave thatthrill in their own way too... ie the excitement of that first night they will never have again. But you HAVE to make it clear to her that CHEATING IS CHEATING... straight, gay, bi, girl, boy, drunk, sober, in japan, ANYWHERE WITH ANYONE and that if she really loves you, she wont. period.

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. I searched it out because I'm a young stay at home mom (20 years old) and I don't really have many people to talk to about this and about being thrust into this relationship that, in my opinion, is straining under the pressure of an unplanned baby. I got pregnant when I'd known him for two weeks, and don't get me wrong, we love each other a lot and put a lot of dedication and work into our relationship...but I need some help and advice. To begin with, I am a very insecure person, especially when it comes to relationship. I've gotten my heart broken more than my fair share of times, and my last serious relationship before this (lasted two years), I was seriously manipulated, cheated on repeatedly, lied to and stolen from. It's very hard for me to put 100% trust in someone after that. Just a little background info. My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we have a three month old daughter. I'm a stay at home mom and he goes to university full time in another city not too far away. We're moving in together in may. This is my problem... first of all, when I was pregnant we got into this fight when he started talking about how easy it would be for him to cheat and that I wouldnt be able to because I was staying at home and was six months pregnant, soon to be a full time caregiver. This made me very upset, because I really didn't know why he was telling me this...was he threatening me, did he think that he could get away with doing whatever he wanted just because he wasn't looking after a baby full time and thereforeeee no one had to know? It really made me question him, and since then I've really felt insecure. So last week he calls me up and tells me that his lab partner makes him "uncomfortable" because she flirts with him. So I say to him, "why dont you tell her you have a girlfriend and a baby?" and he says, "because I kind of like it, to be honest." (!!!!) that made me really sad, so then I said to him... "well, perhaps you do like it, but you are going to have to tell her." and he started saying that he didnt see a reason to tell her, etc etc and I tried to explain to him not only how unfair that is to me but also to her... but truthfully, it isn't me or her I'm worried about, it's him. If he likes it so much and won't agree to tell her he has a family, should I really trust him not to cheat? I feel as though it is a very slippery slope. One minute he likes the attention from her flirting with him, next he agrees to go out for an 'innocent' coffee for a little ego boost, and then... !? I really can't take the heartache ofbeing cheatedon again, especiallynow that I have a daughter involved. How would he feel if he was in my shoes? He thinks I am way over reacting because I told him that if he didn't tell her about me (at the very least, if not about the fact that he's a father) than we would have some problems. Am I just being insecure? It's also hard for me to be so assertive because I don't ever know if I'm in the right... I've had a string of bad boyfriends, and he seems completely devoted to me when we're one on one but I have no clue what he's like the five days of the week that we're apart... he's EXTREMELY needy, and I'm really scared he might take his needs elsewhere (especially now, since I just had a baby and I'm still sore from the perineal tearing)... HELP!!