i need some major help

[lawandorder]

First, its been a good bit since i posted on this. I am one that helped folks with getting an ex back and so on. But i am now in need of help.

 

I have been in a relation ship with this lady for about 2 years. I went through a hard divorce and then she walked in my life. Now I have known her for, well, 18 years. And she was one that i was around alot for years. So to my point. She has 2 boys. both i have known since birth. one is 17 and turned 17 this week. the other is 12. and they are hers. now I have 2 girls about the same ages as her boys. i dont have custody and so i see them every other weekend. Now my history. my girls both never get in trouble and make staight A's. Now her two boys. the 12 year old has him asthma real real bad and we go to the hospital alot. I even kicked the smoking habit of 23 years for him. now his dad was a friend of mine. got on the meth. now he comes to see his boy ever year or so for a few minutes. so i guess i am like his dad in a way. he makes great grades now and is doing better.

 

Now my issue. the 17 year old. He is in a shell. wont ask his dad that he see's every other weekend for nothing. he does pay child support. but wont do anything for this kid. I have tried to help in school. natural thing since i come from a 4 generation teacher family. But he is a jr. in high school and in special ed. he is on a 4th grade level. NO drugs. but this kid is real to him self. after 2 years we just dont talk. it takes all i have to get him to take a shower each nite. No job. he is suppose to pick up the kitchen daily. not much to it. 2 or 3 minutes. wont do it half the time. he still has no drivers licence. cant pass the test. even after $500 at a driving academy. He has gone off and got his first girl friend. he is in 11th grade and she is in 7th. bad news for a 17 year old to date a 14 year old. he faild 2 classes last 6 weeks and then it made him fail for the semister. he was grounded. but he gets to go or do what he wants. to the show with his cousin. now his aunt takes them and picks them up. this kid wont get mad over not getting an extra cookie but never really talks about driving. he has a truck in the driveway and wont even have anything to do with it. i am at a loss. i dont want him to live here when he hits 18. i mean this kid just gets on my nerves so bad. now i cant talk to his mom or we would fight. i am sure of it.

 

He wrote a letter to himself. lol but it was 10 reasons i hate my mom.

 

she grounds me. that he cant stand and hates me. and just plain dumb things. he stated he hates me because i dont buy him an xbox 360. that my kids and his brother got ipods for making good grades and he didnt get one. i can go on and on. but i need help on what to do.

 

how do i get through to this kid. i talk about his future and how ill pay for college if he will try. he tells everyone he is going to be a pro dirt bike racer. and he rides a dirt bike in the yard at his dads. but that is what he tells his friends and teachers and so on. he wont consider a job. but he wants wants wants. its strange. please advice on this. I love my girl friend and we are suppose to marry in a few months. but what do i do???

[Drizown]

I'm at the age this boy is... but I'm grade 12.I see kids like this all the time. You really need to talk to the mother.. maybe get him into counseling do deal with the underlying anger he has towards his parents. He's only doing this to lash out at them and probably his resentment towards you.

 

Take the dirtbike away perhaps that will get his attention.

[cantexplain]

Obviously he is hurting. One of his "buckets" along the way did not fill. I believe your patience and friendship with him might be able to fill that bucket - but it will take a long time, a lot of work; and don't expect him to be like all the other kids in any way - he is himself. Please don't give up on him or let him be an obstacle to your commitment to his mom. Don't engage with the boy on his level. Be firm. Show love. Hang in there.