I'm being Ignored

[Beaker5]

Hi guys,

 

Could I have your opinion on something? Well, I live in a dorm with 3 other girls and there are two bedrooms so two girls have to share a bedroom. This is our second semester here and things have gone rather well with the occasional dramafest here and there. And you know how horrible girl drama can be.

 

Well, there was a conflict last week on Thursday night in which two of my suitemates along with a lot of other people were getting drunk downstairs while my roommate and I were studying and doing work upstairs. One of my suitemates was sexually molested and reported that, while another one of my suitemates became so intoxicated that she had to be carried to the hospital in an ambulance. Another guy threw himself down the stairs, so basically the party turned into complete chaos. My roommate and I were the only sober ones in the entire dorm and once we saw how out of hand things started to get, we attempted to help. Once we realized that things were uncontrollably out of hand, we called security and got help.

 

We were all going to be penalized equally for this because although we are all overage and our dorm is a dorm in which students CAN drink alcohol, one student was underage. We will be fined regardless of what happened. Well, my other suitemates are fine with this and were fine with this but I am not fine with this because I first off, have no money (AND my parents are in a very bad economical situation) and second off, I don't want such an event to go on my record. Which it did.

 

I was a bit stressed out about that but I started getting over it until saturday morning when I overheard my roommate speaking to her mom on the phone about me in a negative manner and using a fake name in place of my name and with an emphasis on the "fake" name. SOOO OBVIOUS.

 

Well, after that, I put on a random away message about hypocrites and went to take a shower. She seemed to have read my away message because when I got out of the shower, she was ignoring me. (This shows that she was obviously guilty).

 

I was hurt by the comments my supposedly "friend" had made about me and began to isolate myself from everyone so that I wouldn't blow up on anyone. So, I would pretty much not talk to anyone much and just be relatively not animate when I spoke. I was soon getting over it when my parents and I got into an argument about their economical situation and about me basically having to "deal with it", so that realllly stressed me out, thus even more isolation. After that my roommates began asking me if I was ok and if I was upset with any of them and I would answer no, that I'm just stressed out. And one of them (a complete moron) said that if I didn't talk to her, she would take it as me being angry at her and I said that I told her why i'm upset and it's not because of her but if she wants to do that, then that's fine.

[Beaker5]

Sorry, I had to cut it short because I thought my dad would actually help me but he told me to "deal with it". I'm also a loner and I really don't have any friends. The school therapist is not in and all my outside friends are either in class or away. So basically, they're all ganging up and ignoring me completely, and I'm the one that's being ignored. I'm tired of it. I'm seeing the therapist so that I could move out. I don't want to be here anymore, it's affecting my schoolwork. I must leave this place.

 

Does anyone have any advice?

[Daligal83]

First off, is there anyone you can talk to about not being held responsible for the underage student being there? I think that would be worth fighting against.

 

Second of all...I think you need to talk to your suitmates. Ignoring them is not going to do anything. You could sit each one down separately and explain how you feel that it's unfair for you to get into trouble for their actions and that is why you've been upset. You might also want to address the girl whose conversation you overheard so she knows that you're upset at this as well.

 

I know these conversations aren't fun at all...but nothing will get better if you don't have them.

[Beaker5]

Hi Daligal,

Thank you. You know, I think the drinking situation could be resolved but I just don't want to waste my time talking to them. They are the ones that are ignoring me and they've done it to other girls before too. Why should I lower myself when I've spent the entire last semester and this semester lowering myself and bending over backwards for these girls. I'm simply tired of it and this is why I have scheduled an appointment to meet with the therapist so she could get me a room change. I just don't need the extra stress in my life anymore. I have to stress enough about my majors. I don't need unnecessary drama in my life.

[robowarrior]

Keep your paw stiff and don't pay the fine. Say that you will not let yourself be penalized by something that you didn't do. If they are going to give you a hard time, tell them that YOU are the one who called security, because your other roommates where drunk and brought a minor in the room, while both of you where studying.

 

Tell them that its THEIR fault for allowing alcohol usage to be allowed in the dorms, that its a ticking time bom that due their policy something like this was bound to going to happen. Even if that gets you thrown out, whatever happens don't give in.

[robowarrior]

*hugs* don't feel ignored , we are here to listen to you =)

[Daligal83]

I don't know where you go to school, but many times they'll encourage you to work out the problems yourself before resorting to a room change. They view it as a life experience. Because you will encounter people like this in your everyday life and you need to learn how to deal with them. I know it sucks. I've had some amazing roommates, and some real crappy ones.

 

Talking to them about why you're upset would not be lowering yourself at all. It's standing up for yourself! You shouldn't have to bend over backwards for these girls, but by standing up for yourself you're practicing being assertive. It's a great skill to have. If you do that and they still ignore you...well that's on their heads. You tried.

 

What are you studying?

[Beaker5]

Thanks Robowarrior and thanks daligal.

Robowarrior:

It's hard not feeling ignored because I am a loner and I really have been that way for a long time and I pretty much just have no one to talk to. Lately, I have been talking to my parents about these problems but they are getting stressed out now and just don't want to talk to me anymore.

 

Daligal:

I know talking things over would probably be the best thing but I'm such a shy person that I rarely speak and it gets really hard for me to stand up for myself so I usually just end up running away from my problems or ignoring them. Which is what I'm trying to do by requesting my room change. I shouldn't have to deal with this. I come to college to get my work done and to potentially make new friends...not enemies. But this is just a stepping stone for me and I shouldn't have anything affect my performance. My majors are Physics and Biology.

[Beaker5]

hey guys, should I leave to the mall right now? The shuttle leaves soon and I figured some time at the mall may help alleviate my stress. what do you think?

[Daligal83]

It depends...are you truly using that as stress relief or a way to avoid your suitemates? I understand that you are shy and it makes it hard to deal with confrontation, but unforunately it's a fact of life. Take this as a learning experience to figure out how you can stand up for yourself. I bet the therapist would be able to give you some good tips on how to do this in a way that isn't as hard as you think it would be.

 

Those are hard majors! Good for you!