Confusion hits.

[olena]

I have been apart from my 61/2 year partner for a week and a day. On saturday I decided to go out with a friend for lunch as I was feeling really down...When my friend went to the toilet a guy approached me and greeted me... It was my boyfriend's good friend. He told me that I looked better than ever and that chris had told him that he asked me for a break. His friend told me that he told chris that he is an idiot as he will never find anyone better than me. Chris told him that maybe we will get back together in the future, once things improve...

 

I got really upset, as chris had told me that he would not let anyone know as he did not want people to ask questions...

On the same evening I went home and being upset I went to sleep...At one in the morning I woke up with itchiness on my hands and feet and by 2 o;clock my face and arms were swelling. I realised that there was something wrong as I could not stop scratching my self all over my body and my lips trippled in size... I panicked as I was home alone and realised that I was having an allergic reaction to something...

Then I was suffocating and I ended up calling chris to take me to the hospital...chris came straight to where I am now staying, and called an ambulance on his way to me.

 

I was taken to hospital and just came out the following afternoon. I apparently went into an allergic shock and they had to give me 3 bottles of fluids and 2 shots of steroids to control my breathing...Chris was there all the time that I was in hospital and then insited that I go back to his place, rather than stay home alone...I ended up sleeping where it used to be my house until a week ago...

he slept next to me, and then in the morning we started making love, but it did not work out...he said that he did not know what was wrong. I asked him if it was me and he said that he did not know...

He said that he loved me and that he did not want to lose me, but he did not know if at this time in his life he wants to be in a permenant relationship...

 

When I woke up I just left...

we spoke later on in the day and he said to me that he was upset that I left before he woke up. that he was upset to wake up and not find me there...and that he loved me...

I said to him that I loved him too, but kept the conversation brief...

 

Today he did not call me to see how I am doing...On Wednesday it is his birthday, and I am not sure of what to do...

 

The bottom line is that I love him and he seems to be struggling with the break up himself. when got back to his place after the hospital he told me that I was his heart and that he loved me deeper than I could ever imagine...and that basically the 'sexual' way of loving a girlfirnd is locked up because he got really hurt in the past and can not express himself in that way...He said to me that he doesnot want to lose me and that he does not want to go after other women because he knows that I am the only one who really loved him...

 

I am very confused by this whole situation...he is struggling with his emotions...on one hand, it's me that he does not want to lose, on the other hand it's the fact that he had missed out on having frineds and a social life - a guy;s life between his 20-30s because he's been in relationships...and somewhere in the middle is the fact that he can not express his love to me in sexual way....

 

I don't know what to do to help him...he;s asked me for time to sort out him self and then try to 'fix us'....

I love him a lot, and I am not interested in other guys or even getting into a new relationship...I just want things to work out, and him to feel happy with himself....

 

Any advise?

 

Olena

[HarleyHunny]

He was there when you needed him. You don't spend 6.5 yrs with someone and just stop caring.....It's only been a week that you've been apart...give yourself (and him) time to heal.

[need2bme]

He was there when you needed him. You don't spend 6.5 yrs with someone and just stop caring.....It's only been a week that you've been apart...give yourself (and him) time to heal.

 

Exactly. If my ex of 13.5 years had something wrong with her, I would be there yesterday. However, I still know that she no longer loves me like I want her too and I have a lot I need to work on.

 

I am SURE he still loves you, as I love her. However, sometimes (as the song states) love just ain't enough. There has to be a strong will and bond between the two of you.

 

You both need your space now anyway, because I can guarantee that this will not be water under the bridge, should you two decide to make it a go again.

 

Oh, and don't do the making love thing. TRUST ME!!! All it does is confuse the issue. Then, it all comes back to, "how can you be with *** or act that way, when you made love to me?"

[olena]

Hi all,

 

thank you for your replies...

He did not call me yesterday to see how I am getting on and I WAS quite upset about it...

tomorrow it's his birthday...I am not sure if I should just text him and keep it casual or if I should actually call him...

 

It does seem that love is not enough, as there are so many circumstances in his life that make him unhappy...

And I do love him...

 

Olena

[Locke2121]

No, as weird as it sounds love isn't enough. It takes respect, courage, liking each other, a willingness to go your own way....wow, a whole lot more.

[Parsley]

Sorry to hear you were ill, are you ok now? Did you know you were allergic to something or was this you finding out?

 

I agree with the others...that love isn't the be all and end all. My ex broke up with me because he didn't love me anymore...and last week (after being apart for a month) he contacted me to say he missed me. It threw me completely off track, and meant that I spent a whole lot of time thinking about him, and asking myself if I still loved him. I still feel so so much for him, I definitely don't hate him, and I also would be with him in an instant if something were to happen to him...but I don't love him. I can't love him. To love someone, you have to trust them and respect them. I can no longer trust him, because of the way that he acted before he broke up with me, and I cannot respect him because of the way he acted after he broke up with me. I also know there's no way he can possibly love me (if he even did, something I am incredibly unsure about) because he has shown me such disrespect.

 

I think you need to think very hard about whether you still love him...whether you still think he loves you, and whether you can or want to wait for him. I'm not trying to influence you either way...I'm sorry if it comes accross that way. If you do love him, he loves you and you both think that it can work out, then maybe it will.

[olena]

Hi there,

 

No I had no idea that I am allergic to anything. I have never had any allergies and none of my family members ever complained of allergies...so it was a bit of a shock.

I am better now and the swelling has gone down. I have to keep on taking my steroids for 3 more days, and then when I get back home I will have some tests too see why I am allergic to.

 

Chris has not called me to touch base and see if I am recovering well. He was really caring and concerned on saturday and sunday and then for 2 days nothing...But he is generally like that, and he is the type of person who postoponds things...

 

Tomorrow it's his birthday...I will call him to say happy birthday, and keep it short and sweet...

 

It's weird not having been in touch with him...Last week at some point he texted me and said that I should not doupt that he loves me and that I am only temporarily away from him and our cat...and that I am all he has...

 

I am hoping that there will be a quick fix to all of this...but I suspect that it may take him a while to realise what's he done...I love him with all my heart and as upset and hurt as I was with him for the past year, given the arguments, I can not hold it against him....

 

There is trust and respect between us...but it just seems that everything ealse is not helping at the moment, and he's hit a very low moment in his life...

 

I try to keep busy all day long at work, and not to think too much about it otherwise I will get very upset....it's as if time has stopped with my emotions, whilst he told he in the weekend that in the last week he loved me ever more than he did...with chris it's pure love....he loves me first as a person -perhaps too much as a person and then as a girlfriend...and I love him in the same way...I could really see my self with him in the long run and that's what's making it so complicated...and he says that he can see him self with me in the long run, once he sorts out everything ealse in his life...

 

Anyways,

another long e-mail from me...

 

Olena