kimber271 Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I finally gave in and called him, as I couldn't take it anymore, and really needed to find out what was going on. He answered, and sounded very nice. He was making breakfast. I asked him why he was doing this. He said it's NOT about any other woman, even told me to drive by anytime and I'd see he was just sitting there alone at home. In a strange way, I believe him now, because I guess everyone goes through depression in a different way. He's 35, i'm in my early 20's, so he's going through a lot of different things than me obviously. He told me right now, he can't be with ANYONE. He needs to clear things up, work on himself, and find his place in life (he doesn't have a REAL job, just invests) so I guess he's being truthful. I'm just sad right now. I loved him so much. I miss our routine of 3years, and miss cuddling with him. He told me he still wants me in his life, and he hopes I don't go off and date anyone, but he just can't be with anyone right now. I guess I'm just looking for some encouraging words. I'll be fine, I'm letting him be, it's kinda tough tho. Link to comment
kimber271 Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 I'm sorry if I'm posting too much, maybe that's why no one replied. I'm not like this normally, I'm usually super strong and independent. He was my first love... I guess I just wanted some encouragement this gets easier. I didn't mean to take up others space, it's a little tough at the moment. Link to comment
desertnomad Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Well, I understand how tough it is when the person you love just isnt available emotionally to be in a relationship. It is a hard thing to accept but you certainly dont want to be in a relationship where both peoples hearts arent into it. Honestly part of what you said he told you doesn’t seem the least bit fair. He cant have anyone in his life right now but he hopes you dont go out and date? Hes got things to work out.. I understand that. But he expects you not to go out and have fun while he is working on his issues? How long is it going to take him? He expects you to stop living your life (especially in your early 20's) and just wait around on him? Maybe you going out to date or moving on with your life will make him reconsider his issues and how to deal with them. Perhaps he will be able to pull it together a little faster knowing he may very well lose something special in his life. Nope you aren’t posting too much 8). Hang in there. Link to comment
kimber271 Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 desertnomad- I really appreciate your post! =) I don't know myself right now- I'm vulnerable and can't seem to pull it together. I'm never like that. It's just the first few days I know... He basically told me to work on myself, do things I enjoy, and he HOPED I didn't date anyone right away, but he didn't exactly tell me not to. He said he wanted to keep in contact, but its too hard for me right now. It's as if he wants me as his "girlfriend" but with no contact, no physical intimacy, nothing. I'm confused as to what I should do, but I guess just move on and not put my life on hold. I too hope he sees he may lose someone that for 3 years has loved him and stuck with him regardless of all the issues. I'm not perfect AT ALL, I just feel it's tough to find loyal, loving, and honest partners these days. I could honestly say I loved him so much, I had no desire for anyone else ever. Link to comment
Mun Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 He let you go because he has nothing to offer to you now... at least he sees it that way. It sounds to me that he is right : he is in no position to be with anyone right now. The best you can do for him is to let him sort out his life and please, please go on with yours. It's not fair for you to wait for him and you shouldn't be expected to. Once he gets himself back on track he knows where to find you.. right? Link to comment
desertnomad Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Well you are missing someone and grieving the loss of something very special to you. I know its terribly hard to move on especially after 3 years but take some time for yourself right now. Take his advice. Do things you enjoy. Hang out with friends or make new ones or do things that you've put on hold the past 3years. And if you meet someone new down the road when you are ready and he is still not available then I would go for it. Link to comment
kimber271 Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 Mun and Desertnomad, you have given me some wise advise. Thank you. Yes, he is being honest I see now in saying he has nothing to offer me, but in the mean time, instead of dwelling on the sadness, I could turn this into a good thing. I'm going to sign up for more yoga classes, do some dance classes, and maybe add on some hours at work and school. Soon, I will hope he's well, but that aching feeling won't be there. Hey, I guess we all have to go through this, and he knows where to find me if he changes his mind. In the meantime, i will move on with my life. Thank you for taking the time to help out. I appreciate it so much. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Have you discussed a timeframe with him for how long he hopes you won't be with anyone else? i guess i find that a bit odd, that he doesn't want to date you/be with you, but at the same time he doesn't want you to date anyone else... kind of like he is keeping you as a backup plan... people that really love you don't want to take a chance of losing you, and if you go on a 'break' to think about things, usually it is for a specified period of time, then you agree to meet and talk and see where you are... so if he won't even commit to any kind of time frame or other conditions than just 'hoping' you won't date anyone else, that really is not to your advantage from the standpoint of wondering, what is the purpose of this breakup if he doesn't want you to be with anyone else... does he really intend to date you again or not, or is he just easing out the door while keeping his options open? Link to comment
kimber271 Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 good poing bestrongbehappy. he told me he can't keep me in something i'd be miserable in. he says he has nothing to offer anyone at this time, and needs to work on himself. He says it has nothing to do with another woman, so I guess I'll just believe it. I've called him randomly, even went to his house unexpectedly (didn't knock or anything) and he's been available. all he said was "maybe we'll reunite soon." He told me to basically do what I want with my life, be happy, focus on school, etc. He didn't say to date or not to date, he just said, "I hope you don't rush off and date anyone right away." He has this GLOOM about him that every guy is out to get me because I'm a woman. when breaking up before he says stuff like, "don't date any weird men, go on and live your life, be happy," then he's come right back to me. I think this time it's different though. he gave me no time frame, just that he still wants me in his life, he can't give me anything though. Link to comment
Mun Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Hey there, I'm glad you decided to take this time to do something for YOU. That's the best attitude to have in this situation. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. You'll make someone very happy some day..... Best wishes Link to comment
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