Shy-guys, I need your perspective

[Creamybutter]

Thanks all

[Locke2121]

Maybe he finally got the courage to take the plunge. You said incredibly, painfully horribly shy....some people don't understand what it takes for a shy person to break through that shell. Many don't, but it sounds like he did. I say go for it, you may find something wonderful.

[Q-ball]

Go for him, if you want him. Don't be afraid of risking it. I've always been somewhat shy. My last girlfriend, who I loved vey much, came after me. Guys are very easy to make a move on. Just kiss him, smile when he's near, touch him when you talk to him. After the first step, I bet he will loosen up, and a shy guy can sometimes have a lot to say, and a lot of personality once they feel comfortable with someone

[Batya33]

Maybe he was searching for an old email and came accross yours, maybe maybe maybe - my general rule of thumb is he likely did not contact you because he wasn't that interested or he wasn't available. Flirting buddies at work doesn't mean he was interested in dating you (I can remember a similar experience I had). So, on the chance that he has changed his mind now, why not respond and suggest lunch sometime so the two of you can catch up?

 

Also it depends how you tried to get in touch with him - e-mail? phone? singing telegram? and if email was it a group email? If a group e-mail that really doesn't count as getting in touch "with him."

[charley]

I received word from a particular guy I used to like a few months back.

I wasnt too sure if he liked me, but all signs indicated he did, but problem was he was incredibly painfully horribly shy ONlY with me.

 

He never made a move on me..(like duuh) and nothing happened.

 

So we havent been in touch for months, and he never responded to my attempts of getting in touch with him.

And now out of the blue I hear from him.

 

I didnt know him too well, we were more like shy flirting buddies at work.

 

My question is : why now...after so long?

What is the point, and whats going on in his head?

 

He was shy only with you cause you're the one who rocks his world. That extreme attaction to you caused him extreme shyness.

 

Now he's had enough time to really miss you a lot, and to regret not making a move before. He still has a major thing for you and he misses you. So he's trying to reconnect with you.

 

As a formerly very shy guy, now only slightly shy guy, I've done those same things many times.

 

If you like this guy, then you're going to have to help him. Otherwise, his shyness will continue to keep you apart.

[Creamybutter]

thanks for the replies!

 

But when Do yu think i should reply? immediately or much later? and what should i say?

[Batya33]

I would reply in the next few days:

 

"Hi - nice to hear from you! I don't have much time to e-mail but I'd love to catch up. Let me know if you want to meet for lunch - here's my number ____

 

Looking forward -

[Aurian]

Sounds good to me. You show you're interested so he should feel confident enough to follow up now

 

If not... we have a problem here

[charley]

I would reply in the next few days:

 

"Hi - nice to hear from you! I don't have much time to e-mail but I'd love to catch up. Let me know if you want to meet for lunch - here's my number ____

 

Looking forward -

 

Excellent. I like it. However, add to that a request for his phone number. That way you are on equal footing and you have the option to call him. I see nothing wrong with calling a guy, especially a shy guy. I suggest your email reply include a request to exchange phone numbers.

[charley]

For what it's worth, I think shy people are a lot like shy cats. They want to be petted, but some persistent, gentle coaxing is required. Similar thing.

[Locke2121]

I like that Charley. We all need some help coming out of the shell we build up around ourselves.

[Creamybutter]

whn shd i expect a reply from him then....in a few months maybe? if im lucky?

[Batya33]

If he is sincerely interested and available and you are sure he received the e-mail I would say within a week or so. If he is that shy that he can't even acknowledge receiving an e-mail from you for a few months is that someone you really think is going to be a good candidate for a relationship?

[valiantv]

As a shy person myself here's my opinion on what could have happened.

 

He might have decided he liked you ages ago and decided to "make a move", but because he was so shy, he put contacting you on the long finger... So every time he thought he had the opportunity, he thought - "OK next time, definitely".

Eventually he probably decided enough was enough, and decided to contact you.

 

That's what happened with me anyway, I knew my girlfriend liked me for ages (through mutual friends) but she was quite shy too, so I knew I was going to have to do something, but found excuses all the time, or chickened out and said "OK next time! [i.e. next time I had an excuse to contact her]"

This went on for months and months and we were both going to a party one day and I had a feeling she was there "for me" since none of her other close friends were going to be there and only one kind of occasional acquaintance (other than me), so I decided it's now or never. But she would be right to be wondering, "Why after all these months?"

[Batya33]

I wouldn't be wondering if it were me - similar thing happened to me- I would just assume that until that point he either was not interested or not available to ask me out on a date. I also wouldn't be wondering because I take a practical approach - I don't pine away, I go out and meet people who are sincerely interested enough and able to ask me out on a date.

[Altruist]

Creambutter,

 

I think al this time, the painfully shy guy was tormenting himself, wondering what to say to you. You should respond immediately!