Why do men get upset?

[never-too-late]

Whenever I become insecure and worried with my boyfriend, he gets angry? I don't quite understand why? Why do men feel this way and what makes them get so angry about it? Can you explain to me why? He is normally really caring, loving and he gives me reassurance, which I need. However, there are times when he becomes really upset if I express my insecurities to him?

[renaissancewoman101]

I think men don't like us to depend on them for everything and they don't know how to deal with our insecurities. Our insecurities probably make them nervous and they deal with that by pushing us away when they see us insecure and needy.

 

Not sure.

[HellFrost666]

What kind of insecuriotes?

[renaissancewoman101]

I think men dont like it when we are clingy and insecure about things, like the status of the relationship, how they feel about us, etc. I've noticed this from past relationships.

[never-too-late]

For example, when he gets distant and focused on other things like his job or when he gets stressed, he becomes distant. And then I start to worry that he does not love me anymore or he is interested in someone else. He always gets upset and tells me that I don't support him.

[HellFrost666]

Well, we like it when you woman trust us.

 

Woman seem to jump to that conclusion a lot. If we are upset about something completely unrelated to you, you think we are pissed at you, we are cheating, we are leaving you, etc.

 

I am so glad my girlfriend doesn't think this way...

 

How would you feel if every time you had a bad day at work or something we got all teary eyed saying "You don't love me anymore! Your seeing somone else aren't you!" Wouldn't you be annoyed?

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I assume you want a guy's honest opinion.

[Dako]

I think it's the same for men or women.

If you're stressed and your partner accuses you of neglect or indifference, it can add to your pressures.

Some folks tend to get angry when frustrated.

[FrancisHouseman]

wow yes i have had this with an ex, the other way round. My ex boyfriend used to ring me in tears saying "I am just scared im gonna lose you.." and i would be like "for God's sake you areno going to lose me! ive just got a bit of PMT and im busy in work and i have got assignments coming out of my ears!"

 

He wanted constant reassurance. It got so that i was scared to be honest with him, incase he started crying.

 

I can see that I sometimes do this with my boyfriend.. we all have our insecurities.

 

If my fella picks me up from work and he is in a mood and he is snappy. I want to cry because I think "ooh maybe he is getting bored of me..."

 

but then the rational side takes over and thinks "He has had a bad day!"

 

we are all entitled to them.

[valiantv]

Hang on - men? How many men have you tested this on? Don't base us all on your own guy!

 

On the other hand, he might think you are fishing for compliments or testing him and he might be getting fed up of this.. ("Do you think she's prettier than me?" is an annoying question, for example)

 

Oops, just read this:

For example, when he gets distant and focused on other things like his job or when he gets stressed, he becomes distant. And then I start to worry that he does not love me anymore or he is interested in someone else. He always gets upset and tells me that I don't support him.

Do you accuse him of cheating on you!?

 

Or Maybe he thinks you are too self-involved.. do you find yourself talking about yourself a lot? Maybe he is stressed about something else (work?)... and then you add to these problems... Not accusing you of anything here, I'm just giving possibilities of what he's thinking.

 

Or maybe as Francishouseman said, he just has a bad day.

[Batya33]

Whenever I become insecure and worried with my boyfriend, he gets angry? I don't quite understand why? Why do men feel this way and what makes them get so angry about it? Can you explain to me why? He is normally really caring, loving and he gives me reassurance, which I need. However, there are times when he becomes really upset if I express my insecurities to him?

 

Your first issue is in presuming that this is "all men" or particular to men. Sometimes insecurity annoys me if its shown by whining or constant or the person doesn't have any plans for how to make things better but instead whines constantly.

 

But, who knows - why not ask him so that he's not posting something like "why don't women tell men what's really on their minds?"

[maladjusted]

I suggest reading: Men, Women and Relationships: Making Peace with the Opposite Sex by John Gray. It gives good insight into the differences between men and women and how we deal with stress and pressure differently.

[lifestream]

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS! I went through the same thing, exactly the same.

The problem is most of these insecurities are unfounded, and constant reassurance doesn't even help! What more are we supposed to do? It's frustrating when something slips your mind and it's taken as a sign of some kind, when in reality you're just bogged down by things at the moment.

 

Most people are flexible, at least from what I can tell. If they are edgy, it's probably not because of you, and asking about it only adds to the extra, un-needed stress. People simply cannot take constant anxiety from another person when they feel there is nothing to worry about.

 

From my point of view it is extraordinarily frustrating because it's just so damn quixotic!