Can't find a reason to go on

[Iwantittoend]

I really, really hate how I feel all the time. Everyday I feel depressed about simple tasks. This feeling has been going on for years and I don't know how to break it. What is the point in going on if I feel terrible everyday?

 

I'm an 18 year old college freshman in my second semester. I hate going to class and sometimes skip it because I feel it's pointless. My major is mechanical engineering, and I absolutely dread it. I basically went into it because my family is full of engineers and they'd be pissed if I didn't pursue it. I only said I would do it to appease my family. Now I realize what a big mistake I've made. If I told my parents about it, they'd get really mad and probably withdraw helping me with schooling. I mean, I've already wasted a year on a major I don't want. I feel like such a failure. I never even try to my full potential in school because it seems pointless. If I wanted to, I could easily be a 4.0 student.

 

And oh yeah, I have no friends. Haven't had any since grade school. I've been a loner since high school and it hasn't changed. I just can't relate to people my age. Like if someone introduces themselves, I will say my name back and it's nice to meet you, but I can't small talk. The only thing I have going for me right now is my girlfriend. When I talk to her or am with her, all my problems seem to vanish. But when I leave her, I go back in my shell and shelter myself off from the world again. Whenever I see a guy talk to her I get really jealous. In fact, all day I've been thinking about is her talking to this guy on her myspace. Like I saw her comment one of his pictures saying he looks cute. That really bugs me. I know it's stupid, but it's how I am.

 

I have a terrible relationship with my family. I get along with my parents and siblings, but we aren't close. I can't just talk to them about anything. My extended family doesn't even feel like family to me. I'm shy around them and I shelter myself.

 

While I was sitting in class today all I could think about was a way to end it all quickly. I thought about pills, but that would take awhile. Then maybe jumping off a bridge. I thought about a way to do it without making it look like a suicide. Maybe driving off a bridge would work. I just can't go on anymore.

 

I don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just needed to rant and get it out of me. I've kept all this inside me for so long that I'm almost in tears right now.

[TiredMan]

Yes you can. Does your girlfriend have any idea how you feel? How long have you been with her and how close are you guys? How did you meet her?

[Iwantittoend]

Yes you can. Does your girlfriend have any idea how you feel? How long have you been with her and how close are you guys? How did you meet her?

 

I've been with her for about a month now. We met about 4 months ago through my sister. For a new relationship I'd say we're pretty close. Sometimes when we're on the phone I just go blank and feel depressed, and she always asks me why I'm so quiet. I never tell her why though.

 

And she has no idea how I feel. She only knows that I'm always busy with school and work.

[Northalius]

I think your main problem is not majoring in something you actually like. I know, I'm pointing out the obvious, but I think it's something you should really consider as your main objective to change. Like you said, you're doing it just because your family is full of engineers. That's a way to become depressed and unexcited about your career future, easily; I could only imagine.

 

What you should do, is talk to a counselor. Tell them exactly what you told us; that you're sick of engineering classes, and you only did it because of your family, not because you actually like it. Then you can talk about taking small steps in changing your major to something you enjoy! Or if college is too much for you right now, take a break and do something fun for a little while, then come back when you're ready.

 

You'd probably be much more able to make friends, but right now you're attending classes for majoring in something you don't even like, and thus your interest in speaking with those of similar (engineering) interests, doesn't really excite you, either.

 

Well, that's just my opinion. I hope you get some good advice and help on your issues.

 

This is not the end of all things. No one is forcing you to attend these classes. Do not think this is all there is in life from now on. No! There're other options open to you, to make your life a much more fulfilling experience. Don't worry about the year you've spent in engineer major, you can easily switch to something else, if you want.

 

I'm glad you came here to express what you feel, and are seeking advice. Talk to a counselor. Seriously. It really helps when you vocally express your feelings, with someone in the room, face to face.

 

You've just held them in for so long, and that's probably why it feels so bad now. Things can, and will if you so choose, easily change for the good!

[TiredMan]

I've been with her for about a month now. We met about 4 months ago through my sister. For a new relationship I'd say we're pretty close. Sometimes when we're on the phone I just go blank and feel depressed, and she always asks me why I'm so quiet. I never tell her why though.

 

And she has no idea how I feel. She only knows that I'm always busy with school and work.

 

If you feel close to her, try sharing how you feel but don't overwhelm her with it.

 

Are you in any sort of counseling to talk about how you feel?

[4GiveAnd4Get]

Hey bro. Seriously, just take a deep breath. Suicide is not an alternative. Get that out of your mind right now.

 

First thing is first. Just take out a piece of paper. Write down EVERYTHING in your life that you dislike. Make a list. After you have done that, take out another sheet of paper and write down ways that you can alter/fix those things.

 

Here is the thing. EVERYTHING in your life is up to you. Every damn thing. Your relationship with your parents, your girlfriend, things at school. Things are only going to get better IF you MAKE them get better. If things do not pan out with someone/something, brush it off and press on.

 

Do you know how many friends I have? I can count them on one hand. TRUE friends, ones that are not going to stab you in the back when the going gets tough, are VERY VERY rare. I can think of about 5-6 people right now. People I talk with weekly just to see what is up.

 

It seems like you have FAR too much time on your hands. Get active in something. If you are religious, get into church. If you are an outdoors fan, get into rockclimbing or mountain biking.

 

You get my point. Everything is up to you. If you want to end your life, think about all of the people that will be hurting after you are gone. You do not want to end your life. You have too much going for you. All you need to do is address the issues that are making you feel this way. Do not be a coward. Cowards commit suicide because they are too weak emotionally and mentally to take care of things in an adult manner. You are 18-19 years old. Start acting like it.

 

I know that I may seem harsh about everything above. But, I have a feeling a slap in the face in what you need to motivate you in the right direction. If you need anything, feel free to contact me via AIM (S/N = 4giveand4get). I have no problem whatsoever just talking with you and helping you sort things through.

 

Hope to talk with you soon my friend.

[TiredMan]

Oh and I would switch majors. Explain to your parents that doing it is making you unhappy. Is there some major you would rather be in or is it just anything but this one?

[Iwantittoend]

If you feel close to her, try sharing how you feel but don't overwhelm her with it.

 

Are you in any sort of counseling to talk about how you feel?

 

Not at the moment.

 

I think your main problem is not majoring in something you actually like. I know, I'm pointing out the obvious, but I think it's something you should really consider as your main objective to change. Like you said, you're doing it just because your family is full of engineers. That's a way to become depressed and unexcited about your career future, easily; I could only imagine.

 

What you should do, is talk to a counselor. Tell them exactly what you told us; that you're sick of engineering classes, and you only did it because of your family, not because you actually like it. Then you can talk about taking small steps in changing your major to something you enjoy! Or if college is too much for you right now, take a break and do something fun for a little while, then come back when you're ready.

 

You'd probably be much more able to make friends, but right now you're attending classes for majoring in something you don't even like, and thus your interest in speaking with those of similar (engineering) interests, doesn't really excite you, either.

 

Well, that's just my opinion. I hope you get some good advice and help on your issues.

 

This is not the end of all things. No one is forcing you to attend these classes. Do not think this is all there is in life from now on. No! There're other options open to you, to make your life a much more fulfilling experience. Don't worry about the year you've spent in engineer major, you can easily switch to something else, if you want.

 

The thing is I am going to school on a scholarship. It requires me to take a certain amount of classes each semester. I really wish I could just take a break right now, but that would mean I'd lose all the money.

 

 

Hey bro. Seriously, just take a deep breath. Suicide is not an alternative. Get that out of your mind right now.

 

First thing is first. Just take out a piece of paper. Write down EVERYTHING in your life that you dislike. Make a list. After you have done that, take out another sheet of paper and write down ways that you can alter/fix those things.

 

Here is the thing. EVERYTHING in your life is up to you. Every damn thing. Your relationship with your parents, your girlfriend, things at school. Things are only going to get better IF you MAKE them get better. If things do not pan out with someone/something, brush it off and press on.

 

Do you know how many friends I have? I can count them on one hand. TRUE friends, ones that are not going to stab you in the back when the going gets tough, are VERY VERY rare. I can think of about 5-6 people right now. People I talk with weekly just to see what is up.

 

It seems like you have FAR too much time on your hands. Get active in something. If you are religious, get into church. If you are an outdoors fan, get into rockclimbing or mountain biking.

 

You get my point. Everything is up to you. If you want to end your life, think about all of the people that will be hurting after you are gone. You do not want to end your life. You have too much going for you. All you need to do is address the issues that are making you feel this way. Do not be a coward. Cowards commit suicide because they are too weak emotionally and mentally to take care of things in an adult manner. You are 18-19 years old. Start acting like it.

 

I know that I may seem harsh about everything above. But, I have a feeling a slap in the face in what you need to motivate you in the right direction. If you need anything, feel free to contact me via AIM (S/N = 4giveand4get). I have no problem whatsoever just talking with you and helping you sort things through.

 

Hope to talk with you soon my friend.

 

 

Thank you for being willing to talk to me. I really need someone right now.

 

And I am actually active in things. I try to work out everyday and play basketball. The thing is, I do this alone. I don't do it with anyone.

 

And the thing is, I guess I have had friends in the past. I just detach myself from any kind of relationship that could form. I feel scared that I might ruin it if I do something stupid.

 

Oh and I would switch majors. Explain to your parents that doing it is making you unhappy. Is there some major you would rather be in or is it just anything but this one?

 

I'd rather be in business, but I know my parents would laugh it off because they'd consider it a "safe" major. They want me to challenge myself. Well I have been and it isn't working out. I just wish I could stand up to them and tell them that.

[sweethurt]

Hey bro, you want to end what.. life?? Even I thought similar things, and sometimes still do, but life is far greater a thing to loose in face of all these petty concerns that we make so big.. seriously, if you look at it from a distance, you ll see all these issues are very managable. its only a matter of getting ready to face it. if you brought all these things on yourself then you can fix it too.. you can fix it even if somebody else brought it upon you.

If you dont like your major, speak about it to your parents.. tell them you arent going to be successfull anyway at present major if it doesnt motivate you.

friends.. well you have to keep an open eye.. there are a lot of nice people and they live on this earth around you, you just have to meet them.. walk your distance, go places ..and trust me you wont have to put an effort into talking with them... words come out by themselve when you hit on..

and when you have nice friends, i guess its end of al troubles...

[4GiveAnd4Get]

Actually, forgot I changed my AIM a couple days ago. My S/N is ShowNoLove00.

[Jetta]

Have you tried taking meds for your depression? You really should meet up with the school counselor about your depression and also meet with your guidance counselor to discus possible majors.

 

My parents pressured me into Music Education I hated it and well I'm a college drop out. Only planned on taking a semester off but haven't been able to go back (lots of sabatoging people in my life).

 

Anyway I see that you have those feeling of being sabatoged. Do they really expect you to major in Engineering? If you hate it find something else. Some classes can transfer but it's true most can't. Wouldn't you rather have wasted a year on wrong studies than a lifetime in a bad field?

[luvingxsomeonexspecial]

You're putting yourself down a lot and making yourself sound really useless and you're probably making yourself believe it which isn't helping. i think you need to talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling and maybe talk to a counsellor.

you need to talk to your family about how you feel. they may be pissed off at first, but they should realise its your life and you should be able to live it how you want.

whatever you do, please forget about anything to do with suicide. i know it seems like it might be the best thing to do, but believe me its not. forget about it and get help.

write back and tell me how you're doing if you want.

xx

[blueangel]

Not now. But you will find the light of day again. Tell yourself that. Don't give up just yet. This is the toughest patch to get through. There are ways out all around you that don't include suicide: like changing majors perhaps...?

 

That's what a good friend of mine did who was struggling with the same thing. He was majoring as a computer engineer or a programmer or something like that. But anyways, he began failing some of his classes. He freaked out because he knew his parents worked so hard to get him where he is now. He too has a scholarship.

 

But he changed his major. He's going to go into computer science, but since his qpa is down, he's changing it to a theatre major for now to get it back up (computer science major requires higher qpa to switch to than the theatre one does). So in changing his major, the classes he failed were deleted from his record. He is taking computer classes and lighting classes- not necessarily theatre ones- and bringing his qpa up. After he does bring it up, that's when he's switching again. Because his heart wasn't in the programming.

 

But he didn't kill himself to change his situation. Let go of your fears. They are limiting you from making positive changes in your life.

 

You will find the light of day again. Even if not now.