Other people influence me too much

[iceman85]

Why is it that I can't stop letting what other people believe and think influence my feelings and behavior?

 

My mood gets tied to trivial things like if someone talks to me or doesnt. And back when I was with my ex if she was in a bad mood or upset I sometimes would be too.

 

If people have a bad opinion of me or don't like me I get upset.

 

I want to be happy and independent of this, I've been trying but I don't know how.

[shikashika]

I have been doing this for years!!!!! if only I knew as well.. I guess I can only say what others ahve been saying to me "try not to let it bother you' but thats all we can do I guess!

[Scotcha]

I don't have much advice but I do have a quote I really like instead:

 

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind." - Dr. Suess

[renaissancewoman101]

Iceman, it sounds like you have low self-esteem. Try working on your self-esteem so that you can feel better about yourself. Do you have anything you are happy with about yourself? If you build up your self-esteem, you will eventually NOT worry about how others see you or think of you.

[CluelessGuy321]

Do something called "Cognative Behavioral Therapy". If you have Kaiser Permente insurance, ask your psych about it.

 

Also try picking up books by David Burns. Buy a cheap notebook and do the excercises.

[Scout]

I used to be very sensitive to what others thought about me, and to an extent, probably always will be. I've chalked it up to a childhood where I was constantly criticized, nor did I receive much peer acceptance, so it instilled a strong need in me for approval. If children aren't given healthy doses of approval and encouragement, it can often manifest an almost insatiable need for that when they become adults.

 

Of course, you may not have experienced this in your childhood, so that wouldn't apply to you.

[renaissancewoman101]

Scout, is therapy the only way to deal with the repercussions from a childhood with that kind of stuff?

[Scout]

Scout, is therapy the only way to deal with the repercussions from a childhood with that kind of stuff?

 

It is an important component if you have a good therapist. But what also helped me was a lot of hard, inward thinking, and restablishing a spiritual journey. Oh, and striving to accomplish things that I would be proud of. We have to learn to give ourselves approval and encouragement, too, because at the end of the day, what does it matter what other people think about us, if we don't even like ourselves?

[HarleyHunny]

"What other people think of me are none of my business" - AA

[iceman85]

I do believe that I am mostly happy with myself.

 

For one, I am at a good college, on my way to hopefully a good job in something I enjoy doing.

 

I like my friends I wish I was closer with them, but thats a reprucussion of getting too into my ex.

 

I like my family, I feel they are supportive of me and are there to help me.

 

I feel a void, because I miss my ex who I loved. I also missing having a companion to share life with.

 

I guess i'm also at a stage in life where I look at my friends, some are engaged, alot of them have someone and while I do realize that was me not all that long ago, I feel lonley.

 

I also am at that stage where I am unsure where my life is going to turn next. I am gonna be done with college next year. Am I gonna get a good job? Will I be able to make enough money to pay off loans? Who am I really?

 

Also I am shy so its not the easiest for me to befriend a whole lot of people. Here at my school I often feel like I am going through the motions. I feel disattached in a way. I dont like that at all. I had wonderful expectations of college, that it would be a new start, that I would have lots of fun and make all sorts of wonderful new friends. I have made a few, but for most of college I was with my ex and that took up alot of my time. Now I find myself where I am. I wouldnt trade anything for the time I spent with her, i'm just saying.

 

I dont consider myself to have low self esteem, I wouldnt know if I did. There just alot of time where I feel bored or feel like I have no direction, nothing to really do.

 

I do really enjoy when I am accepted and liked by people. Im a friendly person and I enjoy spending time with the right people.

 

I dunno about a therapist I mean sure I could probably go to see one and talk out everything from my ex to maybe this, but I really dont feel like I need one for whatever reason. Plus then I think people would believe I was loony.

 

Thanks for your advice everyone, I have really tried to work on it, i guess its hard work that I really dont know how to do.