amgine Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 or rather handed him a note with my number on. He works in a restaurant and me as a regular customer has gotten to like him. so on Saturday i did a bold thing. Ok it has been 3 days, no phone call but now i'm not too worried, its his loss. Now i feel i should still go to the restaurant as and when i please. I shouldn't not stop going just because he doesn't like me that way should I? And i'm not going to bother him anymore either. I don't believe in chasing guys around. I gave him a chance, he declined. Game over Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Hello, How did he react to you giving him your number? Do you know him well or do you speak to him when your in his restaurant? Link to comment
Meow18 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 It's great that you are keeping a positive attitude about this. That's all you can do. It's hard to do and you are strong for not letting this get you down. Just keep staying positive. This is only one guy. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 or rather handed him a note with my number on. He works in a restaurant and me as a regular customer has gotten to like him. so on Saturday i did a bold thing. Ok it has been 3 days, no phone call but now i'm not too worried, its his loss. Now i feel i should still go to the restaurant as and when i please. I shouldn't not stop going just because he doesn't like me that way should I? And i'm not going to bother him anymore either. I don't believe in chasing guys around. I gave him a chance, he declined. Game over Have you ever played hard to get? Do you know how many guys get turned down but keep trying? Maybe you can do the same here. Link to comment
Beec Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I would definitely go back and act like nothing at all bothers you. Link to comment
cantexplain Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I would definitely go back and act like nothing at all bothers you. yes and nothing should. I think it is great you did what you did sometimes in certain situations its hard to interface with someone and do these hard-to-get ploys and other things we do as we generate interest while getting to know one another. once, when I was in a restaurant a really pleasant, friendly, well-spoken, and attractive customer gave me her number. I was so freaked out wondering about how eagerly I should seem or not seem in my return pursuit. 5 days later I asked some guy friends how long I should wait. They told me if I didn't call in 3 days it was over. I don't know what they know about this. I called her right away but she never called back. Maybe I should have tried a second time. Perhaps she was right, I wasn't interested enough to just drop everything and call her. Come to think of it, maybe she wasn't that interested in me. This restaurant worker may be struggling with this like I did. He may also get lots of numbers. We don't know. But I'd say he'd be more curious if you were able to return, living your own life, and acknowledging him still without seeming desparately interested at all. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Isn't it possible he is already with someone? Link to comment
chai714 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 First off, I commend you for making a move. Not many women would be as brave as you were. If a woman did that to me, she would probably get a date with me if she looked decent and was a familiar face. I agree with others that you should act like nothing ever happened. Not sure if you ever talked to him or just saw him around but this kind of thing can be pulled off. If you never talked to him, maybe building relations some might help. Also, he might have a girlfriend already. Just some things to think about. 1 Link to comment
cpc28655 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Despite whatever his reasons may be, you should not quit going to that restaurant because of it. Even though there is nothing wrong with it (and you should be proud of yourself for taking that bold step), I do not like being asked out by women, it makes me extremely uncomfortable (don't ask me why, I don't know, it just does). In a situation like the one you just described, I would be even more uncomfortable. Work is work, business is business; I never make it personal. Perhaps he has a similar view on this. Let me repeat that you did a VERY good thing, and you should pat yourself on the back. My views are only the opinion of one man. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 It's brave, certainly but often ineffective if you are looking for a long term relationship - maybe this could be the exception! Yes I would go back and hold your head high. I don't think what you did was chasing - you simply gave a man a way in which to contact you - no big deal. I almost did that once - even though my mother said I shouldn't, lol. The day I was going to I ran into a friend who said that he had asked for my number through her. We ended going out a few times. Link to comment
amgine Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 Thanks for all your replies To clarify. I am a regular customer that i do know and talk to (and on first name terms with a lot of the staff) This includes this gentlemen, he often talks to me when i'm in there and ask how i am, how work is going and so on. Yes he may be attached not sure for certain but he wears no rings have checked though i understand this doesn't mean anything How did he react? not certain as i handed him the note, without telling him what it was he was surprised at that. Play hard to get? Not my thing really don't believe in playing games, whether thats good or bad i don't know, cpc i understand your point i know some guys don't like to be asked out, they rather do the asking. And as up to now he hasn't and because i like him i didn't want to waste weeks, months of my life wondering if he does. At least either way i can carry on with my life Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 To me there is no wondering. If I am warm, approachable and friendly, and he is interested in dating me and emotionally and otherwise available, he will ask me out on a proper date. Until that time, I assume he is not interested in dating me and I don't focus on him or wondering. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 To me there is no wondering. If I am warm, approachable and friendly, and he is interested in dating me and emotionally and otherwise available, he will ask me out on a proper date. Until that time, I assume he is not interested in dating me and I don't focus on him or wondering. Or you can walk up and just ask him out. Link to comment
Kevin T Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Or you can walk up and just ask him out. Yeah, women do that all the time. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I think giving him her phone number was more than enough to show her interest level. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Yeah, women do that all the time. I would say about 50 percent of the people I have gone out with or hooked up with were where they approached me. I would say about 40 percent was a mutual thing. And only about 10 where I approached. So yeah it can/does happen. I'm just not a big believer of women who wait around for the guy to make the move. That is an ancient way of thinking that needs to be updated to this century where women pretty much have many of the things that guys do. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I think giving him her phone number was more than enough to show her interest level. That is not enough. She should have told him. She doesn't even know if he's with someone else. He might be shy. He might have lost it. Who knows. Now she is left to wonder. Giving someone your number or asking for theirs is fine after you guys talk about it and clearly SHOW interest. Link to comment
Kevin T Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I would say about 50 percent of the people I have gone out with or hooked up with were where they approached me. I would say about 40 percent was a mutual thing. And only about 10 where I approached. So yeah it can/does happen. I'm just not a big believer of women who wait around for the guy to make the move. That is an ancient way of thinking that needs to be updated to this century where women pretty much have many of the things that guys do. Did they just flirt with you, or actually ask you out/give you their number first? Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Did they just flirt with you, or actually ask you out/give you their number first? Both or either. The last time this happened (ive been with the same person for a long time) was actually about a few weeks ago. Some woman I talk to (nothing bad just about working out and stuff like that) at my gym found a reason to give me her phone number. I took it but obviously junked it. I would have told her I'm involved but it kind came out of nowhere and also we don't talk THAT closely. Link to comment
Kevin T Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I just am amazed that so many women would boldy ask a guy out. It seems so surreal, though I don't doubt you, Ward. Maybe you're REALLY good looking and they can't get enough of you? Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Nah it's nothing like that. I was kinda shocked the lady gave me her number. Took me by complete surprise. Link to comment
Kevin T Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Well, you're obviously doing something right! Link to comment
TiredMan Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Nah if it happened often I would agree with you. But to be honest, I would say in the hmmmm 6 or so years I have been going to gyms (2 different ones) this has happened only 3 times. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I would say about 50 percent of the people I have gone out with or hooked up with were where they approached me. I would say about 40 percent was a mutual thing. And only about 10 where I approached. So yeah it can/does happen. I'm just not a big believer of women who wait around for the guy to make the move. That is an ancient way of thinking that needs to be updated to this century where women pretty much have many of the things that guys do. Of those women who approached you - how many asked you out on a real date, what was the longest relationship that came out of it, and why did it end. And, in how many cases did the woman continue to do most of the asking, calling, initiating and planning after approaching you that first time? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Nah if it happened often I would agree with you. But to be honest, I would say in the hmmmm 6 or so years I have been going to gyms (2 different ones) this has happened only 3 times. I am all for women approaching men and showing interest - that is a far cry from the woman asking the man out on all or most of the dates early on, planning them, doing most of the calling, initiating and paying, etc - i.e. taking the man's "traditional role" - Link to comment
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