Getting Better Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I am dating a guy who i really like, we met on link removed about four weeks ago. We spoke everyday for about two weeks then we met, i went to his, we where going to go for a meal the day before but i couldn't go, he made me a meal at his, i was going to sleep in the spare bedroom, but i ended up in his bed, it wasnt his idea and not something i normally do, we just go on so well and there was a connection between us. We just cuddled at first and went to sleep, me in his arms and it felt really nice. We did make love early hours of the morning and it was amazing. I stayed at his house well he went to work as it was my day off college, hes never let anyone stay in his house on their own and hes been living there for 18 months. He had to go to daubi the next day for work for five days, we spoke on msn everyday, he told me he was missing me, he even phoned me once. He asked if he could see me when he got back on sunday, i said yes i was missing him too.I asked him if he would ever become my bf and he said we were bordering on that now. He came an saw me on that sunday it was really good, he stayed over so i slept in his arms, i kep waking up and and woke him up as i moved he didn't mind he just cuddled me then one of the times i was having a bad dream, and he said are you having a nightmare, i said a dream he said i will protect you and he holded me close. we have continued to speak everyday since then through texts and msn, sometimes me first, sometimes him first. On wednesday he said when are we going to see each other again, and we arranged to meet on friday, he wanted to meet my friends too, we went out on friday and met one of my friends and had a really good night. We are still speaking everyday, today i asked him if i would become his girlfriend and he said well you sort of are doing in a way aren't you, early days at mo, so we are dating. When he was in daubi he had my name in henna on his arm in arabic, he bought me a teddy camel back. He tells me that he is looking forward to seeing me when we have a date, we have met three times so far. We have both said we will take it slowly. When he first met me after wards he said that he thought meeting me would be a laugh he didn't expect to get feelings for me. I like him a lot and am falling for him. I don't want to get hurt and im not used to taking things slowly. But i need to take things slowly and am trying to do so, how do i carry on from here, how do i contiue to take things slowly, i still have my own life and see my friends and so does he. What do you think of this. Link to comment
anggrace Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Youve only met him 3 times? If you want to take things slow, I would suggest you dont keep bringing up the bf gf thing. Thats a good way to scare someone off. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 How about dating in public instead of having your dates consist of you going to his place and having sex and sleeping with him. Do you know how long it's been since he's had sex with someone else? When was he tested last for STDs? To me taking it slowly means going out once or twice a week for the first few months -in public - and waiting to have sex until you are exclusive and know each other at least a few months. Link to comment
Getting Better Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 I know that he had been single for a few months. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Yes and when was the last time he had sex and if it was less than 6 months ago, he needs to get tested again at the 6 month point to make sure he doesn't have HIV or AIDS. Link to comment
handsdown Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 ok first of all, waiting to have sex is not an option since you have already "done the deed" so to speak. Regardless, I don't think waiting to have sex is that big of a deal, lots of people have sex on first or second dates, and as long as you are protecting yourself, you shouldn't feel regretful, you said it was amazing, so, what's wrong with that? The problem is, you keep asking to be his girlfriend and he keeps giving you a wishy-washy answer. I would stop thinking about being his girlfriend and just enjoy the time you spend together. As a guy, he will tell you when he is ready to move it forward into an exclusive relationship. If you can't wait for him to make a move, then ask him outright "do you want to be my boyfriend?" and see what he says. This may freak him out, however, so you have to decide what you want. I know my boyfriend and I moved really fast, and he wanted to be my boyfriend right away and I was happy to oblige. It doesn't always work out that way. I think he is taking his time, so don't push him, just enjoy your time together. If that's not enough, look elsewhere! Good luck! oh and edited to agree ith Batya, do you go anywhere in public or is it always at the house for dinner and sex? hmmmm, that's a red flag there too! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I would stop having sex with him and tell him you agree that you want to take things slow. Unless he has been tested recently and has not had sex in the last 6 months, you are not protected from STDs. It's always a risk, if you want a long term relationship, to have sex that quickly/early. Link to comment
Getting Better Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 we do go out, we went out to the town where i live on friday and met with one of my friends. He has said that he doesn't want it to be all about sex, he wants us to get to know each other , go out for meals and do things together. He has said off his own back that he is not looking for anyone else. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Getting..i think you just need to relax and enjoy the time you spend with him..he seems to realllyy like you but mAy want to take things "slowly" in the gf bf department for reasons completely unrelated to you. Keep on doing things as you are.... but calm your mind and just enjoy it... it seems like you guys are off to a good start! Good luck and RELAX!!! LOL Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 we do go out, we went out to the town where i live on friday and met with one of my friends. He has said that he doesn't want it to be all about sex, he wants us to get to know each other , go out for meals and do things together. He has said off his own back that he is not looking for anyone else. If he is not looking for anyone else, and he is willing to be physically intimate with you, what is stopping him from agreeing to be exclusive? Link to comment
betrayedgirl Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Yes and when was the last time he had sex and if it was less than 6 months ago, he needs to get tested again at the 6 month point to make sure he doesn't have HIV or AIDS. Don't forget herpes. It is a very common STD that alot of people don't know they have it! Link to comment
Getting Better Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 I dont know, im used to someone falling in love with me straight away and me falling in love with them and it being intense. I know that he went out with someone for 8 months and it was intense. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Yes, that is one of many ways it can happen. 8 months is not a short time but it is not "long term" in my opinion it takes 6 to 9 months to figure out if you are compatible with someone despite falling in love much earlier. As you yourself saw, falling in love "right away" doesn't guarantee a long term relationship -- But taking your time to get to know someone despite feeling intense from the beginning can lessen the risk of getting too attached to someone you don't know well, lessen the risk of STDs or getting pregnant by someone you don't know well, and lessen the risk of "burn out" that occurs when you move too fast instead of taking a long term view and letting someone into your life at a reasonable pace, over time, while both of you maintain the friends and activities you had before you met each other. I have seen marriages result from intense beginnings, one night stands, etc. Most of the time those relationships that start out with "love at first sight" and where the people see each other every day and have sex very early on burn out quickly or the two people realize after the initial high fades - usually about three months in - that they really have little in common to form the basis for something long term. It all depends on what you want and the risks you are willing to take. For me, risking STDS and pregnancy with someone I just met where I haven't seen that actions match the words consistently over time and where he is not willing to call me his exclusive girlfriend just isn't worth it. All relationships require risks of course but that type of risk for me would be unnecessary and too potentially harmful to my body and heart balanced against some guy telling me he's ready to have sex but not ready to be my exclusive partner. Link to comment
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