I need ANY help out there....PLEASE!

[dreamer888]

Well, I have posted before. Basically my ex and i have been apart for almost a year now, but we still hooked up and hung out until about 2 months ago or so. Well, in the last 2 months, i have only contacted him by phone 3 times. The third being today. On the second he told me he didn't love me as a friend anymore, even and even though we talked for an hour, at the end it kind of go out of hand because he will NEVER be nice and always acts so unhappy to talk to me. Well, today...he picked up and didn't know it was me (becuase it wasn't my number i called from) and when i old him it was me, he just said "Oh. I don't want to talk to you" He just kept saying that over and over and then hung up on me. We were together, officially, for 2 years and 3 months. He is a freshman in college and i am a sophomore. OUr schools are 5 minutes apart so there is no long distance and there is no reason we couldn't be together.

 

Really, though, i just want ot know why he is acting like this. This is the same guy who told me he would NEVER be able to get over me and ALWAYS compare me to every other girl. We lost our virginity to each other, which meant a lot to both of us, and we learned everything about a relaitonship with one another. I just don't see how he can all of a sudden hate me. Yes, i was persistent, but how is it possible to hate someone who only really tried to love you and do all they could possibly do for you?!

 

I just need answers as to WHY he is acting like this towards me. Will he EVER come back around and want to see how i am doing? If so, how long will that be? Will he EVER miss me and what we shared...which was everything. Why is it that now since he is around all these other girls, everything is GREAT for him. I just feel so worthless and used. Like as is i meant nothing to him. I need help if there is any. I just miss him ALL the time. I feel so stupid for thinking we are supposed to be together, but i jjust can't see a reason for still loving someone SOO deeply even AFTER all he has put me through if something isn't MAKING me continue to love him...for some reason that i just can't see yet. I just don't get it at all. I really, really love him. He said that didn't matter to him.

 

I should hate someone that is saying all this to me, but i still love him more than life itself. I don't know why...

 

Will things EVER work out? Ever. Any success stories of people treating someone so horrible and then realizing they were wrong?

 

I just love him and would do anything for him. I miss him.

[robowarrior]

Your not worthless, he's acting this way because he found another girl that he's more attracted to. It happens vice versa too, girls leaving the rebound guy because they found someone even more handsome and richer. But where does it leave you? You need to finally realise that love has to go both ways, , what once was is no more, and the road that you two have been travelling has come to a dead end. The only thing you can do is turn your car around and head back to the mainway of life. Respect his choice that he wants to be with other girls. You can continue to love him, but you will need to move on and find yourself another significant person in your life who puts YOU as their nr.1 in life. With him Its over..

[dreamer888]

But he hasn't dated anyone since then and has not seemed to get serious with another girl.

I just still have so much hope for us because i KNOW i love him and i know how much he loved me and i know HE knows how much i loved him.

What i don't know is...since he hasn't really experienced other girls...is that a reason he is acting like this? Becuase he wants to see what else is out there? Is there a chance at ALL that he might realize one day down the road...however long it takes..that i WAS a special girl and DID really, really love him for HIM and that he MIGHT want ot see what i'm up to and possibly date me again?

Or is all hope lost?

I know EVERYONE'S case is different and you can't judge all cases by one thing, but it is EVER possible that he MIGHT come back to me?

[samross]

One sad fact with a lot of people is that they want what they CAN'T have and don't want what they CAN have. It sounds like he's in that mode. As long as he knows he can have you (especially with the other opportunities that it sounds like are there) he will act like he doesn't want you. I can't say that this is the case because I don't know this guy but it does sound like it. Having said all of that, it doesn't necessarily mean all hope is lost. Everything may not be so great for him. Maybe he just wants you to think that. Turn the tables around. Act like you don't need him. I'm not suggesting that you play games but for now put your love and work into YOU. Try to move on. Moving on doesn't have to mean you've closed the door on him. FOCUS ON YOU. I don't know your age but trust me, there is life after a broken heart if you open your eyes and your heart. Don't let him have any idea that you are pining over him. Let him wonder what you are doing and who you are with. In the meantime try to enjoy YOUR LIFE and let him grow up if that's the problem.

[ahhh2jz]

it is quite possible, but I'd advise not waiting for that to happen. Immediately implement NC and stick to it. Your better off that way; and you'll see that it's true because if you call, you will end up getting hurt right? I thnk the best way to get them back is to completely let them go. By the time you have done that, I hear it is USUALLY when they start sniffing around curiously. I know it's going to be hard, but you have to stay strong and push forward.

[dreamer888]

THanks for all of your replies so far.

i have tried NC...for 2 months now except for those 3 times. Which the longest one was a one hour conversation that he said was a waste of his time..and the other two were him saying "oh, i don't want ot talk to you" Click. And he would jsut hang up and never even try to contact me again. Btu i think he does know i will contact him...eventually...but i am afraid to say that IS the reason he doesn't contact me, ya know? Because that only gives me hope that MAY be false hope. And yes, i have tried to move on and would NOT have a problem at all getting with another guy if i found the right one...but the only part that SUCKS is that i can't seeem to REALLY get interested in another guy. Yeah, i have kissed other guys and hung out with others and stuff...but I can't ever imagine having anything serious with these other guys. And i know i am young. I just turned 20 in December. He just turned 19 at the very end of october. We are SO young i know...but it STILL hurts the same nonetheless. THat is why i feel there MAY be a chance...BUT also NOT a chance since he is so young and still had so many other girls out there to meet that are just so "hot" to him (he still has a lot of maturing to do and now, since we are apart, sees a girl only through looks, i tihnk).

 

I don't know...but i have given my 150% in trying to work things out and if he doesn't at least see THAT...then is he even worth it? Honestly? Should i even mess with a guy that tells me he doesn't love me anymore and can let go of me because of the petty fact that he is now surrounded by lots of girls who also only want to have sex with no strings attached? I know that i would and still do always look down upon a guy like that, but since i KNOW that is NOT the real guy he is...it's hard to give up on him...

 

He has morals. Trust me. Jsut not now bc he is trying to come out of his shell being a first year college student and all....

[SuperDave71]

dreamer888,

 

 

Hi there. I am sorry you are going through this and I know it's difficult but the harsh reality is this....he is pushing you away on purpose.

 

One reason or another, he is pushing you. Another girl, you are not what he wants or expected, possibly he just wants to date.

 

 

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? Is that healthy? What does he have to say for you to understand it?

 

Please don't get me wrong, I wish you the best. I am soo sorry you are hurting and your mind is foggy. The facts are, he is pushing you to stay away from him. I know you miss him, I know you want him back but even if he came back tomorrow, how long would he stay? Is there love in this relationship, or is there need?

 

Love only works between two people if BOTH people agree and work hard to keep it. Let's face it, you can love this guy all ya want but he doesn;t love you back, what have you gained? NOTHING...and it makes you look foolish as well.

 

Learn to love yourself. DO NOT ALLOW PEOPLE ( I don't care who they are) to make you feel worthless or not worthy of love...BECAUSE YOU ARE.

 

 

Sure your down, sure you are hurting but it will pass. There will come a time when you will look back on this and think to yourself..."WAS I CRAZY or WHAT for feeling this way?" ..Trust me...

 

 

Work on you and stop worrying about what he is thinking/doing....

 

The only thing you have control over is you!

 

 

I wish you the best and good luck to you!!

 

 

 

-Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[wintersolstice]

All I know is if you grovel to him and allow him to speak to you that way it will only make him lose respect for you and push you further and further away...

 

I do not know why you would force someone to have a conversation with you (on the phone) if they clearly didn't want to, No offence but you need to respect yourself (and him.. by not forcing him to act this way to you.)

 

Also people say a lot of things. If you hang onto the past you die a little each day. Just let it go and move on. You guys have a beautiful past, you are destroying it and making it ugly by trying to hold onto it...

 

I think you should let him go and move on... He might come around and realize he misses you BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO MISS YOU!

 

Hooking up with a boy you broke up with and calling him from a clandestine phone number are not the actions of an intelligent self respecting young woman...

 

It's the spring semester you should live your life and not worry about him for awhile.

 

Laura

[terk2021]

First off, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It would be nice if there were magic words any of us could say to make the pain go away. Sometimes it really hurts to have a heart, because it takes control over our minds, and really can put us in a bad state.

 

I will by no means try and justify his actions, but many guys in their early 20s/late teens have not really matured yet, or are ready for that type of relationship. I am 35, and thinking back to the way I was in college, I was certainly not a saint and did not treat relationships with the respect they deserve.

 

Don't beat yourself up. The first thing you need to do is know that you did nothing wrong, and there is nothing wrong with you. You just are dealing with an immature guy that does not want to be in a relationship. College should be a fun time for you. He does not deserve your love. Try and concentrate on having fun, and doing good in school. You should have so much to look forward to.

 

Good luck. As hard as it sounds, you will look back on this some day as a learning experience. Nothing anyone can say right now will change how you feel. Time and acceptance are what's going to allow you to heal...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if someone is telling you directly, and very explicitly, that they don't want to talk to you, then it may be heartbreaking, but you need to respect that...

 

there could be all kinds of reasons for him saying this, but really, he is totally snubbing you, and by continuing to call him, he might just think you are a stalker who does not respect his wishes...

 

some people handle breakups with grace and respect, and some people just want any connection to go away immediately because of their own reasons, guilt, regret, having someone new, not wanting to deal with it, etc.

 

but the end result is the same, he is telling you to go away and he does not want to continue, so please accept this and go into no contact to heal yourself... continued contact will only involve more rejection and hurt, so please move on, and heal yourself and find someone who does want to talk to you.

[Wandering_Sword]

There's not much you can do when he actually outright says that he does not want to talk to you. Yes, it is harsh of him to say that but the only option you have now is to take care of yourself. There is nothing wrong about loving your ex but it is counter-productive to keep contact. So love yourself, have fun (you're in college afterall!) and get out there. It will be hard, just keep posting here and we'll try our best to keep everything in perspective.

[terk2021]

Continuing to contact him does make things worse. It is probably one of the hardest things you are going to do, because your heart is telling you that if you just say or do something, it will make him come back. The only one you have control over right now is you.

 

Believe me, I know how hard it is. I still to this day look for reasons to contact my ex, and she asked me on multiple occasions to stop contacting her. You are not a stalker, or a harasser, you are simply someone who is in love and wants to do anything to get your ex back...

 

Someone posted above about not contacting him anymore. Give him the opportunity to miss you. If he does, then he will come back. If he does not come back, then you should be on your way to recovery. Erase his number(s) from your phone, his email address. Put away any pictures, reminders of him, and make a deal with yourself that you deserve better.

 

I wish you the best.

[dreamer888]

Thank you all tons!!! You guys really don't know how much you are helping me!!! Because of course i realize he doesn't deserve ME, even though i blame myself and say i don't deserve HIM and that's the reason i don't have him...but until people like you guys, who have been through some of the same stuff tell me that i deserve better....i can believe it then. It's true, though. No one deserves to be treated this horrible when all i am doing, as some of you guys have said, is trying to love him. I'm not stalking or harassing, as he likes to tell me...i am simply trying to do ANYTHING to get him back..even trying NC and only contacting him when HE said i could...and even then, he treats me horribly. I need to forget about him and find someone who DOES love me for me and someone that i don't have to go out of my way to love. You should NEVER have to go out of your way to demonstrate LOVE to someone...it's something that should come easily and be shown, by BOTH people, without even TRYING to show it...like we USED to be...but he has chosen to leave it all behind. But what he doesn't know...and what i didn't know when we broke up was that true love IS actually a VERY hard thing to find out there. Yo wouln't think so with all the fish in the sea, but really and truly, when it comes down to it...trying to find a person that loves you NO matter what, flaws and all...it is SUPER hard to find anyone that REALLY respects you and loves you unconditionally....but i guess he will just have tofind that out on his own...but apparently he doesn't NEED anyone to love him and is fine letting love go...but one day he WILL want TRUE love and we will see how easy he comes accross it then when he had it in front of him the entire time BEFORE.

 

THanks again so much!!

Keep the advice comin'!

[jenny_mcs]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this and I really feel for you. I agree with the other posters who say that this guy, with the way he is acting right now, does not deserve any of your efforts or attention, and I think what would be healthiest for you would be to completelty stop any and all attempts to contact him.

 

You mention that you 2 have been broken up for quite a while and that he has been treating you poorly for quite a while also. As sad as it can be, sometimes we can get "used to" being treated poorly, so that it seems "normal". But you need to remind yourself that it is not OK to be treated this way or spoken to this way.

 

Try to spend time with people who DO love and respect you- whether it's family or friends. Get used to being treated well, you deserve it!