porm

[sunflowerEyes]

is it normal for men to look at porm when they have girlfriends? Even if they are in a serious relationship, the girlfriend puts out a lot and they have sex regularly? Would it be wrong of the girl to ask her boyfriend to not look at porn because it makes her uncomfortable?

[NeverMore]

Not only normal but inevitable and should be expected. I don't know why so many woman have such a hard time with it.

[sunflowerEyes]

well, i believe most women have a problem with it because it makes most of us feel as if we are not good enough to have our boyfriends only focus on us and not need to look at other naked women. Why can't we be enough? Why do they need to look at that? It has also been proven that people who look at porn get a scewed image of what sex is supposed to be like.. it creates expectations - even if just subconsciously. I would like to be the only person my bf looks at naked and gets aroused by. Why aren't you bothered by it? Don't you see that as insulting?

[NeverMore]

When guys are looking at porn they aren't thinking the girl in the porn is better or comparing her to their girl. They are just appreciating seeing a naked chick. Guys are happy to see any naked chick.

 

I have mostly guy friends and have a lot of inner sanctum knowledge of the male world. I think that is why I am in such a good relationship.

[musicguy]

yes it's normal for guys to look at porn. We are visual creatures. I used to work at a porn shop for 3 years. Porn is just a fantasy world and a masturbatory tool for guys and a sex educational stimulus for couples

[sunflowerEyes]

faeries:

 

i think that that kind of thinking is what makes this even worse. the fact that you say "oh it's ok, they're guys, they're supposed to do this, its ok" is not fair. it's only giving them an excuse. im sure men wouldn't be to happy is their girlfriends were surfing the web or whatnot looking at naked men. that prob woudnt go over too well. so why is it ok for them to do it?? its not. its insulting and unfair to believe that they are allowed to do it because it is their nature.

[sunflowerEyes]

music:

 

but why would u need a fantasy world wen you have someone who will do whatever you want with you right there with you? why cant what you have be enough?

[musicguy]

because sometimes one's girl might not want to have sex a lot

[LostInMyThoughts]

music:

 

but why would u need a fantasy world wen you have someone who will do whatever you want with you right there with you? why cant what you have be enough?

 

Let me preface this by first saying, if you are uncomfortable with porn that is okay. You should not have to tolerate something that you aren't okay with.

 

To answer your post--because thats an unrealistic expectation. I have yet to meet a person who would fulfill any and *every* sexual desire I have, 100% of time, and everytime I want them.

 

Next you say that if a women is okay with their signifigant other, then they are part of the problem. No, thats not true at all. They're okay with the situation, thats between them, not you, not me.

 

You assume that men would be not okay with women surfing for porn--thats not true. I say good for the gander is good for the goose.

 

Finally, porn--to me a guy who looks at porn a lot, offers a quick release. It's a quick way to get and maintain an errection, then have a quick sexual fulfillment. Are you mad that your sig-other masturbates?

[NeverMore]

faeries:

 

i think that that kind of thinking is what makes this even worse. the fact that you say "oh it's ok, they're guys, they're supposed to do this, its ok" is not fair. it's only giving them an excuse. im sure men wouldn't be to happy is their girlfriends were surfing the web or whatnot looking at naked men. that prob woudnt go over too well. so why is it ok for them to do it?? its not. its insulting and unfair to believe that they are allowed to do it because it is their nature.

 

My other half could care less if I look at naked men.

 

And I could care less about the naked women he looks at, because I know he is just looking. It's me he comes home to, it's me he sleeps with every night, etc.

 

And there are a lot of things we women get away with in relationships because we are women and our guys expect it. So the tables are turned.

[musicguy]

i know a lot of girls who love porn

[NeverMore]

i know a lot of girls who love porn

 

It gives me ideas, lol.

[itsthatguy]

well, i believe most women have a problem with it because it makes most of us feel as if we are not good enough to have our boyfriends only focus on us and not need to look at other naked women. Why can't we be enough? Why do they need to look at that? It has also been proven that people who look at porn get a scewed image of what sex is supposed to be like.. it creates expectations - even if just subconsciously. I would like to be the only person my bf looks at naked and gets aroused by. Why aren't you bothered by it? Don't you see that as insulting?

 

My girlfriend looks at porn occasionally, uses a vibrator, and has even told me she occasionally masturbates fantasizing about other people. It doesn't make me think I'm not good enough or that we don't have amazing sex or that she wants to have sex with someone else, just that you should be free to let yourself roam when you're by yourself. I like to look at porn too, I don't have some horrible skewed image of what sex is, and I have fantastic sex with her.

 

If you want to do something about his porn habit, do something hot instead of complaining about it. Earlier this year she was going on a week long trip to visit some relatives. Well, she tells me she needs to borrow my USB memory stick to put a presentation on for school because she lost hers, and knows I don't use mine much. That's cool and fine, this is maybe a week and a half before she leaves. She gives me the memory stick back, I just throw it on my desk and don't think anything of it. She calls me up the night that she left for her trip, tells me to check out the memory card. She took a lot (about 100) of very, very hot pictures of herself, including a few in some nice sets of lingerie that she promised me I could see when she got back, not to mention an incredibly hot video of herself going solo and telling me all the stuff I do to her that gets her really turned on, before she has a very loud orgasm. I have not had to look at some porn that wasn't of her since she made that for me, and it was just an incredibly hot thing to do. You guys could also try making a home movie

[musicguy]

I just don't understand why girls get so worked up and get jealous of female porn stars, they are just on a video or on tv

[NeverMore]

If you want to do something about his porn habit, do something hot instead of complaining about it.

 

There ya go! Forbidden fruit is always sweeter, keep that in mind.

[yeawutever]

I just don't understand why girls get so worked up and get jealous of female porn stars, they are just on a video or on tv

 

B/c those are jealous freaks who probably weren't taught sex edu. I don't mind, it's one thing to watch it, it's another thing to spend all day on it that it can be detrimental to your heatlth. Fantasies are just that, same as dreaming, as long as you don't act on them, then fine.

 

Then again, what if whenever you masturbate, many times you picture these celebrities being naked and not your partner, oops.

 

 

[Weary]

Well I can add a few points...

 

1. Personally I hate it when people use the justification 'Men are visual creatures'. EVERYONE, save the blind, is a visual creature. Our primary sense is sight.

 

2.The porn industry was geared solely to men. Now however, the industry has started catering more towards couples and women.

 

3.This is a generalization...but people call men who look at porn disrespectful, pigs, rude, whatever. Yet no one questions the vast amount of women who read romance novels. If you want to talk about 'unrealistic' expectations...read a romance novel

 

4. Both men and women get horny. Sometimes they want a 'quick fix'. They don't want to go through a 10, 15, 30 etc minute sex session for an orgasm. Porn allows that orgasm to happen quicker (due to increased stimulation).

 

5. Many women use vibrators or dildos. Can you imagine if your bf knew you had one, forbid you to use it, would rail and scream at you everytime you used it...and got teary eyed "do you prefer your vibrator to me?! I feel so inadequate...".

 

6. On a more personal note. My ex liked his porn. (I didn't realize until much later he was in fact actually addicted to it). However, I loathed it. I hated it. I would freak everytime I found anything. I realize now...that I was very insecure about the relationship (with good reason..long story..lol). I was insecure and jeleous. I thought my issue was with the knockout women and the perfect bodies, and the feeling inadequate. But what it was as me not trusting him (again good reason and knowing that everything could and would turn his head. So the issue wasn't the porn, the issue was my perception and projection, and his inability to be forthright, honest and trustworthy.

[NeverMore]

Bravo Weary!

[Aleadragonhawk]

Pornography in a relationship can really only be considered in a case to case basis. For some people, it's fine, and they hold many of the opinions expressed in this thread. For others, it can be a deal-breaker. More than whether or not the majority thinks watching pornography is okay, what you need to focus on is your situation - and in your situation, you're uncomfortable. Try talking to your boyfriend about it, and think out what you're going to say before hand. More than just "This makes me uncomfortable.." try for "This makes me uncomfortable because..."

[musicguy]

I like this post. Good job

[valiantv]

EVERYONE, save the blind, is a visual creature

I think you're missing the point... yes everyone is a "visual creature", in that they possess the gift of vision. However, men - moreso than women (apparently) - can be stimulated simply by what they see - this is what's meant by "visual creature" in this context. Women, however, respond better to touch - that is why most toys are geared towards women. Men watching porn is just the same as women using a sex toy.

 

We could go on arguing for ages whether it's "OK" to watch porn while in a relationship, but the end of it all is that it is down to the individual case. Ask yourself the following questions:

If you watch porn, are you technically "fantasising" about another woman, or are you merely objectifying them? Are they merely an aid to get you off?

 

If you are fantasising about them, is that OK? If you are truly in love, should your only fantasy be about your partner?

 

Is it OK to fantasise about "real life" women (i.e. not on movies but people you see on the street or even know) as long as you know nothing really will happen?

 

Is it OK to have sex with another woman if you have no attachment to her? Why?

 

Is it OK to have sex with another woman and do have an emotional attachment to her, as long as you still have an emotional attachment to your bf/gf? Why?

 

And also:

 

Will the girlfriend in the relationship agree to "perform" in the sense that a porn star will? Many women will not agree to be seen naked - while I accept this, they must accept that they can't use the argument "The only one he should want to see naked is me"!

 

For me, I want my gf to be happy... While I don't look at porn often, if she said it made her uncomfortable, I'd gladly delete all the porn on my computer.

I can totally understand why a woman mightn't want her guy to be looking at porn... And I can totally understand why she wouldn't mind it too.

Women in general are far more concerned about their bodies than men. Furthermore, men are far more concerned about women's bodies than women are about men's. Strange as it may seem to us men, being that many of us will put on a beer belly without even thinking about it, many women get concerned if a small noticeable line of flab appears, or if they look any way different from an established model. For you to be looking at porn may send the message that you would prefer the egg-timer shaped porn star to her. Doesn't matter how much you tell her that's not true, or that you just don't happen to have any porn films of her, she is already convinced that given a choice between her and Jenna Jameson, you'd pick Jenna, and you are just making it worse by watching her on the screen.

 

The thing we'll have to accept is, as told by many a wise stand-up comedian, men and women are different!

[Lboogie23]

Men and women are different in almost everysingle aspect of life. It makes sense that we would also be different in our sexuality.

[Weary]

I think you're missing the point... yes everyone is a "visual creature", in that they possess the gift of vision. However, men - moreso than women (apparently) - can be stimulated simply by what they see - this is what's meant by "visual creature" in this context. Women, however, respond better to touch - that is why most toys are geared towards women. Men watching porn is just the same as women using a sex toy.

 

Actually they have done many studies on the responce of both men and woemn to porn. They find that men and women both get physically aroused by it in the same way (ie visually); however, more women are apt to deny the arousal because of social stigma.

 

My point is, people say 'men are visual creatures' to use as a justification to why they watch porn...instead of just stating the facts which are "hey I like it, hey it gets me off quicker"...or whatever.

 

People use the 'visual creature' comment because they are thinking of biology, brain physiology etc. The main thing there is that researchers don't know if men are actually born more 'visual' inherently, or if they become more visual through socialization..thus changing the brain.

 

Further men and women respond to touch the same. There are virtually no toys for men with 'touch' in mind...except for the pocket P****. Women respond to auditory stimulation more, however, again it is because women are socialized this way. In this day and age with the media, advertisements, etc both sexes respond more to visual stimuli than in past years.

 

Regarding the sexes...there are far more similarities than there are differences.

[Northalius]

. Both men and women get horny. Sometimes they want a 'quick fix'. They don't want to go through a 10, 15, 30 etc minute sex session for an orgasm. Porn allows that orgasm to happen quicker (due to increased stimulation).

 

I guess those that use this poor excuse to watch porn, do not have a mind strong enough to simply imagine their partner in their mind while they masturbate?

 

Sorry, but porn is a sad excuse for not physically making love to your partner. If anything, like I said above, you can simply imagine your partner in your mind while you masturbate; very simple.

 

Too many twist and spin the issue. Sorry, I don't buy it.

 

If anything, I consider my girlfriends mind more important to be thinking of me, more than just her physically doing it with another person. It'd kill me if I knew my girl was fantasizing about someone else when we make love. I'm not in a relationship with a woman just to physically have sex with her, but for her to commit herself to me emotionally, as well.

[Daddy Bear]

I guess those that use this poor excuse to watch porn, do not have a mind strong enough to simply imagine their partner in their mind while they masturbate?

Do you ever read books or watch TV? Does that mean that you're weak-minded and can't make up stories in your own head?