Confused, she's gone cold.

[Caine]

Hi all,

could do with your oppinion on this one.

 

I'm 29 and after a break up I decided to give online dating a try, one woman I was chatting to via Email wanted to meet up, we exchanged mobile numbers and for a week leading up to our date we text each other every day and even flirted a bit too, it was really good, we got on well.

We met up and had our date and we had a good time together, lots of fun.

I text her the next day, told her 'I liked her' and asked 'if she wanted a second date somewhen' and she said 'yes' but since we met she seems to have gone really cold, she hardly texts, she's different now, no flirting, hardly any conversation from her at all, I thought after a few days mybe she didn't really want a second date, so I asked her again 'You sure you want a second date cos you seem distant?' and she said 'Of course I would love a second date, just been busy lately' which would mean she's busy constantly because it's hard to get into a coversation with her.

I did think maybe she just didn't feel the spark, maybe she's trying to let me down gently. I know our date went well together, and at the end of the night we walked outside and I said 'Well I guess it's time to go home then' at which point she suggested we stand there and have a cigarette before we go, so I know she wasn't in a hugh hurry to get away from me, but she's just so different now since we met.

I figured once we met and knew we liked each other, then the texting would be a lot more frequent.

Is she taking it slowly?

does she not really want to know?

Girls what do you make of all this?

[honeyspur]

It sounds to me she is not interested. She would definitely have kept up the flirtation, affection, etc if she did.

It is just possible she needed a little time to figure out she didn't like you romantically. Which is what you are experiencing with the cold shoulder.

 

I would write her a letter/email saying thanks for meeting up, but you sense this is not heading anywhere romantic.

 

Offer to be friends, if that pleases you.

 

Just to add, I have dated many guys on line over the years and it's better to have an open, willing attitude. You sound like you have this. She probably does not. Lot's of people try online dating, closed off and expecting things to *happen* for them, instead of taking a risk and being forward, despite initial feelings of discomfort.

Normally what gets to them is just the unfamiliarity of the situation - not the new date.

I suspect you did nothing wrong, are handsome enough, interesting enough and open enough.

 

thereforeeee, it is her issue - not yours. Try again - people have gotten married from online dating or just a great affair!

[longhaircats]

Caine,

 

Just relax and not think about her for a while. If you two met online, she is probably meeting other people as well. Although she liked you, she may be not so sure if the attraction was strong enough to go on a second date. She may want to decide after going out with other fish. Who knows? So don't think about what might have happened to her. If you don't pursuit her, I think you two still have a chance. Be confident and let her come to you.

[Caine]

Many thanks for your comments, I have stopped texting her, I figure if she wants me then she'll text me, and then I'll text her back. If she didn't feel 'the spark' I would really really just prefer it if she was honest, rather than go through this. Because she wanted to stay and have a cigarette at the end of the night with me, when she could of walked off to her car, I thought she liked me due to that. Who knows what she's doing?

[Lily04]

maybe she just really wanted a cigarette and thought it'd be nice with company since you were there. It's not like you kissed her or anything...I wouldn't think much of it... sorry. I mean I've kissed guys I met from online dating then told them i don't see things working after... people's feelings change. It could be due to a whole bunch of reasons unrelated to you too -- maybe she's not over an ex., going through a lot & not so open to dating, who knows... just date other people and start fresh! =)

[insofar]

I have been there. The being busy thing is, in all likeliness, a ruse because she's not sure of the relationship. Just stop thinking about it and stop messaging her; if she's interested she'll get back to you. It sucks, but such is life.

[offshore00]

I think telling her that you, "liked her" was a mistake. You should of kept acting relaxed like you did before the date, and let things get a little further on the next date.

[offshore00]

Too many responses from woman!!

 

 

you need a mans advice

[Caine]

I have just left it now, we havent spoke/text for two days, today will be the third day. If she doesn't get in contact then so be it, it's her loss, I would have treated her really well too.

[Lily04]

I have just left it now, we havent spoke/text for two days, today will be the third day. If she doesn't get in contact then so be it, it's her loss, I would have treated her really well too.

 

Exactly, her loss. And it's usually the nice guys who most deserve a girlfriend that are the ones to go, because the other partner doesn't realize what she is missing out, or not really looking for a relationship. i.e. guy I started dating did the same.....stopped contacting me because he didn't realize I was worth more than a casual sexmate, and when I told him I'm not that type of person (I'm actually still a virgin) he jetted...

 

was it because of a fault in me? No. It was just because I'm not what he's looking for right now. He did contact me later and try to get in touch but then *I* never responded to HIS email. and it's been 2 weeks and no contact. And I went out to a party tonight and had a great time, met other people... not necsesarily who i'm attracted to, but had a fun time with. And that's all I'm looking for now. I'm sure you'll be fine as well.

 

Hope that helped,

 

Lily

[Caine]

Hi Lily,

 

Your doing the right thing making a man wait, A lot of people asked me before I went on my date, are you going to sleep with her? and I said 'no way' if she offers it to me, I don't want to know her, I think it's better for a woman to make a man wait, I would respect a woman a lot more if she made me wait as she obviously has respect for herself too.

 

You sound similar to me in the fact that your not desperately seeking someone, it would be great if they came along, but oherwise your just taking your time, and when they do come along, you want to take it step by step and see how it goes. I think you're doing it the right way, and if a man doesn't want to wait until you're ready, then he's not the one.

[Yates33]

I text her the next day, told her 'I liked her'

 

There is your answer.

 

Women will always say they want a nice guy, a guy who says things just like that. I've learned that women are illogical and rely on emotion, you telling her you liked her took all the fun away. Take it from someone who has learned the hard way and has had sucess alternatively.

 

Trust me when I tell you....that was the deal breaker right there. Forget about it, move on and dont ever tell a girl that, they already KNOW THAT IF YOU ARE DATING THEM.

[zerohalo]

There is your answer.

 

Women will always say they want a nice guy, a guy who says things just like that. I've learned that women are illogical and rely on emotion, you telling her you liked her took all the fun away. Take it from someone who has learned the hard way and has had sucess alternatively.

 

Trust me when I tell you....that was the deal breaker right there. Forget about it, move on and dont ever tell a girl that, they already KNOW THAT IF YOU ARE DATING THEM.

Huh, interesting. So telling someone you like them is bad? Honestly I wouldn't have guessed that. But hey, I haven't dated since high school so what do I know?

[Caine]

Well I knid of figured after our date that she would want to know how it went for me and if I wanted to see her again. Maybe I should of just said something like - 'I had a great time last night, I would like to see you again'???

 

But we don't talk anymore anyway, I spoke to my mum about it and she said it sounds like she was just using you for a night out.

[Anathema001]

There is your answer.

 

Women will always say they want a nice guy, a guy who says things just like that. I've learned that women are illogical and rely on emotion, you telling her you liked her took all the fun away. Take it from someone who has learned the hard way and has had sucess alternatively.

 

Trust me when I tell you....that was the deal breaker right there. Forget about it, move on and dont ever tell a girl that, they already KNOW THAT IF YOU ARE DATING THEM.

 

I once told that to a girl and she liked it.

I hope not everyone is that cliche.

[Altruist]

Perhaps a goodbye kiss wouldn't have done any harm. She probably felt that you were not attracted to her physically. Even though you said 'I like you', women respond more to body language than words.

[Caine]

Well I did kiss her, if you can call it that, I kinda shook her hand and leaned over and kissed her cheek, I then said "Thanks for a great night and i'll text ya tomorrow" I text her the next day at 1pm, didn't want to make her wait too long and didn't want to text her too soon and seem to keen. lol.

Women are tough creatures to figure out, maybe she just didn't connect with me and felt to embaresed to tell me ? ? ? ?

[Altruist]

Well I did kiss her, if you can call it that, I kinda shook her hand and leaned over and kissed her cheek, I then said "Thanks for a great night and i'll text ya tomorrow" I text her the next day at 1pm, didn't want to make her wait too long and didn't want to text her too soon and seem to keen. lol.

Women are tough creatures to figure out, maybe she just didn't connect with me and felt to embaresed to tell me ? ? ? ?

 

Yeah, maybe. Its her loss I guess. Yo've got to make yourself believe 'you're the catch' and if somebody bails out on you, the its their loss. That will help you to go on with your life.