Is This Normal Behavior on Her Part?

[GoingForIt_77]

For a long verison of my situation, you can refer to

 

For a trimmed down version, my gf left me 8 days ago, because I was hot and cold with her. I would give her tons of confidence, lift her up, compliment her, treat her well and then at the same time, I would be very critical, raise my voice and doubt her feelings, intentions and sincerity (feelings for me) at other times.

 

It hurt her tremendously when I would bring her up, only to non-intentionally put her down...

 

She left me crying, telling me that she loves me with all her heart, but it hurts too much to be with me. I am going for help now, to control my anger issues. She is aware of this and REALLY tried to make it work, but her fear and hurt stood in the way at the end...

 

5 days after the breakup she re-joined facebook.com and created a profile. She has since (Monday) added 300 people and is in correspondence with MANY of them on her front page, one of which was REALLY happy to hear from her and told her so and she asked him out and he accepted...

 

Meanwhile, her and I spoke on Monday and she was very hurt and still scared and said she needs a little space...

 

I don't want to be a fool. She doesn't know that I know about her profile and her forward attempts with these men...

 

Is she drowning herself in THIS, so that she can get over me and replace what she had with me??? Is this normal behavior for someone who is sad, lonely and in need of male attention/companionship??? Is it normal that she is doing this so soon after???

 

It makes it that much harder to respect the space she requested when she is doing this. I don't want to let her know that I know and she IS entitled to do what she wants, but if she loves me with all her heart, are these actions of hers reflecting that???

[renaissancewoman101]

You have to respect her and give her space, and in the process of respecting her, you have to NOT be spying on what she is doing, looking at her Facebook, etc. You are not going to heal this way.

 

I took a look at your previous threads and it seems that you guys broke up over your anger and control issues. She is afraid of you and is trying to live her life and forget about you. I know you understand that you made a mistake in the past with your anger and control issues. It is good that you are going to get help for this. But, LET HER GO. She is not YOUR problem anymore. She is living her life and moving on. This No Contact is to help you heal and move on. I know it is tough, but stop looking at her Facebook and wonder why she is doing what she is doing. She is trying to heal in her own way and move on.

 

thereforeeee, you should continue your NC, get counseling, and move on. Maybe in time, with counseling and help, you will get to the bottom of your control and anger issues and you can find a healthy relationship.

 

Give this one up. She's moved on.

[GoingForIt_77]

You are you to say that she HAS moved on after a WEEK??? Yes, it appears as though she is TRYING to move on, but after one week, how do you know that she already has??

[jazzykat]

Actions speak louder than words..

 

You -Treating her with disrespect to the point where she is more scared of you than a rapist.

 

Her -Enjoying her new found freedom to just be herself, and obviously enjoying exploring avenues of dating other guys.

 

 

(With all due respect) .......Maybe neither of you really love each other?

[GoingForIt_77]

Jazzykat, you really are cruel....I'd appreciate you no longer post on my thread anymore, unless you want to be responsible for my continued depression.

[Lady Bugg]

GFI...I have read your other thread too..and I gotta tell you....your posts give me the creeps. I on;t mean to be hurtful but take a look in the mirror here. Would YOU like if someone were doing this stuff to you?? Basically what you're doing is stalking this woman. Tracking her every move, seeing what she's doing, who she's with, trying to figure out her next move......THAT is stalking. Whether it's online, in person...whatever!!!

 

Please......stop this repetitive behavior before you find yourself in trouble. It's not worth it. She does not want to be with you and she's made it clear..... have some dignity and move on.

[renaissancewoman101]

Goingforit, sometimes people move on and start dating as a way of forgetting about their past relationship. For all intents and purposes, she may have started to move on before the actual breakup. From my past relationships, I have learned that before the axe falls on the relationship, the dumper has usually emotionally removed himself/herself from the relationship before the final act.

 

You should move on yourself and respect her need for space. This is going nowhere and she is NOT coming back to you. Respect her space and her need to move on, and move on YOURSELF.

 

It'll be hard in the beginning, but you'll feel better in the end.

[GoingForIt_77]

By the way, it's not just GUYS she's asking out, but girls too. She just wants to GO out. I think she really is just looking for friends and is just being friendly.

[Lady Bugg]

I also notice you lash out angrily at people who try to discourage you from this..or who point out the obvious. This is a very telling sign of someone who is truly disturbed.

[renaissancewoman101]

Still, even if she is being friendly, she is moving on with her life and you spying on her is not going to help YOU move on with yours.

[GoingForIt_77]

The obvious???? and I am disturbed????

 

WHERE ARE THE MODERATORS HERE????

 

I will not stand being verbally abused when I came here for comfort!!!

 

If you have nothing nice and compassionate to say, please stay off my thread, because you have NO idea how hurtful your incensitive words are!!!

[CarnelianButterfly]

Is it wrong that she wants to be with people?

 

Friends are a support system that you didn't give her. She needs people she feels safe and comfortable with.

 

Did you prevent her from having a facebook profile or going out with her friends?

[renaissancewoman101]

We're not being insensitive. We are trying to help you understand why she may be moving on and why it may be in your best interest to move on yourself so you can heal.

[HellFrost666]

Yes, it is normal behavior. Honestly if I were her I would have left you to.

 

You are in denial.

 

She is probably lonely and feeling down about the breakup, and I am sure the way you treated her has left her feeling insecure about hersel. It is understandable she wants some human contact.

[GoingForIt_77]

She IS moving On. She is moving on from her hurt feelings. That doesn't necessarily mean she is moving on from me permanently. As much as you want me to entertain YOUR possibility, why can't you entertain mine:

 

That perhaps she needs to clear her head and LIVE a little.. No, there is NOTHING wrong with that. She is allowed to have a facebook account and go out with girls and guys. I want her to be happy. I always have, even though I may not always have shown it..

 

I am STILL giving her space and NO, I will not confront her on this, because it's her entitlement..

 

We are broken up now. I know, but guys, contact has to resume at some point. If anything, at least to exchange our stuff back and she knows it too.

[Lady Bugg]

GFI ...I do not mean to be insensitive, I am a VERY compassionate person, but you have started a whole new thread about the same thing you were discussing in another thread...and chances are you are going to get the SAME advice here..that is to let this poor woman live her life without your interference.

 

What she is doing is no longer your concern. There is no way to sugar coat that.....I'm sorry.

 

This is an advice forum and you will NOT always get the answers you want to hear....

[HellFrost666]

 

 

 

I will not stand being verbally abused when I came here for comfort!!!

 

 

You think this is abuse?

 

The way you feel now might be something like how she felt when you behaved like you did.

[GoingForIt_77]

I KNOW what I did to her. I am a sensitive guy too and have beaten up myself 24/7 since she left. I am seeking help and still love her and that is why I am respecting her space now..

 

I know how I made her feel and it wasn't only bad. I have shown nothing but remorse and short of that, I can do no more, but be ME.

[HellFrost666]

So say she took you back tomorrow... Would you change? Or would everything be fine for a little while until she "brings out the aggressive side" of you? like you say she did in your other thread.

 

My girlfriend's ex husband used to blow up on her, beat the crap out of her, and then afterwards he was always so sorry. But ti never stopped him from doing it again.

[Lady Bugg]

Ok GFI....I believe you are feeling remorseful. I think that is a good thing..BUT..if you REALLY wanted to respect her, you would stop this pursuit. I mean ALL of it.

 

The most loving and respectful thing you CAN do is stop trying to get her back and work on yourself....FOR yourself. It's easy to say you're doing better, but as long as you are still hell bent on getting her back..you really have a LOT of work to do.

[GoingForIt_77]

I NEVER touched her. I NEVER would. I am seeking help now for a reason. I would never be so foolish to expect her to come back to me, if I didn't have professional help...

 

She knows I have remorse and am taking action and still am, even knowing she is not supporting me through this in any capacity. Even though she broke up with me, my therapy STILL will continue...

 

It's only been a week. No, she hasn't broken contact and I don't expect her too. She may also be seeing how long I can respect her for too, because she IS expecting me to contact her again and as long as she is expecting me to, she won't.

[CarnelianButterfly]

She is allowed to have a facebook account and go out with girls and guys. I want her to be happy. I always have, even though I may not always have shown it..

But when you were together did she feel that she could do that or did you discourage her from being with others then.

[HellFrost666]

I never said you did or didn't touch her, but reguardless of the type of abuse, the psychology of an abuser is still the same.

 

You said she rejoined facebook. Why did she delete her account in the first place before? Because you had a problem with it?

[renaissancewoman101]

Your attitude makes me feel as though you dont think that you really did something wrong and that she is going to come back to you sooner or later, just that you give it time.

 

Let it go, move on. It's the best thing for you to do. Get counseling and work on your anger and control issues so that your NEXT relationship you aren't like that.

[GoingForIt_77]

Well, here's the thing. I never stopped her from having friends. I actually ENCOURAGED her ALL THE TIME. In regards to facebook, that was a HUGE thing for us, because she never told me she had an account. I found out 2 months ago that she did. One of my friends saw her profile and told me about it. She had been concealing it the whole time and had accrued a list of 350 people. I was upset with her, not for having a profile, or having THAT many people on it, but for keeping it from me, because I had always encouraged her to make friends when she complained she didn't have enough, while all along she HAD this whole secret life.

 

After that incident, she deleted her list and froze her account, saying it wrong to have kept it a secret. I told her since that point that it would never bother me in the future, so as long as she was open and honest about it..

 

Well, we broke up last Wednesday, as you all know and this past Monday, she unfroze her account and recreated her profile and re-added the entire list.

 

That's the truth.

 

It wasn't in what I did. It's how I approached things that made her nervous to mess up or do the wrong thing.