she keeps contacting me.. and somehow I can't ignore it.

[Massari]

As many of you know.. my gf of 8 months cheated on me on late December while she was in L.A for a family wedding. ( i found out in one of the her messages on faceboook,, god I hate that site) as soon as I found that I messaged her saying we are over I did so much for you gave you so many chances and went NC 100% until now. I have been better since, my friends and family say that I look happier less stressed (less acne!!) anyhow it has been 2 weeks since she is back.. I blocked her on facebook .. MSN and basically every possible way of messaging. The only thing I can’t block is my phone and she keeps calling me private as though I don’t know who this is. Well I know its her the only person who calls me private is her. I was actually doing so good while I was in NC for two weeks and not thinking about her that much.

 

But recently I saw a new photo of her( she looked better while she was in L.A) and I know I don’t want to be back with her but I just can’t let go yet..she called me 20 times yesterday so I picked up to see what the hell she wanted this time. She needed help with her lab at school, so the idiot that I am I helped her.. then said I have to go. Then she calls me again an hour after and I don’t pick up.. through out the night she keeps calling me another 10 times till 12 I still don’t pickup. This morning I wake up I have 2 missed calls and a text saying to please call me back. So I call to see what the hell is it she want this time. She needed some more help with the help.

 

Its hard for me to say no when ppl as for help. So I help her with her lab again. Then she says she misses me and she never cheated on me and this guy was just a friend and nothing happened between them (BSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS) she said if I can come to school tomorrow so she can see me since she misses me a lot.. I said.. no I’ll see I might come.. then I hung up saying I gotta go. She text me saying come on MSN so we can talk now. And no I don’t wanna talk to her. I need help.. to get rid of her even though a part of me is not over her yet..but I want to move on and not think about her again.

 

I went to one date during this time and turned out not so good and didn’t really like the girl. Any ideas??

 

Sorry for this being so long and boring . its just eating me inside.

[robowarrior]

Facebook isn't the problem, its people that cheat that are the problem. The question remains, did she really cheat on you? For me its impossible to determine that, and im not sure if it where just on-line messages that you base that on, because on things like facebook people often leave messages like a i love you etc etc. But going from the point that you know for SURE that she cheated on you. Why did you take her back and helped her? Its important to show some spine. You know she didn't need help, it was just a way to get you back. There's a difference in helping, and letting people abuse your willingness to help.

 

To me it sounds tho asif she is poison to your life(despite me not knowing wether she really cheated or not) and since you looked better when she was away, it personally states to me that this woman is no good for your life. At one hand im tending to say that if what you consider as cheating was something on-line with some person that she never had something with to give it another shot. And on the other hand im thinking if you take her back, you'll only give her the green light by showing her that its allowed to cheat on you. So i would base the decision on the gravity in how she cheated on you, because in the end you don't want to be with a liar.

[confused25]

One of my friends has the same exact problem as you. She went out with this a-hole for almost 3 years and after him repeately cheating on her she finally decided to call it quits. The thing is that he won't stop calling her! And he always cries when he's on the phone and begs for her to get back with him. I think he's just trying to use tears to manipulate my friend and it's driving me crazy! I kept telling my friend to not pick not his phone call and to not listen to his bs but you know what, she still keeps on crawling back to him. The bottom line is, I don't think anything we tell you will make you stop doing what you're doing. You were in love with the girl once so it's not going to be that easy to let it go. Unfortunately you're just going have to learn this hard lesson on your ownYou have to choice to not pick up her phone calls, but you did it anyway. Why don't you just change your phone number? You know she's just using you and not really interested in getting back with you, so stop letting her walk all over you.

[BYOB]

Your generosity might take her back, you knew that, right ?

Don't give up !

You might want to find something to do; one more reason not to be at home.

Interested by a trip ? She'll never think about it and after one week that no one answers the phone, she'll give up by herself.

Don't give up !

She's definitely playing the fool with you. I wouldn't play that game.

Ain't there an easyer way to deal with that like to cut the line and buy a cellphone or to change your phone number ?

Remember not to give up ! Dangerous game...

[Day_Walker]

I think that you are doing fine you are standing firm with your decision not to date her. Yes she has gotten you to help her a couple of times but other than that you are doing fine. Keep up what you are doing and eventually she will stop because she is not getting the results that she wants.

[Massari]

Facebook isn't the problem, its people that cheat that are the problem. The question remains, did she really cheat on you? For me its impossible to determine that, and im not sure if it where just on-line messages that you base that on, because on things like facebook people often leave messages like a i love you etc etc. But going from the point that you know for SURE that she cheated on you.

 

Thank you all so much for the replies.. about the actual cheating. to be honest I am not sure.. yes once when started going out she did cheat on me. her ex kissed her.I was devestated since I was just out of a relationship and started to trust this woman. went NC for 3 days and actually went on a date with some other girl to show her how it feels to do what she did. and I wish I would have dumped her then and continued seeing that other gal. anyhow she come to be crying asking for a second chance. so do give her that chance. She flirts with guys alot to make herself feel good bout herself and to me this is cheating and doing crap behind my back which I cannot take. this is the 3rd guy now (in L.A) she went to club the guy gives her a compliment and she so thrilledd. I saw very flirty messages on facebook.

 

I cannot trust this girl ever again.. eventhough if she didn't cheat on me as she says, who knows all I heard from her was lie.. last week when I talked to her once.. I told her I went on a date and she got pissed of told me that she has infact slept with him. i told her I don't care do what you want since we're not together.

 

Today she is telling me no notning happened not even a kiss. I cannot believe or trust this woman ever again no matter what happened in L.A. this is the bottom line. I care about her, yes but she was bad to me when we were dating. she wanted expensive stuff and when I couldn't buy it for her she called me names.. jerk and all.. and all I did was do nothing and eventually bought all that stuff. Now I think to myself why should I even bother with that creature. the last day she was here she wanted to spend it with her slutty friends and not with me. to me this is wrong.

[Hope75]

Hey Massari-

 

I have been following your posts from waaaaaay back before this cheating scenario came around and all I have to say friend is DON'T do it. You were miserable for the longest time with this girl and nothing changed. You tried talking to her, negotiating, begging, backing off... nothing worked. Why would you want to put yourself through that again?

 

Shut your cell phone off for a few days and let this cool down. She has to find someone else to help her with her homework now.

[Meow18]

There's only one thing you can do right now. Stop answering private calls! You know it's her. You already know what she wants.

 

Whether she truly cheated on you or not, your relationship with her was not a healthy stable one. And it's obvious now how much stress it put on you.

 

She pushed you around throughout your relationship, and if you continue talking to her I'm afraid you might take her back. Not because you want to, but because you aren't over her yet.

 

You are good for wanting to help her, but she can find help somewhere else. Don't feel like you will ruin her life if you don't help her.

 

Next time she calls, let her know that there's no chance of getting back together. Tell her that you don't want to talk to her on the phone. And then prove that to her by not answering her calls.

[Meow18]

 

I went to one date during this time and turned out not so good and didn’t really like the girl. Any ideas??

 

 

I don't think you need to worry about dating right now. In ways it seems like you are rushing into it because you want your ex to know your seeing someone else.

 

Don't worry about making things work with somebody else. Why rush? Just take your time and learn from this past relationship. That way your new relationships won't go through the same issues.. hopefully.

[Massari]

I don't think you need to worry about dating right now. In ways it seems like you are rushing into it because you want your ex to know your seeing someone else.

 

Don't worry about making things work with somebody else. Why rush? Just take your time and learn from this past relationship. That way your new relationships won't go through the same issues.. hopefully.

 

I just want to forget about her and let go of her. my school is gonna start in september and I am just working now.. part time. so as a result I have lots of free times on my hands which is not so good since I start to think about her....

[Hope75]

I just want to forget about her and let go of her. my school is gonna start in september and I am just working now.. part time. so as a result I have lots of free times on my hands which is not so good since I start to think about her....

 

So it's a good time to see if you can boost your hours at work and sock some money away, and catch up with your friends whom you have missed while in a relationship. Massari, there are lots of things to do to keep yourself busy.

[Massari]

So it's a good time to see if you can boost your hours at work and sock some money away, and catch up with your friends whom you have missed while in a relationship. Massari, there are lots of things to do to keep yourself busy.

 

thank you alot hope.. I know you have followed my posts all along about all different issues that I posted here on ENA and I appreciate that a million.

 

I am hanging out with a lot of ppl now.. and everyone is so supportive.. I guess I must need some time to get over all this.. it has only been less then a month.

[Hope75]

Yep- time is the only true healer- and well, it takes time. I am glad that you are surrounded by good friends, because you definitely will need alot of support, especially while things are still fresh.

 

I do think you should turn off your cell phone for a few days and give her a cooling off period. You are not the one that should be helping her with her homework. She can ask someone else or get a tutor.

[Massari]

wow.. when she doesn't call its calm.. I am relaxed.. ok here is what exactly goes on my mind. I don't wanna be with her because when I do picture myself with her all the tensness and the headaches the annoying partying habbits and all the things that comes with her.. I imagine that and I say to myself no way I want all that back...

 

now I imagin her with another guys.. touching her and kissing her and that just kills me inside.. and i just don't know what to think.. and thats when I pick up the damn phone.. .. has anyone ever been like this? this is kinda like pros and cons.

 

also when she doesn't call I wonder what happened? she is with another guy now? GODDDD we are not together,, I am not getting back with her then why the heck I feel this way?

[Hope75]

Massari,

 

I think this is pretty normal. It takes time for those feelings to fade, even when you know she is not the right person for you. I am glad that you feel at peace now.

 

I think the key is to not spend your time thinking of her with other people.... then you just torture yourself and take away that peace. Enjoy it! You feel that way because you made the right choice.

[lolz]

You definitely made a right choice by not being with you. Make sure you don't fall what whatever she says now about missing you and all because you gave her way too many second chances and she didn't change. All those things she did were really suspicious like lying to you and going to parties. She also acted very disrespectfully. Seems like she was just using you because you did so much for her bying her expensive gifts whenever she asked, forgiving her all her mistakes. I mean sometimes enough is enough. Don't waste your time and I hope you will manage NOT to get back with her this time. Just remember all those bad thing she did. You don't wanna be used again!

 

And don't be jealous about guys. I guess later you'll realize that she was just a burden and feel will sorry for the guy she is gonna be with. I bet with that kind of personality of hers it's not gonna be easy for any guy to deal with her

[Massari]

so the idiot that I am.. picked up the phone again last night, she said she misses me and now its hitting her what she did.. I said well I gave you so many chances. she then asked me when I did yesterday I told her I went to this night club.. she then asked if I danced with girl and I didn't lie I said yeah I did, she cried ( maaan it kills me when she cries) then she started to talk about our first time and how amazing that felt and how I can feel so different now all of a sudden.

 

the talk ended after 20 min.. I felt awful again

Now tonight she called me 5 times private and 5 times with her number in the period of 3 min, then she text me "I am sorry" what do I DOOOOOO?? ](*,)

DAMN i FEEL bad again.. I wanna move on and not to be stuck in this stage

 

ps. I never replied nor picked up today.

[ahhh2jz]

hey bro; man this is a tough situation; its easy to give advice and its even harder to put into practice; dont let her mess with your head though man, my ex was pulling similar crap on me as well, but I changed mynumber so I don't have to put up with these mixed signals; I would do strict NC, so that you can really heal; it seems like she's just delaying the process and making it even tougher on you... It's hard I know, but that's what I would do, and actually doing right now.

[Massari]

hey bro; man this is a tough situation; its easy to give advice and its even harder to put into practice; dont let her mess with your head though man, my ex was pulling similar crap on me as well, but I changed mynumber so I don't have to put up with these mixed signals; I would do strict NC, so that you can really heal; it seems like she's just delaying the process and making it even tougher on you... It's hard I know, but that's what I would do, and actually doing right now.

 

exactly..so glad you know what I am going through..

 

I gave her SO MANY chances to change herself and to treat me better .. but she never changed.. what is so different this time? probably nothing! the tears are probably crocodile tears (FAKE) well idunno she might miss me but YES SHE IS MESSING up with my head big time here. I am thinking of changing my number but I thought maybe thats a little too extreme.. and maybe she'll give up.

[Hope75]

Massari,

 

You are right. You did give her alot of chances and nothing really changed. You were pretty unhappy in this relationship, and I don't think that taking her back out of guilt is going to solve anything. I would not pick up the phone if she rings you- it's just going to create another sticky situation like this one.

 

You can do this- you are strong.