There is no hope for the ugly, shy guy

[Raiden]

I'm missing school a lot, I don't go out much, I spend way too much time here (it's true)

 

How little is "much"?

[Kevin T]

How little is "much"?

 

At this point, rarely at all. I've been depressed, and have lost motivation to do anything really. It's like, "What's the point?"

[Ellie2006]

Hey Kevin,

What happened? You were so upbeat only a couple days ago!

Power through Kev, power through ...

 

I am trying to too...

[Kevin T]

Hey Kevin,

What happened? You were so upbeat only a couple days ago!

Power through Kev, power through ...

 

I am trying to too...

 

Ellie, reality happened. It ambushed me with a sneak attack from behind, when I least expected it.

 

I'm fine as long as I don't go out. Like today, was supposed to go out, but I slept in instead. Now I don't have to be put into an even worse mood (which is good).

[Raiden]

At this point, rarely at all. I've been depressed, and have lost motivation to do anything really. It's like, "What's the point?"

 

If I understand your current state of mind (which, btw, sounds spookily like mine was for quite a time up until recently): Force yourself into your local bar/favourite social hotspot, and have a drink or two with a few friends. Whether there's female presense and they're interested in you is irrelevant.

 

Don't get me wrong, I probably spend way too much time on the Internet too, but one has to get things in balance.

[Kevin T]

If I understand your current state of mind (which, btw, sounds spookily like mine was for quite a time up until recently): Force yourself into your local bar/favourite social hotspot, and have a drink or two with a few friends. Whether there's female presense and they're interested in you is irrelevant.

 

Don't get me wrong, I probably spend way too much time on the Internet too, but one has to get things in balance.

 

I already covered this in my first post (though I am grateful for your advice), but I don't drink. This is one problem right there. I'm not into going to bars or clubs at all. I wish I were, then there would be little problem.

 

Anyway, I'll PM you a pic shortly. I was able to get a few new pics taken with my cell phone, so the quality may suck, but it'll give you a good idea of what we're dealing with here.

[Raiden]

I don't drink. This is one problem right there. I'm not into going to bars or clubs at all. I wish I were, then there would be little problem.

 

Your depression in general would certainly lift a little, yeah. If you don't drink then stick to soft drinks, perfectly acceptable.

[Kevin T]

Your depression in general would certainly lift a little, yeah. If you don't drink then stick to soft drinks, perfectly acceptable.

 

I would prefer someone who doesn't drink (or if she must, that it be absolutely minimal). Drunken antics don't sit well with me. lol

[Ellie2006]

Hey Kevin,

 

Maybe we should brainstorm on how to pull ourselves out of our realistic (pessimistic?) mindframe!

[Kevin T]

Hey Kevin,

 

Maybe we should brainstorm on how to pull ourselves out of our realistic (pessimistic?) mindframe!

 

Ellie, I would much rather have the harsh truth than a comforting lie, to live by.

 

Is deceiving ourselves really the only way to be happy?

[Ellie2006]

Ellie, I would much rather have the harsh truth than a comforting lie, to live by.

 

Is deceiving ourselves really the only way to be happy?

 

Me too! I dont want to get too comfortable in the "lie" only to have to deal with a rude awakening!

 

That said, though, I have ALWAYS been realistic/pessimistic, but I have also experienced happiness. So I know we can have the happiness w/o having to deceive ourselves. I don't know how to recreate my past happiness in my current situation, though ...

 

So if i may ask, what triggered your optimism a couple days ago?

Maybe YOU can recreate yours, at least! I hope so!

[Raiden]

I would prefer someone who doesn't drink (or if she must, that it be absolutely minimal). Drunken antics don't sit well with me. lol

 

By "she" I assume that you assumed I was implying something about what to do on a date? No, I just meant a might out with your buddies... unless you have plutonic (spelling I know, it's late) girl friends?

[Kevin T]

Me too! I dont want to get too comfortable in the "lie" only to have to deal with a rude awakening!

 

That said, though, I have ALWAYS been realistic/pessimistic, but I have also experienced happiness. So I know we can have the happiness w/o having to deceive ourselves. I don't know how to recreate my past happiness in my current situation, though ...

 

So if i may ask, what triggered your optimism a couple days ago?

Maybe YOU can recreate yours, at least! I hope so!

 

Staying indoors for two weeks straight, by not having contact with good looking girls triggered my good mood, I think.

 

By "she" I assume that you assumed I was implying something about what to do on a date? No, I just meant a might out with your buddies... unless you have plutonic (spelling I know, it's late) girl friends?

 

I know what you mean, but most of my good friends are all married family men, who hang out with their wives and families, not at the local pub. I have past acquaintances from work that drink like fish, but I have no desire to go to a bar (and I meant, I'd be looking for potential mates, wherever I go).

[Ellie2006]

So was it the isolation that did it for ya?

I don't know ... maybe we're crumbling under societal pressure that we have to be w/ someone?

Hence it's the pressure that's depressing us more than anything?

I think that may be my problem ... I try and succeed most of the time but some of the time I fail to block it out and then allow it to get me down ...

 

That's my analysis of my problem anyway, lol ... don't know how valid it is, though ...

[Kevin T]

So was it the isolation that did it for ya?

I don't know ... maybe we're crumbling under societal pressure that we have to be w/ someone?

Hence it's the pressure that's depressing us more than anything?

I think that may be my problem ... I try and succeed most of the time but some of the time I fail to block it out and then allow it to get me down ...

 

That's my analysis of my problem anyway, lol ... don't know how valid it is, though ...

 

No, I liked being with someone. I miss that closeness and all that good junk. What's wrong with that? I'll tell you: Nothing.

 

It's constantly seeing beautiful girls and being reminded that I'm alone, yet there are countless girls I'd kill to have a shot with. It's having that rubbed in my face that depresses me. It's also seeing lovey-dovey couples walking down the street, holding hands, kissing, all that PDA nonsense. It rouses envy for me. I think, "What the hell?! I used to have that!" Then I just feel all the worse.

 

So isolation is the key to happiness for me.

[Kevin T]

I whole-heartedly believe in absolute truth. You'll never break me of that faith. Sorry.

 

I am very sensitive. My feelings get hurt very easily. Do you not call that "sensitive?" Because that's what it is.

 

I do, however, see your progress. Come back to me after you've gotten the girl you wanted, then I'll listen.

 

Heh, just you wait... In a short while, I'll have silenced every one of you naysayers when I show you a recent pic. lol Be patient.

[texami]

(and I meant, I'd be looking for potential mates, wherever I go).

 

ok... how can we figure out how to STOP that!!!! geeze... if you were doing ANYTHING 24/7 you would be miserable!!! It's not breathing, man... you don't have to do it all the time!!

 

you've gotta figure out how to at least push that thought down a bit. I'll refer back to my other suggestion of focusing on something else. don't go out "looking for a mate"... go out and do something else that can divert your attention.

 

this is a cliche... but i swear from experience it is true. when you stop "looking", someone will find you. yeah, i know... it sounds like more of the same, but it's completely true.

[Kevin T]

(and I meant, I'd be looking for potential mates, wherever I go).

 

ok... how can we figure out how to STOP that!!!! geeze... if you were doing ANYTHING 24/7 you would be miserable!!! It's not breathing, man... you don't have to do it all the time!!

 

you've gotta figure out how to at least push that thought down a bit. I'll refer back to my other suggestion of focusing on something else. don't go out "looking for a mate"... go out and do something else that can divert your attention.

 

this is a cliche... but i swear from experience it is true. when you stop "looking", someone will find you. yeah, i know... it sounds like more of the same, but it's completely true.

 

What irony... You say, "The only way you can get what you want, is to stop wanting it."

 

Well, I guess we can be certain I'll never get what I want then, huh?

[texami]

"looking" and "wanting" are different. "seeking" and "not avoiding" are different.

[miracle29]

So basically what you're saying is "I don't really want advice, I just want to do the whoa is me dance". Well good luck buddy, I'm not into walking around grown people by the hands!

[Kevin T]

So basically what you're saying is "I don't really want advice, I just want to do the whoa is me dance". Well good luck buddy, I'm not into walking around grown people by the hands!

 

Don't quit your day job. Honestly, the lack of compassion by some people here astounds me.

 

But whatever. I already stated I didn't want sympathy. But maybe if someone actually provided some USEFUL advice, then we'd be in business.

 

Telling me to change something I can't and arguing with me about something I know I'm right about, is pointless.

[Kevin T]

Sorry Ziggy, I didn't see your reply after the last woman's.

 

I meant absolute truth along the lines of God, that sort of thing. Not necessarily how you interpretted it. I'd like to believe things can change, and who knows? Maybe they will; I don't know. I just had an awful feeling they won't. That's all.

 

Yeah, it's hard to believe in yourself if you don't see a reason to. That's one of my biggest problems, for sure.

 

But I think it's ridiculous that guys like us have to struggle, tooth and nail just to get something that comes so easily to the better looking guys. It's ridiculous, if you ask me.

 

Anyway, I'll PM you a pic shortly.

[Kevin T]

So, even after all that work, you're still the same insecure person you were before, eh? That's rough.

 

That's why I'm so reluctant to put my fist to the plow.

[orangecounty]

There are plenty of attractive people who are shy, I myself being one of them. The two have nothing to do with one another. I've always been shy, shyness has something to do with part of you brain not with the way you look. Heck, I'm 23 and I've never had a boyfriend.

Messages like the one you wrote are so selfdefeating. If you think you'll fail, you will. I agree with the others, you're just setting yourself up. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of pity parties for myself and it feels sometimes like I'll be single forever. But I've always had hope of meeting someone despite those thoughts. Because if you don't, you really are throwing it all out the window.

[.freedomlover.]

Attitude is EVERYTHING.

No one wants to date a downer. Your personality really is the most important part, at least to girls who are really worth it. Focus on what you like about yourself, relax a little, smile around those you like, and let fate do the rest!

good luck