There is no hope for the ugly, shy guy

[Kevin T]

With faith you may also realize that you aren't an unattractive person physically, but perhaps mentally.

 

I had to say it.

 

That's quite rude.

 

Good thing I don't take mindless chatter from faceless strangers over the infranet personally.

[Mr Mister1]

I admire your optimism. You keep your hope, even in the face of great adversity. That's to be commended. I think believing things will work out, for you, will cause them to do so eventually.

 

Cheers, well I hope so. I've heard theories that luck balances out over time and if you have a not so happy childhood you'll have a happy later life and so on.

The way I see it, if those theories are true then I have some totally awesome years ahead of me! (And that's how you whinge and be an optimist at the same time!)

 

You said something about your weight being a problem. Why is that? Too light or too heavy? If it's due to being too heavy, have you taken any steps to correct the problem? Or even in the other case, have you taken any steps to reverse the situation?

 

I used to be really tubby. Early last year I decided it was time to do something about it, as opposed to just thinking about how I should do something about it. So I started working out in the gym, first off I did it once over the weekend, then went up to 2 visits and nowadays go on both saturday and sunday and a few times during the week, afterwork. I've been doing both weights and cardio and lots of both. I haven't quite reached where I want to be but I'm looking a lot leaner and muscular and am physically a lot stronger.

[Kevin T]

Well, it's more along the lines of hope, belief and self-fulfilling prophecy, but you're on the right page.

 

As for the rest... that's awesome! It's nice to see you're trying to improve yourself and your situation. If you keep with it (try working out every other day, if you can fit it into your schedule), you'll definitely continue to see results you like. I used to be really scrawny-looking... well, I guess I still am. But I work out every other day (sometimes even everyday), and I am definitely far stronger than I used to be. I still look puny, but I could lift a car. lol How's that for irony?

[Mr Mister1]

Well, it's more along the lines of hope, belief and self-fulfilling prophecy, but you're on the right page.

 

Never underestimate the powers of hope and belief! That being said I don't just sit around waiting for things to happen, I do all I can to achieve what I want.

 

As for looking scrawny, maybe if you keep the body building up it will sort itself out. I've never had the problem of being too skinny though, I've always been on the other side of the equation.

[Kevin T]

Nah, it never changes. Metabolism.

 

But I've learned to accept it. I have no desire to change in that regard. I do what I can, with what I have, and that's good enough for me.

[Dako]

Kevin

 

All my friends hit a point of weight gain near 40, even the bony ones.

 

I was a rail until about 35, then I went from 180 (at 6/5) up to 240 almost overnight. Now I'm at 200 and staying there.

[Mr Mister1]

That's good then, not that I ever thought there was anything wrong with being skinny. Hey given I spent my child as a "fat kid" I'd have no problems with being in a situation where I couldn't gain weight even if I tried.

 

Dako, hmm that's a bit scary. Although I'm hoping that I'll still be working out when I'm 40 so hopefully I can hold the pounds off.

[Dako]

Just don't pig out in front of the tube with the wife and kids.

[Mr Mister1]

Well I don't have a wife or kids so I guess I'll be safe.

[stopit]

Either way, I can accept being unattractive. Maybe ugly is not a good word to use. But it's okay.

 

As I said elsewhere, if I found ONE woman who could stand the sight of me and enjoyed being with me, then that would be enough. If she were what I was looking for, that's all that matters. I could stand being ugly... errh, unattractive in the sight of others, as long as 'she' thought I was handsome. That's all that matters to me.

 

Is this really a healthy prospect for your self esteem? Shouldn't you practice self-sufficiency? Doesn't it matter whether you are content with yourself, before you go embracing the opinions of others?

 

That's why I think posts like this shouldn't be a "Here's my pic: tell me if I'm ugly or not" thread but a "I'm feeling unattractive right now, need some motivation" thread. Because ugliness is entirely subjective. There are days I look in the mirror and cringe, but an hour a week I'll look and think that I look acceptable. It's not like I physically reach a plateau or something once a week; it's all mental.

 

What matters is how you feel about yourself, not how Miss Right feels. From my own experience, I think about myself and guys I'm interested in, and I cower away. I think I'm not good enough, and in some act of confused heroism save my crush from the horrors of me by avoiding him altogether. A lot of it is fear of rejection, but I also just automatically think that I'm too ugly, too stupid, too shallow, too insensitive, too needy, too lame, too boring... (I'll spare you the rest of the list: it would be like printing out all the figures in pi...) so I can't possibly approach him, lest I pester him. So if I met Mr. Right (although I'm not looking for that right now - just looking for anyone who'll tolerate me), I know I would run in the opposite direction. And if he thought I was alright looking, I would probably run even faster because that's a rare opinion of me, so I wouldn't want to screw it up by opening my mouth. It would just make me even more shy, even more awkward, and perhaps a bit suspicious (does he really mean it? is he just saying that?).

 

Maybe you have more faith in yourself than I do in myself. I didn't read all the posts, so I don't know whether this problem is limited to looks, or whether you have a general self esteem issue about all aspects of your personality as well. But either way, how are you supposed to be attractive to someone else if you don't feel attractive to yourself? How do you not work yourself into a self-defeating mentality? I would honestly say that I'm not ready to be in a relationship before I'm comfortable with myself, just because I have to feel that I'm worth it before I can open up to someone. I mean sure, I would be flattered if someone found me pretty and intelligent, and sure it would help my confidence, but it's no panacea. It's like dipping an apple with a rotten core in chocolate, and trying to tell yourself, "Everything's okay." Not to liken anyone to a rotten apple, but just to say that the wounds of a low self esteem (coming from someone who has so adamantly insisted that he is ugly even though he is clearly not) go much deeper than you might believe.

 

You see, you have no idea how I look. And if I were to post my picture and you were to see for yourself, you would probably be relieved if I looked alright because then you wouldn't have to lie in your reply. But what if I was the ugliest person in the world? What would you tell me? And what if I were the prettiest person in the world? I bet you the responses would be almost identical, although in the case that I were pretty, the responses would be more enthusiastic (all periods would be replaced with exclamation marks). But what does it matter... After all this positive feedback, you still feel ugly. And there were some females responses in there (this is a male thread, hence the male responses). The conviction that you have that you are ugly is obviously rooted deeply. Do you honestly think a compliment from one person is going to change a negative self-image that has lasted this long?

 

Maybe I'm just projecting all my experiences/issues into this post, and maybe you really have got it all worked out: all you need is a ballot from Miss Right before you can be happy with yourself. But I think this statement is a bit simplistic, and I think you may be omitting some important variables in this assessment. You need to work on YOU, becoming happy with your own image. Looks are irrelevant in a perfect world, and although this world has its imperfections, there are many people out there who will value you for what's inside. There is hope, because attraction isn't limited to looks, especially after the small talk phase. It's about how you carry yourself, body language and all that, and all that comes from how you feel about yourself.

[birdgirl]

I think if you work on loving yourself for things other than your looks, you'll learn to be less shy. I tend to think shyness comes from being self-conscious, or not liking yourself. There's a lot more to like about yourself than your looks. And you can become the kind of person you'd like, just by doing things you can respect yourself for.

 

Once you get over your shyness, don't worry if you're not classically good looking. I was crazy over a guy who was, by societal standards, ugly, because his attitude was so attractive.

 

You can overcome this but first you have to like and respect yourself.

[lifestream]

That's quite rude.

 

Good thing I don't take mindless chatter from faceless strangers over the infranet personally.

 

I don't think it's rude at all. It's blunt, my opinion, and anything but mindless.

 

From my perspective you refuse to deal with your self-esteem head on, and perhaps a blunt remark was something of a metaphorical wake up call that the issue lies within yourself, not on the exterior.

 

Here's an excellent quote by Voltaire.

“Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.”

[BlueCoconut]

 

 

Aaaaah!! lol

For a pretty smart guy, you are actually quite funny. Really... lol. Though it might be time to divert that energy to more.... positive means.

So allow me to start my reply from now on....

Well, I was going to agree that for the ugly, antisocial person, there are not too many chances. Add being christian and not drunk, chances get slimmer...

It's all true.

BUT ... ugliness is NOT attractiveness. Take my word for it. Ugliness does not even equate sexiness. I have a friend, big guy, not exactly what you'd call top shape model, but maaan... the girls I see him date are quite outstandingly beautiful (last I spoke to him, he broke up with his stripper gf). Looks don't matter that much. really. I'll confirm that for myself. I think, I'm a pretty good looking guy, and I'm told so every once and then.

"You should try modeling" . Now, you might think I get all the girls and have no problem whatsoever, but not so. (Although that might be an entire discussion problem). I have been single for the past two yearss now. (Mostly my fault, I'm pickier than the average supermodel, or I'm just crazy... out of topic anyway)

 

Are you convinced? Looks don't matter. Take it from a guy who used to find himself pretty unattractive.

~And in the worst case, most looks can be fixed to at least average.

 

Sociability. You are shy? No kidding! I used to be too. I still think I am (though a few people will contest that statment) I used to be the man that read books all the time, played videogames, and stayed home all the time. Then things happened and I was found knowing a lot of people on every block. I still maintain that I'm shy.

Screw it if you are shy, you don't have to remain shy. here's my question : Do you want to stop being shy?

The first step , starts with a smile. Next time you go out there, put a smile on your face. Just a natural, ( "I look like I'm happy " smile). Smiles are very attractive. Smile at strangers... and walk on. I'm not even telling you to start a conversation, but a smile is a wonderful thing.

 

Screw your weight, your muscles and all that physical appearance. It doesn't matter enough. (Do I sound convincing enough or am I repeating myself?) What attracts is the way you carry yourself, that confident vibe you give out, that turns heads around.

 

Here's my offer: Why don't you STOP looking for a girl. yea, STOP. STOOOP. I'm telling, you don't need a girlfriend. You definetely DON'T need one. What you need, is to be happy. So stop looking, wanting one for sometime. Call it a break. And then go find the things that make you happy, follow your dreams. Ignore the woman factor, focus on the you factor.

Two reasons I'm saying this:

1.a Your happiness should be independent of anyone else. Because if you are too reliant on a gf to provide you with all the joy you need in life, the moment she walks out, you'll shatter. Pursuing your own desires, and doing things for yourself to love your life. and the h*ll with love and passion and all that. (Say a six month break?) Find the things in life that you love, and live your life for yourself.

 

b. if you want to meet someone, you have to be out there. I have yet to see someone meet the love of their life while staying home. But don't go out there to meet someone, but to have fun. Take music classes, cooking classes, go hike, ski, whatever. Enjoy life, because it's a lot shorter than it looks. (unless u live a century or so...)

 

 

2. It's amazing how things appear when you stop looking for them.

 

 

and if nothing works, well you can always move out of town!

 

For the guy who doesn't like clubs, or bars or hotline dating... well, I find there are the worst places to meet people. Clubs are too loud, bars often seem to lead to drunkeness and online dating ... not my thing.

But if there are hundreds of hot women walking by you on a daily basis... why go so far?

well try this:

Next time a pretty girl walks by you, try stopping her and asking her if she's single. Most likely she'll be in surprised. And if she is, ask her for a number and tell her exactly what you think. You'd like to talk to her again. Keep it short, keep it sweet and mysterious (not too mysterious though). Shows off as confidence.

I've tried a few times myself, and it took me a few tries and some practice before I succeeded almost every other time.

 

bah...

[insofar]

I think I'm done reading this thread, because in my opinion Kevin T is clearly depressed, yet still asking for opinions only to counter them when they say what he doesn't want to hear.

 

Good luck in the future.

[dil]

I am doomed!

 

ugly - check

shy - check

christian - check

boring - check

 

LOL, here's me:

 

ugly - no

shy - not really

christian - NO (but not being Christian doesn't mean casual sex and drugs..geesh, nor does it imply atheists are morally inferior)

boring - no

 

I've been single for a very long time. So this isn't a measure of anything. Why isn't intelligence on this? I'm sure dorky, shy, not-so-goodlooking guys who are really smart have girls pandering to them. Add 'poor' to the list and you may have something.

[dil]

Ugh.

 

link removed

 

I will probably live to regret thus, but oh well, whatever. I can get rid of it at any time. Took these on my cell a couple days ago.

 

Anyhow, ladies... be brutually honest with me here. You can be polite and tactful without be rude, yet still be perfectly honest. Please don't worry about sparing my feelings. I can take it and I promise not to argue back (no matter what you say! lol)

 

I would much rather have the harsh truth, than a comforting lie. I won't dispute anything anyone says; I just want to know what people think - especially the ladies. (Well, part of me wants to know and part of me doesn't!) Guys, you're welcome to make as many comments as you like too, I am not averse.

 

I feel sick...

 

You look like a regular guy. Not ugly, at all. But looks don't necessarily get you anywhere. I'm not badlooking myself, but my relationships are non-existent. Then again I need to go outside and talk to people, so that's my problem.

[Kevin T]

Kevin

 

All my friends hit a point of weight gain near 40, even the bony ones.

 

I was a rail until about 35, then I went from 180 (at 6/5) up to 240 almost overnight. Now I'm at 200 and staying there.

 

My dad is 5'11", 135 lbs. at the age of 59. Given my genetics, I really don't see it happening.

 

I'd say the chances are next to none, in fact.

 

Is this really a healthy prospect for your self esteem? Shouldn't you practice self-sufficiency? Doesn't it matter whether you are content with yourself, before you go embracing the opinions of others?

 

That's why I think posts like this shouldn't be a "Here's my pic: tell me if I'm ugly or not" thread but a "I'm feeling unattractive right now, need some motivation" thread. Because ugliness is entirely subjective. There are days I look in the mirror and cringe, but an hour a week I'll look and think that I look acceptable. It's not like I physically reach a plateau or something once a week; it's all mental.

 

What matters is how you feel about yourself, not how Miss Right feels. From my own experience, I think about myself and guys I'm interested in, and I cower away. I think I'm not good enough, and in some act of confused heroism save my crush from the horrors of me by avoiding him altogether. A lot of it is fear of rejection, but I also just automatically think that I'm too ugly, too stupid, too shallow, too insensitive, too needy, too lame, too boring... (I'll spare you the rest of the list: it would be like printing out all the figures in pi...) so I can't possibly approach him, lest I pester him. So if I met Mr. Right (although I'm not looking for that right now - just looking for anyone who'll tolerate me), I know I would run in the opposite direction. And if he thought I was alright looking, I would probably run even faster because that's a rare opinion of me, so I wouldn't want to screw it up by opening my mouth. It would just make me even more shy, even more awkward, and perhaps a bit suspicious (does he really mean it? is he just saying that?).

 

Maybe you have more faith in yourself than I do in myself. I didn't read all the posts, so I don't know whether this problem is limited to looks, or whether you have a general self esteem issue about all aspects of your personality as well. But either way, how are you supposed to be attractive to someone else if you don't feel attractive to yourself? How do you not work yourself into a self-defeating mentality? I would honestly say that I'm not ready to be in a relationship before I'm comfortable with myself, just because I have to feel that I'm worth it before I can open up to someone. I mean sure, I would be flattered if someone found me pretty and intelligent, and sure it would help my confidence, but it's no panacea. It's like dipping an apple with a rotten core in chocolate, and trying to tell yourself, "Everything's okay." Not to liken anyone to a rotten apple, but just to say that the wounds of a low self esteem (coming from someone who has so adamantly insisted that he is ugly even though he is clearly not) go much deeper than you might believe.

 

You see, you have no idea how I look. And if I were to post my picture and you were to see for yourself, you would probably be relieved if I looked alright because then you wouldn't have to lie in your reply. But what if I was the ugliest person in the world? What would you tell me? And what if I were the prettiest person in the world? I bet you the responses would be almost identical, although in the case that I were pretty, the responses would be more enthusiastic (all periods would be replaced with exclamation marks). But what does it matter... After all this positive feedback, you still feel ugly. And there were some females responses in there (this is a male thread, hence the male responses). The conviction that you have that you are ugly is obviously rooted deeply. Do you honestly think a compliment from one person is going to change a negative self-image that has lasted this long?

 

Maybe I'm just projecting all my experiences/issues into this post, and maybe you really have got it all worked out: all you need is a ballot from Miss Right before you can be happy with yourself. But I think this statement is a bit simplistic, and I think you may be omitting some important variables in this assessment. You need to work on YOU, becoming happy with your own image. Looks are irrelevant in a perfect world, and although this world has its imperfections, there are many people out there who will value you for what's inside. There is hope, because attraction isn't limited to looks, especially after the small talk phase. It's about how you carry yourself, body language and all that, and all that comes from how you feel about yourself.

Ugliness is not nearly as "subjective" as some of you claim. Sure, there are cultural differences and there will always be some slight individual variations, but for the most part, beauty is far less subjective than some would have us to believe. And true, your opinion of your looks is subjective. But others tend to have a more stable view of what they deem attractive, and what they do not. It rarely fluctuates as much as our own view of ourselves may.

 

And how "you" feel when everyone else feels differently is meaningless. Since when did we become so arrogant that the only thing that matters in this world is our own view?

 

In many ways, you sound a lot like me. But you're right about one thing: I surely have more faith in myself than you do in yourself. In fact, at times, I have too much faith in myself. But, the reason why I seldomly let that become pride, confidence, arrogance or whatever, is because I realize that just because I think I'm something great, doesn't necessarily make it so, nor does it mean anyone else does. So, if that's true, then what have I got to feel so boastful about?

 

I read every reply. But I also said that I would NOT protest a word which was spoken by the females, good or bad. So, I will continue to remain silent on what was said. It's true, I don't know what half of them look like, nor do I know if they spoke the truth or simply out of pity (or maybe just to shut me up!) Nor does it matter. I'm not even sure why I bothered posting such a thing. But what's done, is done.

 

I wouldn't necessarily say, however, that none of their comments made me feel better, though. I'm not THAT down on myself, that a compliment doesn't have any effect on me. If you think that is the case, you may well be more pessimistic than I.

 

Sure, people may value me for what's inside... but is it wrong to desire people to value me for both the exterior AND interior? I don't think so.

I think if you work on loving yourself for things other than your looks, you'll learn to be less shy. I tend to think shyness comes from being self-conscious, or not liking yourself. There's a lot more to like about yourself than your looks. And you can become the kind of person you'd like, just by doing things you can respect yourself for.

 

Once you get over your shyness, don't worry if you're not classically good looking. I was crazy over a guy who was, by societal standards, ugly, because his attitude was so attractive.

 

You can overcome this but first you have to like and respect yourself.

 

Uh-huh...

I don't think it's rude at all. It's blunt, my opinion, and anything but mindless.

 

From my perspective you refuse to deal with your self-esteem head on, and perhaps a blunt remark was something of a metaphorical wake up call that the issue lies within yourself, not on the exterior.

 

Here's an excellent quote by Voltaire.

“Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.”

 

Blunt and rude are very closely related.

 

I consider someone insulting my personality a very personal, and rude, attack. So, while you may not think it's rude, I certainly do.

 

Aaaaah!! lol

For a pretty smart guy, you are actually quite funny. Really... lol. Though it might be time to divert that energy to more.... positive means.

So allow me to start my reply from now on....

Well, I was going to agree that for the ugly, antisocial person, there are not too many chances. Add being christian and not drunk, chances get slimmer...

It's all true.

BUT ... ugliness is NOT attractiveness. Take my word for it. Ugliness does not even equate sexiness. I have a friend, big guy, not exactly what you'd call top shape model, but maaan... the girls I see him date are quite outstandingly beautiful (last I spoke to him, he broke up with his stripper gf). Looks don't matter that much. really. I'll confirm that for myself. I think, I'm a pretty good looking guy, and I'm told so every once and then.

"You should try modeling" . Now, you might think I get all the girls and have no problem whatsoever, but not so. (Although that might be an entire discussion problem). I have been single for the past two yearss now. (Mostly my fault, I'm pickier than the average supermodel, or I'm just crazy... out of topic anyway)

 

Are you convinced? Looks don't matter. Take it from a guy who used to find himself pretty unattractive.

~And in the worst case, most looks can be fixed to at least average.

 

Sociability. You are shy? No kidding! I used to be too. I still think I am (though a few people will contest that statment) I used to be the man that read books all the time, played videogames, and stayed home all the time. Then things happened and I was found knowing a lot of people on every block. I still maintain that I'm shy.

Screw it if you are shy, you don't have to remain shy. here's my question : Do you want to stop being shy?

The first step , starts with a smile. Next time you go out there, put a smile on your face. Just a natural, ( "I look like I'm happy " smile). Smiles are very attractive. Smile at strangers... and walk on. I'm not even telling you to start a conversation, but a smile is a wonderful thing.

 

Screw your weight, your muscles and all that physical appearance. It doesn't matter enough. (Do I sound convincing enough or am I repeating myself?) What attracts is the way you carry yourself, that confident vibe you give out, that turns heads around.

 

Here's my offer: Why don't you STOP looking for a girl. yea, STOP. STOOOP. I'm telling, you don't need a girlfriend. You definetely DON'T need one. What you need, is to be happy. So stop looking, wanting one for sometime. Call it a break. And then go find the things that make you happy, follow your dreams. Ignore the woman factor, focus on the you factor.

Two reasons I'm saying this:

1.a Your happiness should be independent of anyone else. Because if you are too reliant on a gf to provide you with all the joy you need in life, the moment she walks out, you'll shatter. Pursuing your own desires, and doing things for yourself to love your life. and the h*ll with love and passion and all that. (Say a six month break?) Find the things in life that you love, and live your life for yourself.

 

b. if you want to meet someone, you have to be out there. I have yet to see someone meet the love of their life while staying home. But don't go out there to meet someone, but to have fun. Take music classes, cooking classes, go hike, ski, whatever. Enjoy life, because it's a lot shorter than it looks. (unless u live a century or so...)

 

 

2. It's amazing how things appear when you stop looking for them.

 

 

and if nothing works, well you can always move out of town!

 

For the guy who doesn't like clubs, or bars or hotline dating... well, I find there are the worst places to meet people. Clubs are too loud, bars often seem to lead to drunkeness and online dating ... not my thing.

But if there are hundreds of hot women walking by you on a daily basis... why go so far?

well try this:

Next time a pretty girl walks by you, try stopping her and asking her if she's single. Most likely she'll be in surprised. And if she is, ask her for a number and tell her exactly what you think. You'd like to talk to her again. Keep it short, keep it sweet and mysterious (not too mysterious though). Shows off as confidence.

I've tried a few times myself, and it took me a few tries and some practice before I succeeded almost every other time.

 

bah...

 

Eww... I'd have to pass on dating a stripper, thanks.

 

Maybe people are lying to you, about your looks? That's one possibility; I don't know.

 

My smile could only serve to turn people to stone. Not exactly an ideal first impression on a girl. I've never been good at smiling (especially being the miserable grouch that I am), and mine has never been an attractive feature of mine. Yeesh...

 

I used to portray confidence. But it got me nowhere (why? Because looks matter in the initial stages of attraction more than people wish to admit). Personality will keep a girl, and may even help you win her over, but that initial first impression does help if you are good looking... and hurts if you are not. That is my entire point. Why it has been drawn out, needlessly, I don't know. I'm not saying unattractive guys have no chance, just a much lower chance than the good looking guy.

 

All things being equal (confidence, wit, chamr, etc.), the girls would go for the better looking guy first. That is all I meant.

 

I've done the break thing before, friend. Nine months on hiatus. It was the quite boring and tedius. I have no intention of going back to that nonsense again. "You want a mate? No problem, just stop looking!" lol Sorry, tried that. Didn't work.

 

Uh-oh, the North American, ego-centric "me first" individualism is returning... I'd better brace myself here. Ugh. And what kind of attitude walks around thinking, "Well, I can't get attached to anyone, lest they leave me...?" Horrible. I thought I was cynical and cautious...! And I shouldn't have to move just to meet a woman, that's a bit much.

 

If I did what you suggested the next time I saw a good looking female, she'd give me a dirty look, tell me to drop dead and walk off. This type of thing may work for you (a self-proclaimed attractive guy), but if I tried it, I'm pretty sure I would get the reaction I just mentioned.

I think I'm done reading this thread, because in my opinion Kevin T is clearly depressed, yet still asking for opinions only to counter them when they say what he doesn't want to hear.

 

Good luck in the future.

 

Certainly am depressed. I think I said that on page 1 or 2.

 

I'm not asking for opinions anymore. People keep giving them, and I will respond to them. I won't be rude and pretend they didn't say anything, when they did. What? I’m not allowed to express my opinion, in regard to what others say? Sorry about that.

 

The last time I asked for opinions was in regard to my pictures. I got a few, and that's that. I have nothing more to say about that.

LOL, here's me:

 

ugly - no

shy - not really

christian - NO (but not being Christian doesn't mean casual sex and drugs..geesh, nor does it imply atheists are morally inferior)

boring - no

 

I've been single for a very long time. So this isn't a measure of anything. Why isn't intelligence on this? I'm sure dorky, shy, not-so-goodlooking guys who are really smart have girls pandering to them. Add 'poor' to the list and you may have something.

 

Because I was specifically talking about me. I have money and I'm reasonably intelligent (though certainly no genuis by any means).

You look like a regular guy. Not ugly, at all. But looks don't necessarily get you anywhere. I'm not badlooking myself, but my relationships are non-existent. Then again I need to go outside and talk to people, so that's my problem.

 

Regular is bad. Average is not particularly attractive.

 

Maybe I chose the wrong wording when I said "ugly?" I do tend to use a lot of hyperbole, so it was a bit of an overstatement. I guess I should've worded this topic... "No hope for the UNATTRACTIVE, shy guy..."

 

Looks count for a lot, but they're not everything.

 

Getting out of the house and talking to people would be a good step for us both. For me, I've lost all motivation to try. I hope you don't do the same.

[stopit]

Since when did we become so arrogant that the only thing that matters in this world is our own view?

 

Are you serious? When it comes to self esteem, we are not enslaved to the opinions of others.

 

And thanks for the judgment.... I too tend to get a bit excited with hyperboles and self-deprecating humor, but obviously that was all lost.

 

But anyhow, as several other posters have said, this thread is largely useless seeing as the OP has seemingly entirely missed the point of discussion and has apparently done the very thing listed in the quote above (quite ironically) and forgotten the world view, and thought that this thread is drawn out based entirely on his own situation. It would seem he has missed the fact that this is a general thread that most people can relate to and thus want to assume a position in.

 

I'll agree with the OP that shy people have to work harder. But that's all shy people (apparently the OP underestimates women and assumes women are like flies attracted to light when it comes to looks - maybe that's his real issue?). But just because there's a challenge, doesn't mean shy people have to be our own worst enemy. Maybe the OP can't be helped, but there are other people reading this forum, and they have no reason to be subject to the same imprisoning philosophy that the OP has decidedly locked himself in. There is hope (and not less hope, the same amount) for shy people. It takes some work, but the payoff it well worth it!

[Kevin T]

Quite right. I should have just posted a topic with my picture in it and asked women what they thought.

[scotty77]

I don't mean to offend but I can't understand these guys who post their photos and shout to the world,'' I am ugly!!''.I think they secretly do that in the hope that others will strongly disagree,''no, no you are good looking''. If they really felt they were ugly why would they be so willing to display there pictures.

[Kevin T]

Yeah, I was real eager to post the photo. Took 13 pages and a bit of coaxing on a few people's part, and even now, I regret it.

 

And while it would be nice for people to disagree with me, I wasn't expecting it, nor did it really happen anyway for the most part.

 

People in this thread are honestly starting to annoy me now...

[scotty77]

Well,I am in the same boat as you are I am single but honestly when is the last time you asked a girl out?.I go out to the bars and do the wallflower routine .Since I am not approaching women and asking them out ,the fact I don't do well with them is my own fault.Perhaps you are focusing on the wrong kinds of women.A lot of shy guys [myself included] tend to desire the beauty queen type of women and disregard the average woman who might have an interest in them.

[Kevin T]

I had balls enough to post pictures I didn't want to. I removed them now, but at least I did something many people don't have the guts to do.

 

Let's see... we can't count a recent date with someone I met on the net, can we? (I wouldn't.) So the last time, would be... in June of last year. I think I waited too long to take action with her, so she lost interest by the time I acted. And I've done that before too. But I learned from my mistake.

 

If I were to come accross someone I liked again - who has shown at least some interest in me - I'd make a move and ask her out right away; the same day even. I just don't get interest from anyone I'd date, as a rule.

 

I go for the women I'm attracted to, whatever you wish to call them. I don't date women I'm not attracted to. It's really as simple as that. "Average" is an incredibly hard concept to define, so I can't honestly say I'm disregarding the "average" women who show interest.

[scotty77]

Like I implied before maybe you need to adjust your standards in regards to women who you would be interested in going out with.

[Kevin T]

Lower them, you mean?