weed addiction

[Little Penguin]

My bf is quiet addicted to Mary Jane. I didn't really mind him smoking until I tried once and experienced high. I felt I really didn't care about anything around me, I felt lazy, self-aborbed, mindless...Before met him, I had little idea about MJ. I'd never associated his laziness, bad temper, confusing behaviors with MJ. Now I kinda understand why he would lay in bed whole day and then apologize to me.

 

I asked him to quit...He did try a few times but didn't really make it. Even one time he was misdiagnosed with cancer, he could still not give it up. When he was sober, he was a much more responsible, caring and loving person. I really hate to sleep by his side when he is stoned, I really hate to see his blood-shot eyes, I really hate to smell pot from his breath...He said he would not throw bad temper at me, he said he would not be lazy, he said he would take care of me, just accept the fact he needs pot now and I should be patient that one day he will quit....All I know is he is not trying hard enough on his own business, he wastes a lot of his free time staying at home smoking or sleeping...I also think he doesn't have the coping skills when life gets hard...The major reason why he failed quitting is because his current situation is depressing....in my eyes, he is a really weak person, which makes me kinda less respect him..

 

Personally I am not against recreational use of pot, but abusing it is really not acceptable. I am so drained with my current situation...](*,)

[rocio]

Did he smoke regularly when you met him? Was there a time in your relationship when he did not smoke?

[Momene]

I've never heard of it being called Mary Jane before but perhaps I've led a sheltered life. This sounds like addiciton to me. I'd issue an ultimatum: MJ or me!?

[Little Penguin]

Yes, when I met him, he smoked pot regularly (about every 2 hours). He was very impatient. There were 2 times he was out of weed, he got so angry that I felt like he wanted to kill somebody. Later on, he quit because his own business wasn't doing well and he couldn't afford it. He was much better... especially more patient and good tempered . He quit alcohol, cigarettes, crystal-meth successfully and haven't done any of them for almost 10 years. I didn't mind him smoking because I thought he could quit pot easily. But now I don't think so...

[rocio]

I'm sure you'll get a number of differing opinions here. Here's mine: He was straightforward about who he was and what he did from the beginning. You accepted that. To give him an ultimatum at this point seems a bit unfair.

 

You blame the pot for alot of things - his business not succeeding better, his "wasting" time, his laziness, his bad temper, his failure to take care of you... My advice - don't blame the pot. Blame the guy. Many people smoke on a regular basis and succeed in their careers, school, relationships, etc. You see him as weak and have trouble respecting him.. That's HIM, not the pot.

[luvursmile]

^ I'm gonna have to agree with this statement. Blame the guy, not the weed. I smoke roughly every week or so, and I still find time to do everything, plus, I'm very successful in my career.

 

Weed is not like coke, its not addictive, you can stop anytime.

[run_little_rabbit]

I don't think quitting would make him any better of a person, and he'd still treat you the same.

[shes2smart]

I believe there is such a thing as responsible recreational usage (much like there are "social drinkers")....but from your description, it doesn't sound to me like that describes what he's doing.

 

I doubt an ultimatum will work. Oh, he may tow the line (or give the appearance of towing the line) temporarily...but unless and until he's self-motivated to quit, he's not going to. I used to date an alcoholic who also liked the herb quite a bit. Lotta drama. Lotta back and forth. Lotta years. Finally split from him about 10 years ago. Far as I know he's still into his addiction and maintaining he'll quit "soon."

 

He is what he is. You can hang around hoping he'll change (an exercise in frustation and futility, IMO) or you can do what's going to be painful in the short term, but will be more likely to put you in a place where you can create a healthy relationship with a non-addicted person.

[Siriana]

He smokes weed. Really often. He's an addict.

 

What can you do?

2 things:

1. accept him as he is and come on o.k. terms with it (in case you want to f.... up your life).

2. brake up with him

 

Why only that two things?

Because you can't change him or force him to change. That's mission impossible - the one that can take years of your life and the only thing you'll gain is self destruction.

 

Why not talking with him?

Because you already tried that and nothing changed. Plus he has a history of being addicted to different things so that's who he is. I think he uses weed as some sort of tranquilizer because he's off from some other stronger drugs.

[Little Penguin]

When he is not on pot, he has his mental clarity. He feels something is not right, he has more control of what's going on and take actions to fix problems. Plus he doesn't sleep 18hrs a day. When he is high, he doesn't care too much. Using his words "Don't sweat on little things". He tried to quit but the withdrawal symtoms were so bad that he failed. He had headaches, cravings, insominia, no appetite, burst of anger, vivid dreams...He tried a few times,but eventually gave up. He said he is tired of fighting against MJ. Now he would rather keep sinking deeper and deeper into addition....It's kinda pain to watch...I've already taken the first step--I moved out. Really hope there would be another solution other than break-up. I wonder if there are any motivational books that I can let him read so he can get some inspirations? I think he has addictive + compulsive personality....

[AwdreeHpburn]

LP - I was with a guy who smoked pot the entire time I was with him (3.5 years) prolly still does...

 

I don't want to get into the debate about whether or not pot is good or bad for you, the point I'm pretty sure everyone can agree on, is that it does alter one's judgement.

 

If you are not happy in a relationship with a guy you think is addicted to something you disagree with, you're going tohave to make a decision. And only you can.

 

For me, I personally didn't want the life of...gf of a stoner. It may work for some, but I didn't want it. AND BOY AM I BETTER OFF!!! Seriously....

[Mythical_Suicide]

I'm sure you'll get a number of differing opinions here. Here's mine: He was straightforward about who he was and what he did from the beginning. You accepted that. To give him an ultimatum at this point seems a bit unfair.

 

You blame the pot for alot of things - his business not succeeding better, his "wasting" time, his laziness, his bad temper, his failure to take care of you... My advice - don't blame the pot. Blame the guy. Many people smoke on a regular basis and succeed in their careers, school, relationships, etc. You see him as weak and have trouble respecting him.. That's HIM, not the pot.

 

 

I have agree 100% with this post.. My ex smoked weed ona daily basis and had been doing so for nearly 10 years as well but he was the sweetest, calmest guy you could meet. He was very successful at his job, had his own house, car, etc. He didn't lay around all day long even though he was blazed 24 hours out of a day and if he knew he didn't have any weed left, or didnt have the money he jsut wouldn't do it again until he was able to do so and never got angry once about it. Quit blaming the weed and start questioning the guy.

[Little Penguin]

I don't think I want to have a relationship with a stoner either. One thought that bothers me the most is when he is stoned, I feel like I am dealing with a mental patient (no offence here). Another thing I've noticed here is you all have split with your stoner ex. What are the reasons?

[HDD]

i understand how you feel.

When I met my ex, he didnt have any smoking problem. But about a year and a half ago, he started to smoke every night (almost). Now, i am not the type of girl who thinks smoking MJ makes life any better or helps with your problems. But it did make him a much better person to deal with and he was so much more calmer and laid back during the day. I actually did not have a problem with it... until it became a nuisance and he had to do it every night. He is also very successful in his career and the weed actually helps him concentrate but I did not think he needed it. He kept telling me he would quit eventually but even though i understood that this smoking was the result of other problems we were having, i just felt kind of responsible for it. I just didnt want him to do it every night. I thought he was stronger than that.

I know MJ is not an addictive drug but it sure felt like he needed it every night. the one thing i liked was the fact that he did it in the privacy of his home and did not want everyone to know about it. it was just something he liked to do to relax. But like i said before, i did not approve of this habit.

[flower99]

I'm sure you'll get a number of differing opinions here. Here's mine: He was straightforward about who he was and what he did from the beginning. You accepted that. To give him an ultimatum at this point seems a bit unfair.

 

You blame the pot for alot of things - his business not succeeding better, his "wasting" time, his laziness, his bad temper, his failure to take care of you... My advice - don't blame the pot. Blame the guy. Many people smoke on a regular basis and succeed in their careers, school, relationships, etc. You see him as weak and have trouble respecting him.. That's HIM, not the pot.

 

I fully agree with this.

 

It is not the pot. that is the problem.

Sleeping all day, bad moods, lazy....That's him.

I smoke pot almost daily, I maintain 2 great jobs & am up at 6 am everyday. Never miss work, never late, and have great attitude (so I hear).....It's a choice.

 

You blame pot, because he does, he uses it as his excuse.

 

He quit alcohol, cigarettes, crystal-meth successfully and haven't done any of them for almost 10 years...

 

Weed is his crutch.

He's quit the other 'drugs' & became depedent on pot. Quitting pot won't be so easy. It's is NOT physically addictive, but it is mentally adictive. which is sometimes harder to break cause the core to the issue is deeper.

 

He's been honest from the start with what he does & who he is. You were hoping that will change...it won't. One day maybe... But don't plan your life around that one day...cause it may never come.

Decied what you want based on who he is. Not who you're hoping he'll be.

 

He's says he's tired of fighting against MJ..he's giving up hope & he finds it to 'hard' (which it will be harder than the other addiction, because it's his last crutch to lean on...but he's GOT to be willing to fight for his life).

As much as you'd like to battle it for him, there is nothing you can do. He's holding on to it, he's avoiding dealing with something in his life & he feels the need to 'escape'. He'd rather blame everything on the weed than take responsibility for his life & change things. He's got to believe in himself, believe he's strong enough to do kick this & he's got to WANT to take control of his life-rather than escaping it.

 

I think you were very wise to move out.... I wish you much happiness.

[Little Penguin]

Actually he was clean without any drugs or alcohol or cigarettes for 3 years until he met a girl who smoked....I think I blame pot is based on how I felt when I was high first time, and many articles and personal experience about if you are a heavy smoker, pot can damage brain chemistry, trigger depression....I used to go to this forum: link removed

 

I guess it really depends on the person.....

[Mythical_Suicide]

I don't think I want to have a relationship with a stoner either. One thought that bothers me the most is when he is stoned, I feel like I am dealing with a mental patient (no offence here). Another thing I've noticed here is you all have split with your stoner ex. What are the reasons?

 

 

Well leave him.. if that is how you feel, you're much better off without him rather than giving him an ultimatum to quit something in which he has been doign for so long and probably will not quit just because you ask him to.

 

As far as the reason im no longer with my ex, things just didnt work out and we are far better friends than in a relationship. Had nothing to do with him smoking weed.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Actually he was clean without any drugs or alcohol or cigarettes for 3 years until he met a girl who smoked....I think I blame pot is based on how I felt when I was high first time, and many articles and personal experience about if you are a heavy smoker, pot can damage brain chemistry, trigger depression....I used to go to this forum: link removed

 

I guess it really depends on the person.....

 

 

 

I didnt see this post until just now, but pot as with any other type of drug or anything for that matter affects everyne differently. Usually your first experience with any type of drug, pot especially is going to be "strange" I personally have never smoked pot but I have done many other types of drugs and the feeling changes the more you do something.

 

As far as killing brain cells and such I look at it this way, Smoking cigarrettes can give you and everyone around you lung cancer, yet its legal but I dont see people posting about breaking up with someone because they smoke regular cigarrettes. Ya know? Im not personally attacking you but the way I see it people are looked down on because they smoke pot yeah well pot can also be very relaxing. It's the people who lose control of themselves (such as your bf) who gives the herb a bad name (and no it really isn't a drug unless its laced b/c its natural) because everything they do they blame it on smoking pot, such as being lazy and not holding down a job, etc.

[Momene]

^ I'm gonna have to agree with this statement. Blame the guy, not the weed. I smoke roughly every week or so, and I still find time to do everything, plus, I'm very successful in my career.

 

Weed is not like coke, its not addictive, you can stop anytime.

 

For the record, I've never taken weed, smoked a bit years ago and often go months in between alcoholic drinks. I'm doing in my career and, as such, can't afford to buy any of these things. If my wife, daughter and I all started doing weed once a day, we'd have the house repossessed within the year.