How much should you talk????

[Yvette84]

So I was wondering what percentage of a relationship should be talking? and I don't mean about issues. Just small talk or long conversations?I wish guys could be as talkative as girls when it comes to relationships. My bf is totally open and communicative with me. But when it comes to just sitting and talking for hours or small talk on long drives.....we really don't do that and I'd like to. He'd like to also, but says he can't think of anything. Am I expecting too much??

[desert_rose26]

I'd also like to hear everyone's opinions on this. I have also voiced this concern and 'he' replied "silence is not always a bad thing"...what do you guys suppose he means by that?

[jsx730]

I dunno about percentages or whatever, but my theory on small talk:

 

You know you are doing alright when there are no more "akward silences", and only "comfortable silences".

 

For instance on long car rides:

 

Neither of you feel like you must start conversation when ever there is silence.

[laboheme]

I think each relationship is different...some are based almost entirely on intellectual conversation, some are based on gossipy conversations, some are based on sex...I don't think there's a "healthy level." I like what the previous poster said about "comfortable silences."

 

Are you comfortable just cuddling with him without saying a word? Smiling at each other accross the table while eating dinner without having a funny conversation? Or do you feel that because you're not talking a lot, you aren't getting to know him? Or do you want to talk because you think it's something that should be done in a relationship? If your relationship is otherwise good and you do have conversations that allow you to get to know each other -- just not the long type like you'd have with the girls -- I think you're fine.

 

That said, if you're just looking to talk to somebody, why not turn to your other friends? After all, each person in our lives serves a different purpose, and maybe some of your friends serve the conversational purpose better than your boyfriend does. Nothing wrong with that!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My boyfriend and I talk almost all the time we are together, and frequently via phone/text as well.

 

Sometimes I wish he'd shut the heck up. I mean, the guy can talk...a lot. Which is very nice most of the time, but you know. If I'm angry, I tell him so - and apologise quicky. :S

 

He never tells me to stop wittering on.mainly because I'm not of the "Endlessly Chatty" type, and I don't have time for girls who are..we don't have traditional gender stereotypes in our partnership.

[Yvette84]

laboheme I think you're right. It's like when I'm on a long car drive with a girl friend it's so fun and we are both chatty, but with guys they like the "comfortible silence" but it bugs me. I'm extreamly talkative. But our relationship is great. But both things you said are the reason for me not liking the silence. I DO think it's something that should be done in a relationship AND I do want to get to know him more. He does share and he is open though. It's just different with the girls ya know? But I guess there is a normal healthy amount of silence that we both should have. I'm just a chatterbox!!

[Batya33]

I would not discount your needs as far as communication and talking. however, there is also nothing wrong in adapting to someone else's style if that is a style you are comfortable with. I tried very hard to be comfortable in my silences with my ex boyfriend - sometimes it worked really well but on the whole, they were uncomfortable silences and often I felt that I should bring something to read on long car trips because of it. My current boyfriend and I talk all the time - never run out of things to say - I find him very interesting and he finds me interesting too. However, one of my favorite things is our comfortable silences- just hanging out - I like being in his presense. Part of the comfort though is knowing (1) we have plenty to talk about if we feel like it; and (2) that if I feel like talking (or vice versa) it will be fine and welcome as long as we're not trying to get work done; and (3) that when we do talk, it flows and feels natural most of the time.

 

What I think is happening with you and your boyfriend is that you each had very high expectations of you two as a couple - meaning, you took things very fast, very intense and it was all about high romance and diamonds and compliments. Now that things have settled down a bit you are learning about whether you actually have enough in common including compatible communication styles.

[CanadianGirl]

Ok, how about too much communication? I sometimes think my boyfriend and I talk too much. We are both bigtime communicators and it's odd, but even when I don't ask him questions out loud--he answers questions I have without me saying.

 

At first I thought it was weird and kinda scary how word for word he'd answer these inner questions. Sometimes it's like we don't even have to talk in order to hear each other? I've come to a point where Im comfortable knowing that every question I have may be on his mind too and that he just seems to blurt out the answer because he was thinking the same thing.

 

We don't sit and talk all day long, but when we get going it can be non-stop and I think sometimes we are just so alike that nobody understands how 2 people can clammer on and on like we do....half the time we are interrupted and that's why a conversation ends...

 

Just to let you all know - I've known this guy since I was 11 years old (so known him around 15 years) although ... we recently spent 7 years in a haitus, experiencing life, getting educated and we both have a child each from past relationships. We have re-capped the past 7 years and found that other than life experiences, our foundations are still the same, we are mutually intelligent, and outgoing, respectful and open-minded, we enjoy similar things, and have been hurt in similar ways.

 

Basically I think sometimes we share too much, and it doesn't seem like a bad thing-but it's not like we feel awkward when we are not talking, so I don't think it's that bad to be silent, sometimes people just like to be alone with their thoughts (wheather or not they are alone)

[rocio]

Sometimes I wish he'd shut the heck up. I mean, the guy can talk...a lot. Which is very nice most of the time, but you know.

 

I'm with you on this one. Normally I enjoy it, but sometimes I feel like he talks even when he has nothing to say.

 

I guess there's no ideal amount of talking to have in a relationship. What's most important is that you are able to communicate on the important things. The rest is compatibility. I personally like talking. I'm not one to gossip or to say pointless stuff about other people. But I like to joke around or argue. It's preferable to silence for me. My mom and sister are the opposite. We could ride for an hour in the car and they'll only say 2 sentences. Personally, if I'm going to enjoy silence, I would rather do it alone.

 

I find that the more you talk to someone, the more you have to say. If you guys can't think of anything to say to each other, maybe it's incompatibility, maybe it's a lack of interest in each other, or maybe you just have to try harder. Try eating together more. It can be a great setting for relaxed conversation.

[Batya33]

It's ironic - eating together in a restaurant has in the past been tension-provoking for me where I felt I "had to" make interesting conversation (this was with an ex of mine, not the current bf).

 

I like the feeling of bonding through silence and cannot stand uncomfortable silences.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Conversation and communication is a large part of my current relationship, but it wasn't necessarily there so much in the past relationships. For me, this has been a very good thing - I enjoy talking to this man, I enjoy his thoughts, his ideas, and when we finish talking I come away feeling like I've resolved or come to some conclusions through the conversation.