In NC and missed her call, call back?

[jazn84]

Hi guys, Iv been dating my ex for 2 years friends for 6 years and I we broke up because I got too dependant on her and she needed space. We were "friends" and still doin the same things for the past month after. Well she started a rebound relationship 4 weeks ago which lasted 3 weeks and came back to me and apologised for the way she treated me during it (doormat), but we didnt get back together. But we did get on terms of talking again, returning calls, hangin out and I slept with her once.

 

So last week we got into a fight because she was with the rebound guy as just "friends" she said. I was drunk and flipped out on the phone saying I cant believe her and harassed her =(. She said she was done with him and now still hangin out?So I sent a apology email that night saying "I was irrational and I dont want to lose our friendship, if you can forgive me call me back".

 

I started NC the next day relising I cant be her friend right now because I want more than that. So on day 5 of NC she calls me at 2:45 am (the time she gets off work) and doesnt leave a message. I didnt call back and now 2 days later (day 7 on NC) I want to call her back now. I have more control of my emotions with this NC and feel more independent and BETTER. This is the first time Im giving her the space she wanted. Should I continue NC and let her call me back again? Our friends have said she misses me so much and she will eventually call me again. Well she did. What do I do?

[Biffy]

If it's important, she'll call you back. When you do eventually talk to her again I'd tell her that you can't be friends with her right now and if she wants to try again with you, call you but other than that, stay away.

 

That's what I'd do.

[Lady Bugg]

I agree with Zomb. She can't have her cake and eat it too. You doing NC will

show you how serious she really is...or ISN'T about you.

Hang in there.

[TijuanaJones]

I agree with zomb and lady bug

 

NC is the way to go. Its better not to harbor any hopes of getting back with your ex, as it will prolong the healing process.

 

I just had an awakening and wanted to let you know... After 15 days of NC and several hard days of waiting and hoping to have a second chance with my ex, a cousin of mine just told me a cold, hard fact: "Maybe she does not want to get back with you, have you ever considered that option? You better think it's all over and let true healing begin" It hit me like a bucket of cold water... I never really, I mean REALLY considered that option, or I decided not to acknowledge it. But as soon as I decided to accept that, I started to feel so much better. Instead of waiting for her to call, now I can accept my fate and get on back with my life.

Deciding to believe that everything is lost is pretty much like buying yourself a brand-new lease on life. So from now on NC whatsoever, but not like a strategy, I will stop counting the days.

If she comes back looking for another try, I'll just take it from there, if I decide it is convenient or in my best interest.

 

So please, stop checking Myspace, Hi5 or whatever, you will only feel worse. I even recommend not even logging into your own myspace, let if accumulate some dust for a while, nothing will happen! (been there, done that). Block and delete your ex from yahoo, msn, icq or whatever IM program you use as well.

 

I hope it helps! And remember: "You are what you love, not what loves you" (i can't recall where I heard that, I think is from the movie Adaptation)

[heloladies21]

Waiting for her to call you again or doing NC in and attempt to show her something or ellicit any kind of response amounts to psychological game playing and will only lead to your pain in the end. Hey, I'm all for doing whatever it takes, but it just doesn't work. You only dig yourself deeper.

 

So for you, you need to ask yourself one question. Are you strong enough to walk away for good and move on if you talk to her and she doesn't want to officially and whole heartedly get back together with you right now? Not maybe, or in the future, or we'll see, none of that. She either gives you a yes or you're gone.

 

Are you at that point yet? If not, then you gotta stay NC until you heal up to the point where you can think rationally like this. Otherwise, you're just gonna ba spinning your wheels and you're worth more than that.

[friscodj]

^ Well said HL, very well said...

[jazn84]

Thank you all for the responses.

 

I have been healing with NC and I do feel strong enough to think rationally, but I will always have it in my heart to want her back. I feel like Iv already hit rock bottom when she was seeing that guy and Im headed upwards now. I dont think I can get anymore hurt than I did at that point.

 

Well last night she called again! This time at 930pm. I was goin to pick up but my heart starting pounding and I got really nervous and didnt. She didnt leave a message and after I missed her call I was thinking to myself do I really want to get sucked into the cycle of believing there is hope, only to get hurt again? Then again I wont know unless I talk to her right? Im doing sooo well right now, goin out, hanging with friends, doing well at my new job, and most importantly being able to be alone with myself without fear. But I still think of her with every step I take.

 

So today I am thinking I will call her back when she gets off work. I dont want to come off as playing "games". If she picks up I will keep it brief and see how shes doin and whats up? If she doesnt pick up I ll say "hey got your call last nite, hope your doin well. Have a good night" or should I not leave a message? You guys know I want her back, but I dont want to be "spinning my wheels" again. We have so much history together and I want todo it right to get back together. In the past Iv let her back so easily and I dont want to let that happen again.

[heloladies21]

You're not ready yet. You are still too much affected by her calls and doubting your next moves and things like that. Skip those calls for a while longer.