He cut contact out of nowhere...

[lvlyldy]

So here is a question for the guys...

 

I started dating a guy a month ago. We went out on 5 dates, then i came home for break and havent seen him in person for 2 weeks. However, he has kept in touch... iming me or calling me so I talk to him at least at some point everyday. The day before yesterday, we had our usual night conversation and we talked about seeing eachother friday when i finally get back and our plans for saturday as well. He ended the conversation with the usual I'll talk to you tomorrow. The next morning I imed him as usual and no response. I waited all day and he was online the whole day and no word back. I waited till he was at home one again, and imed him and again no response, and no call. I started to get worried and this morning again imed him, this time asking him if everything is okay and to say something so i know something really bad hasnt happened. Again no reply... its been 3 hours and I dont think Im going to hear from him.

 

Do guys blow girls off that way? Everything seemed fine, we were planning to see eachother this week and he seemed excited about it. Our conversations have been a little dry of late since I basically sit at home all day with nothing to do, but we have a lot of chemistry in person and im going to be back in 3 days! Whats going on.. is it time to worry or should I wait it out? should I try contacting him again... or let him come to me?

 

I know one day is no big deal, I dont care if he's busy or doenst feel like talking... i just feel like knowing him he'd usually say something even if its a quick "hey i cant talk right now". Why would a guy suddenly completely change and not even reply, especially when im clearly concerned. I really like this guy, and I thot he really liked me. What's going on???

[Kalika]

Wow.. I really hope there's a damn good explanation for that. If he was blowing you off, I'm sorry.. no one deserves to be treated with such little regard..

[Honey Pumpkin]

Just a thought - it's not someone else logging in as him is it? That happened to me once.

 

Or maybe he's got his computer on and he's away from it - I have turned off the automatic 'away' button as well. Seems a bit odd though.

 

Maybe call him yourself - just a sort of final 'is there a problem?' call; and then move on.

[CaliGirl77]

Awww......that is very chicken-like behavior. From a guy or girl, it doesn't matter.

 

That person probably doesn't feel like he owes you an explanation, but silence is a good indication of "he's not interested".

 

It is not your job to try and figure out why. We all want to know, but it's better for you to walk away and move on. You deserve so much better anyways.

[CaliGirl77]

Wow.. I really hope there's a damn good explanation for that. If he was blowing you off, I'm sorry.. no one deserves to be treated with such little regard..

 

The only 2 excuses I would allow are:

 

1. He's lying on the ground, bleeding to death.

2. He's dead.

 

Nothing else is okay...... It's all BS and in today's world of technology and so many ways of communication, every excuse thrown at you is BS!

[lvlyldy]

Thanks everyone for the advice,

 

yes at this point he still has not responded back and Im starting to feel like I really wont hear from him ever again. I guess it's just surprising cause the last time we talked, he confirmed our plans for this weekend and said he'd talk to me the next day as usual. I am going to wait it out to tonight, and if I dont hear from him block him online and remove him from facebook.

 

Either way I think if I keep trying to contact him all I will do is push him away and make him think im crazy. He knows I want to hear from him, so its up to him to make the move. I never thought of him as being capable of being such a coward, but I guess if he really is blowing me off I'm better off finding that out now.

[Donster]

what if he lost his cell phone or something like that? or there was a family emergency he had to attend to? I'd prefer to give someone the benefit of the doubt first before jumping to conclusions...

[CaliGirl77]

He did, in fact, confirm plans with you?????

 

Okay, that is definitely messed up.

 

When he does contact you (he just might).........I would calmly tell him you are not interested in flakey people in your life and then tell him good beye.

 

I, personally, would not listen to one word he had to say after that.

[CaliGirl77]

what if he lost his cell phone or something like that? or there was a family emergency he had to attend to? I'd prefer to give someone the benefit of the doubt first before jumping to conclusions...

 

 

Lost his cell phone???? What about responding to the IM?

 

That is just an EXCUSE, and nothing more.

[CaliGirl77]

what if he lost his cell phone or something like that? or there was a family emergency he had to attend to? I'd prefer to give someone the benefit of the doubt first before jumping to conclusions...

 

It's not jumping to conclusions...........it's called "recognizing the RED FLAGS" so you can move on.

 

Whataver happens, DO NOT make excuses for this guy. He blew it.

[lvlyldy]

I am going to hold out and give him the benefit of the doubt I think... from the time I met him, he has been a good guy, and been great about calling/talking to me. These last two days have been an anamoly. He works I know, maybe he sut got really busy or something bad did happen... either way I agree he shouldnt ignore me. If he does contact me, I dont think its such a big deal we havent talked as much as it is that he ignores my IMs.

 

Also, him confirming plans with me for this weekend makes me feel lean more towards the maybe something happened direction. I know some guys can be jerks and blow people off, but this would be totally out of the blue because everything was okay between us.

 

Should I try one more time to contact him tonight? Maybe give him a call this time instead? All ive tried is Iming him, so maybe a call might be better to reach him?

[DN]

Last year there was a post from a member whose boyfriend went to Florida to see his family. He never called and she felt much the same as you and got much the same advice.

 

Turned out he had been in an accident and was in hospital. His cell phone was busted and he could not remember her number as it was on the speed dial and also he was still somewhat concussed. He finally remembered the number after a few days and had his sister call her to tell her what happened.

 

Luckily she had not left abusive messages on his answer machine or e-mail.

[CaliGirl77]

If you are going to contact him, just call.

 

It is more personal.

[lvlyldy]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

I called him tonight... he didnt pick up and he hasnt called me back. Nor did he come online like he usually does. Sometimes he goes out to a bar or something after work, its just unusual that he would so early in the week. I dont understand what is going on but I am INCREDIBLY frustrated right now.

 

Since im home for break, I havent been able to go out at all which means ive spent the day pacing back and forth, signing on and offline staring at his sn wondering what the hell is up with him and crying to my friends. Im such a mess of emotions, I dont know what to do Hopefully once school starts next week I'll be so busy with stuff I wont notice him missing anymore

 

WHYYYY!?!?! WHY is he doing this

[Aurian]

1 - Either he has been having cell/computer trouble or is busy (DN had a good example of busy!).

 

2 - He's a flake and a coward.

 

My suggestion is to stop trying to contact him and see what happens. If he doesn't bother finding a way to contact you, its 2. If he shows up later, I would consider what he says and decide if its honest and worth forgiving.

[CaliGirl77]

I seriously doubt he had a family emergency, but even so, if he cared about you, he would have told you somehow, someway.

But, he did not.

 

Move on.

 

Trust me, I know it's hard, but soon, you'll forget all about this guy.

[lvlyldy]

Well I Imed him this morning one last time, this time with more than "hey"

 

I said that i dont know whats going on, I hope everything is okay. That I dont understand what's wrong or why he's decided to suddenly ignore me. I told him that if he wants me to leave him alone he needs to say it, and that we are both adults and he cant ignore his problems. I waited for a min or two and nothing, so i imed him again basically saying that he knows i really like him and that I want thigns to work, that I cant do anything if he doenst talk to me to change or fix anything thats wrong and all I want him to do is be honest and straightforward with me. He imed me back a pretty terse " im extremely busy at work and cant chat right now -- Ill talk to you tonight"

 

Im going to hold him to talking to me tonight, i deserve an answer to what is going on. I havent seen him in 2 weeks to have done anything wrong, but even if it is just him stressed and busy he needs to have said something by now to me. I want to hear what he has to say, even if its I cant see you anymore. I hope he really does get back to me.

[sky508]

I say move on. That just happened to me and i was truly heartbroken because he did it to me before and I sent him a few text messages asking why he would ignore me like that, then I apologized to him !! saying I butted into his life too much, blah, blah, blah. After my apology a few months went by and he contacted me to hang out but I was busy. I figured I was in his good graces again so I asked him out for the next few consecutive weeks and he was busy but the last time I asked he said he would call me back the next day with an answer and then never answered me back. I never took the hint. Just go on and think about other things because I started obsessing over it and sent him too many texts because I was confused and felt I needed an answer this time. He really hurt me shutting me out like that so I know how you're feeling. It will take a while but then you will start to realize what a jerk he is and that you're better than him. Read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You."

[longhaircats]

Hi lvlyldy,

 

I hear you, I am exactly in the same situation, and am kind of paranoid because similar things happened to me twice in the past.

 

The first one was 3 years ago. I went out on dates about 5-6 times with a guy I had a huge crush on, and all the sudden he stop taking my calls or replying to text messages. Later on I found out that I became too serious too fast and he was not looking for anything serious. (he was a player, and he continue to text me once in a while for 3 years!)

 

The second one was my recent ex boyfriend of 2.5 years. He did the same after two weeks of intensive dating and later on I found that he thought I was out of his reach and decided to pursuit another girl he was dating.

 

Those are my bad memories of dating in general. Now I' ve been dating a new guy for little over a month. I thought he was really into me since he came to visit me to the US during my 3 weeks holiday. He called me 2 days ago from the airport to let me know that he came back safely (I came back in town few days early). I called that evening to see if he is awake so that he won't get a jet lag, but he did not return my call. We are supporsed to see each other yesterday, but I didn't hear from him by the evening, so I sent him a text message. He sent a text back saying that he got a sore throat and not feeling well, and wants to go home and sleep. I said that's fine and get well soon. I was quite sad, because I was very much looking forward to seeing him. I sent another text message, asking which one he miss 1) me 2) sunshine and 3) crab cakes. No reply. I did not hear from him all day today, and I was paniced! I sent him a text and called him, but no reply...Am I just being paranoid?? I know I need to calm down, but my past bad experiences are haunting me.

[longhaircats]

Hey lvlyldy,

 

You did the right thing to confront with him. I did the same thing when my ex cut me off the contact. I told him that I am not a bag of potato, am a human with emortion and deserve an explanation. He replied and explaned to me what was going on.

 

Your guy could have been just busy, but your feelings are totally normal. No one wanted to be treated like you don't exsist. Oh god I really don't understand guys sometimes.....

[lvlyldy]

Hi,

 

Im sorry to hear other people are going through a similar situation. So, the problem is finally solved, this is what happened:

 

 

I imed him a bunch of times yday morning telling him i wanted to know what was going on with him and why he disappeared on me. He replied with "im extremely busy at work-- ill talk to you tonight". Instead, last night at like midnight I get an email from him... basically saying he's had time over break to think about things and that he has decided his feelings arent strong enough to want a relationship with me. That he just came out of a serious relationship and his needs are different right now.

 

I am very upset with this because he pressured me into moving more quickly physically, and I believed and trusted him not to do this. Also, being on break, i havent seen him in person in 3 weeks.. meaning we decided to starting being exclusive right before i left and we never got a chance to actually have a relationship. Its hard enough for couples who have been together to not fight over breaks... let alone start a new relationship this way. He knew i was going to be coming back in tomorrow, and im more frustrated that he wouldnt wait for me and try it out. I made the mistake of emailing him and telling him i think we moved too fast and id like to try again while im actually there cause we get along so well in person.

 

I dont expect him to reply, and ive deleted him from everything and have started to move on. It still hurts and im really mad that he was such a coward and a jerk in the end. I guess I got lucky not ending up with a guy who is capable of doing that.

[longhaircats]

Oh lvlyldy,

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurting. I totally understand how you feel. I felt the same way in the past two experiences, but I moved on quickly. You will move on too. He might try to come back to you later on, but don't let him. If he did it once, he will do it again. Yeah, he is a coward and not worth your time!

 

Hang in there.

[metro_girl]

should I try contacting him again... or let him come to me?

 

Wait it out and don't contact him again. Let him contact you. I think that you've contacted him too much and you need to step back and let him pursue a little bit more. Guys might like it if you pursue, but it makes you unhappy waiting for him to return messages.

[Lansing]

wow... So, did you get more physical with him after he agreed to starting a real relationship with you??? sounds like he used you.....

 

Hopefully next time you will resist a guys pressuring until you feel right about things... I feel bad for you though..... I hate people that aren't upfront and just hide behind no contact/ignoring someone without explaining that things have changed....

[lvlyldy]

Well.. its been more than week since I talked to him. I never heard back a reply to the email i sent him saying i wanted to take things slower and that Id like to see him again in person and see if that made a difference. Two nights ago, he put himself back up on the website I met him on. I guess it wasnt someone else that made him lose interest.. it was just me that bored him.

 

I miss him, and I keep half-hoping he'll randomly IM me or show up at my door apologizing with some amazing explanation and everything will be okay. I dont know how to stop feeling back about this