all chances gone?

[ramblingrose]

Hi. My name is Rose and I've been lurking on the forums for a couple months now but finally decided to pluck up the courage and post. My bf of 2 years and i broke up in early November and so it's been just 2 months since the b/u of a 2 year relationship. he told me at the time and continually for the first month and a half that he still loved me and that he just needed time/space and "for now" was happier/free-er. keep in mind we're both 22 and recent college graduates. he'd been saying for a few months knowthat he wanted a break/chance to experience life on his own. so last month (about 1 1/2 mos after the b/u) he started dating a girl he knew from college and they made it offical on new years day. i was floored. i knew he wanted to experience "life" but didn't think he wanted another relationship. also i'm so confused why HER because she is everything i'm not. i'm conservative/she's liberal. i'm christian/she's atheist. i'm modest/she's openingly sexual. also, two fo hsi bigest passions she hates (football and heavy metal music).

 

my question, i guess, is...

is it possible that he's over me all together?

or could it be possible she's a fill-in? but why are they in a relationship?

are there any chances of a guy like my ex (erik) "waking up" and coming back? although frankly i'm not sure i want him back now that he's been playing around with this girl (amber)...

 

also, i just want to thank y'all for helping me out of my depression... i've done NC for one month now and feel AMAZING.

[anggrace]

When a guy tells me he wants space/ time apart to be free, that tells me he wants to date other people. Im sure he's not completely over you, hes just too busy with his new girl to think about it. But soon, that will not be exciting to him anymore, and he'll probably do the same to her. Id not concern myself with it if you can help it.

[avman]

Hi Rose and welcome to eNotalone.

 

It's really hard to go trying to guess what your ex's motivations are when they start dating again. It's possible he's over you, then again maybe not. It's possible she's a rebound, but maybe not. It can drive you nuts trying to find sense in all this - but in the end you have to realize that it doesn't really matter.

 

The only person you have to focus on now is you. What your ex is doing is irrelevant and the more you try to figure it out, the worse it hurts you. You have to heal to the point where you honestly don't care what your ex is up to anymore.

 

It sounds like you are starting to heal, and that's great. So now you need to take that next step and stop trying to find the reasons why your ex is doing what he is doing. Quit asking about it. Quit trying to find out what he is doing.

 

I guarantee you'll eventually be in a much happier place.

[arwen]

I strongly agree with avman, copy his post and put in on a document somewhere on your pc to re-read whenever you feel down and wondering about what happened. I think you were very wise in doing NC. It pays off- you are feeling stronger and happier now. Now it's time to stop wondering about what is going on with the ex. You will never know exactly and the truth won't help you anyway here. It's just not your concern anymore, take the FULL power back over your life. You say she is everything she is not, be proud of who YOU are and you will soon enough find that people appreciate you just for that (maybe even in a romantic sense, anything can happen now that you are a free girl )

 

Stay strong sweetie,

 

Arwen

[Ripples]

He doesn't know it yet but he has just let the best thing in his life slip through his fingers.

 

Hold your head up and realise your true value cos rest assured he will sooner or later.

 

Go and meet some fun people and move on. You'll be surprised at how good it feels.

[LLammas]

Hi Rose.

 

I'm new here as well, and in a similar situation. As I'm just as confused as you are, I can't offer advise, but I'm happy to offer support! Feel free to chat on aim or email me.