Where do I find Me?

[sandyv]

Anyway, hope you are well ....I am one of those, who people know as that "happy girl" office flirt etc...(I even volunteer for the United Way thing and collect from people who contribute at work), obviously I put on a false face, but otherwise I'm a mess, no one knows about the inner turmoil that is happening inside of my head. Hoping (but not really inspired) to pull through the depression, but I have no idea at all of how to do this......

[DizzyDoris]

What is it thats troubling you sandy? If you always wear a smiley face and act happy, those closest to you probably dont even realise how down you are feeling. You should confide in someone, they say a problem shared is a problem halved.

 

Are you on any medication for your depression?

[sandyv]

No, Doris no medication yet (unless you call beer and THC) medication.... lol , I broke up with the BF about 4 months ago, haven't recovered, not even close..... very depressed, and I can't go on feeling this way I know....

[DizzyDoris]

It takes time to get over relationships, but you'll get there and one day you'll wonder what you ever saw in him. He obviously wasnt your Mr. right, but on the bright side you're free now for when you do meet him!

 

I had post natal depression after my second child was born, i never felt so low in all my life and i never even considered medication. I just struggled on day by day,hating my life and thinking i would always feel that way. I too put on a brave face and always wore a smile, no one else knew how bad i was feeling.

 

One day i broke down in front of my mum and once the tears came i couldnt stop them. She booked me an appointment at my doctors, who diagnosed the depression and prescribed some anti-depressants for me. Within a month or 2 of taking them i was back to normal and felt happy and could see how much i had to live for and look forward to. All together i probably took the tablets for about 12 months, but had no problems coming off them and have never needed to go back on them since (this was 4 years ago)

 

It might be worth you going to your doctors and trying them, after all depression is an illness, its when your brain doesn't produce enough of a chemical called serotin, the tablets replace this. If you had a headache or flu for example, you would take medication for that right?

 

Its worth a try sandy because having been there myself, i really dont think it would have just gone away by itself. Who knows if i hadnt broken down that day, i could still be feeling that way now, 4 years later!

 

As for the alcohol, we all like a drink or 6, but if you drink when you are feeling down, the alcohol magnifies all your bad feelings and makes them feel 10x worse. But i understand how easy it is to drink to forget your troubles,as i have tried that route myself. Only the next day your troubles are still there and you have the big hangover to deal with too lol

 

I know it might seem tough right now, but you WILL get through this and feel better, maybe in a month, maybe even a year but one day you will be happy again.

[Juliana]

Oh, sweetie, beer and cannabis?? They're depressing. No, really, they are.

 

But four months is no time at all, really. And to make matters worse, what a horrible winter. There's no sun, no snow; it's really getting to me. Elsewhere on the board, another Canadian (I think) is getting depressed too. So am I, really, although I can't afford to give myself a break in the eatright-workout-cleanhouse-staysane routine. Please, let it snow!!

 

Apart from the lack of light, though, you say you want to get in touch with you? Well, at the four month stage, I would suggest crying, listening to music, and exercising. Yes, it's time to go to the gym. Don't know how well that will fit in with the beer and THC thing you've got going, but it will help you incredibly. These are all things you can do that will circumvent the need to conceptualize and verbalize emotion, and express it creatively and physically.

 

Are you sleeping okay? Is your weight stable, or are you losing weight? Right now you might be feeling overwhelmed by the reality of what's happened. It's a stage you will pass through, but I know it's difficult. Don't be afraid to express your grief; there is no need for the mask here.

[sandyv]

Doris: Thnx soo much, you are sooo sweet, I know you are right about the depression, I'm going to book an appointment next week probably, I'm having trouble dealing with my son, and its just made worse by the fact that I'm feeling terrible.

 

Your story gives me inspiration, and I thank you.......

 

I have no family, no one, just some friends, who hate to hear about my negativity.... you probably know what I mean.... they don't wanna know..... no one to talk to.... thats why I'm here I guess

[sandyv]

Juliana: You are also so wonderful, just talking to you girls has me feel ever so much better, yes I lost 26 pounds in 4 months (The Jack Diet, hurts like hell, but man does it work) lol

 

ps: Whats sleep, can't remember, I dream of that creep all the time.....

[DizzyDoris]

The jack diet?? lol i love jack daniels too thats my favourite drink!! Take it thats what you meant!

 

Good for you about going to see your doctor, he'll get you right as rain before you know it. Keep me posted on how you get on.

 

Juliana's right about the weather, the doom and gloom sure doesn't help, roll on summer! And the gym will really help, exercise releases endorphins which make you feel happy.

 

And as for your friends? Of course they want to know, if they are true friends they are there for you for the good times AND the bad. Thats just your depression talking, making you not want to "burden" anybody with how you feel. I was exactly the same,kept everything bottled up as i didn't want to bother anybody. Then when i started my tablets they all told me off for not talking to them sooner! At least you know you have people on here who care, and have been through similar experiences.

 

Gotta do some chores now but will check later to see if your okay, chin up kiddo, you're gonna be just fine!

[sandyv]

lol Doris: The Jack Diet means Jack was my ex (but I do love Jack Daniels as well)

 

I really mean it about friends though, they are sick of my sad saga.....

[Juliana]

Certain things are just standard to breakups; they include most or all of the following:

 

1. Loss of appetite.

2. Weight loss.

3. Difficulty sleeping.

4. Suicidal ideation.

5. Lump in your throat

6. Feeling dazed, and out of control of your emotions

7. At other times, feeling emotionally dead.

8. Functioning mechanically at work and home

9. Talking constantly about the breakup

10. Sighing

11. Inability to concentrate, feelings of losing one's mind.

 

At four months, you are really in this stage. You need to let yourself continue to grieve. What you can also do to speed things up, besides expressing your anger, shock and sadness, is to keep a sense of the potentiality of the future. Although it is impossible to imagine, there will be days following these ones, and eventually, if you let yourself go through this grief process, you will begin to move into other, less painful stages until you are finally through.

 

What I did that I found helpful was to take all the energy of this grief and use it to rip open my suppressed feelings and learn things about myself. The grief forced me to change, and I chose to take those changes in a positive direction. It was wonderful. It's been over a year since this started for me, and at New Years, I told my friends who asked (and who had been going through this with me, to some extent) that 2006 had been the best year I'd had in a long time.

 

Energy, even the energy of despair, is potential. Use it.

[sandyv]

Juliana: You truly are an inspiration to me, I'm so sad, and I do know I gotta get it together, but its gonna take alot of time and effort, and yes jumping in front of a subway train has occurred to me..... and I can't think properly either.

 

Its not only those things, I have a son, who is causing me large grief, makes things even worse...... and then... I've met an online friend or two, who have turned out to be awful people to know.... they've just dragged me down (and your gonna get this in life, whether it be online or what, I know) but still.... it hurts.....

 

Hey Juliana: That lump in the throat feels more like an apple lol

[Juliana]

This was a time when I stopped being able to wear the mask. I stopped trying to "be there" for people who weren't there for me, so I retreated to the company of friends I'd had since primary school, who had stories of their own. I went out and did things that I needed to do; I exercised because I had to either move, or go crazy, so I moved. I changed my house because I had to either change things, or be constantly reminded of who I'd been. I couldn't concentrate -- couldn't read, couldn't watch tv -- so I couldn't distract myself, so I was forced to deal with the feelings, and talk about them, and cry, and write, and I did all that.

 

It was great, Sandy; I can't emphasize enough. It was so painful, I really, really thought I'd go crazy. But in retrospect, after one year, my whole life is better. I can't believe it. It's like someone else took over my life and lived it for me for a year -- me, I guess.

 

Please trust that you will come to a better place. Focus for now on your own self and your feelings, and let other people float their own boats for awhile.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I stopped trying to "be there" for people who weren't there for me, so I retreated to the company of friends I'd had since primary school, who had stories of their own.

 

I can relate to that...I am the reliable person, the one everyone turns to for help...problem is, many of them were not there when I needed their help and even had the nerve to tell me that I expected too much from people (although what I had expected from them is exactly what they had expected from me...and I delivered). Many of my solid friends are the ones I have known since high school. It seems that often, the friendships you build from way back are the more lasting ones.

 

To the original poster....have you read any self help books. Sometimes those are helpful...sometimes they pinpoint the issues in your relationship, the personality type of the person you were with etc and helps you get a better understanding of things. It takes time and there is no quick fix. You just have to go through the pain...but you will come out of it...everyone does.

[sandyv]

Hey Crazyaboutdogs: I've read till my eyes have bled, lol no... but seriously reading doesn't help me..... i have to live life head on I think, and thats whats basically is killing me.... no pun intended.... have had enough of fake people, but what I do know is there are alot of good people with good info here, and I appreciate you all so much....

[mike_chppr]

I might be a book worm, but I recommend the book by David Burns... I know it sounds cheesy, but it has helped me imensely in the last couple of weeks. It is link removed.

It is basically a workbook that you write in and it makes you think of things in a similar style to the old phonics learn to read workbooks. I can feel myself like what Juliana said, "keep a sense of the potentiality of the future." I don't want to dump a book on you, but it can give you something to do to occupy your time instead of trying to pass out. I am also on sleep medication and antidepressants, and I can attest to the one to two month thing.

 

If friends don't want to hear it, use your insurance to see a therapist. Yes it is there job, but they are there to see you succeed.

 

Best of fortune,

 

Mike_chppr

[mcnani]

i was also going to recommend feeling good by david burns, md, it's a good place to start... i also recommend getting a book to get your mind on something else. it's hard when you're at the point that you're tired of being sad but you can't get yourself out of it...... now is the time to decide that you don't want to be sad anymore and work on things that will help you get there.... i know it's hard, believe me... try the book. it won't hurt.

[DizzyDoris]

Hey sandy, hows things? Hope your having a good week and things are better for you now. Did you make that appointment at the doctors?