THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Puckdog27]

Hey Sup - Im not sure how much he owes you but there is a great scene in a movie called A Bronx Tale where the central character "C" is chasing another kid who owes him money, down the street, when the local mafia boss "Sonny" grabs him. Here is the dialogue (close anyway)

 

Sonny - What are you doing?

 

C - He owes me 20 bucks, Im gonna bust his head. Every time I see him he ducks me.

 

Sonny - Is he a friend?

 

C - no I cant stand the guy!

 

Sonny - Well there you go, for 20 bucks he is out of your life for good!

 

Get the point? Unless he owes you a considerable amount of money, forget it! It will help the NC. If after a period of time you feel ready to contact him, the money can be your window to do so!

[thelonelydoll]

I just wish I didn't wonder as well. I wish I didn't care anymore.

 

Hun, this is why we're all here, struggling to get to that point of blissful apathy. Eventually, it does happen, but it can feel like an eternity. For now, while I try to cope with my own anger and make sense of this truly bad relationship, I can't help but wonder how much he might be thinking about me, too. But then I feel so foolish, and angry with myself - so it's a bad cycle!

[supercalifragilistic]

LOL. It's not a lot at all, the point is that we agreed that he'd call to give it to me. And he didn't. I really don't care about the money. It's just I hoped he'd remember like last time. Oh well. And yeah, I guess that's a window. And one day he's going to want his stuff back too. And I'll make sure he waits a lot for them. And has them one at time. Not necessarily in the order he wants them.

[bear12]

hahaha, super, you crack me up. i'm not sure that's exactly the right attitude either, but i'll let it go for now since it's much better than being sad!

 

and i know what you mean, i wonder when mine will contact me too. in some ways i feel like it's a stupid contest or something. who can hold out longer? i'm guessing him since he's dating someone... grrrr...

 

sometimes i wonder if counting the days like this is counterproductive. i wish i could just forget about him for days at a time like i do with my first ex. will he ever become just a distant memory like that? i'm worried he wont! but i should add, i guess at the same time i'm worried he will... if that makes any sense...

[Puckdog27]

LOL. It's not a lot at all, the point is that we agreed that he'd call to give it to me. And he didn't. I really don't care about the money. It's just I hoped he'd remember like last time. Oh well. And yeah, I guess that's a window. And one day he's going to want his stuff back too. And I'll make sure he waits a lot for them. And has them one at time. Not necessarily in the order he wants them.

 

My ex still has something that belongs to me and I know so because she told my mom months ago that she had it. When I got my remaining stuff from her she said she didnt have it. I just smiled. I know that she wanted to hang on to something for that window, because although its something sentimental, she knows I never use it. I have an item that belongs to her. I plan to break NC after 90 days and if she seems up to discussion, I will mention it. If she is standoffish, more NC.

 

Forget the money for now. Forget him for now.

[supercalifragilistic]

My ex still has something that belongs to me and I know so because she told my mom months ago that she had it. When I got my remaining stuff from her she said she didnt have it. I just smiled. I know that she wanted to hang on to something for that window, because although its something sentimental, she knows I never use it. I have an item that belongs to her. I plan to break NC after 90 days and if she seems up to discussion, I will mention it. If she is standoffish, more NC.

 

Forget the money for now. Forget him for now.

 

I'm doing my best

 

I plan to break NC as well after 30 days. Or more if I don't feel ready by then. I have his favorite book, some clothes...who knows what else. He has a book he gave me, my money, my ring, my boyfriend!

 

Regardless, there'll always be an excuse even if I have to make it up. But not before the 30 days.

 

I want to forget about it so bad! Maybe that's why I can't! I guess it's like I read in this book, "You can have anything you want, as long as you don't want it". Meaning the more you feel like you need it or the more obsessed you are with wanting it, the less likely you are to attract it. Once you don't care about it, it'll probably come to you.

[supercalifragilistic]

hahaha, super, you crack me up. i'm not sure that's exactly the right attitude either, but i'll let it go for now since it's much better than being sad!

 

and i know what you mean, i wonder when mine will contact me too. in some ways i feel like it's a stupid contest or something. who can hold out longer? i'm guessing him since he's dating someone... grrrr...

 

sometimes i wonder if counting the days like this is counterproductive. i wish i could just forget about him for days at a time like i do with my first ex. will he ever become just a distant memory like that? i'm worried he wont! but i should add, i guess at the same time i'm worried he will... if that makes any sense...

 

Mine is probably dating as well. It was why he wanted to leave after all, so he better be. I deleted my myspace so I just have no clue. I just hope it's just meaningless stuff. I don't know how I'd react if he started another relationship after insisting he wanted to be SINGLE and have freedom and that he tought he'd be back. Something like that might motivate me to make sure whoever he's with doesn't have to worry about birth control (or sex even) for a while. Jerk.

[Puckdog27]

Mine is probably dating as well. It was why he wanted to leave after all, so he better be. I deleted my myspace so I just have no clue. I just hope it's just meaningless stuff. I don't know how I'd react if he started another relationship after insisting he wanted to be SINGLE and have freedom and that he tought he'd be back. Something like that might motivate me to make sure whoever he's with doesn't have to worry about birth control (or sex even) for a while. Jerk.

 

Let them date! The greatest majority of dating doesnt work out. Remember what I said about stepping in dog sh*t? Cant step in any in your own yard if there is no dog! After the step in it, they may come back home for clean shoes!

[ExarionUniverse19]

Yeah, I always think "she isn't thinking about me, she's moved on", and whenever I see her with her friends or doing something happy, I think she doesn't care. I mean, I think that because she supposedly lost interest, she doesn't care... I know she does, though it really doesn't matter.

[got to get through this]

I'm trying to joke even though my heart is broken. I have used this board in the past to get through a broken heart and it truly helped. Of course that guy I previously posted about never really was into me and no we never got back together despite the NC.. but this situation is different. I know this person loves me and our relationship was much more serious.

 

I guess tomorrow will technically start NC for me as I stupidly contacted my ex on several occasions today (as I was feeling pretty panicky) until he pretty much acted annoyed and said that he needed time away from me. It was hard to hear that because he is usually the one that calls me a zillion times a day and especially since during the times that I have said I can't talk to him and he has called anyway and/or texted, I have never been able to turn HIM away but whatever. I am definitely the more sensitive between the two of us which is part of the problem.

 

Ours is a little bit of a unique situation... I am the dumpee and dumper. He broke up with me before only to come back shortly after saying how he could not be without me and loved me so much but after this most recent brief reconciliation, he seemed wrapped up in himself and just generally unhappy (there are some very painful things also going on in his life) and just not seeming to know WHAT he wants and didn't seem confident about us. I tried to be loving and supporting but I felt uncomfortable reassuring him that we should be together. I want someone to KNOW they want to be with me, plus there was some other stuff I was uncomfortable with. Basically I felt like he was being pretty insensitive and trying to push me away so I went away.

 

So technically I still feel like the dumpee and am hurting very badly. I know he needs his time away and I just need to not wait around or contact him. I know I need to focus on myself and get back to the me that existed before he came along. This is just such an odd relationship... I've had other relationships end and have not had such a problem with no contact but with him it's much more difficult because we seriously probably talked/texted like 30 times a day... and now there is a huge void. I just want to take my power back. I know it's within me. And I know that not dealing with him will help me get there. Right now I feel so horribly weak and vulnerable. I hate that he has this power over me and that he seems so fine. I just wish I could skip ahead a couple weeks along in this journey because it is so painful. Is there anyone out there just starting out with NC?

[got to get through this]

oh yeah and question... if he does contact me, I have to ignore him? For how long do I do that? And if he does want me back wouldn't that make him think I don't want him anymore? How would we ever get back if I am ignoring him? It is sooo hard to ignore him. Of course, this time who knows how long it will be or when he will contact me?

 

I am worried because he is the type that always needs to be dating or with someone and he has no problem finding able bodied women. It just sucks. If you love something, set it free comes to mind here. It just hurts knowing that he will most likely be dating immediately but I guess I know in my heart that it doesn't matter who he meets/dates... if he still loves me that cannot be ignored for long, right?

[Rosie007]

and to those thinking of breaking NC after 30 days i say don't. I contacted my ex after 40 days of NC, look at me now. We agreed to try things out and she didn't even make an effort. Kept disappearing and not returning calls and when i started asking ?'s, i was accused of not trusting her. She wasn't ready for me, i should've let her be and continued with NC.

 

Let them break contact, that way you'll know if they really want to work things out. DONT INTIATE CONTACT.

 

BTW, im not contacting her on her bday.

 

 

Thanks, Tshwane. I hear you loud and clear.

[got to get through this]

me again. Sorry I keep writing, I'm just trying to keep distracted. I just want to get over this. A big part of me thinks I would be better off if he never contacted me again yet still I love him and don't feel our relationship ran it's course. It would be so much easier to just assume it's over. It's so true though... I had another relationship about 5 years ago where we would break up get back together break up and I got really upset about the whole thing and at one point I really loved him and hurt horribly over everything but after a period of no contact, I was feeling better and relieved to not be with him, so of course wouldn't you know it... guess who wanted me back, begged for me back? I didn't even WANT to go back. I think they can sense it when you are getting over them and thats when they resurface. Maybe it makes them feel better... relieved, like you can be fine without them and that takes some pressure off their shoulders... I know that has been true of me in the past... I freaked out when I felt I was the world to someone else... I only felt better about them when I saw that they didn't need me to be happy. It also made me respect them more. Just some thoughts.

[MissIndigo]

Day 16.

 

But...got a letter over the weekend from the guy's grandmother, thanking me for some stuff I sent her before everything went to the gutter.

 

She wrote in it how sad she was to hear that X and I are no longer together, and that she "could scarcely believe it".

 

Brings back the hurt, although I appreciate how his family acknowledged what happened and that they are wishing me well.

 

Have an impulse to say something about this letter, but I think I should give it at least until 30 days have passed to say something again, and maybe even that's too soon.

[got to get through this]

well it's a good thing for me that No Contact starts tomorrow! Merely hours after he tells me to give him time away he texts me something funny (an inside joke between us). Of course I'm not in the joking mood but I think he was just trying to lighten things up. I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE IGNORED but I sent a quick funny text back. Don't want him to think I'm miserable. Honestly, don't know what it is but I am not feeling quite as bad as usual. Maybe it's this forum or maybe it's the fact that I've already wasted so much time hurting over him in our other break up and drama. In a sense, I felt a bit of relief when he told me he needed time away from me. It kind of took the pressure off of me. Whereas before I felt like if I didn't contact him, he would think I didn't still care. I just know that when I've hurt too much, I finally shut off. I keep waiting for the shut off but so far it has not come.

 

Like I said, No contact starts tomorrow but this guy honestly doesn't make things easy. If I know him like I think I know him, he won't be able to not contact me for long. Historically, he cannot deal with not talking to me. I have a feeling that my struggle here is not going to be not hearing from him but instead staying strong and not responding/answering to him when he does contact me. I am just so sick of all this nonsense. I can't believe how many wrong people I've been with or how many people didn't appreciate me til after I was already gone. I never would have thought I'd still be dealing with this stuff at my age.

[candidate_0]

Day 1 - Went fine, I just got loads of coursework done for college.

 

Day 2 - Went fine as well, went to the pub with my mates and got out.

 

Day 3 - I'm just doing work now, she's myspaced me saying something about not speaking for ages, I didn't log in just went straight to my page so it'll be fine that it seems like I've just not read it yet.

 

I need to make this last at least a week. But so far stuffs alright!

[11everything2-1nothing]

Day 10

 

Woke up crying. Can't understand why he has done this to me feeling. Barley made it through yesterday without calling close enough to dial the number stare at it and close the phone. However, the urge to contact today is even stronger than it was yesterday

[mikeca]

keep it up all, its good to see you utilizing this resource whenever you feel the need to break NC. Focus on yourself, in more detail find yourself again.

[got to get through this]

1 + 1

 

know how you are feeling and am commiserating. I know I will feel that way after 10 days of NC too, I'm sure much less than that. But think of it this way, you are 9 days further along then me. I am just beginning the mourning process : ( Doesn't it suck that we are still dealing with all this stuff? I am close to your age.

 

Does anyone ever get paranoid that their ex will read this stuff and think we are crazy? I know I do. lol. I like it though. I think it's a healthy way to get through this.. and if my ex does read it, well just know that i got over the last dude this way in way less time then I ever thought possible and never looked back. So as crazy as I may seem right now, this is helping me get over YOU ! That should also give some of you other people out there confidence too.. this board has helped me in the past (although I have a new name this time round)... so if you are new here, hang in there. There is something healing about knowing that other people are suffering right along with you.

[misskitty]

DAY 1

 

broken up almost a month.

 

again. I woke up crying because of a dream I had. I have been crying ever since. I texted him. I feel stupid for doing it. My appetite is gone again, I can't keep anything down.

[papalazarou]

All I can say Miss Kitty is that after a month of NC you will feel better.

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 10

 

Woke up crying. Can't understand why he has done this to me feeling. Barley made it through yesterday without calling close enough to dial the number stare at it and close the phone. However, the urge to contact today is even stronger than it was yesterday

 

Hang in there, it will get better. I can tell you because I was the exact same way. I couldn't stop crying, couldn't sleep, eat. I'd dream about him ALL THE TIME. Now, on the rare ocasion that I dream about him, I don't even come close to crying. I may get a unpleasant feeling, but that's about it.

 

Try to find things to do that make you happy. It'll be hard as first, but soon you'll realize you can live without him and maybe you're even happier this way! Not that you wouldn't be happy if he came back, but in the sense that if you were still with him you more than likely would be having a lot of unhappiness as well. I don't know the details of you situation, but from what I read it seems very similr to mine. I found the biggest problem in the beggining was that I couldn't understand why he wanted to break up. It just didn't make sense. Sure I was being very needy and clingy, but he always acted as if he really liked me and even talked about the future all the time and when I'd talk about something I wanted to do he'd immediatelly include himself in it and use "we" instead of "I" in situations where he wasn't even supposed to be included. Anyways, just an example. It was a huge shock, but after he wanted to come back and then broke up yet again, I finally was able to realize that the reason he did all that is because he is not ready for a relationship. He does not know what he wants. He does like me, but I was pressuring him too much. Once I realized that, I was able to accept it. Maybe you should think about the relationship and see if you can make sense of the break up somehow. Or do some NC until you're feeling ready to talk to him about it without crying and anger and acusations and get some closure.

 

There are lots of ways to make yourself feel better really, you just have to find the one that's best for you. If you need to talk about it, feel free to reply to this or pm me if you prefer, I'd be happy to try and help you even it's just by "listening"

[Dubb]

Day 3! I been feeling down today. I am starting to think I am not allowing myself to get out of this. I might have to say by to these forums for a while and find some new time sinks.

[thelonelydoll]

Day 27 since last direct contact/ Day 10 since I looked at his myspace

 

I don't cry at all or have dreams about the ex (that I know of) - but my sleep patterns are really disturbed and I don't eat much, either. I'm getting to the point where I'm too skinny for my "skinny clothes". Which might be good for a bikini, but is really hard on the body.

 

I have fleeting urges to contact the ex, but I know that no good can come of it. The feeling of not having any closure makes NC difficult - but I know I must stay strong now if I still feel the need for closure later on. Which I'm hoping I won't - I'm hoping I'll move on and forget everything I went through with this one. At which point, I won't have that nagging "closure" need.

[macgyver4ever]

Day 7

 

A week went by fast!!!

Yesterday was the best day I have had in about 6 months. I was in a great mood, had 2 great interviews, and have scheduled 2 more!!! I called this girl and even though we didn't talk long, we have a great conversation. She sounds like a lot of fun!

 

I woke up this morning a little down, so I grabbed a Mt. Dew, and am feeling better. Little things still bother me about my ex, and they can get me down if I dwell on them. That's why I don't dwell on the anymore!!

 

I was supposed to meet my "rebound" for brunch today, but there is a blizzard here in Chicago. I think I am going to call and try to reschedule. I don't feel like driving around in this. We are trying to be just friends. I'll let you know how that works!

 

 

Today I feel: Confident, Upbeat, Hallow, and Excited.