solarplexus Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Krisnakay, What you have done shows no weakness in it. I am sure that nearly all senior people here would say that it is actually showing your strength. I am having the same dilemma now. We decided to stay friends. But I know that I can't for now. So its my 17th day of NC. I know that she will call me. I really do not know what I have to do when that calls come. Just ignore it, or answer and tell my NC reason and request her not to call me as a friend. Hope some people here will help me on this. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I have ignored my ex's attempts at contact, hard as it's been not to reply to some of the out-right wrong accusations he's made via voicemail and text message. I know I'm supposed to feel better about being strong in not replying, but part of me does want to explain things he was mistaken about. But until I feel more healed, I know I must ignore his contact. If were ever going to be friends (though I think it's unlikely) there's no point in getting into a dialogue, and my lack of reply should tell him all he needs to know. If there's any chance at a friendship, I don't see it happening for a year or so. Oh - Day 26 since last direct contact/ Day 9 since I viewed his myspace. Still struggling with feelings of anger and bitterness. Link to comment
Dubb Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 2, I feel good. Maybe it has not kicked in yet but I have had 4months of limbo to get used to not being around the ex. I went out in style and that is the most important thing to me. I feel such a relief after I just put it all on the table and gave her the ball to play with by herslef. Link to comment
HangingInThere Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 We decided to get back together on Saturday, so my no contact lasted i guess 4-5 days (dont really remember). Oddly enough, it took someone from ENA behavior or situation with her boyfriend, for me to realize my behavior towards my boyfriend (shoebaby, kind of reminded me of some of ways) wasnt really nice. Even though he never complained about it, I saw a bit of me in her, so I decided to make amends with him. so as of Saturday, we are a couple again. (hope i am doing the right thing) Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 9 cont Ok so I feel like I am going to crack. I just can't take waiting for him to contact me anymore. I have written him three emails but did not send them thinking it would make me feel better to write down what I want to say at least. I deleted them after I wrote them. I want to talk to him so badly. I am going out later, but it seems like time is moving unbearably slow. If anyone feels like responding to this nothing negative please. I rather no one respond actually just wanted to put how I am feeling out there. Link to comment
Pending Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 After 3 weeks I won't see her her for 4 months...(summer) Was suppose to live with her, but now i'll be living a few hours away...is it worth me attempting this? (no contact all summer seems kinda...well not productive) Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Seems to me it's the perfect time to apply NC - and make it productive for you! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 6 Hi everyone!! Congrats to HanginginThere for trying again. Make sure the snake has been removed from the basket before you try to make things work! It's great that you are learning from your mistakes, and learning from others. A wise move. Yesterday I felt like garbage. The only thing that makes me feel good is sugar and caffeine, so I loaded up before my interview today. It went well. I got some incredible advice last night and today from Blender, Tha Gipper, and This is Horrible. The really helped me pull my head out of my a**, and I owe them a debt of gratitude. I read an article on MSN about how if you had an ex that treated you like garbage, and you are still thinking highly of them, wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you think of them snap it. It will remind you of the pain they have caused you, and make you not think highly of them. My best advice to give, and I know this is cliche, but give up and move on. If they come back they will come back, if they don't, you have moved on and won't care. Don't worry about what they are doing, who they are with, and why they did it because it doesn't matter. Thinking about it does not good, because you have no control over it and there is nothing you can say to stop it. Give up, move on, and enjoy life. I'm trying my best to take this advice, as hard as it is. Make plans for the future, something exciting. If you have the money, plan a trip. Escape this world you are in. I can't afford a trip, but I have made plans to move to Downtown Chicago next Fall, and have been talking to my future roommate about what we are going to do while living together. It gives me hope for a happy future. Doing things I always wanted, and never would have if I had stayed with my ex. Today I feel: Confident, Upbeat, Energetic (caffeine and sugar), and Excited. Link to comment
boston23 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 1 Hi everyone!! I'm back! Yeehaw. So basically, I did the challenge a while ago, and then probably after something like 40 days NC my ex contacted me, I ignored and eventually responded...and we ended up getting together to talk, which was actually very nice because it made the break up make a little more sense. So, we were on friendly terms for a couple of weeks...and then he started flirting with me a couple of times a day by text, and I was flirting back. Eh, other stuff happened not worth mentioning too. Last week I got really upset and realized that even though he had been ignoring me for the last couple of months of our relationship, that happened only after I had stopped hanging out with him. I went and talked to him about it (really upset), and he just said that I had obviously been protecting myself from something, and it's the choice I made. He was definitely distancing himself from the relationship and from me. The conversation made me realize that since I still have feelings for him, there's absolutely no reason to even try to pretend to be friends with him. Just not worth it. Also, looking back at the relationship, I know now that I was distancing myself from him because I didn't trust him at all (for good reason)...and yet I wasn't willing to break up with him because I was in "looooove." Ugh. Yesterday I contacted him to try to get the last of my stuff back from his apartment (3 things or something), just so I would not have one reason to contact him again, and I could really extradite him from my life....he didn't respond and so apparently to get the stuff I need to go over w/o calling him first, or I need to bug him until he responds. I have a strong desire to go over there and get the stuff (and be stupid and say barely anything but give him some silly meladramatic look when I leave). The desire is so strong that while I was writing this post, I closed the window and thought, NC starts tomorrow. No, NC starts today. It's much more powerful for me to start it this way than to scuttle over there to get the stuff that I've left there for 4 months. I don't need to explain anything and in a while he'll get tired of not speaking to me and contact me himself, and I won't be giving him the power again. I've been seeing a therapist recently. It's been really nice to talk to her about everything (especially since I feel like I can't start talking to any of my friends/family about it since they all think that I should be done talking about the whole thing). Also, thinking about the situation has made me realize that even though I wanted him to be a certain way, you can't change someone. There were soooo many things that I ignored about him. Little things and big things. And I guess now I realize that even though I really did love him, it's ok for him not to be the person I want to marry, etc. I don't want my husband to be like him, and that's ok. So I'm back in on the challenge. This time around I think that my emotions are going to be much more stable than before (now when I start to get upset about this stuff, all I have to do is take a deep breath and calm myself down). The whole NC thing, though, is sometimes difficult. It's kind of like a bad habit wanting to contact him. My focus for this first week is going to be on working on not thinking about him, and trying to shift my focus when I do start to think about him. Link to comment
Krisnakay Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I am starting back at day one tomorrow..I don't feel like I failed anymore since I really was not expecting anything out of it.My letter that I gave him was my unfinished business and now there is no other reason to contact him in any way.I feel like the ball is in his court and I can move on a little easier. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 quick update from me.. Well it's day 12. Yeah thought about my ex today as like most days but in a nice way.. Had a great time at the gym earlier and even had a reasonable day at work!! Link to comment
bear12 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 day 26 (round two) today i'm really obsessed with what he's thinking for some reason. i still think about him ALL the time and i want to know if he thinks about me at all anymore. a month after the break up when we went a week without talking, he admitted to me that he thought about me "every five minutes" isn't that weird? anyway, does he still feel that way after all this NC? or has it just helped him to forget all about me? i know it shouldn't matter, but i'd like to think i'm not super easily replacable! i'm trying to think positively about my own life, though.. i've got a lot going for me and he shouldn't be the end all be all of that... but it's hard... Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Puckdog: Welcome to the pack. You're a fine addition and I like the feedback you've been giving. Thanks Rosie! I decided I was gonna do NC but I refuse to whine! Yes I am hurting like everyone else, but being encouraging to others has made me feel better myself. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 22 of LC. Cried again today. Feeling sort of Blah. Have to see the ex today, as usual, but have to work more closely with him today. Would rather not! Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 6 Things are not so well anymore. I'm starting to obsess about him again. Is he going to call? Why hasn't he called?? He was going to call me about by money, did he not get it yet or did he forget about me that well that he doesn't even remember he has to pay it back? Or maybe he found someone he likes so much better he doesn't even want to see me AT ALL. Go away stupid negative thoughts!!! I was actually feeling so happy, had the greatest yoga class today. But when I went to therapy before that the therapist insisted so much that I was only putting on a happy face that I think I've started believing. I just want to forget all about him. I want to stop thinking about him and seeing things that remind me of him every 5 seconds. Ugh. I'm going to my stupid class and just repeat to myself that everything is going to be just fine, JUST FINE, maybe I'll believe it eventually. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Hi SC I know how you feel as sometimes have the occasional day like that, try to stay strong. Some days are weird every name you hear on the tv is theirs, the radio seems to play songs that remind you of them. Someone who you have not seen you in a while says hows so and so (the ex) then you have to say OH, we're not together anymore and so on.. Had a good few of those days and still get glimpses of them even now but not as much so. I hope you get stronger and find each day easier. It helps to come on here and vent or let everyone know how you feel. We are all in the same boat kinda thing.. Take Care Andy Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 super I feel the same way today. I obsessing over him calling me. I feel like cracking. I don't think he is ever going to call me. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Stay strong 1+1, I know it's easier said than done. If I have one of those can't get them off my mind moments, I force myself to do something that occupies my mind no matter how odd a task. It could be putting your CD's or books in alphabetical order or something at least it keeps you busy and your mind is on other things. Link to comment
bear12 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 super and 1+1: i know it's lame to say that NC is supposed to be about healing yourself and not getting them back (b/c i know the former idea is always in the back of our minds) but i think it's a valuable thing to remember and i also think it's important to remember that: 1) we're very likely going to have to go through this pain at some point since breaking up was their decision adn they're likely not going ot change their minds. and if you break NC you'll have to start all over again! you're saving yourself a lot of pain and heart ache by just powering through this and fighting your urges... breaking NC sets you way way back. it hurts now, but it hurts even more to talk to them and hearing they're doing "great" and all... or even that they're not doing "great" trust, me, i've done it all... 2) if there is even the teeniest tiniest chance of getting back together, it's going to be after giving them space and learning and growing ourselves and NC helps you do that... 3) and most importantly, as time passes it does get slowly easier, i promise... that's not to say that i never have REALLY bad days now, but my life feels somewhat "normal" without him in it and hopefully if we just keep on this path we'll get to the point that we realize we're better and stronger w/out them and we can look forward to finding someone even better than them! i know that's not the most comforting thing ever, but it's the best i can do right now!!! heads up, kids!! we can do it! Link to comment
houdini Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 50 for me... Don't feel to good as of late. I've been obsessing about my ex and why she treated me like a piece of gum that lost it's flavor. Someone I shared 5+years of my life with, have a child with, was good to her children from her previous marriage...only to be treated like I meant nothing to her.. It's been tough this past week and I just wish I had one sign, anything to know that she cares a little or that I meant something to her.... I don't know what to do or think anymore...I've tried hard to be strong and not contact but I feel that I just made it easier for her to forget about me...."out of sight out of mind".... To my ex: I miss you, love you and life won't be the same without you!!!!! Houdini Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I see alot of post here today about how everyone is close to having a break down day. And as a matter of fact I had a similiar kind of day. I wanted to make an excuse to call her. But now just a few hours later, I cant for the life of me remember what the excuse was so it must had been as meaningless as the call would have been. Here is the thing, no matter how much you want to DONT. There are alot of people in this forum and I cant imagine that we all were in relationships with uncaring, mindless people. Take some solace in the fact that while it may seem easier for them, they are hurting a little. I would bet anyone anything that each time her phones rings she has 1 little wonder if its me calling to tell her I still love her. I said it before. SILENCE IS DEAFENING. Do you really think they dont remember anything good when they hear your song? That they dont sometimes wonder if it was a mistake? I have been a dumper and moved on, and even when dating someone new I would say "What would so and so have been like here with me" or "This reminds me of her" LET THEM WONDER. Let them sit accross from the new person at dinner and think "well Im here with her, I wonder who she/he is with" Believe me they do. If you feel like calling start a new thread. You will get 100 happier replies in less than an hour! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 1 Hi everyone!! I'm back! Yeehaw. Good to see you Boston. Sounds like you have been doing well, and as much as I hate to see you back in the challenge, its good to know you have your head on straight and are on the right path. Houdini, I feel for you brother. I've been struggling lately, but Mt. Dew is pulling me through!!! As sad as it sounds, a little sugar and caffeine can go a long way to making you feel better. As much as it pains me, there are people out there that just jump from relationship to relationship when that magic feeling dies down. They think that is what love is, and if they lose the butterflies for a little bit, they think the love is gone. Movies, TV and the media have made people think this way and it is sad. Someday they will figure it out, but it is not something you can tell someone. They have to learn it on their own, and if it is a concept they can't comprehend, then unfortunately you are better off. Something that has made me feel better is to do something that you couldn't when you had your ex (and the kids) around. Start that collection of broken glass, learn to play the saxaphone, or simply eat food your ex hated. It's fun!! Link to comment
bigthings46 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Day 10 and I am losing my mind. I am fighting myself to not reach out to her today. Im trying to find an excuse to apologize for my childish behavior as of late cuz I feel like I made an * * * out of myself. The problem is I don't want to make myself look like a chump by apologizing for my actions if its uncalled for. What a freaking mess. I swear that this NC thing and coming to this website every ten minutes is making things worse for me. I feel like I didn't show her enough interest cuz she was always calling me and when she stopped I never started calling her, I never begged for her to come back, I was always so nonchalont and never made a fuss. Its like all of her friends where telling her to watch out and how I will just be making her feel bad if she wants to go out and just wait but I never did that. If she wanted to go out I couldn't give a crap. But when she wanted to see me I was always there. I don't know what the heck is going on right now. I am an emotional mess. I don't even want to leave my house cuz I told myself I am not going to drink anymore and if I go out the only place I have to go is the bar cuz all of my friends are pretty much gone. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 You're right. NC is really the way to go. Thing is, I really don't feel like breaking NC. I REFUSE to call him. WILL *NOT* DO IT. BUT! I want HIM to call ME, even if it's just to give me my money!!! Ok, maybe that wouldn't be too nice, I'd probably be hurt if it was just that. But I want him to freaking miss me and ACT ON IT! I know, that's sick. But I can't help but think the worst when I know he is going to the same college as me every single night and more than likely got his paycheck YESTERDAY, or even last week, and yet he hasn't made any contact even about that, I mean, he wouldn't even have to go out of his way for that, and might even score himself a couple of rides and not have to take the bus because he knows I'd drive him to college if he calls me when I'm about to leave my house! Ugh! I just want him out of my head. That's all I want. I hate that I keep thinking about him. No matter what I do, he's always in the back of my head. Not in a sad depressing way like it used to be. But in a very annoying way that's starting to drive me crazy and make me very angry. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Here is the thing, no matter how much you want to DONT. There are alot of people in this forum and I cant imagine that we all were in relationships with uncaring, mindless people. Take some solace in the fact that while it may seem easier for them, they are hurting a little. I would bet anyone anything that each time her phones rings she has 1 little wonder if its me calling to tell her I still love her. Now that you said that, I really bet he's wondering how long I'll last with NC this time, because I never went more than a week without calling him. Everytime I said I wouldn't contact him I ended up doing just that. So I bet he's at least wondering that. I said it before. SILENCE IS DEAFENING. Do you really think they dont remember anything good when they hear your song? That they dont sometimes wonder if it was a mistake? I have been a dumper and moved on, and even when dating someone new I would say "What would so and so have been like here with me" or "This reminds me of her" LET THEM WONDER. Let them sit accross from the new person at dinner and think "well Im here with her, I wonder who she/he is with" Believe me they do. If you feel like calling start a new thread. You will get 100 happier replies in less than an hour! I guess you're right! I'll let him wonder. I just wish I didn't wonder as well. I wish I didn't care anymore. Link to comment
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