THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[lady00]

Each day of LC/NC brings a new perspective for me and less frequent thoughts of the ex. Whereas before I was afraid to fully do NC, now I can't wait until I can. I feel so much freer. Am breathing easier now.

[sweetharmony]

haven't posted in a while here, but I'm on day 45ish of NC/LC. doing much better, though he still wants to be in my life, as a friend. he continues to contact me... not sure what his motivation is...but i reply sometimes out of courtesy. I am not spiteful or mean to him and I am aware he's not trying to get back... the hope still exists, but every day gets easier. i've had enough rel'ps thankfully to know that I will find love once again...

 

mac4ever, i enjoy reading your posts. keep posting away, you def. came a long way since i first saw your posts on here. sorry, but sometimes i also get a good laugh-but not in an offending way at all!

[macgyver4ever]

haven't posted in a while here, but I'm on day 45ish of NC/LC. doing much better, though he still wants to be in my life, as a friend. he continues to contact me... not sure what his motivation is...but i reply sometimes out of courtesy. I am not spiteful or mean to him and I am aware he's not trying to get back... the hope still exists, but every day gets easier. i've had enough rel'ps thankfully to know that I will find love once again...

 

mac4ever, i enjoy reading your posts. keep posting away, you def. came a long way since i first saw your posts on here. sorry, but sometimes i also get a good laugh-but not in an offending way at all!

 

I appreciate it!! My life is pretty humorous right now.................a mess, but funny from a distance.

 

Thanks for saying I've made progress. It doesn't feel like it at times, but I can see some growth. You just made my night!!!

[p_fred]

mac4ever, I don't think you should send her anything for her birthday - you could re-establishing a possible position of "backup plan". Try NC until she contacts you.

 

My ex (of 3 months dating) "broke up" with me in June and I have been NC since Oct (tried to be friends - bad idea). A small slip around xmas when I sent her an email although she did not respond. I stayed with NC for her birthday in Oct (very hard.. I did buy a card but threw it out)

 

I have been healing fine and lately mutual friends have been dropping her name in to conversations - very frustrating when you are thinking NC.

 

This weekend she dropped by a bar a group of us were at and talked to a mutual friend for a few minutes. I guess I broke NC by offering her a place to sit which she declinded and then she left after finishing her converstation.

 

Does it count as me breaking NC?

[solarplexus]

Over a week of NC now.

 

Passed a nice weekend. Even went out to dinner with friends and then to a bar. Felt great to be back again living my life.

 

Even started to think that I do not love her the way I used to do anymore.

 

However, though I am consciously forcing my brain to let her go and not to think about her, seems every other system in my body is against this. It is interesting to realize this feeling.

 

Yes something subconscious does not want to let her go. I am fighthing with it now.

[honeyspur]

 

Does it count as me breaking NC?

 

Sure - but you have been NC several months - I think you are ok now.

Breaking NC doesn't need to be punishable - it's just a sign to get back up on the horse.

 

I've technically been NC with some past boyfriends for over ten years now.

If I ran into them, I'd feel weird, but nothing like I used to feel when the break up was new.

[bar35]

I need to take this challenge because I just recently sort of dropped the ball. Last weekend i went to a bar in hopes that my ex would be there. I also took my link removed profile off private in hopes that she would check it out. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me today.

[papalazarou]

I need to take this challenge because I just recently sort of dropped the ball. Last weekend i went to a bar in hopes that my ex would be there. I also took my link removed profile off private in hopes that she would check it out. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me today.

 

Mate it happens to us all. First couple of weeks I couldnt care less...im now at 6 weeks of not having seen her and I must admit I have had moments of weakness.

 

Maguyver said in an earlier post that he read somewhere that the body kind of realises that at 6 weeks they aint coming back...

[BrokenHeart82]

Day 10 NC...doing well, dont want to contact except the feeling that maybe I should for the Bday. I know its a bad idea...i do..but on the other hand, i will feel so awful for not aknowledging it at all!

 

On the other hand, i know he'll be with his new girl on that day so why wish him anything..thats her job now. Im so conflicted.

[SuperDave71]

Broken,

 

 

**Remember this**

 

We miss what we can't/don't have the most...

 

 

-SuperDave71

[BrokenHeart82]

Yes SD...thats what...a good 80 percent of me is saying! I know the theory behind it, i understand that...

 

Is there anyway that not doing this could backfire on me? I mean by not saying anything for the bday is there anyway this could turn out bad for me.

 

I do realize in my heart of hearts that there isnt a big chance hes out there saying "I want BH back...if only she'll send me a birthday greeting, ill be hers forever".

 

However, i dont want it to be soooo obvious that i intentionally forgot him...does that make any sense?

[SuperDave71]

Broken,

 

How can something backfire when its not there? I assume he broke up with you. Trust me on this one....don't do it. Let him have his birthday without you....I am sure he will think of you but how on earth could he be angry or upset when he rejected you? You are palinly making an excuse to contact him ( for a special day, I understand that...) but I promise you, just let it go for now.

 

Let the expected phone call go by....it will make him think alot more that if you DO call....

 

 

Don't do it...

 

 

-SuperDave71

[BrokenHeart82]

Its a couple weeks away, so hopefully by then i wont even want to...i guess im just worried it'll look bad on me for intentionally ignoring him on his day.

 

However, thinking back..when i last talked to him i told him to have a great bday sooooo im covered i guess.

[SuperDave71]

You're covered......

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[p_fred]

Honeyspur,

 

No I don't need to be punished! Her showing up totally freaked me out - it makes small hurricanes in my head. I was talking with the other people and after she left I couldn't think straight for 10 minutes - couldn't name the cross streets for directions which we walk accross every day! It was like someone used a big magnet to wipe out my brain.

 

Still wondering why she showed up. Maybe testing the waters? She is the one that ended it with me (I think maybe for someone else but never said so) so I don't feel that I should call her. Feels like maybe she is either hoping I will call, is looking for attention, or maybe I'm the backup guy. I'd rather think she is missing me/loves me and is thinking to try again.

 

Help SD!

[SuperDave71]

p_fred,

 

 

Give the the run down will ya....? The short version..

 

 

 

-SuperDave61

[MissIndigo]

I'm going to begin checking in on this thread; I've been following it for a while now.

 

Day 8 of NC for me. Short version--spoke to the guy end of Feb, learned he had posted an ad on link removed without telling me, of course I was furious and let him know so. Spoke to him two weeks later, briefly again a few days after that, then Sunday a week ago told him that I wasn't ready to be friends (in Feb. I got that ubiquitous "but I don't want this to end, I still want us to be friends"...and I'm thinking, "you don't want what to end, you t**t??" Told him that I wasn't going to stand around as his "friend" while he trolled online for dates and/or started relationships with others.

 

Felt better after telling him that but as the week has worn on more feelings of anger and flat-out rage have surfaced. Fatigue in other areas of my life may be exacerbating that, but I thought I'd be feeling better at this point, especially since I'd had several weeks beforehand to sort my feelings and be sure that telling him that I'm not ready to be friends was the right thing. But it's only been really a week, so, guess I'll try to keep hanging in there.

[macgyver4ever]

Day 13

 

I'm ok. I wish I was better, but I'm ok. I think about her too much still, not as much as before, but still too much. Not healthy thoughts. Mostly getting abck together with her and how much I miss her. I still don't get mad like I should. It's been about 7 weeks since things ended. I've only talked to her 2 times, and both times have been positive. I keep hoping she'll come back, and realize this guy is no good, but my fear is that he is a good guy, and treats her right. That's good for her, bad for me. I guess if it is true love, I want her to be happy, but I'd like to be selfish for once, and be happy. I deserve a little joy in my life every once in awhile.

 

My one friend that has been rooting for us to get back together, and is always saying she will come back, told me to give up last night. That made me feel sad, but it was reality. I know as soon as I meet someone else she will call, but she won't call unless she knows I am "a viable backup." She won't risk her pride on something she doesn't know. She has a fear of abandonment.

 

 

Today I feel: Depressed, Overwhelmed, Irritated, and Hungover- 3 days in a row!!!

[thelonelydoll]

Day Two (again)

 

I also still think too much about the ex - but it's not about getting back together at all, he was an abusive and manipulative drunk. My problem is that I get angrier than I perhaps should, I'm having a hard time letting go of the anger, when ordinarily I am not an angry person. What I'm trying to say is that these feelings are not any healthier than daydreaming about a reconciliation - that doesn't even enter my mind as there's a snowball's chance in hell I'd ever take him back.

 

Mac - I'd say listen to your friend, sad as it might make you feel. I wish I'd listened to my best friend months ago, it would have saved me from progressing to an engagemeent with this creep.

 

I'd also try not to be hungover for a 4th day in a row, you know alcohol is a depressant! Keep the NC going - you'll find your joy eventually.

[MasterT]

Day 38

 

Took me a moment to remember how many days have passed, haha! Always a good sign when you start to lose track of it.

 

Things have been looking up thus far. Went home, hung out with some buddies and worked on my tan (which is coming along nicely).

 

Met this girl who works at a Panera in my home town. She's pretty awesome. We had a great conversation with several laughs, and we are going to see a movie next week when I get back in town.

 

I'll keep everyone posted

[bigthings46]

Day 2

 

I woke up this morning and she was first thing on my mind. It really drive me nuts that I can't make it through a day without her being on my mind. I haven't been bringing my personal phone to work with me lately so I won't be checking it all day long waiting for a call. I came home from work and had a text message she sent @ lunch saying "glad your not upset, have a good day . I don't know where she comes off saying that Im not upset after I wrote her a 4 paragraph email telling her that I cared about her but I have to walk away if she doesn't want to be my gf and that I can't just be friends with her. I thought about replying for a min but maybe it wasn't even meant for me. I can't though I gotta get through these 30 days. Figures she gotta send something to get me thinking.

[solarplexus]

Bigthings46,

I had a text message at the beginning of NC. Do not think about what is behind that text. I did and that made me worse. Just ignore it and believe me that does not mean a thing.

Good luck.

[thelonelydoll]

Still on "Day Two Formerly Known As Day 17 But I Blew It" and I just got an email from the ex, acknowledging that he was psycho at the end, but putting it down to "dry drunk psychosis". [i think I mentioned somewhere else on here that the gmail filter system doesn't work very well - if it did I wouldn't have gotten the email in the first place, I set up filters for both of his email addresses 17 days ago.] Anyway, I saw it in the inbox, and I read it.

 

He wrote that he's in AA properly now, and thanked me for being the first person to make him realize the extent of his alcoholism. He said that he had regrets but "I won't apologise as the words of a drunk mean nothing" and he still has a long way to go.

 

He said he'd let me know when he has 30 days sober. Should I respond to tell him not to, or not reply at all? As I said, his email was not meant to reach me in the first place, I've got filters set up, but the filter system with gmail isn't really effective.

 

Oh hell, I know the answer to my own question anyway. No reply.

[Rosie007]

Day 49

 

Went away for weekend, to my hometown. Stayed with my best friend and her family, whom I love so. Had problems with my own family but I can't imagine going into that story on this thread.

 

Still miss him, still want him, not aching about it though. I had several rough days last week. But through it all I don't think breaking NC would help serve anything but making myself vulnerable in the way that is called "leading with the chin" ... and I'm not begging for a knock-out punch.

 

Still believe that if he doesn't contact me first, if he doesn't ask to start over, this time the right way, then I'd only be asking to be hurt. I'd be inviting someone to devalue me.

 

I do have this nagging worry that he's as stubborn as I, and that he's taking me at my word not to contact me ever again ... some kind of notion that I'm tapping into his abandoment isssues ... but no matter how many ways I play it out in my head, the fact remains that I stated my feelings clearly (i.e., I told him I loved him) and the fact remains that he said he doesn't share my feelings. So it doesn't make sense to think I've abandoned someone who didn't truly want me in the first place.

 

I'm not going to make necessity a virtue. I'm simply not going to contact him because logic dictates I shouldn't. He's a grown man and knows how to open the door he slammed shut (or caused me to slam shut by his decision to sleep with another). If I were to contact him, I'd only be opening myself up for inevitable heartache. I'd be making a declaration that he can walk all over me and my feelings. I don't want to do that. I choose the path that will help develop my character, not provide me with immediate but empty gratification.

 

-Rosie

[p_fred]

p_fred,

 

Give the the run down will ya....? The short version..

 

-SuperDave71

 

Ugh, I'm not sure I want to type it all out again

 

I feel better already. I guess it means that I'm pretty much healed. I'm at the point thinking "Would I try again with her? Has she changed? Can I really TRUST her? What would OUR future together look like? Maybe she isn't the girl for me like she said"

 

I just wonder if there was a reason behind her showing up. I'm also wondering IF she calls me (which I highly doubt) what should I do? answer the call? ignore it and see if she leaves a voicemail? I went through a lot of pain so I guess now I'm very apprehensive. I know quite a few times I called her and she wasn't there to answer my calls. I'm not even sure what we would talk about if I did talk to her.

 

short version = knew each other for about a year, dated for 3-4 months after that, had a really great time, I started to get paranoid because she was so sarcastic (my issues: hard for me to trust people), made me feel insecure & eventually she broke up with me (I think she was dating someone else, perhaps even at the same time or before me as she did mention not ready for a serious relationship) then dated a few more times, she started to complain about everything & stopped being affectionate. Eventually I went NC because after saying sorry it didn't help. That was probably about 5 months ago.

 

Now mutual friends occasionally bring up her name.. her & her friend (female) were out drinking here.. doing this.. doing that.. Almost like they are trying to tell me "she's available" ... plus she happens to show up where I go but not speak to me?

 

So basically I'm sticking with NC until I get real contact from her (ie: she actually speaks to me or calls me or emails.. none of this showing up where I happen to be - as in standing right beside me! and then disappearing without talking to me)

 

 

PS: macgyver4ever, don't do it.. stay NC for her birthday