boston23 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Do NOT look at those pictures Rosie!! Nothing will come of it, only bad feelings. Go do something productive...like taking a nice hot bath I had a good afternoon, and even though I had school stuff I could've done, I think that what I did instead was just perfect. I went shopping!! I'm not a huge shopper (and since my ex was, it had been stressful to shop for clothes before today...it just brought up memories)...but I had a fabulous time. Bought some nice make-up and $890 worth of clothes (on a ridiculous mark down!!!). So it was a good afternoon for me! Also, I watched The Secret, as people have been suggesting. I thought it was pretty interesting and there are definitely things that I can recognize as being completely true about my situation and how I was living my life. Anyway, today was one of those days that I honestly had no negative feelings...not even for 10 seconds. There were things that could've gone better today but I was so upbeat all day that they didn't phase me (horrible headache, feeling dizzy, etc). I think today was the best day I've had for months. Yay! I like to post when I'm feeling good because I feel that now that I do, maybe some of my good vibes can help others out. I know that when I was feeling horrible it was nice for me to read some happy posts from people who I knew hadn't been feeeling so good about things before. Hope everyone's doing well! Link to comment
splashdown Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Man am I glad I found this site. Just reading this thread (and others) has been therapy. I broke up with my gf of 6 yrs about three weeks ago. I found out that she had been seeing someone else for some months. I've done most of what SuperDave says not to. Not too much begging, but yeah...there've been tears and lots of contact. Unfortunately, I can't go absolutely NC, since we have a 5 year old together. But I've made it pretty clear now that I'd like to go LC. I'm actually feeling pretty good today. And actually have been most of the week. Some other things (non-relationship, professional) are going pretty well in my life, so that's good. But I do miss her terribly and feel pretty barren most of the day. Anyway, day 1, to the best of my abilities... Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 end of day 46....blew up!! so my father speaks to my ex's b/f...dude went pyscho on my pops. told him, "whatever you are saying, its being recorded. and my sister is a lawyer." funny thing is this guy is using vulgarity like nothing. then pops just told him, "you know what, just leave my son alone and move on with your life." then my pops talked to me asked me question reguard what the dude said. i answer, but thing is, he told my dad i went to his house while i with my ex, blah blah blah. my dad got mad. but here the thing, he didn't tell my dad why i went to his house. i told my dad, "hey i went to his house to pick up the ex. never confronted him watsoever." which i am telling the truth. then the dude leaves two voicemails. first voicemail, "f your wife, both your son's, and you. you can come to my house and tell my parents what i've accomplished, blah blah blah. your welcome to my effen house anytime." wow, big mistake..you said somethings that just got off hand. then the second voicemail, "sorry mr. XXXXXXXXXXX i apologize for my language and behavior and i can assure you that nothing will happen to your son." man...this guy sometimes just doesn't think. seriously im not trying to make this a big deal, but he is seriously pushing buttons. i don't know. i just wanna move on with my life, and i hope for him to do the same. he got the girl, fine. but leave me out of the drama. so yeah, now i just wanna relax and live my life peacefully now. Link to comment
vimora Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Okay SuperDave here's the story (although I did write in my post in the Healing section "i guess this is day 1 of NC...dumpee) My ex dumped me yesterday after a 2 and a half year relationship. He told me that he thought his feeling towards me may have changed, especially since we've been kinda weird and distant with each other in the last few weeks. He gets into these periods where he is so stressed that it seems he has no more room on his plate for anything else. I know he needed for at least our relationship to be the only sane thing left in the relationship but it was putting a strain on me trying act happy knowin that he was in a bad mood about something. But he won't talk. We had gone on a break before where he needed a break to sort out his problems. I told him we could work it out and work on being more open with each other instead of burying resentment and annoyances, but he told me he couldn't see how things could change and go back to the way things were. He thought it best we went our separate ways. So that the main part of it. And now a half hour to go until NC day 2!! sigh sigh sigh. Btw, saw "The secret" and it put me in a good mood. Thanks for your support, already met some really great people in this forum. And my friends at home have been really great too. Vimora Link to comment
light bulb Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well I had a major set-back today. She tricked me by calling me from a private number - I thought it was my Dr (since I had an appointment today).[-( She started talking and was nice for about 5 seconds until she was suddenly reminded that I'm an a-hole and hung up. I never got to say anything really. Of course that put thoughts into my head so I became a weak nacy again and texted her at least 4 times tonight. I HATE break ups and this is the first girl I've had play such games with me (another guys involoved btw). I'm getting a new number tomorrow and starting over. I hate waiting for that thing to buzz/ring...makes me want to when nothing happens. I'm sorry I failed so fast guys. I promise attempt two will be MUCH better. Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Hey Oatmeal Big hugs to you hun I dont know why they have to play with our heads like that...seems they have nothing better to do... But she got the reaction out of you didnt she, by you texting her, arent they good at getting you to that point and when you have sent it you are like Oh crap why did i do that Grrrrrrrrrr..... Dont be too hard on yourself, we ALL have setbacks... 1/ No need to apologise 2/ Promises are excused 3/ I love Australian cadbury easter egg chocolate its soooooo yummy hehe Hugs Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Oatmeal - Don't beat yourself up about it....SuperDave's got that covered! Seriously though, it's perhaps one of the hardest things to resist when you get a text or phonecall from them, especially when they leave loose ends in the conversation, leaves things open to interpretation or say something that is just so downright absolutely NOT TRUE that it goes against human instinct to not say "wait just a moment...you're talking crap". I'm on attempt two (though possibly 3...not overly sure if my nighttime unconscious texting counts or not) and I took heart from getting a fresh start to the challenge. It was like, 'ok, I screwed up, but now I get a chance to start over again and now I know what it does to me to talk to him, I'll do everything I can to avoid it.' Shadow - is Australian Cadbury's different to English? I've got a huge slab of Cadbury's right here and now I'm all curious... Link to comment
SadOldMan Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think it's day 8. Neither of us have tried contacting on another. I don't want to speak to her. I have nothing to say. after 12 years, this is the longest we haven't spoken. We still have some financial things to discuss and get sorted though. I'll deal with those next week. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Of course it is - it's going to be that way for awhile. Don't expect miracles. I've experienced both a slow change to a point where I realised "Oh, I haven't thought about X for ages" after a break up last year, and a sudden "Whoa! I don't miss him" that occurred the other day after nearly 2 months apart. I think the whole 'laying your cards out' is the thing that really gets to most people. You feel like you showed them everything you were and gave them all you could and they said "yeah...no thanks" and turn the table over leaving you to pick up all the cards whilst dealing with the shock of the table landing squarely on your head. I think you've just got to trust that every day heals you a little bit. Nobody believes that it will get better, even though everybody knows it will. Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Ok well tomorrow its 5 weeks of physical no contact and Im really feeling it. Im sitting here balling my eyes out and I dont know why. I just miss him so much.. you go from being with them to just snap thats it they are not in your life and its damn hard to adjust too...I guess cause its my nighttime too and I dont know why this setback, its not like me...but I cant stop crying.... I sent him a text message saying, 5weeks later & im happy with my life...but i still miss you like crazy... Why did I have to cave when I got all emotional...I guess this will come and go but it is certainly turning into a challenge .. Link to comment
ruby19 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Day 9....I'm very up and down between anger, sadness and glad to be rid of him. Just learned he will be coming back to work with our same group in May. Shoot me now :sad: Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Day 21 NC....I can see the end in sight!!! Shaker...thanks for the kind words. Didn't think I was inspiring anybody with my sadness but my philosophy is if you are going to be heartbroken may as well do it in style!!! So proud of you though! Not sure if this is getting easier, but I WILL see it through to the end. Still have my moments of weakness, in fact just last night my best friend came over and had to literally pin me down to stop me making 'that' call but I didn't do it. It's like being an addict and the ex is my drug! xxx Link to comment
honeyspur Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Didn't think I was inspiring anybody with my sadness but my philosophy is if you are going to be heartbroken may as well do it in style!!! Are you kidding Pisces? You are incredibly inspiring! Each day that everyone goes through - each time someone resists contacting the Ex and writes here to get support instead, is an inspiration. Keep it up everyone! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Hi Honeyspur, Thanks Sweetie xxX I honestly couldn't have done this without this board x Link to comment
Scrembledeggs Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Day 8 NC...I made it through Wednesday and resisted the temptation to call or otherwise reach out. Somehow Wednesdays are especially hard for me; mid-week slump or maybe the fact that we used to call each other at every commercial break during LOST...now the phone just sits there, dead. Feeling worse again today, actually much worse. I can't focus on my work...part of me wants to flip the desk over and start running...run out into the middle of a field and just scream at the top of my lungs until I pass out from exhaustion. Not gonna do that, of course...today will be just like yesterday and every other day. This is the worst I've felt in a few days, and I'm not really sure why. I liked it better when I felt angry, like she never deserved me anyway. Now I'm back to why, why why. Everyone seems like strangers today. I can't think of any other way to distract myself, when I work all week and go to the gym 4 - 6 days a week. I go to bed tired, I keep up with chores and errands, I cook all my own meals, I have RESPONSIBILITIES, I'm 'grown up' and independent, but this is always in the background eating away at me. Ahhhhh I'm not making any sense. So yeah...there's the beginning of day 8 for you. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Day 9 Yesterday was a little tough. I kept resisting the urge to call her parents to see how everything was with them, but I didn't. I told myself to wait until today, but I don't have the urge today. I feel great right now. I have another date planned for this weekend and am excited about it. She's a very sweet girl! I listened to some of "The Secret" last night, but will watch it tonight. I went to bed with a smile on my face for the first time in long, long time. Today I feel: Uplifted, Excited, Disappointed, Scared, and Happy! Link to comment
splashdown Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Feeling worse again today, actually much worse. I can't focus on my work...part of me wants to flip the desk over and start running...run out into the middle of a field and just scream at the top of my lungs until I pass out from exhaustion. Not gonna do that, of course...today will be just like yesterday and every other day. Man, do I know this feeling. That sort of lost feeling, questioning everything. It's pretty awful. Fortunately, I've been through it before and it DOES get better. day 2 for me. And I'm feeling OK about things. Not great, sort of crappy and I haven't been sleeping very well lately. But other things in my life are moving forward, as they have to. I just keep in my mind the opportunity cost of spending time worrying and missing her and what if-ing and doing nothing else. A film that a friend and I have been trying to make for the last while seems to be finally getting going. We're in "pre-production" so to speak, and the planning takes a lot of effort and time, so spending my time thinking about her seems hardly worthwhile. I know that I love her, and she knows it too, and she has my number, so I'm not going to worry it to death. Link to comment
vimora Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 NC day 2...I woke up almost unable to breath. It was scary! It took awhile to regain control. I just suddenly felt so overwhelmed by it all. Trying to stay positive but I suddenly felt really really really scared. I'm having a rough start to my day, decided I better do something or go insance so I'm posting instead. Calming down in doses. Link to comment
houdini Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm jumping on the band wagon here in hopes that I can get some encouragment and support to continue with NC. It's day 4 of NC after 2 other failed attempts of NC in which my longest streak of NC was 5 days. I think as the days add up the harder it gets it seems and the biggest thought that goes through our minds are "Do they think about us as much as we are thinking about them", "Do they hurt or miss us as much as we hurt and miss them"...We all hope they feel a little of what we're feeling and it's heart wrenching and confusing to understand how someone you believed loved you so much could walk the other way and leave us wondering how they could drain us out of thier hearts and minds and be happy with that decision.....Again, day 4 of NC, 3rd attempt, weekend is coming up and I hope I don't fall flat on my face again..... I miss her and love her and I'm hoping she feels the same and that she gets through this confusing time in her life..... Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Day 49 NC - doing awesome; nothing much to report back with; but I'm feeling better and i hope it stays consistent Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 -SuperDave71 Link to comment
houdini Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Anyone know where to buy the memory-eraser from "Men In Black" movie? I could sure use one right now....call me silly or whatever but right now i'd rather forget than to remember, remembering my ex is as fun as having a root canal.....I'd much rather have the root canal!!!!!! Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I don't know about the memory eraser....but you can get sonic screwdrivers from Toys R Us that are the very definition of cool. You're not silly for wanting to block out this feeling. It's so painful and you simply can't imagine anytime when you won't feel like this way. And I know it's not very comforting when people say "You'll feel so much better for having gone through it!" Because it's like..."fair enough...but I still feel like crap now". Let yourself wallow sometimes...allow times when you're going to let those thoughts flood you. Then after that time think "no. not now." and try and concentrate on something else. Again, easier said than done, but after awhile it becomes second nature, and so when you do think about them it is pushed out of your brain instantly, or you think about them for a bit, but the flood has gone down, it's more of a stream. Keep at it! If not for your mental wellbeing, but your physical well-being...I hear SuperDave has a mean overarm :S Link to comment
vimora Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm with you on that one Houdini, I'd rather have the root canal at the moment too! Link to comment
Semid Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 day three and counting. Today I was thinking if he will ever call me back. Fantasies of hanging the phone or telling him. What part of "don't call me again" didn't you understand? sig doing better. Link to comment
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