Parsley Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 That's the thing...I'm worried that part of me is expecting a real reply. But then a much larger part of me knows that he won't reply. Because that's how he deals with things. He didn't respond to anything I said to him last week, he didn't respond when I asked him some questions that he obviously found too difficult to answer. Maybe I'll wait a bit longer. I know he's moving soon, so maybe he'll do something then, rather than move them to his new place? Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Parsley, No. No. No. Buy some used copies of the dvds. Rent them. But let 'em go. Pisces, I'm so glad to read your posts over the last couple of days. You've turned a corner. Congrats! Day16: Today is all about throwing myself into work. Cleaning the house, working out, but mostly doing the other kind of work that I do. The ex feels distant, and I think about him a couple of times a day (almost always about the past rather than what he's doing now, where we're at now). It's a good step that naturally happened. Link to comment
Allie. Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 well, I'm the dumper in the situation but even though i reallllyyy like the guy...its better for me to not be in a relationship right now, for certain reasons.... and so....i'm joining the club. today is DAY ONE! Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Day 16. Yesterday was so tough for me (I posted on the Healing thread yesterday) but I'm trying to be really optimistic about today. I realized that I was having panic attacks yesterday, which are new to me...and so tough! After the first one I was having panic attacks because I started panicking that I would have another panic attack. Today I'm focusing on deep breaths and some relaxation techniques. I realized that what kind of set off all of this was my tough weekend, and also the fact that I had a random time with a guy friend on Saturday that ended up kind of mirroring the way my ex treated me towards the end of our relationship. Basically, my friend was half-heartedly trying to cheat on his gf with me (I didn't know about his gf really...he said they had broken up), and although nothing really happened, I now realize that the situation made me feel insignificant and worthless, like I didn't matter at all. Once I realized what he was doing I did tell him what an *** he is and we ended up having a pretty good talk about everything, he told me his issues, I told him mine and we ended on a very platonic note. But ew, what an ***hole. I'm going to work on being easier on myself and more understanding. This whole healing thing sucks! I keep on thinking that I feel better, and then having a set back is so discouraging. Also, with the whole eating thing, I've decided to chill on that whole thing, eat as much as I can when I can and even if I do lose more weight for now I'm going to not worry about it. I bought NurtriSystem drinks yesterday so that at least I can drink a few more calories when I'm having trouble eating. I've put away my mirror in my room and I'm not going to weigh myself anymore. Is it bad that I think about contacting my ex immediately after this challenge is over? (Maybe it's what I did when I ran: I would tell myself I could slow down when I reached the next stump or whatever, and then I would pass the stump and not slow down and tell myself I could slow down when I reached that tree down the road). So maybe I'll reach 30 and tell myself I can contact him when I reach 40. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Parlsey...I agree with Shaker. Buy them, rent them but do not ask for them back! x Hi Shaker...It feels so good to be in this frame of mind. I think once I switched off from the idea of 30 days and switched on to it being forever I suddenly felt better...sounds like you are doing well shaker xxx Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 Good morning everyone at eNotAlone, I just wanted to say i have been keeping up with everyone's post and it seems as if you guys are getting better. Slowly but surely things are beginning to click. Just wanted to say CONGRATS to rsxguy520 and thank you for your inspiring post. I hope others can honestly learn from your experience and learn to love themselves more. I wish you the best! To everyone else...You guys are truly inspiring. You really are. I sit and read this post every day and I am just amazed how much you guys are helping one another. It means alot to be able to share your knowledge and your love for your fellow man (woman). This challenge was designed for you to put 100% into yourself. It is a challenge of not only NC....but of patience, will power, and sheer personal sacrifice and dedication. Though only 30 days...the days drag on as if time itself is crawling. When the phone rings, you start to get nervous..if you receive a text message you begin to get anxious even before looking who its from. You check your email...just to see if "anyone" dropped you a line. You begin to go out a little more but feel guilty just in case you "missed a call". Your heart pound in your chest if someone even mentions yoru ex. The light on your voice recorder blinks uncontrolably as you run over to "check the messages". Any of this sound familiar? I have done ALL OF THE ABOVE. I remember years ago, I would try NOT to leave the house because my way of thinking was NOT THINKING at ALL. I didn't want to leave because I didn't want to miss a phone call. I would go out with friends and get upset when I saw other couples...I would sobin my pillow at night because I was lonely and I just knew I could "change" for the better. I lost weight. I didn't eat. My performance at work plummeted. I couldn't concentrate...I woudl look at old photos and get even MORE upset. I was at my lowest state. I did it all. I called her, I tried to "reason" with her ( yeah right!) I tried to tell her all the things I have done to make our relationship work. As I was begging...she was already with someone. How sad..and pathetic for me. I could not see the forest from the trees. I did this for 5 months....and one day..IT HIT ME. WHY TORTURE YOURSELF. I remember asking myself..."How is all of these sad feelings going to get her back and was there really ANY way I could get her back anyway? There are books on the subject....there are ebooks, advice columns...your friends tell you what they did to get thier ex back, your parents tell you to move on and "learn from it".... AARRGGGHHH!!! WHAT DO I DO you say to yourself. I was literaly drowing from advice OVERLOAD. The simple truth that hit me was this...DO NOTHING. I know this sounds silly but NOTHING IN THE WORLD could have been better for me. I let go of all the sadness. I totally let go. When I did....THE SUN WAS MUCH BRIGHTER....I SMILED...I was feeling 100% better. I am NOT making this up. I let it go. I told myself I have NO CONTROL over her. I can do NOTHING to get her back..but there were things NOT TO GET HER BACK. At that point, I moved on. I didn't think of her anywhere close to what I once did. If I did, I pushed it out. I didn't want another wasted thought. I didn't want to cry any more. When I let go, I cleaned the whole house. I have neglected myself and my home duties too long. I got cleaned up, ironed some clothes and put on some of my favorite music. No more sad ballads!! I danced around the house...and I called a friend to see if he wanted to hang out. We did. He asked "Are you ok"? My reply..."Everything is going to be alright". I smiled when I said this. My revelation was not a miracle. It was God telling me..."I got this one" you can let it go now. I did. He took over and an look at me now. I am NOT in chanrge of my life "HE" is. I promised God that since he helped me, I would help others. I am here because I want to help. If I could, I would get everyone in a room and just try to help each and everyone of you. You guys are the reason that self-motivation exsists. You have been inspiring not only in your posts but in your compassion for one another. I see that those who are so down at the moment tend to motivate others even though they are down. How much more inspiring is that? I hope this challange is MUCH more than just 30 days away from your ex. I hope that you can LEARN something about yourself that you never though possible. Learn to love yourself and don't EVER EVER put your self-worth into another human being. If they don't want you....SO WHAT!??! The world is a big place. Sure you may be lonely, but it's only temporary. The time will come when you give up looking and it will find you. Your guys take care and good luck with the challenge!!!! Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 AWESOME post Dave. I must say..I failed the challenge this time....but it's not the end of the world. We all have to fall and get back up again. The thing that struck me about your post is that you KNOW you hit your "lowest" low. It was then that you were ABLE to "let go"...and I think it's sort of like an alcoholic that has that moment of clarity. They have hit their bottom...and they KNOW the only way is up. I think in situations like these...so many people STILL have that "hope"...and until ALL hope is gone.. they contiue to keep fighting, when the reality is they would win the fight much sooner by simply "letting go". I don't think it's unusual for most people to keep going until they have exhaUsted ALL possibilities.....at least that's how I am. Then at least they can say..."I tried" and it didn't work. Then the REAL healing can begin. Anyway..hope everyone is doing well!!! Link to comment
drum4god Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Day 42. I have seen her a few times, but I am not counting that as contact, because it was not my choice. You guys are awsome, I have to admit. I am really struggling today. Its strange I felt so strong the first 2 weeks, and it seems like the reality of it all is really hitting me. I have a severe case of ONEITIS. This is a term out of a good book I read "No More Mr Nice Guy". It means you think your woman, or man is the only person you will ever be attracted to. You put them on this pedestal, and even elevate them to godlike status. Its terrible, and it ruins your perception of reality. You believe that every guy in the world is looking at her, and trying to get with her, if they haven't already. Its horrible. I did see her in church Sunday, we both avoided each other, but she was extra friendly with one of my friends, which my friend found strange. Its as if she is trying to somehow stay informed about by life, but doesn't want me in it. I need to let go, but I am having trouble. The problem I have is. She broke up with me 2 times before, and I came back. I am thinking its going to happen again, but I don't want to hope anymore. She is asking around about me, but I don't want her to get any info. In my head I know she is not good for me, but my heart is not coorperating. Though I won't contact her. I am still hoping she will. I know this is not healthy. I am fighting. I am praying, even fasting, doing things like finishing up a CD with my band, but she is like glue in my mind, and I can't seem to get her out. Please help. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 Drum, Hey there! I was JUST thinking about you (Yes I am serious!) I haven't heard from you in a while. I am sorry you are having a tough time. You are going to have to find a little self-confidence my friend and stop thinking so much.... On a test....you get a question you DON'T KNOW the answer and you can think about it over and over andover again....what does it accomplish? Nothing...ya wasted time thinking about something you didn't know the answer to and possibly messed up the rest of the test if you ran out of time. If you KNOW you don't know the outcome, try to stop over analyzing everything. You have to let this go. It's obvious you still have hope in your heart even though your head is trying to "kick into overdrive". I know how you are feeling. I hav ebeen there myself. You are going to have to find you again and if she wants you back....she will have to FIGHT for you. How would it make you feel, if she realized she had made a mistake, fought for you and got you back? I woudl say about 1000000000 bucks! What you need to focus on is you. I know you have heard it 1000 times but you do. Read your scriptures..."Seek and ye shall find". God will point you in the right direction. All you have to do is have faith. Pray that he gives you peace and the knowledge to find the answers yourself. I used to pray to "give her back to me" but I realized it was soooo selfish. Ya can't bargain with God. I learn to pray by saying.."God, You have control of my life. I know you will steer me in the right direction and I have faith that I will learn the lesson(s) you want me to learn". That's it. No matter what...Have a little faith in yourself. You can do it!!! I know you can!!! Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Drum...I know your church is important to you......but I believe you seeing your ex on a regular basis is setting you back somewhat. It's like constantly picking at a scab..... I also know deep in your hear you are HOPING she will come back again. I can understand that. I just think 42 days is really not a very long time to expect to be over someone you dated for over a year. You are being WAY too hard on yourself......so try to just..relax. Focus on your music and yourself for now. Don;t worry so much about what she may or may NOT do. As Dave said.....you have NO control over any of that. Just...let go...one day at a time. Link to comment
drum4god Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 SuperDave, What can I say, you just know how to say the right thing. Its true, what does thinking about her do for me nothing. It doesn't change anything, if anything it makes me angry, sad, frustrated, false hope, etc. Everything that I don't need. Its like we become comfortable with the pain. Its crazy. I do know I will get through this. I do take pride in the fact I haven't called, or e-mailed. Even the times she has seen me, she has seen a confident, happy person. Its great, because she knows I wear my emotions on my sleeve, so she must really think I have moved on. I do realize its not about her anymore. I really want to focus on me, but its really hard when you go to the same church. Lady, thanks so much. You have also been a great help. I wish I could leave my church, but I really can't. I am the main drummer there, and I love it. I would hate to give that up because of her. It doesn't look like she is leaving either, because she loves to go on mission trips, and my church is big on that. I just have to suk it up and take it like a man. It will only make me stronger. I also know that she will regret her decision, if she isn't already. I mean you can't throw away a man who treated you like a queen and not feel it. Men like me, don't grow on trees. I have to forgive myself for giving my heart to the wrong person. I also have to forgive myself for taking her back everytime she broke up with me. I really believed she loved me, but she didn't. I forgive her, but I am still struggling with the anger. I am not angry she didn't love me, I am just angry she gave me mixed messages for a year. I am sure she tried, but everytime I let her go, she came back. It messes your head up. Anyway, I will be fine. Our band's CD is coming out soon. You guys can listen to a few tunes link removed. I would love your honest opinion. If we blow, tell me. If we are O.K., great, not your style. I like honesty. Some of the songs are in Spanish. We are trying to appeal to both mass audiences. We had a guy from Sony records check us out our last show. He said he liked us so who knows, this thing may actually take off. That would be sweet. Didn't mean to change the subject of the thread. Maybe I will start another thread when the CD comes out. Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Hey Drum..I REALLY like the music style! Who is in the pic? Is that the lead singer? Or you? The music has a Dave matthews/ Jack Johnson style that I really like. At least the song I heard. Good luck!!!!! I HOPE it goes somewhere for you!!! Then ol' "what's her name' will be a distant memory Link to comment
drum4god Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Hey Drum..I REALLY like the music style! Who is in the pic? Is that the lead singer? Or you? The music has a Dave matthews/ Jack Johnson style that I really like. At least the song I heard. Good luck!!!!! I HOPE it goes somewhere for you!!! Then ol' "what's her name' will be a distant memory That is the lead singer. I am the drummer. Thanks for the comments. We hear the same comments about our style alot. Hopefully it will go somewhere. If we go somewhere I am sure it will help me, but it won't help completely. Only God and time will heal. The sad thing is she never asks me about the band. She would come to our shows, and she would be the only one who wouldn't comment without me asking. It was strange. She couldn't give anything. Very strange woman. Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 My ex's sister just sent me a belated happy birthday which is definitely sweet of her, but I'm kind of feeling like telling his family to back off and let me heal. But of course I sent him an email saying that I'm totally over him, etc, etc, and that everything is good with me and I'll be his friend when he's ready (he's not talking to me, and I'm not ready anyway). I doubt he told his family about the email but still... Yeah, so all I can do is thank her for her sweet note and move on. I'm going to start having a policy that I can only be in my room for 2 hours during the day. This is getting depressing just being here. Link to comment
Tshwane Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Finally Day 30 - It's been hard the past week, i think of her a lot. I changed my number so i know she can't call and i won't hope she does. I've been following a strict gym program that's keeping me sane. Now for the next 30 days. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 tshwane good job man i changed my number too; so we don't have to worry about that stuff bugging us. Day 33 NC - doing great; just got back from the gym and just taking care of school business. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Right end of day 4. Been a bit of a rubbish day. Really missed my favourite film, can't watch it as my ex has the dvd. Toyed with the idea of sending him my address just so he could send them back, but didn't. Guys on here told me to rent or buy them, but I have absolutely no money whatsoever (I wish I was exaggerating) and one of them was a gift from my brother and sister. I know it's only a dvd, but some things hold more meaning you know? So I've decided I'm just going to carry on missing them until either he sends them back or I decide I am strong enough to see him to get them back. Who knows when this will be?! Had a big ol' dip right about 3. Not a clue why...I just suddenly found myself in tears. Partly because I still miss him so much, partly because of what I have become. I moved back home in December, having left uni, and have been getting more and more depressed since then. I miss my flatmates so much it hurts, and have only seen my friends from here twice just because...I'm not sure why. I'm looking for a job, but until then I just have to stay at home and do bits and bobs and go online. It would be bad enough without the break up on top of that. If I still had him to confide in and talk to like I did before...have his emails break up the day...I feel like I could cope a lot more. I hate what him doing this to me has turned me into. I was doing so well before he contacted me, but now I not only feel like I've gone right back to square one, but it also feels like I'm stagnating there, not moving forward like I was. On the plus side though, I had singing tonight and my nerves are dissipating slightly each time. In the last...well verse I guess, I did it the best I think I ever have. It was the only time I've sung it without the jittering in my stomach and chest and hands and throat. Discovered if I look up, not at the music, or the conductor but at the wall behind him, and concentrate on singin as if I'm singing to someone it helps, a LOT. I had a big think the other day about when and why I started feeling like this...and realised it was from September '05. Then I felt fantastic through the summer...it was the best ever. Then it crept up on me again. I.e. I was depressed in winter months. So now...I'm kinda worried that it's SAD. But I also know that I can be a bit of a hypochondriac at times, so let's try and discount this theory for now. So rubbish day. Got a decent sleep last night, hope I will tonight too. Hope today was just a dip. Maybe tomorrow will be better and the beginning of my way forward.. "Maybe tomorrow....I'll find my way home" Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Today is my first "official" no contact day. I will look forward Link to comment
cheatedon Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 So tonight may be the worst night of my life, or so it feels like it. My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago, but this weekend started talking again, we slept together both days, and he said he wanted to work on us, and said he loved me. Then sunday night i call him and he is with another girl at his house, clearly she stayed over because it was 2am. Then yesterday and today the same thing, hes with another girl. I called him tonight crying and upset, and as hes sitting infront of another girl at his house, he says im single and can do and hang out with whomever I please. You can to, go date, and have fun. I asked what about the weekend? what about working on us? He didn't say anything, just said he was having fun and I should do the same. That was at 6 this evening and thats the last ive spoke to him. I told him to never tell me he loved me again, b/c clearly he didn't mean it. If he did why would he do this to me, why would he lie about working on us? I need NC, I know if I call he will just know that he can walk all over me, and I will be right there. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 mariab good luck to you! keep strong okay? cheatedon, youll have to do NC; i think what your boyfriend is doing is unacceptable considering the fact that he said he wanted to work on "us". Don't let him string you on alright? the feeling is horrible, I know. Don't pursue anymore; just go cold turkey... Link to comment
papalazarou Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 cheatedon. Run away. As fast as you can. Parsley. I bet that this time you will recover quicker from your knockback than last time babe xx Link to comment
Shady_Milkman Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Alright, after about two weeks of nonsensical "we'll work out", depressive thought, I'm taking the challenge. Deleted her AIM, Myspace, Facebook, the works... now or never. Let's do this. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 That's the spirit Shady!!! Keep that attitude!! Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Day 6...still feeling good! Got a text message last night and deleted it straight away. No desire to answer at all. Very busy with other things and rather than 'faking' feeling OK, I actually do feel OK. Another revalation is that I realised I am not doing NC to get him back at all. The truth is I do not want him back. I loved him, I missed him, I have mourned for what I have lost and now I have accepted things as they are. I am finally past my grieving stage and looking forward to whatever life brings to me x Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Day 17 of the Challenge It's been about 2 1/2 mths since my break-up. My 'would-be' anniversary with my ex is this week, but it's not getting under my skin. Sometimes I still think about whether or not we can be friends....and usually, I think not. Wait and see, I guess. All the bits and pieces of my life are going well right now. I've been able to be a good friend for a couple of weeks now (instead of friend-in-crisis help me! mode), and I'm the happiest I've been for a long while. I have another date with the same fellow I saw last weekend, and it's contributing to my happiness in some way. I'm going to continue networking, being with friends, visiting family, developing my career and spiritual life, and exercising. Link to comment
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