boston23 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 hahaha i totally need a chill pill made me laugh I just need to keep reminding myself that whatever I choose will be the right decision!! Thanks for the note Shaker! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 End of Day 9: I was close to my old apartment tonight because I had a meeting in the area. I wasn't nervous about it, and i didn't have any desire to stroll by either. I didn't. NC is still working for me. I feel much better every day. Parsley: Sorry to hear about the string of breakups. One of my 'new' friends is a recent dumperand we've had really interesting conversations about it, pulling in some of our personal experience, but approaching it philosophically as well. The eye-opener is how similar she feels to me, even though we're on opposite ends of the situation. And, it's helped me understand a perspective that I felt unwilling to pay any serious and considered attention to......... I hope you're feeling better. Have you had any regrets about your email account plan? Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 end of day 24 for me! it kind of sucks, school hasn't official started, i mean hw wise (since its the first week) and i got really nothing to do. but yeah, it was weird i was thinkin earlier about school and the ex. i seriously regret losing the enjoyment of my first two years of college. i mean going out, partying, being social, adapting to the college atmosphere. where was i? ALWAYS with the ex every weekend or opportunity i got to be with her. i don't regret being with her, but i really wish i got to spend more time on myself during those lost times. but now i know and im glad i have the opportunity to make that up! thats why i blessed to have encounter NC. seriously. anyways for those young people out there, if you have a s.o. and are about to start college, seriously try to enjoy yourself while you can. its supposed to be the best years of your lives. don't waste it. if you've gone through a break up, start healing, mourn, watever, and realize the freedom and all the opportunities you have that college has to offer. overall today i feel great. im glad im back to school, and my count down to moving to my transfer school begins. seriously there is life after a break up, and for those who got screwed over, im telling you now, good things come to people in times like this. think positive, work hard, and most of all relax and have fun! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi everybody, Thank-you for all of your advice. I think in terms of the grieving process I have slipped a little way back to how I was. My ex just called me at work to say that our cat is at the vets having a minor operation (nothing to worry about!) but the sound of his voice just puts me further back. I hate feeling like this. Just the sound of his voice makes my heart leap into my mouth. My hands are shaking now and I have just had to go to the ladies room for a cry. I can't even fake being OK today, I just miss him simple as that! He asked about 12 times what I had been up to. I was non-commital in my answer plus I was at my desk with an office full of people! I cut the converation short, but he said he would call me later to let me know how the op went. I feel like such a mess today...x Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hey Shaker: I know what you mean about it forcing you to see perspectives you ignored before. The friend who is the dumper is devastated, and from the little conversation we do get to have (this is one of my friends in Portsmouth - we don't get much opportunity to speak apart from msn) she feels what I felt..well similar. The friend I have who is on the verge of a break up would be the dumpee, and I know her boyfriend very well - I was friends with him before she was, it was my ex and I that brought them together - and I know for a fact that he will be a wreck too, and hating causing her this pain. But as much as it is staring me in the face that the dumper suffers too...I can't make myself believe that my ex felt much. Maybe it's because with those two..the dumpers didn't treat their partners badly for a month beforehand. My ex did - dumped with an email and then went back to ignoring me. I can't see him looking back with any regret whatsoever. I've had a couple of days when I've wanted to check that email account, but that's the whole reason I started this. I know that there's no point in checking it, there won't be anything there, and it will just cause me a lot of pain. And the good thing is, I haven't found myself secretly hoping that friend will tell me there's an email whenever I talk to her. I just talk to her and forget that she has the password. It's working really well! How's everyone here today? Picses: I feel for you! It doesn't seem like you can get a break! I know how hard hearing his voice must be. My ex's voice was one of the things I loved most about him - and it always calmed me down and cheered me up. I hate that I don't have that anymore. I hate that when I remember his voice now..I wince. I wish there was something I could say that would help! Link to comment
littlebylittle Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Parsley - How's it going - Awfully: The last 24 hours have maybe been the hardest since splitting up. (situation details here: [Only registered and activated users can see links. Register]) It's now been 9 weeks since I was dumped and 3 with NC. I'll make this clear now - I've been desperately trying to move on, but like most of the people that stumble accross this site I was searching for ways to get my ex back. Over the course of the last 3 weeks I've been focusing less and less on that and more and more on me. Like all of you I've had up and down days, the last few have been down days. Last night I received a piece of news that has devastated me and I'm not really sure where to go from here. I got an email from my ex (who I work with and who lives relatively close by) telling me that they have handed their notice in at work and are moving closer to home with friends (around 300 miles away). This makes me feel both empty and hopeful at the same time - --Empty because it seems to be the nail in the coffin of any chance of reconciliation. --Hopeful, at least now I do not have to see her at work and can maybe move on, really move on. I guess my question is - Whilst this is good in that it removes my false hope I just wanted to know if any of you would hold out ANY hope of us getting back together (in time) in this situation? I'm fairly philosophical about it - what will be will be. I'll move on, she'll have a better life and maybe we'll both be happier, I'm not going to grasp on to false hope. I just wandered if any of you knew of a situation in which reconciliation happens even when distance and a change of lifestyle is added into the mix. Any of your collective wisdom and experience would be appreciated. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'd personally advise against holding any hope for reconciliation, because it's just better for you as a person to let go. It's why we do NC - not to get them back, but to move on, and if it happens that you get back together then it does, but that's not the aim of it. I think that definitely with her moving so far away it will be easier to move on and past her. I'm slightly anxious everytime I go out that I'll see my ex. I know he's moving soon, but I have no idea where to, so my anxiety about that is higher, I have no way of avoiding where he's most likely to be, because I won't know anymore. Her not being around will help. False hope hurts ridiculously so. Let go of it all (difficult as I know this is) and you'll be a lot closer to being back to yourself. Link to comment
littlebylittle Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Thanks. I'm trying, trust me! I just wandered if anyone saw this as a nail in the coffin - regardless of me moving on - don't worry, i'm not lingering any false hope, I'm just geniunely curious as to whether such a move is definitely the end..........or is distance no barrier? That's not to say I don't appreciate that it makes things easier for me - I'm just curious what people think. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi Littlebylittle, I think distance is a barrier...I think it is difficult to maintain a long-distance affair even when you are together and are in love. Just my opinion, but I am in a horrible mood today so feel free to ignore me! x Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm with Pisces on this.... Pisces: I hope today turns around for you. What's going on? Day 10 for me: I have a date in a couple of days, and I'm nervous. I've been on a bunch over the last few weeks, but I guess this situation has real potential, and is a second date with this fellow... I forget how to date. I'm also back on track with my work, and feeling at peace with 'no contact,' probably because my ex doesn't write to me any longer. I don't think about my ex as often, but seem to have new obsessions....like working out. I guess the next step is feeling comfortable with moderation! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi Shaker, Good luck with your date...let me know how it goes! I just feel like I am regressing rather than progressing. My ex called me this morning to tell me our cat was at the vets, and just the sound of his voice make my heart leap. I was shaking when he got off the phone and had to go to the ladies room for so that I could cry away from my desk...x Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Oh, Pisces. I always feel like I'm taking a step backwards when I hear from my ex. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this today. And that you'll be hearing from your ex later on. That makes it hard. Can you dangle a carrot for yourself? ie. What can you do for yourself later on today once you get through work and the second call to pick up your spirits? (I find making things to look forward to helps....) Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 You are a woman after my own heart...I will think of something nice to treat myself to even if it's just a nice long bubble bath! He was asking about when he can see me. I guess this is a bad idea? x Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 You know the answer to that! (I've had one good session of seeing my ex, but the aftermath really rattled me. If that's the best case scenario, then not seeing each other is best.) Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I know. He is ready to be friends and I want him back so the balance will be off. I don't really want to be his friend, I would just spend my time trying to win him back which will make a friendship impossible and make it harder for me to move on. One of my best friends is my ex ex. We were together for 6 years, but it was an easy gentle love that happily became a friendship. But my current ex and I were different to that and I don't think a friendship would be possible, at least not for me x Link to comment
AllTornUp Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm the same way with the taking a step back everytime I hear from my ex. I saw her last night when she came to get the rest of her stuff. I was in tears after she left She seemed pissed off--not sure what that was all about. Unfortunately, I am still finding more of her stuff that she forgot.. This just keeps getting dragged out longer and longer. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I guess that's why no contact works...but I had no choice but to answer the phone as he called me at work! x Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I know. He is ready to be friends and I want him back so the balance will be off. I don't really want to be his friend, I would just spend my time trying to win him back which will make a friendship impossible and make it harder for me to move on. One of my best friends is my ex ex. We were together for 6 years, but it was an easy gentle love that happily became a friendship. But my current ex and I were different to that and I don't think a friendship would be possible, at least not for me x Im sorry to hear about your cat mate I didnt realise And thats my problem as well or I suppose the problem in general when you "be friends" with someone. One or the other will want something more initially, until time has passed. EG 4 years ago I was divorced. I had two kids so I am friends with the ex wife now. It wasnt always like that as she had the affair but now she is a friend. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi PapaL, I guess the thing to do is stay no contact, even low contact is dangerous for me. I really do hate the fact that I feel that I am back to square one again! Do you think you would have been friends with your ex if you didn't have children together? x Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi PapaL, I guess the thing to do is stay no contact, even low contact is dangerous for me. I really do hate the fact that I feel that I am back to square one again! Do you think you would have been friends with your ex if you didn't have children together? x Well as you know whats been going on...no I havent heard anything for nearly 4 days now, so tomorrow is the key as thats when we are supposed to go out. I mean I did say on Friday if I dont see you before I will see you Thursday so its 24 hrs to go... All my mates think Im being played for a fool - one of my mates said this: " Things are obviously not progressing with XXXX whilst she’s going through all these traumas so you should look after yourself and your own interests for a while. " At least this way I have effectively been in NC for 4 days now!! Pisces there is no way I would have been friends with her if we didnt have the children. As I said she had the affair, it was not a mutual break up or anything like that, I wish it was. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi PapaL, Well the ex just called. He was talking about Ginger (our cat) he has simply stopped eating. The ex thinks he is missing me (pity it's only the cat that misses me!) He said he would have 'phoned me later but he is going out, so now I am imagining him out with some girl having a wonderful time and I am a complete wreck again. I hate him and I hate myself for doing this to myself!!! Then he said he will call tomorrow as the vet wants to see the cat again... How do you feel about tomorrow? Are you nervous? x Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi everyone Its been 5 weeks of NC today and thats 2 more weeks than ever before. The ex moved out of state after the breakup and because of the distance I tried LC and called every 2 weeks for a while, sometimes 3. I feel a lot better and have to say that Ive gone from being very skeptical and even critical of nc, to a total believer. But.... I'm on the same dating site as the ex, and I cant resist the urge to check on him. I have to stop doing that. I'm doing ok but I still think about the breakup every day. Its weird - I don't think about him and what we have together - I just think about how angry and upset I am at him for leaving me. Maybe its defense mechanism because when I think about the good times its too hard. But whatever it is I want to stop thinking about this so much. He popped up on my messenger a couple days ago, a messenger he never uses and I use every day. I blocked him and deleted. It wasn't easy but it was easier than before though. I blog and Ive seen him on my stats counter more lately. I thought about shutting down my blog but Ive had this blog much longer than our relationship and it is a big part of me. I feel that if I let that go I am giving this breakup stuff way too much power over my life. I loved him very much and I am not going to say that I don't wish for him back . But more than anything else I just want to be happy again. I'm getting there slowly. I think that getting back together would be a lot of hard work and while I know I could make it work I have my doubts that he could. My romantic thoughts and feelings still go out to him but I am opening up to the possibility that I might get those things from someone else. Link to comment
littlebylittle Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 onelittleladybug Sounds like you are getting there and can at least look at your situation with open eyes - rather than that initial 'everything is awful can't think straight...blah blah blah' It also sounds like you are doing all the right things - however hard they are. Do you think your ex moving so far helped you heal or did you still hold out hope? - your post indicates deep down you still have some hope - I guess I'm just asking if you think the distance made it easier for you to accept it was over. The most positive thing about your post is the final few words - "I might get those things from someone else". Keep it up! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hope everyone had a good day/is having a good day. Most of my day was good, my sister her husband and my nephew came over for their day off and we ate rolls, played with the baby and watched Peep Show. I was distracted a lot of the time so that's all good. Found myself longing to just get away from here though. Not just the house, not just Medway, not just Kent...England. I want to be in a place where I'm a complete unknown and can't just jump on a train back home when it gets difficult. Somewhere where I couldn't afford whims like that. Meet all new people. But I can't. I haven't got any money - and I wouldn't be able to save up enough in time to get away for any decent length of time before having to come back to go to uni in September. I guess that's a good thing though right? If I could manage it I'd blatently be trying to run from my problems wouldn't I? Agh. I just want to be past this so much. I don't want him to be on my mind anymore. I don't want to have to feel stupid for trusting him so much so soon anymore. I'm just sick of it...it was only 4 months, why has it hit me so badly? Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I give in, sign me up. I'm on day 3 (for like the 3rd time). I have this thing we're I'm not drinking all of February, so I guess I won't contact her all of February either. Should be a pretty healing month, physically and emotionally. Link to comment
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