papalazarou Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 It would be nice to have a girl around to get feedback from her side of things and to make me feel wanted. She is a really nice, fun, and like I said BEAUTIFUL girl. Is this a bad idea at this time in my life. I just dont want to start to have feelings for her. I think that would be awkward all around. She asked me for my number last night and said to call her sometime to hang out. It turns out we both love wine, and she said its hard to find guys who know anything and appreciate wine and that she would like to go out and get some wine sometime. I was kind of confused by this whole situation. Her BF is a very controlling person who i have known for a long time and doesnt treat women very well. DONT GO NEAR HER. She is going to use you as a safety net. Furthermore you could be blamed for her and her b/f splitting up - if they do... If she ends the relationship with him then fine, but then YOU dont want to be the rebound person that she may go out with, even though im sure she is very beautiful. So whilst its nice to have a bit of crumpet around...I wouldnt "hang out" with her or anything like that. Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Papalazarou- Sorry if you got the wrong impression, but its nothing like that at all. I would never think about dating a roomate no matter how beautiful she is that would just be awkward on both sides. A little background I may have left out though. We have known each other since probably middle school (maybe longer). We have always been good friends, i havent seen her a whole lot since high school, but when I do its always a good time. So I was talking more about just getting to be better friends with her. Getting to be able to talk to her about my problems and hers. I think that would be good.\ Right now in our house we have 4 guys, its hard to talk about emotions and things with 4 guys around. So I think having a girl around would help. I would never do anything to make her break up with her boyfriend or anything like that. Plus I would be totally fine being her safety net because we are friends and thats it. I would expect nothing in return. And I dont think going out and enjoying ourselves as friends would hurt anything. Is it bad that she wants to hang our with me though and not her boyfriend? She is a really cool girl and said she gets along with guys way better than girls. Plus she said she likes to cook breakfast!!!!! Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Sorry old boy I misunderstood in that case. Yes because when women have "friendzoned" you there really is no chance of anything else happening!!!! Being friends is fine...sorry I thought you were alluding to something else. Plus generally I have found that good looking women tend to have good looking friends!! So thats a bonus for you! Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Hang in there, Shaker. I'm right there with you. My gut is in knots and I just don't feel like I'll ever move on. But I will. WE will, ok? Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Plus generally I have found that good looking women tend to have good looking friends!! So thats a bonus for you! So true Papalazarou!! She even told me that she has a beautiful friend that I would probably like. She said we have a lot in common and thinks I would like her GO ME!!! These are the people that I want to start meeting. Successful, beautiful people that can make me feel more confident. When people see me with these new people (including my ex) they will have to choice but to step back and think "wow he really has his life together, and he seems so happy". Thats what I need right now!! Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Well my ex phoned me today from an undisclosed work extension.... To ask me the surname of a gameshow host. I told her and then told her that in future she should ask my good friend Google. She has this evening IM'd me 3 pointless messages.... I've responded to none. Don't understand it all - Told her we can't be friends, only contact me if she wants to get back together, I have ignored her attempts to contact me for weeks now but yet she still keeps trying. The killer is that it plants little seeds in my head that she may be after a reconciliation. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Yes she might - but what kind of reconciliation? The kind that makes her feel secure again because you know her better than any prospective men? And if it's just security, doesn't that mean she will continue to suck the life out of you instead of returning the kindness? You are doing well - don't fold now. Let her mindlessly flail about until the fog clears. By then she will either decide to stop or come to you with honesty and the directness you need. You really need to be proud of yourself now - you are setting a fantastic example AND conditioning yourself out of being taken advantage of. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Gooooooooooooooooooooooood morning class!!! ha ha How is everyone doing?? Man oh man...It took me 20 minutes to read every thread from last night to this morning. In Memphis its 11:43 in the morning and I have finished off 5 espressos...WOO HOO!! Does ANYONE feel this challenge has done them good? Or do you feel the challenge has ONLY MADE IT MORE DIFFICULT? I am interested because I started this challenge for you guys. I want your input so we can possibly help one another more. I see progress in some..set backs in others, but of course that is to be expected. The lesson that is supposed to be learned here is simple: **DO THIS FOR YOU..NOT YOUR EX whatsoever.** When you take the focus off your ex, you head starts to clear. The "What if's" start to fade..You can sleep better... What I learned through my own NO CONTACT 2 years ago was that the more I thought of my ex, the worse I became. I couldn't work, I couldn't think, I couldn't focus, I couldn't do the common things I would do on a daily basis.. BUT...I was FOOLING MYSELF... I could do ALL OF THOSE THINGS...I JUST WOULDN'T ALLOW MYSELF TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT HER. UGH!! It was horrible!!! I had a lake at my previous job that I would walk around when I started feeling sad.....needless to say, I probably walked 100 miles around that lake. I would cry while walking hoping no one would see a grown man cry because I missed her so much. I have felt what you guys are feeling...more than others..less than some BUT we have alllll been there. We are a team.... We are here to support one another; Mine is past but will NEVER forget the pain I felt..or the life changing lessons because of it. Depending on what you believe, time does not stand still..and NEVER goes backwards. Life forces us to move forward whether we like it or not... Think of it this way...if you have ever been in the airport and been on the conveyer belt that THROWS you backward when you step on it because it is going so fast...you knw what I mean Some enjoy the ride quietly...some hold on for dear life...other want to hurry past you BUT..you are ALL ON THE SAME PATH... Make sense? Even those that walk backwards on a forward conveyer are STILL forced forward... My point is simple....Hold on...relax and enjoy the ride. Don't make it any more difficult on yourself than you have to if you can. Life is way to short to be so overwhelmed over someone...WORRY ABOUT YOU!! If you can't learn to love and respect yourself, how can you truly love and respect another? Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Wow. That's what I needed to hear. Thanks, SuperDave. You may have seen but I'm new to the challenge. Day 2 today. The pain is immense, but I'm taking it moment by moment. I probably need to go for a walk myself, though I'm without a nearby lake. This thread, this community, is sustaining me, especially at the office because my ex works here, too. Thanks for keeping it going, SuperDave. You can't measure how much good it's doing. Will check in with you all soon... Tony Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Tony, Believe in yourself FIRST and just keep on moving forward....the pain and "What if's" will subside if you REALLLLLY want them to. Take care and GOOD LUCK with the challenge!!!! Welcome to eNotAlone!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks, SuperDave. That message helps. Does the No Contact Challenge help? Yes, yes, yes. There are moments where I feel ALMOST like my only choice is to dwell on my ex, open the gates of communication, try try try with all my might to reconcile. But then I come here and remember there's another choice: working on me. It doesn't mean it's an easy choice to make, or that I don't take a step backwards...but it's an alternative. So thanks so much! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Most welcome Shaker!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Tony, Believe in yourself FIRST and just keep on moving forward....the pain and "What if's" will subside if you REALLLLLY want them to. Take care and GOOD LUCK with the challenge!!!! Welcome to eNotAlone!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Thanks, Dave. You really are quite a guy, and you've created quite a support group here. We're all in this together, and that's what's getting me through this! Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 day 6 and i gave in cus i missed him too much.. we didn talk for 5 days... i dunno what to do.. im sad and i just miss being w/ him... how can i control this? it is toooo hard for me to do it alone need serious help u guys... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 What did you do pinkbunnie?!?! What happened? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 What did you do pinkbunnie?!?! What happened? -SuperDave71 i contacted him when i know i shouldnt... my emotions took over...nothing bad happen we had a good short convo but I just signed off i couldnt have my emotions take over n i probably start talkin bout how i miss him n want him...so to avoid that i just signed off my chatting programs now. this is harder than i thought....its only been 2 month we been broken up im not sure why im takin this tooo hard Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 So you contacted him and now you have to start over...or you can quit. Your choice? I am sorry you are feeling down...it will get better if you want it to We are here when you need us....post before you try to contact ok? We can possibly help you ok? SuperDave71 Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 thanks so much!! i needed it... and i hope i'll feel better sooon.. i recently started to go n join the church and to meet new or make new friends... sad but i am alone here and i have no one....that is why it is a bit hard for me to get over my ex. but im tryin my best though as possible.. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Pink, Glad to hear you ended the conversation at least before it got too messy. Join again. You can do this. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Hi SuperDave: I'm feeling way stronger that I was a week ago, but gotta admit I do have those weak moments still..... but every time I think about the ex now, I also think of you... crazy I know, but somehow its all related in my head.... I feel more focused now on things (well most of the time anyways) and there is NO DOUBT at all that this thread has been a MAJOR inspiration for me. Thanx so much..... I'm not about to let go of what I've learnt at this point Sandy Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 i contacted him when i know i shouldnt... my emotions took over...nothing bad happen we had a good short convo but I just signed off i couldnt have my emotions take over n i probably start talkin bout how i miss him n want him...so to avoid that i just signed off my chatting programs now. this is harder than i thought....its only been 2 month we been broken up im not sure why im takin this tooo hard Pink, It is hard..dont beat yourself up over this. Its just a MINOR set back. I cant say the same about my NC cave in..mine was MAJOR! same as you tho..nothing bad happened, I just have to start over. hang in there... Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 So I broke NC today, but for good reasons, I mean good reasons for that moment. My ex hasn't showed up at work and did not announce (this never happenned before),and his best friend asked me if I knew anything: his phone was not in function, he wasn't at home, he wasn't at work... It was horrible, I thought something happenned to him... Thank god he is ok, he said he was ruined and he just walked (an entire day?!) I feel miserable right now for ignoring him the last 3-4 days Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 HI SANDY!!!!! I am soooooooooooo glad to hear that!!! You are doing this for yourself and doesn't it feel good!!? It takes some serious will power to do this...you have to want to get through it and to me..it seems as if you are starting to let go... YOu keep it up and KEEEEEP SMIIIILLLLLIIINGGGG!!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I agree with you sandy, insted of being in a challenging relationship..we are challenged by SD to get out and stay out! Like i have any room to talk after my NC cave. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Sandy, Im proud of you...you have the toughest things to deal with..the ex moving in accross the street and all...has he moved in yet? and did you go buy those new blinds? hahahha Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts