THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Back to day 1 for me I guess.

 

I feel crappy. I allowed myself to get used, so that someone who broke my heart could feel better about themselves. What ever, there's only one way to go from here, and that's towards a better day.

[tribecagirl]

Thanks, SandyV!!!!!!!!!!

[slayer44]

Day 4 of NC - 34ish days since Break up.

 

I feel a lot better today. This might be the first night I don't cry myself to sleep.

 

I was sitting in my chair and I thought.

Either we're meant to be together...or we're not.

Just because we're over now, doesn't mean the year wasn't great, and we won't run into each other at some point in our lives and give it another go. Maybe this is what he meant by "I think we'll end up together"

He's obviously not ready for a serious relationship, and looking at my mistakes..I realised that I'm not ready either.

Today I made a list of all the things that I did wrong, and promise never to do in another relationship.

Is it wrong that I think we'll end up together someday?

 

Song: "Somewhere in my broken heart" by Billy Dean

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Slayer I don't think its wrong to think that you will end up together someday, unless you are planning on waiting for him. I think if you heal up, and decide then if you want to try to get together with him or pursue someone else, that would be a good direction to go.

[slayer44]

No, I don't plan on waiting on him at all.

Even if he called me today...I wouldn't take him back.

I don't think it's in the cards for us now...

I don't know I really can't explain it. It just...feels like a fact to me. Like we'll end up together.

I'm not counting on it or anything...it just seems like this break up was supposed to happen because niether of us are ready for what I think we're supposed to be.

[Shaker]

End of Day one (take two)

 

I feel a little unsettled again, but I don't know why. I spent the night out meeting new people, and wrote a quick email to my date for the weekend. So I'm moving forward. Or moving somewhere. But I miss my ex. I still think he's fabulous.

 

The ex didn't contact me today. I don't know where he's at with our talk. I don't even really know where I'm at. Less sad, I guess. But still aching for him.

 

I have to admit I haven't been eating properly. Or sleeping normally. But I did let myself sleep in today, and I bought a huge amount of favorite foods so I plan on cooking up something this weekend. It was a hard step, and maybe it shouldn't have been. Buying food. Eating. Meeting people. Going on a date.

 

I'll let you know how it goes....

[AllTornUp]

End of Day 5

 

Went out with a friend tonight. Seemed like everything reminded me of her. I pretty much thought of her most of the night and was pretty quiet. I miss her so badly. It just hurts so much to think of all the things I will never see or be part of again with her.. I started fantasizing about different ways I could win her back. I know they are just pipe dreams and thereforeeee will not pursue any of them. I'm pretty tired, so I guess I'll go to bed. Since she's out, I thought a lot about sleeping in her bed--in fact, she even mentioned that I could sleep upstairs before she left earlier this afternoon. I think I will sleep downstairs anyway. I'm already in a funk and cannot afford to risk any more pain by sleeping in her bed..

 

Good night ENA, I hope everything is brighter and better for all of us in the morning.

[TijuanaJones]

start of day 17

 

I just got back from the club I go to every friday (the hottest in town). We always have reservations for the same center table. You can always find me there. I went there with a dozen of my closest friends and boy it was fun. Dancing makes all the bad vibes go away. I was so happy until a female friend of mine saw (or thinks she saw) my ex in the girls bathroom. Thats funny, because she usually goes to other clubs. In the past, she only went to my club with me. Nobody else saw her, so Im in doubt. But that was enough to make me paranoid and feel like I was being watched for an hour or so. I didn't see her, but i did see a friend of hers tough... Anyway, I had a lot of fun and if the rumor was true, it looks like my ex is desperately trying to obtain information on my whereabouts. In my case, looks like NC is driving my ex crazy. But I hope it drives her to the point where she will call me. Everyday that passes I feel more in control. And specially today, since I got an ego boost from a couple of girls hitting on me. I barely showed any interest (even tough they were cute), because it wouldnt be fair to them if I tried anything in my state of mind. I need some alone time before I can get into another relationship...

[Parsley]

Good for you Tijuana! If your ex knows you go there every week and is trying to contact you and failing, I guess that would mean she'd go there, but mebbes she chickened out at the last minute.

 

Yay I didn't dream about him last night! Instead I was at Hogwarts lol

 

Now I'm going to Bluewater with my family - that means my adorable nephew Joseph, and THAT means I'll be distracted from my ex all day.

[TijuanaJones]

I hope you have a great weekend Parsley!

Kids make me remember how times used to be simple and fun. They put my problems in a different perspective. My nephew is 3 yrs old and he is always laughing and playing, indifferent to the adult problems around him. Maybe I should do that, and forget my problems, just play, laugh and smile all the time.

Life is fun if you decide it to be. I dont know if I make sense (im tipsy and its hard to think in english when my first language is spanish hehehe).

 

have a great day!

[belinda_simone]

YOu'll feel better for it Zombian.. Good work!

[comfyshoes]

day 4!

still haven't gone to bed off nightshift.

and i've blown it. i went to the chatroom that we first met in all those years ago. she was there. so i * * * *ed with her a little. she quized me as to who i was and told me she thought that her ex gf might try to find her there to prove a point (that she is a chatroom addict and a terrible flirt).

wish i hadn't done it. but hey, right now i wish i'd never met her at all.

it crazy really. i just need my heart to catch up with my head.

there is no way in hell i could consider ever being with this woman again, she's never gonna change! she was in there trying to pick up women the very day she broke up with me, if not before then.

 

she's just a habit i have to break. like smoking. at least cigarettes are up front and honset about what they are gonna do to you if you don't break the habit.

 

i'm scared at how calm i feel. maybe the big breakdown will come sometime soon or maybe i'm just so jaded by it all that i'm not capable of that much emotion anymore.

 

shoes

[boston23]

So I've decided that today is going to be my official day one. Last night I tried to block him on myspace so I ended up seeing his profile (ouch) and I blocked him on AIM.

 

Eh, and I yesterday morning I took the longer way home to see if I would run into him...and I probably shouldn't look for his car anymore or up at his window when I walk to the gym. Sigh. This is going to be tough, but I know it will be worth it.

 

I feel like I'm on a constant roller coaster---the times that I have felt the best and most control, 15 minutes later I'm mcuh more upset about it than I normally am. Does any when else get that? Maybe I'm not ready to put the relationship behind me so I rebel against feeling ok about it.

[luvmykids]

Hello all,

Day 13

Not sure how I feel yet as Ive only had one cup of coffee so far. havent had time to process what happened last night. nothing bad, just saw him out with mutual friends, I knew he was there before I went and was thinking of canceling my plans but didnt. he knew I was going to be there. I didnt talk to him but he tried to make conversaton with me. at one time he asked me a direct question.. I answered and turned my back. some friends brought up the subject of him and I and I said I didnt want to hear/talk about it. Feeling okay I guess, maybe a bit confused, I have a slight erge to call and see what he has to say as he has been calling me. Deep down though, I know what he has to say and its not anything worth braking NC for.

[andreap]

Well, today is going to be day 9 of the challenge....but day 25 since I actually went NC!! I feel o.k., not great, just o.k.. I think the hardest and craziest part of all of this for me is that it has been going on for over a year and a half!! Does anyone else on here have a similar story? I was w/ him for over 7 years (living together), engaged....it all fell apart. I left May '05....but we did counseling until Aug/Sept. '05....then that fell apart too. We hooked up again in Feb/March '06....then problems. He kept coming back to me....but cannot commit. Finally on December 19th I went NC (sent him an email first telling him that I wouldn't just hang around in "limbo" forever)....and I have been ignoring him ever since. I think my ego is starting to get the best of me.....I keep wondering "when" he is going to come to me and say he is ready to do this 100%.....crazy I know!!! I always feel like I am waiting for something to happen.....that is the worst part. He ALWAYS works his way back into my life....then can't commit to reconciliation....what's that all about? Last time I opened the door again he actually told me "I have been really thinking about us reconciling and even living together again someday".....then a few days later he said "I never said living together again!".....wow! WOW! sometimes I think he is crazy! I think that last thing is what pushed me over the edge and to finally do this NC thing. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't playing w/ me on purpose? But why?

Well, I am going to try to keep busy today.....and get through another day. Good luck to everyone!!

[luvmykids]

I think he is giving you false hopes to get what he wants and when you bring up the subject (moving back in) he has to back peddle....in other words..he lying to you!

[andreap]

I know....I just dont know WHY he would want to do that to someone that he was with for so many years? He's not getting anything from me (sexually) so why does he keep coming back? Our story is a crazy one if you ever read my first post. He also followed me into a parking lot a week ago to talk to me (he was driving a rental car??).....and seemed stunned when I tried to politely cut things short since all he was doing was making more smalltalk w/ me....ugg!!! But since then I have held strong and not contacted him. He sent me an email after I sent the one to him on 12/19 telling him that I wouldn't be kept in limbo....his reply was "sorry about all your demands...this is just how you were before....my Dad has been very sick and I have been spending time w/ him.....Sorry you CAN'T STAY IN LIMBO".....unbelievable ha? it was like he literally was telling me to wait for him until he is good and ready? Well, that's where I am at right now....but honestly I just keep waiting for him to contact me again....as he ALWAYS has. I hope that NC will either show him that I am VERY serious about not just "dangling"....or let me move on and heal....which so far it hasn't done.

[luvmykids]

I understand where you are coming from and how you are feeling. I also started NC from being in LIMBO. My ex would say similar things and I just got fed up with it. He knew I fell in love with him (he also told me he loved me early on) and I think toward the end here he used that. In fact we had broken up back in NOV and when we got back together I told him I still loved him and he wouldnt say it back. I asked him about that and he said he loves me "sometimes" ....what a joke! I was pretty much done then but didnt say as much, I gave it one more shot, and here I am in NC. he is trying his best to get me to crack and call him back... I KNOW what your going through..hang in there!

[andreap]

thanks luvmykids, I just don't get what it is that they want to accomplish from all of this? I guess we just have to stay strong and not contact them AT ALL. Either one of two things is bound to happen.....1.) they wake up and realize that we aren't going to put up w/ this and make a decision to do things the right way ....or 2.) they never contact us again and give up.

I am just sooooo curious to see what this leads to that it is killin' me. I know that realistically if we haven't reconciled and it's been over a year....then maybe that means it's never gonna happen? Some people say it may take that long to heal and be able to start over.....but HOW LONG is TOO LONG?

it's just nuts.

[luvmykids]

I have been treating him the way he has treated me in the past.. and guess what? HE DOSENT LIKE IT! there would be times when he wouldnt call for a week at a time and expect me not to be upset. I found myself being controled and manipulated, one thing I do have to say is that I have only myself to blame..I allowed this to continue longer then I should have. a mutual friend asked me last night if I was willing to try with my ex again and see where it goes? I replyed with "It isnt going anywhere". then I asked that we no longer talk about it. I know my friend was asking for my ex because they are good friends as well. Man, I feel like im in highschool again!

[luvmykids]

thanks luvmykids, I just don't get what it is that they want to accomplish from all of this? I guess we just have to stay strong and not contact them AT ALL. Either one of two things is bound to happen.....1.) they wake up and realize that we aren't going to put up w/ this and make a decision to do things the right way ....or 2.) they never contact us again and give up.

I am just sooooo curious to see what this leads to that it is killin' me. I know that realistically if we haven't reconciled and it's been over a year....then maybe that means it's never gonna happen? Some people say it may take that long to heal and be able to start over.....but HOW LONG is TOO LONG?

it's just nuts.

 

Im not sure I could ever go back...lost the trust, he would have to work way too hard to get me to trust him again! Im doing NC because I want to be able to be friends sometime in the future, we were friends for 20 yr before dating. I want that back some day... just not right now beccause I have feeelings for him still. when we are in contact, he ends up convincing me to work things out and things never change..everything is fine for like 2-3 weeks, then its back to him telling when I can call, when I cant..ect,ect. I even got to the point of him telling me who I could talk to about him and I. Can we say CONTROL ISSUES! I was married to a control freak.. I can spy it a hundred miles away!

[andreap]

I know the feeling....I am 33 and he is 38 (soon to be 39).....rediculous ha?

What is your goal w/ NC? It sounds like you are ready to move on or do you still really WISH that he would "snap out of it" and come to you and do things the right way to reconcile? If it hasn't happened yet....do you feel that it is hopeless? My Dad told me an interesting quote a while back

"Time wounds all heals".....yes, you read that right....lets see if it holds true?

[Shaker]

Beginning of day 2:

 

Feel sad, tired, stressed.

 

Don't feel like contacting my ex, but think it would be great if he turned up on my porch.

 

That's not going to happen. So, I'm going to have a productive day.

[luvmykids]

I know the feeling....I am 33 and he is 38 (soon to be 39).....rediculous ha?

What is your goal w/ NC? It sounds like you are ready to move on or do you still really WISH that he would "snap out of it" and come to you and do things the right way to reconcile? If it hasn't happened yet....do you feel that it is hopeless? My Dad told me an interesting quote a while back

"Time wounds all heals".....yes, you read that right....lets see if it holds true?

 

IM 35 and he is 46.

my goal in NC is to get over him. of course i WISH he would SNAP out of it, But being realistic.. he never will! he wants everything on his terms and I wont live like that.

[luvmykids]

Beginning of day 2:

 

Feel sad, tired, stressed.

 

Don't feel like contacting my ex, but think it would be great if he turned up on my porch.

 

That's not going to happen. So, I'm going to have a productive day.

 

hang in there shaker

i kind of giggled when I read this..... I would like for mine to show up on my porch also..roses, Im sorry, I will change! But, like you said.... that isnt going to happen..dont get me wrong, he will show up soon enough..but the rest wont happen.