keefy1972 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 If you could talk to him what would you say? Put it here. Link to comment
needingadvice Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 i want to tell him how much he's hurt me - but ive told him this a 1000 times before. i'd want to ask him if he missed me - but i know it's easy to answer that but not mean what you say. i'd want to ask him if he realises he's lost me forever this time - but why do i want to ask him this? i know i just have to show him im gone by staying silent. i know in my head there is nothing more to say but i just feel so lonely and keep picture his face in my head keefy. it feels like it will never get better at this point, but if i break NC i am back to the beginning Link to comment
boosted4life84 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Not sure if anyone saw my thread yesterday in the "Breaking Up" forum, but I am going to consider today as being Day 1 of NC. I spoke with her briefly yesterday while at work. She told me she was going to call me last night, but never did. I am not going to make any efforts of contacting her, the ball is in her park. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Needingadvice...did you just notice that, by posting what you'd say, you figured out exactly how unproductive talking to him would be. Stay the course. No boosted the ball is in your court because you have control of yourself. She isn't your life. She has no say in how happy you are or will be. The power for that lies within you. She doesn't make you a whole person. Her presense in your life has no bearing on how things turn out for you. Remember that it's a privellege for you to allow her in your life. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Keefy1972, I could NOT agree MORE!!! Kudos for that!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I'm having a really crappy afternoon. My ex spent last night with the other woman. It's been less than a month since we broke up. I'm so heartbroken. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 I am soooosorry Shaker...STAY STRONG OK!! We are here!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
MrPresidentUSA Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Sorry it has been a few days since my last post but I am on Day 5 of the challenge and on Day 27 of NC. In the 27 day period, she has sent me one email and one offline message on Yahoo; both of which, I have not responded to. While a few times I have contemplated responding, they were messages just telling me that she hopes everything is ok and that she misses me; both, I feel, do not warrant a response. Stay strong everyone! I was a puddle of goo not too long ago but they can only hurt ya if you let them. Link to comment
needingadvice Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 thank u keefy1972 - im trying to ride through this until i feel calmer and better again x Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 needingadvice your situation is not different from everyone else here that wants to contact the ex. What we would say to them is no different from you. It is this cycle of "the same old conversation" that we are trying to break. It's that cycle thats kept us all stuck in a stagnant place. It consumes us. It becomes who we are. Who we once were gets lost. Taking time away from the ex, breaking that cycle, gives us the time to seek and find the person we once were. Believe it or not, your ex fell in love with who you once were, and you are worth finding again. Be strong and remember that you are more important than anything else. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Glad to hear that you're in such a place of strength MrPresident. Link to comment
MrPresidentUSA Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Thanks Keefy! Took me forever and a day to get here. Just ask SuperDave. He was the one I originally sent my 54 page, single-spaced word document to and I was in a mess. I sent that to him on Day 5. Now its Day 27 and now its almost like a contest with myself. She used to say that I would never stop, I would continue to pester her when she needed space. Then on day 13, she emails me. WOW huh? And she was the one saying "you'll never just stop, you can't ever just let it go." So I use this, its almost like a competition with myself and just to prove her wrong. It does feel good though to lessen the ties and focus on ME! So please everyone, take care of YOURSELF FIRST!!!! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I'm breaking nc. I know, I know. But I am. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Why shaker? Is there an emergency? What are you going to say? Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 No emergency. I cancelled the email I drafted to my ex to set something up, but I still may send something. I just feel like I need to be honest with him about how I feel. That everything has been bravado, but not honesty. And I haven't told him how I feel since the night of the break-up. He may know, he may not. Regardless, he's my best friend and I feel like I'm conning him everytime I put on a smile, don't make a fuss, don't answer emails. I guess I would tell him that losing him hasn't been easy, that I sometimes don't know what to do about all of this. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 We all understand how you feel shaker. I am sorry to say that confessing your feelings to him again will only re-inforce the power he feels over you now. It's not going to wake him up to how much he loves you. If you are hurting at all over this, then being best friends with him is really not healthy for you. Stay strong. You've come far but still have a long ways to go. Don't give up because you will feel better about it before long. I promise. If you do contact him, and don't hear what you want, do you think you are going to be fine with that? Or will it hurt you? This is what you need to consider before doing anything. 1 Link to comment
tribecagirl Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 No emergency. I cancelled the email I drafted to my ex to set something up, but I still may send something. I just feel like I need to be honest with him about how I feel. That everything has been bravado, but not honesty. And I haven't told him how I feel since the night of the break-up. He may know, he may not. Regardless, he's my best friend and I feel like I'm conning him everytime I put on a smile, don't make a fuss, don't answer emails. I guess I would tell him that losing him hasn't been easy, that I sometimes don't know what to do about all of this. Hi Shaker, I know you're hurting, but please DON'T contact him. I know what you're going through. Trust me. I went through the same turmoil of wanting my ex to know how I felt. I know everyone's situation or circumstances are different, but I did the very thing you are getting ready to do and guess what? It didn't make a difference in my relationship with him. In fact, everything I said to him to make him understand my hurt and pain, fell on deaf ears. And I felt much worst afterward. Keefy is right. Your contacting him to explain yourself won't help because trust me when I tell you, whatever your ex's response will be, you won't want to hear it. Don't give him anymore power! YOU HAVE THE POWER NOW!!!!! I wish I could give you a big hug of support in person. Believe me. I'm saying this because I know. We all know. I'm a very emotional person and for me to tell you all of this after what I've been through, says a lot from my viewpoint. Of course, none of us here can stop you from contacting your ex, but please reconsider. Haven't you been hurt enough? Start the healing now, sweetie. Tribecagirl Link to comment
Enitsirk Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Great idea!! Did you know that this is the method professionals recommend to get your ex back? They also recommend exercising everyday for the first 30 days, and also going on 3 dates within that time period. What exactly is the strategy here? Is it to get them back? Link to comment
Enitsirk Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I guess I should of read a little better, the goal IS to get them back!!!!Ok, over the past 3 weeks I have bought so many e books off the internet on that subject. So, don't waste your money, I will give you advice right out of the books. First, do not contact them. If you must contact them, make the visits brief. If they call you, be the first one to hang up the phone and make the conversation last for under 2 minutes. Next, go exercise everyday for the next 30 days. Exercise will make you more attractive, and by the end of the 30 days, your ex will notice a difference. Also, go out on 3 dates within the next 30 days, its' suppose to be a real self esteem booster. If you happen to run into your ex, act happy. Do not ever beg your ex to come back, tell them that you love them or act desperate in anyway. I will give further instructions later on what to do after the 30 day period Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I guess I didn't read it properly either - I didn't think the goal was to get your ex back, more to get yourself back!! Shaker - I'm so sorry to see that you want to email him, I've been watching the thread for a few days and you've seemed so strong! You and everyone else on here have been what has reinforced my resolve to stick to NC - seeing you doing it and managing so well when you all were in a much longer relationship than me and have gone through a lot more suffering! Please stick to your NC...if not for yourself, then for lil old me? That goes for others I've read on here...Keefy, KoopaTroopa (you helped a lot the other night thank you), Ladybugg...all of you! Keep strong and keep setting the amazing example you have been. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope that 2007 is a billion trillion times better than 2006 for every single one of you xxx Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Second day of NC and he ims me again! I could really use some support...tell me how you think this went. The ex messaged me to ask (again) about picking things up. I already told him I didn't need any of it when he imed two days ago. So...I'm not sure if I really broke NC or not. Since it seemed relevent I just told him that if I needed any of my old furniture I'd tell him at the end of the semester. Short and sweet. He asked me when, I said May. And I said nothing else...so he tells me to or call his mom if anything changes. The very act of him contacting me set me back a little. I'm so annoyed...unless he's going to say "I made a huge mistake and I'm sorry" I just don't need to hear from him at all. Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Oh, and Enitsirk, thanks for posting the tips! I almost bought an ebook, but finally decided against it since I wasn't so sure of how any of the advice would apply to my situation. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 THE GOAL PLAIN AND SIMPLE IS NOT TO GET THE EX BACK...BUT TO GET YOU BACK. No expections.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I think you're doing really well. To me it seems like he's clinging to the excuse he has to contact you - what his reasoning is, I couldn't say. But I'm really proud of how concise you're keeping the conversations, and how calm you seem to be. Maybe if you really want to avoid him completely you could block him? At least just for a bit? x Link to comment
vlhs004 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 my last day of contact was june 12. . . . i have received steady contact from the ex and have not answered or replied back since june 12th . . pretty impressive huh? . . i still receive some kind of contact every 3 weeks or so and she is still with the guy she got with a week after she broke up our 2 year relationship . . ha Link to comment
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