brazilgirl21 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 BrokenheartUK - You have to STOP letting your ex know you are avoiding her and suffering over her. Your friend should NOT have told her you are in bad shape!! You need to show her that yes, she broke you, but that you are doing your best to move on and be happy no matter how bad you are suffering!! Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I agree with Brazilgirl. John, you need to go out and have some fun. I'm having a blast. I think I am having more fun than when I was with my ex... Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 BrokenheartUK - You have to STOP letting your ex know you are avoiding her and suffering over her. Your friend should NOT have told her you are in bad shape!! You need to show her that yes, she broke you, but that you are doing your best to move on and be happy no matter how bad you are suffering!! I don't keep letting her know anything, I have maintained the strictest NC imaginable. I admit I am avoiding her, but that's just part of going NC and not something I've made her specifically 'aware' of. As for my friend, I had no idea she'd told my ex I was in bad shape until two weeks after the fact. I asked her if she'd seen my ex recently and she said that she had and that my ex had asked her how I was, and that was when my friend told her I had been down. I didn't have any control over it! Incidentally, I am moving on and trying to be happy - I had to buy a diary the other week to keep track of all my social engagements! Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I miss her yes, sir. But remember it is not a source of weakness to mean your vows. You are the ideal. Society should be ashamed of itself right now and the institution of marriage is crumbling. Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 yes, sir. But remember it is not a source of weakness to mean your vows. You are the ideal. Society should be ashamed of itself right now and the institution of marriage is crumbling. Yeah i would agree with that! I meant every word I said when I stood at that alter, I had so many warnings that I was too young to get married but ignored them because I knew in my heart that I had enough love and strength to make my marriage work no matter what. I'm just gutted that my wife didn't feel the same! The most depressing thing is every plan I had made for the future involved her, I just dont know who I am or what I want anymore! And I miss her so much it hurts, physically, mentally and spiritually. What could I have done that was so bad that my wife, the one person in my life that I thought i'd never be without not only left me after such a short time, but feels its necessary to change her name on her social profile back to her maiden name, i mean what is the point in that other than to hurt me? Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 but feels its necessary to change her name on her social profile back to her maiden name I realise that in the grand scheme of things this might not seem a major issue, but I didn't give my name away lightly, it really meant something to me for her to take my name and it feels like shes thrown it away! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I'm on day 22 of NC and it's becoming increasingly harder to keep it. My old fear of "I might be making him believe I'm over him and therefore he has even more space to get closer to his new girl" is taking over. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Day 3, Evening Managed to stay focused on finalising a piece of coursework I have due for tomorrow. Now that's out of the way I've been assessing my situation. There are 2 girls other than my ex who I would say I'm attracted to...but the thought of ever pursuing anything with either of them actually makes me feel sick and uneasy. Not in a nervous way, I just feel as if I'm doing something wrong. Yes yes I know, healing takes time, but I haven't experienced this with previous breakups. I think I just don't want to hurt my ex, because she has told me she'd be upset if I was to start chatting to other girls (not in a controlling or pressuring way, we were just being open about how things are). All I can do is sit here and sigh. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Day 3, Evening Managed to stay focused on finalising a piece of coursework I have due for tomorrow. Now that's out of the way I've been assessing my situation. There are 2 girls other than my ex who I would say I'm attracted to...but the thought of ever pursuing anything with either of them actually makes me feel sick and uneasy. Not in a nervous way, I just feel as if I'm doing something wrong. Yes yes I know, healing takes time, but I haven't experienced this with previous breakups. I think I just don't want to hurt my ex, because she has told me she'd be upset if I was to start chatting to other girls (not in a controlling or pressuring way, we were just being open about how things are). All I can do is sit here and sigh. did your ex break up with you? are you guys on a temporary break? Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 did your ex break up with you? are you guys on a temporary break? Broke up with me but maintaining a "who knows what the future holds" look on things. Didn't think she had time anymore for a boyfriend due to University commitments, but still wanted to remain close friends. A summarised version here On an unrelated note, Ayn Rand does not make for good breakup reading! Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Ayn Rand's personal relationships with her lovers and husband were also very tragic. lol. Dude, do not let your ex control you. You are not doing yourself any favors by waiting for her. If you are not healed and want to wait, fine. But if you feel like you can...you should definitely go on dates. Your life cannot stop because she doesn't think she has time for a boyfriend while she's in university. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Dude, do not let your ex control you. You are not doing yourself any favors by waiting for her. If you are not healed and want to wait, fine. But if you feel like you can...you should definitely go on dates. Your life cannot stop because she doesn't think she has time for a boyfriend while she's in university. Her work is quite bleak at the best of times I know, I would never let anyone do that to me, and nor would she want to do that to me! I respect her decisions in leaving me, but I think we could have come to some other sort of arrangement instead of putting a halt to something fantastic. I'm at university too, and not saying my course is harder but I'm 9-5 daily with frequent lab reports and projects due (got about 6 to hand in this month alone), I look to her as a release from it all lol. But as I said it just makes me feel uneasy. I think it's probably best if I spend a good long time on my own anyway, but this was just me trying to uplift my outlook on the future. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Posted an update here: Basically, after just over 2 weeks of NC, up she pops with an email. Both our jobs are at risk, but she'd probably have to move back to her parents if she lost her which would put an end to her Sex in the City lifestyle. Funny how karma works. Saw her arguying with her parents in a restaurant on the way home - just goes to show that our exes' lives post relationship aren't necessarily a bed of roses, if it's any consolation (i do sill care about her so do feel sorry for the situation) Gonna sit on the email for a couple of days - she didn't say anything to give me hope apart from actually send it. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Gonna sit on the email for a couple of days - she didn't say anything to give me hope apart from actually send it. As you said yourself, you've got other priorities this week and you're certainly stronger than I am being able to set it aside and keep focused, and that I admire! Link to comment
_ash_ Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 IM IN!!!! i need to take this challenge!! Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 As you said yourself, you've got other priorities this week and you're certainly stronger than I am being able to set it aside and keep focused, and that I admire! Thanks I won't lie, I'll be thinking about it all night! But you just gotta keep busy - the fact that I'm fighting for my job is big enough to put things in perspective. I went out last week to work in a soup kitchen - I really recommend it or any charity work to anyone here struggling - it'll focus your mind and make you think about other things. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 That's quite a refreshing idea, not something I've ever thought of myself! I can definitely see how that would keep anyone distracted from their worries, and really come out of it feeling better having done a good deed. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Apparently it makes you realise others have more problems than you do, and helps reduce depressive thoughts. Something they make people with depression do, along with excercise. Worked a treat for me! Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Ex has just signed into Bebo, I only noticed cos it tells me she's online, haven't viewed her page, but I did notice my page views go up. Me 1-0 her. I'm staying strong, and sticking to NC. I'm in a lighthearted mood just now, stuck on some upbeat songs! Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Good man. Have you listened to the LadyHawke album? It's very upbeat and getting me through my days atm. Dunno what type of music you like but you might like it. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Its good to be able to joke. Without sounding like a complete **** I have pretty eclectic taste, right now its The Fall of Troy cheering me up, but I actually have that album and was addicted to it a few months ago. May be tempted to stick it on now. Would also recommend it for anyone into synthy-pop-rock and needing something to lift their spirits. Link to comment
TLguy Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Day 16 or something. Have feelings for someone else, who likes me in return. Trouble is I wont go into a relationship with her because everything she says I remember my ex saying and then I have huge feelings of misstrust and weariness etc. Like shes just another carbon copy of my ex with a different exterior. I also have huge issues with that every relationship I see around me, or even just on tv, I always see ways of how it will end. I think of who's most likely to break up with who and why like noone can be trusted. I really like this girl but when she says certain things I start pushing her away...I dont know if I'll regret pushing her away...but it feels like im not ready. Link to comment
nauum Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Hi guys, I have to tell you that I particularly love this post about NC. I recently posted a question about NC today-really need answers. I am doing NC and everyone says to give them time to either have them realize they miss you...and/or to move on with your life. My question is..if you're doing NC and they did want to tell you they made a mistake...how would you ever know if you wrote them off and are not talking to them. I know it's the best...but sometimes I feel as though it pushes them further away and towards another person. Someone else replied that since he calls and talks about BS...I should say that I don't want to talk unless he's ready to reconcile...but I think that's so pressuresome and puts such an ultimatum on someone. Please HELP Lynne:scramble: Link to comment
longdist Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Nauum, I'll give you my personal view (could be wrong). I think it is good to lay the cards on the table before doing NC. Otherwise, you will constantly think about what you want to say while doing NC and your ex may indeed find it slightly spiteful if you do it the second you break up. Just make sure you are in the right state before contact and that you don't beg and that you keep your dignity. Day 5 after breaking a month of NC I've started to realize that I was the poison in the relationship and had been for a long time. All I can do is learn from this and change myself. I've been doing pretty well with this second round of NC after the initial day or two. I'm still not seeing other girls as possibilities. I've found that excercise (running) does help you feel better and gives you some time alone to think. I have also been considering charities as mentioned above. I feel like I need to regain the kharma after poisoning my relationship for so long. Link to comment
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