and again Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 22 felt like * * * * all day really down and few tears "where the hell did this come from again?" Thinking of her all day and what the hell went through her head to leave it all, she had it on a plate, 1st none cheater for her good in every department, listened to all her stuff, just thought what we could have been all day. Also feeling down because of this virus. Back to work tomorrow lets hope that snaps me out of it, because few days before i was seeing things a lot more clear. ie she was a down person, didnt have the best chat, did slag everyone off. argh well cant help feelings 2 out of 10 * * * * Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I'm on NC day 2. I've kept breaking it this week too. NC is harder than it seems. jfpieron - I am on the same situation as you. My ex said that it's just easier to be with this other girl without all the emotional stress and how much I have broken him in the past for leaving him. He could never really forgive me for it, so its easier for him to be with this other girl. However, I feel like the more he stays with her, the more he's falling for her and letting me go for good. The more he sees her, the less I'm the only woman in his life and someone else substitutes me. worse feeling in the world =[ Brazil Girl, I am so on the same page with you! I have had the worst day of thinking that same thing. All I can think is that all this time he is just bonding with her and I am becoming a faint memory. It sucks, it is horrible and I can hardly stand it! The only thing I can say to you is what a friend of mine told me. She is older and said the more I ignore him and make him think I don't need him the more he will want me. It sounds good but I am not sure. I did the same thing with my gy, breaking up with him constantly and now he says what yours does, in that this new gal is just fun and he doesn't have to worry about getting his head all messed up like with me. I just keep, like you, thinking he must really be falling for her by now. The text from him yesterday gave me some hope when he said Happy V Day but nothing today. I live about an hour from him and that has been part of the problem too. The new gal lives up the street from him=great! I am moving in 2 weeks about 5 minutes from him as I finally sold my house. I was planning on this move before him anyway. He doesn't know I am moving and I know it would probably make a difference for him to know I am finally going to be closer but I can't bring myself to text him to tell him. This is the pits!I hope your gy realizes the closeness he has with you can't be replaced by just a good time and something easy. Something easy usually means there isn't that much feeling there in my opinion. So if he tells you it is easy with her I would have to think it is cause he doesn't care that much for it to get complicated. Good Sign! Head up shoulders back Link to comment
LittleLost Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 My LDR ex broke up with me over Thanksgiving, when we met last. No hard feelings, no cheating/lying. I honestly still don't know why she broke up with me. In the beginning it was a "can't handle the distance". After we broke up, I went NC for a week. After that I was rather lonely and due to stress in school I needed to have a friend and I used her a little until the Christmas, when I could go home and collect the pieces with my family. During the holidays we spoke every once in a while but we didn't meet (we were in our hometown). After the break I had built a support around me and wasn't needing her anymore. But I wanted to give the friends thing a shot, since she was always a very good friend. In the beginning we were talking once a week at most, so it worked for me. But then she started talking more and more and I was getting mixed signals. So I just told her I couldn't do it anymore - unfortunately I was very confused and was rude to her on the conversation - no cursing, just being dry and sarcastic. This was 3 weeks ago. I have been in NC until last Thursday, when I sent her an e-mail apologizing for being rude on the phone, saying I don't have hard feelings but asking her to keep it that way, without contact. So I'm starting from day 3 of full NC. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 No contact over V-Day from her which I was expecting, but to be honest it doesn't upset me so much as piss me off. I think I am definitely going through the 'angry' phase. So I guess all there is left for me to say to her is "Have a nice life and I hope your new boyfriend is everything you've always wanted. I'm moving on and my life is going to be the best one I can make it. Nice knowing you." Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 how did she respond to the e-mail? Have you ever just said " what happened"? I have found sometimes people don't tell us cause we fail to ask. It sounds to me like alot of non -communication. If you still love her and want her back why tell her NC is best? You don't even know why she broke up so how do you know if you can fix it? Maybe it can be fixed if you find out what broke. I don't think NC is the case for you rite now. Maybe after you talk and get the score you would think NC is better if she won't open up but rite now I say put the Olive Branch out there to start communicating and find out what was bothering her back at Thanksgiving. Link to comment
TLguy Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Im almost at the two week mark...two weeks of no texts, no calls, no facebook messages or msn. Two weeks of sadness and lonliness... Still...whilst the depressing feelings arnt going away, the urge to contact her certainly is. Link to comment
LittleLost Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 how did she respond to the e-mail? Have you ever just said " what happened"? I have found sometimes people don't tell us cause we fail to ask. It sounds to me like alot of non -communication. The first time she said she was having second thoughts, I asked what happened and she told me it was the distance. We have been LDR for 4 years and would be for at least another 3. At some point she said she didn't feel it anymore. Than she said she thought school was putting too much pressure and she couldn't give me enough attention - and no I'm not an attention * * * * * so if this is true, it means she can't give me any attention. She only assured me it wasn't because of anyone else. She obviously didn't know so I stopped asking. When we spoke on the phone for the last time, the conversation was basically like this: "Hey, are you seeing someone else?" "No". "Do you want to go back?" "I don't think we should be talking about getting back so soon". "Then... why are you talking to me so much?" "You said we could be friends". "Yes. And that was a mistake. I loved you too much to be just a friend. I keep making up false hopes. It's better if we didn't talk anymore. And it's better for us to put in our heads we won't ever get back together again. Because I feel I'm waiting for you". "I agree. I can see why it's confusing to you. Anything else?" "Yes. Do you know why you broke up with me?" "I think there was a lack of chemistry". "Chemistry? Chemistry? Ok. I need to sleep. Good night." Click. So basically I think she doesn't know why she broke up with me yet. Or she knows and don't want to tell me. I mean... after 4 months, the best you can come up with is chemistry... We dated for 4 years and every single time we were together, it was always wonderful, so I don't believe chemistry was an issue. even in the last thanksgiving, when we knew already it would be our last time together, we were deeply involved. If you still love her and want her back why tell her NC is best? You don't even know why she broke up so how do you know if you can fix it? Maybe it can be fixed if you find out what broke. I don't think NC is the case for you rite now. Look, she first told me she wanted to break up one month before thanksgiving. She wanted space but didn't want to break up. So I gave her space. Then she asked me if I still wanted her to come over on thanksgiving. I told her yes because we shouldn't end this thing by phone + the ticket was already paid for. Then she asked me to try again, two weeks before thanksgiving. But during these two weeks I was the one doing all the effort (I was calling, cheering her up, etc...). You can only be alone in a relationship for so long, you know? By Thanksgiving I was tired already. I basically told her that I loved her deeply but I couldn't do this alone for too long. I could wait if she knew she loved me but I can't hold on for an uncertain thing. She decided that she couldn't put any effort in this relation anymore. So she broke up. Maybe after you talk and get the score you would think NC is better if she won't open up but rite now I say put the Olive Branch out there to start communicating and find out what was bothering her back at Thanksgiving. This last e-mail was an olive branch in a beak of dove. I told her that I was rude on the phone only because I was confused. That I do not have hard feelings towards her. That I know I am her best friend and that she is my best friend and that we know each other so well that I want to keep this channel open in case she needs me for something. But that I am not mature enough to just pretend I don't love her and because of that I can't be a friend you call when you are bored, to talk about routine stuff, it just messes me up. And that the NC was helping moving on... so to give it sometime. Time is the only entity that is as strong as love. She already knows I love her. So there's nothing much for me to do. I tried to be "just friends" but she can't do LC and normal conversation just sends me back to december, when I was in this really dark psychological place. I'd love to have her back. She's great. But I can't beg her to come back. I can't make her want me again. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear. But right now, I ran out of things to do. I'm just moving on. Link to comment
longdist Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hey LittleLost, I also had a 4 year LDR with a poor excuse for a breakup. She gave me every cliche in the book, such as lack of chemistry to I'm not sure if I still love you so I need a break. My guess is that neither of our exes really know for sure. It's tough, so I'm with ya. I was going to have a chance to move close in less than a year b/c my grad school will be done. So we were so close to being done with the LDR. So anyhow to respond to your questions.. I don't have an answer. I think it is best just to do NC for cases where the other person doesn't have a good reason for the breakup. It will give them some time to think about why they really broke up with you and if they will want to come back. One thing I've figured out is that you won't be able to make them come back, so you just have to let it go. As for lack of chemistry, I know how that response can be annoying. You've dated for 4 years, and now they decide there isn't chemistry? That's something you figure out quickly in a relationship. So I say just stick to NC unless someone has a better suggestion. LC is definitely no good until you are completely fine w/ not getting her back. At least that's my opinion. I tried that for a month and thought I was making progress. I think you have to be absent for them to miss you and to heal. Link to comment
redreine Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 My ex is currently begging for me back! Ahhhhhhhhh! Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 My ex is currently begging for me back! Ahhhhhhhhh! Congrats! Play your cards right and keep us updated. Make him sweat. Link to comment
redreine Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I'm trying to make things easy on him. But at the same time I plan on making sure he knows that he can't have me back just because he's sorry. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I'm trying to make things easy on him. But at the same time I plan on making sure he knows that he can't have me back just because he's sorry. congratulations redreine i could tell your situation was going in the right direction keep us posted! Link to comment
Webslinger51 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hang in there everyone. It's been 36 days since I've heard her voice or called her, emailed her, etc. It's been 9 days since i added her to facebook. Link to comment
arghgirl Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 congrats redreine... sounds like great progress! day 3 for me. sometimes, i feel like he is hurting for me. my heart hurts sometimes, but i am not necessarily thinking about him, and they come at such odd times. does anyone else have this kind of intuition? or is it just wishful thinking? Link to comment
redreine Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 We're a couple again, but we are no longer engaged. (something we both agreed upon) We've also both decided to set some ground rules and that we need to change some things. He's coming over tomorrow and we're having our belated V-Day date Saturday. After he broke up with me, he still went out and bought me a gift...aww... Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Take is slow red. Congratulations on getting back together! Link to comment
e-star Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 My ex did something terrible to me; unforgivable. I know this thread is for getting back together, but I would like to start NC to make sure I don't contact him. He is no good for me and there will be nothing positive in speaking to him. I dumped him but he was my best friend and incredibly important to me, so it will be hard not to talk to him ever again. Today is Day #1. I have blocked him on AIM and will not answer his emails or phone calls if he tries to contact me. I would like to name this challenge as the NC Healing Challenge for my specific circumstances. Day #1 of my NC Healing Challenge here I come. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 We're a couple again that's great. i'm happy for you. Link to comment
philove Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Day 10 for me, yesterday was bad because I stumbled accross some photos we had taken together which i thought i deleted so that brought back all the old emotions again I had a little weep last night and got a good nights sleep but i still feel s**ty this morning. Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Day 13 It's funny, I don't even feel the urge to get in contact with her anymore. Maybe it's because I've realised that it's pointless and would achieve nothing, she has her own life to live now and someone else to share it with. I remember that when I was with her, I never even gave my previous exes a second thought. So I apply that thinking now: she's with someone new so I know she's already forgotten me and never thinks about me, it's like I never existed to her. The only reminder that I'm still alive would be for her to see me in the street. I've done pretty well at becoming a ghost this past fortnight. I'm starting to slowly look forward to the future and tonight I start doing exercise again for the first time since before Xmas - I'm taking that as a sign that I'm healing. Link to comment
longdist Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Day 19 Well I've got mixed feelings today. I feel like I'm starting to finally let go. At the same time it hurts and I get extreme pains sometimes. I had 1 month of very LC and then the 19 days of NC. She has never initiated the contact even though all conversations have been very friendly. Our last conversation ended with her saying that she wanted some time to process the conversation b/c I brought up the subject of getting back together and a plan to do it. However, I get the feeling that I should give up hope on getting back together. I think giving up that hope is what is hurting me today. I guess I don't want to let go. I feel as though if I kept my current feelings that a relationship with her would be so much better if we did get back together. Deep inside I know if that were to ever happen it would be far enough down the road that I couldn't keep up with the pain for that long. So this week I will focus on losing hope. This is getting annoying, one second I feel totally okay with everything no matter what thoughts go through my head. Then I can be not thinking about anything and then wham it hits me like a ton of breaks and I feel like crap with a big pit in my stomach. It has almost been two months since the breakup. Shouldn't I be feeling better by now? Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Day 2 today! got a serious case of deja vu! Feeling very low, today was destined to be a crappy day as our wedding song came on the radio on the way to work! Not a nice feeling! Although I did see her on V.day it didn't make me feel any better, nice to know she wasn't going out with anyone but I cant understand why she made a bogus excuse to come round and collect something and then when she was there was quite distant and cold? maybe even a little * * * * * y! What was the point of making the effort to find an excuse (even if it was a poor one) and come round just to give me the cold shoulder? Its our friends birthday on thursday so we're both going to that (seperatly!) its going to be the first time we've both been out amongst our friends since the split so thats going to be very awkward and I'm really not sure how Im going to handle that one, even thinking about not going but I dont see what good hiding away will do. Just really hoping no one makes a move on her as it will destroy me! Really hoping this starts to get easier soon because right now I'm suffering! I just want to go to bed and not wake up for a month. Someone make the pain go away! Please! Link to comment
parlae Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 day 2 for me. my challenge is kinda different now. since me & my ex have became "friends" and started talking again (every now & then) my challenge is that, on the days when he doesn't initiate contact, i'll be NC. thereforee, everything is all up to him. it's all in his hands. if he wants to contact me, he knows my email, my house phone number, my cell number, etc... and the fact that we've been making slight communication, does make it harder on me to NOT initiate contact on the days when i don't hear from him. but i've been doing good so far. and i'm feeling very optimistic about the possibility that we could be together again in the future to stay positive. i hope it only goes up from here. Link to comment
longdist Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I think I'm going to have to blow NC. I think I left something at my ex's that I need for a trip I'm taking in mid-March. If I contact her, I'll make it quick and to the point, yet friendly. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Day 3 of NC, trying to stay strong!! It makes me so upset that my ex KNOWS I'm hurt and doesn't even contact me to see how I'm doing. When I broke up with him and knew he was hurting, I used to call him every other day... But oh well, I guess my ex couldn't care less about how I feel. Link to comment
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