brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 It's not like I can do this NC anyways. When I see him and he conforts me I feel SO much better. Well, I guess I don't even know if he'll contact me or not next week. Link to comment
SighSob Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 SuperDave you're back!! I want to thank you so badly for your posts...they really, REALLY helped me when I was drowning in the darkness... Hope you're not going to leave too soon...! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 LISTEN TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID... he's going on a trip with a new girl on friday Why would you want a hug from a man that is seeing someone else and making you PLAN B, C, or maybe not even in his plan? Are you that desperate that regardless of what he does, your feelings don't matter? Please tell us this is not the case? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
wiley Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 It's not like I can do this NC anyways. When I see him and he conforts me I feel SO much better. I used to feel SO much better when my ex used to comfort me... UNTIL I went home... Then I wanted it again and again like a drug. It got me nowhere, just delayed ME moving on. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 Thank you SighSob....I really appreciate that. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
parlae Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 brazilgirl-- how do you think the meeting will go? like, how are you expecting this to change anything? Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 He comforts you so much it pushes him into the arms of a new girl so they can go one a holiday together... How comforting.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 superdave- it's so complex. if you read my thread you might understand it more. I know I'm not healing, but I guess I'm not ready to heal. Just last month I was 100% sure we'd get back together. I need more time to be able to heal. I already made it to 10 days of NC. I know I will get there one day! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 but I guess I am not ready to heal So you are willing to accept the fact you are a needy. desperate, loving person that deserves to be treated like a piece of trash? Regardless of what I may read from your thread, what you are doing is trying to convince the majority here that an orange is really an apple. This is NEVER the case. Despite the way you see things, you STILL have on the rose colored glasses. You see things the way you want to see them rather than what they are. If you choose to hang on with everything you have, expect to be dragged behind until you are so hurt that you have to let go out of mere exhaustion and frustration. Quit trying to tell us that it's complicated when you are making something so OBVIOUS that you want to make it out as he is confused. My dear, you are the one who is confused and need to realize I am telling you this because I care and NOT because I don't. My advice may be brutal sometimes but I choose that those that care about to to be 100% honest with me rather than lie to save my feelings. I care about you and want you to realize that out of your desperation for a hug or whatever it is you want....he can't give it to you. A hug yes, the love behind the hug....NO. Think about it.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
SighSob Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Healing is a necessary step if you're looking for a reconciliation. You can't "skip it" or just pretend you're not hurt. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Healing is a necessary step if you're looking for a reconciliation. You can't "skip it" or just pretend you're not hurt. exactly! i'm still in the early stages of the break up (it's only been about two months) but i still understand that statement. what do you gain from pretending that you're not hurt? nothing. whether you want a reconciliation or not, healing is key. Link to comment
redreine Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I got exactly what I wanted from breaking NC, and I feel great about it. I'm actually going to continue to talk with my ex, but not every day. However. I think mine is a bit of a special case. (I know, everyone thinks that) I'm no longer pining over my ex and begging God to bring him back to me. I've found someone new to at least talk to, and I know in my heart that my ex isn't ready for a committed relationship. Not only that, but if it's meant to be between us, someday we'll be together. Just not right now. It isn't meant to be right now. That being said, he is my best friend, and I love the conversations we share, and he makes me happy in that respect. I worked incredibly hard to keep him in my life, and I feel it's best for both of us to be friends. I'm definitely not saying this is the case for all people, though. Link to comment
looking4ward Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 exactly! i'm still in the early stages of the break up (it's only been about two months) but i still understand that statement. what do you gain from pretending that you're not hurt? nothing. whether you want a reconciliation or not, healing is key. 100% agree. Couldn't see that at first for all the pain but if he came back to me while I was so hurt or even today (about 1.5 mo out from 9 year relationship) I think the old problems might just come up again. Dumpers/Ex's sometimes instinctively know this too- I think that’s why it just takes time if there is going to be a successful reconciliation. What's the point if you just break up again anyway? Sure you felt better for a bit but the pain will just come back with a vengeance. You have to remind yourself that you can stand on your own two feet and don’t look for false support in a dysfunctional relationship. Day 1 NC. Had a great convo with the ex yesterday- then got some good news in the mail and DIDN’T call him to tell him. It’s nice to try NC after leaving a good impression in his mind (instead of a crazy one). Now- I will NOT contact him- he has to contact me. (If he does not follow through with some financial arrangements I may have to talk to him but he promised to so hopefully he will). -K Link to comment
le_sex Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 she just sent me a message on facebook about wanting to spank my ass!! ignored that im off to a party tonight woo hoo Link to comment
TLguy Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 she just sent me a message on facebook about wanting to spank my ass!! ignored that im off to a party tonight woo hoo thats...weird I havnt had a single message off my ex in the 12 days...shows how much she cares about me. Link to comment
le_sex Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 dont worry mate that was after one month!!! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 my ex never contacts me but everytime I break NC he replies and is always really nice. Argh. Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Brazil girl, I wouldn't go. if your ex really wants you back, he'll make the effort. I did that, I went looking for my ex for closure, boy did he give it to me...and I feel so little and stupid...i was at his mercy. Don't do it. If he wants you back...he knows where you live, your number, email address, facebook, where you work.etc. Trust me, guys will do anything to get a girl that they love back... even if it's your fault... they will make the effort. I thought bc i was pretty infront of him, he'll take me back, it's not about looks or anything... if it's broken, even if you look good or try to play it off like you've changed, they can see right through you... especially if you're asking for a hug to be comforted, that's weak. I did that and i extremely regret it. It's been almost 3 weeks since that awful event..and I am suggesting you dont go. Be strong, say you thought about it and you don't need it. If you believe in your heart that he loves you, he will come back running to you... you dont have to make any effort... trust me... You're asking for another meltdown... another heartbreak. Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Brazilgirl- you're also giving him emotional support to move on with the other girl because you're his safety-net... thats not good. The more you appear infront of him when he tells you he's seeing another girl, the more you appear uglier... and the other girl appears more prettier. Like my last Ex bf, when we broke up for 2months, he called and demanded I see him...when I saw him, we argued, and i walked out...he ran after me and just held me and wouldn't let me go. He held me for 10 minutes and begged me to go talk with him in his car.... but he was the ONE who demanded the meeting... not I for closure... Link to comment
arghgirl Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I broke NC, which I started on February 9. The next day, I emailed him a letter letting him know these things: 1. Asked for forgiveness for making him feel confused. 2. Told him I respected and admired him for being committed to AA and school. 3. Agreed with break-up and told him that I also need time to work on myself. 4. Let him know that I am here if he needs me or wants to talk. I expected no response. The next day, as I was applying to a job, I found a job posting that would be great for him. I emailed it to him letting him know that I was just applied to this place and saw this posting that he would be ideal for. He emailed me back yesterday to tell me thanks for the job posting and all the letters and emails. I then texted him thanking him for his message and just asked if he wanted to go for a quick coffee. He immediately replied that he was going to be on campus till late. I then replied no problem, another time perhaps and wished him a nice day. I did not expect any response, and I did not get any. So now, I am going NC again. I just needed to say my peace and make one last effort before going quiet. I feel good about it because I feel like I did it more for me than for him. And I did it from a place of love knowing that I have no right to expect a response. I hope that the door is still open. I feel calm but, of course, long for him. But he needs to be alone, and I need to work on my own self. I just hope that we can meet again when our timing is better for truly I believe that he and I could have a great love story. So back to Day 1, today, Friday the 13th! Link to comment
redreine Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 arghgirl, I am very proud of you. That was truly the way things should be done, in my opinion. I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but it sounds like you definitely have a great chance of a future with him. Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Do stubborn guys ever change their decisions? If they say, once they breakup with a girl they will never take a girl back, is it definite? Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I am having a relapse. Help! Link to comment
redreine Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Do stubborn guys ever change their decisions? If they say, once they breakup with a girl they will never take a girl back, is it definite? In my experience, yes. After a night of tears and begging with my ex (and numerous break-ups beforehand) I asked him at the very end if there was ever a chance of getting back together, and he said absolutely not. Two weeks later, we were engaged. Link to comment
arghgirl Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Thanks, redreine, for your encouraging words. I hope it happens but, if not, lesson learned! It takes the loss of someone I really care about to realize a very painful realization about myself. Argh! Link to comment
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