THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Robert013]

My ex has been trying to get in contact with me this afternoon. She sent a text message then she tried calling and left a voicemail. She is ANGRY! Now she wants back all of the books that she gave to my son. I am not going to let her have them. She told him that he could have them so they are now his. You do not take something that you gave to a 7 year old back.

 

This has been going on for to long. She is dragging this out. She is hurting my son and I more than is normal. She dumped me! She is already in a new relationship and is still trying to contact me. I don't understand why she does not get the point. I told her not to contact me for any reason after she said she didn't want to give me another chance. I also told her that a friendship was not possible with my son or I. I then told her that we had to walk away forever and wished her the best. I owe her nothing.

 

I am the one who should be angry. I also see that it is not all great for her also. She is hurting and just covering it up with her new bandaid. Not doing the trick.

 

This is why you do not jump into a relationship right after a breakup of a LTR. You can't block emotions by hiding behind someone else. If she is still contacting me that means she is still thinking about me and this will effect her new relationship. Oh well she made the bed let her lay in it. She is not my problem anymore.

 

NC continues for eternity

[manup7228]

Robert, you are very inspirational. Your going to keep me going with NC. I am on like week 2 (i do not like to count days), but it's nice to see someone "man" enough to not fall for their Ex's dirty little games. My ex is doing the same thing by the way. The whole still texting me while they have a boyfriend. She's on her second one since me and we were together 2 and half years. We've only been broken up 5 months. Sadly, I know it will all coming crashing down on her eventually, I just hope she does not think I am going to be the one to pick up the pieces.

[jennamajig]

Oh, Robert, sorry she is giving you so much trouble on Christmas Eve! She just doesn't want to let you go, does she? Well, tough! She has to and you are doing everything right. Your courage is amazing; you found your own power. Stick to it and you will only be stronger.

 

I'm taking a little bit of that courage with me tomorrow to get through the day. I know my ex will never contact me again, but tomorrow is probably the one day where it will hurt the most.

[UCLAMike]

Day 1 here. A humble beginning. Will try to forget about her and live my life.

[Robert013]

Well she showed up at my house this morning looking for the books. I guess all of them were not hers so she needed to return them to there rightful owner. I excepted the excuse. So i boxed them up and walked them to her vehicle. She saw that i put some books in there that she gave to my son and she said to take them back that they were his. Wow some compassion. So I took the liberty to thank her for letting my son to keep the books and wished her and her brothers who were in the car a Merry Christmas.

 

It was funny because she was so angry when I showed up and when I acted totally normal and let her have the books with no fuss she changed her mood. She was trying to be mad but then she saw me smiling and just being myself. She couldn't.

 

I was on my way to my mothers anyway she lives a couple blocks away so I just walked away down the street. When I started walking she was turning the other way then she saw me walking and changed her direction. She drove past me slowly and just stared at me. Then I smiled and waved and mouthed the words have a nice day. She could not take her eyes off from me. What was this about?

 

She called me earleir tonight I answered because NC was already broken for the day. She started out being a little crabby but then i cracked a joke and told her a story about my son and she brightened up. I gave her a present for her behavoir I let her talk to my son for a minute. She said thank you so much for that.

 

so as usual I ended the conversation as I have for the past three months when she breaks NC. I told her I don't know if we can ever be friends. Do not contact me I need time you understand. She said yes I understand. I said merry christmas, she said the same. I said goodbye, she said goodbye.

 

What made her change? Did she see my changes? Are they allready visible? She was the one who acted nervouse not I. She was the one who acted angry not I. She acted like she didn't want to let me off of the phone. This is how I knew she saw something that was not there the past few times she broke NC by showing up at my house. i was angry before and acted nervous. No, I have changed. i can control my emotions in front of her now. I have control of myself. I gained this abilaty due to this breakup.

 

I can't count days you know that. it makes no point to me. I will not call her I will not answer her calls, text, e mail, etc. But she will keep chasing so she will break it again. Whatever I am getting my life back. sure I still have bad day's but everyone does. I still get angry, sad, and whatever. But everyone does. I am just choosing to blame her for those bad day's when actually I am allowing myself to feel this way.

 

Stay strong people change yourself and become who you were meant to be and the world will notice. NC helps it helped me and will continue to help me.

[Robert013]

Oh, Robert, sorry she is giving you so much trouble on Christmas Eve! She just doesn't want to let you go, does she? Well, tough! She has to and you are doing everything right. Your courage is amazing; you found your own power. Stick to it and you will only be stronger.

 

I'm taking a little bit of that courage with me tomorrow to get through the day. I know my ex will never contact me again, but tomorrow is probably the one day where it will hurt the most.

 

No I really don't think she does. Just try to enjoy the Holidays they are not about our exes they are about us. Don't let him spoil your happiness it is not worth it. We will survive this and one day we will find the one or they will find us. Thats right they are out there looking for us right now. Our chances are good. Merry Christmas and happy holidays.

[kiwi24]

THis is the end of Day 5 for me for NC with my ex. He had broken up with me last Wednesday over the phone, met him Thursday evening at a common friends house to get answers (which I didn't) and then on Friday to give him the key back to his apt. Saturday I sent him a simple "Hi" text message but no response from him left me angry, hurt, and decieved.

 

I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call but what if he doesnt answer?? I keep wanting to drop by his apt but what if he doesn't open his door?? And what if he is relying on the fact that I am going to call him one day and convince him to get back together as I once did??

 

Heck No....I'm torn up inside and on an emotional roller coaster but I hope I stay strong not to call him.

 

He'll get what he deserves in the end.....

[ncGuy391]

Ok, Its "Day 1" for me. But, how do I effectively participate in this when my ex and I share a child? I need some pointers.

[dqueen]

Hi guys. It's official. I suck at NC. I suck at self-respect. I'm weak and can't do this.

[fiffy]

DQueen

 

I know how hard it is for you. I struggle just as much.

 

Don't beat yourself up over it. If you slip up just go straight back to NC. Just kep getting back on the horse.

 

I rarely post on this thread now but I am on day 17 of NC. It is killing me My ex has a new girl- and my heart has broken so bad.

 

I am determined to get back on track.

 

Sparkie reccomended some books to help me, I think they might help you. They are journey from abandonment and reinventing your life.

 

I would also suggest you see a therapist to help you with your self esteem.

 

I know how bad you are feeling because I have had no self respect when it comes to my ex. I have just embarrassed myself to the point he thinks I am a joke.

 

I just tell myself everyday that I am beautiful inside and out no matter what he says. I am going to beat these terrible feelings and one day I will be his biggest regret.

 

If you ever need to talk just PM me and I will add you to my messenger.

 

Hope your ok xx

[SighSob]

...one day I will be his biggest regret.

 

That's the spirit

[crab62]

day 27 NC... and wheww... I made it through Christmas, and it wasn't so tough

 

I have been doing better the last few days, knock on wood. I keep thinking what a hypocrite he is how he judged me for disrespecting him and all his other accusations, yet his best friends (that we argued over) are people who participate in a their friends infidelity and "that's okay". His "other" girlfriend is someone who gets involved with married men and

'that's okay'. His guy friend lies to his wife and purposely doesn't pick up the phone when she's calling... and when she does, he lies about where's he at and who he's with... and that's okay. Yes these people "are" his friends... and their behavior is acceptable to him, but my behavior of being tired from working two jobs and my behavior of wanting him to ask that girl to stop emailing him was "not okay". Please!!

 

I'm very grateful for NC. It has been hard, but if it hadn't happened... I would have been sucked back in to his phony kindness, to his phony self... playing mr nice guy when people participating in infidelity are knocking on his door begging him to hang around with them. Oh I'm so glad I won't ever have to be torn again... between what is right in my gut and all that is wrong that comes with wanting to be with my exbf.

 

For him I was a pretty girl for him to have on his arm, but what he couldn't handle is that this pretty girl has morals, ethics and standards. .. and most importantly, this pretty girl stands up to those morals, ethics and standards... unlike himself... it made me ill how these horribly unethical people hounded him to come back hanging with them. They just couldn't stand it that he was with me... cause they knew, I would never accept them, and they were scared they'd lose him. Well they didn't, they have him now... and they can all participate in the infidelity and I can go back to feeling good about myself, that I am no longer associated with such losers. My brother said it best once... my exbf and I were arguing about his unethical friends and how they "were there for him"... and my brother said "yeah and who's their for the cheater's wife". My exbf never thought about that... who is there for her, the woman in the dark, the woman on the other end of the phone... who was being lied to repeatedly by her husband, my exbf's best friend. Yes this is who my exbf was, and these are his friends... and NC has given me the time to detach from that and find myself again. I like myself... and I'm much better than to ever be associated with people who cheat.

 

So I'm good today. I had absolutely no desire to call him yesterday, none. I am going to be okay...

[cookiedough1]

Hi guys...add another to your gang of NC'ers. Day 1 for me....I feel ok right now...sometimes I think the Xmas holidays make it worse because there's too much free time. I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work in January....

I also wanted to say that all of your stories are very inspirational and I love the moral support here. Keep going!

[SighSob]

Day 1 for me too. I don't think I'll feel the need to call her in the next days...but I am afraid that after a month has passed I'll want to know how she is doing. *sigh*

[Robert013]

Hello all my friends.

 

I am doing just fine today after my ex showed up at my house unexpectedly yesterday. I know the women is thinking about me. But i also know that I have a new life to lead.

 

I am sick of sitting around and waiting for something to change inside of me. I realize it will not happen unless I allow it to happen and make it happen. I have figured out that my ex cannot live without me in her life. It is just something she is not capable of. I guess my son and I mean to much to her. I let her know that she has to give me time to heal and forgive. I think we finally have an understanding.

 

Tonight I am going out with some old friends of mine that are in town. It will be fun there will be many people I haven't been able to visit in a real long time. Also there is this one women who has caught my eye. I have talked to her once before so I will most likely see her also. I need to start dating i am ready. My ex might also be out tonight because many of her friends are in town also. Well they are mutual friends so the possability is there to see one another. All of her friends love me. i still talk to them once in a while. I don't know if she knows this? Who cares? I don't.

 

Well who cares what day it is I don't because I am living my life one day at a time. I will not try to contact her I do not have the need anymore. I will also not run away in fear of breaking NC if I see her anymore because telling the truth I don't care. It has been 3.5 months and I can control my emotions. Yes she still has an affect on my emotions but I am in control.

 

Its not like she was the only women out there that I could love or that can love me. No way. I am not worried about finding a new love I am just worried about how am i going to know she is the one?

 

Stay strong my friends and remember to live your life. The more you live life for yourself the quicker you will be able to move on and heal.

[crab62]

Day 1 for me too. I don't think I'll feel the need to call her in the next days...but I am afraid that after a month has passed I'll want to know how she is doing. *sigh*

 

it will get hard no doubt. but the key is to "let the emotions" pass and try not to act on them. if you are serious about NC, you can do it, but it's not easy... you have to really want it.

[ncGuy391]

Day 2 for me. Today was good. Called once but that was about my daughter, nothing else. Ex called me sometime around 10:30 and asked where I was and who I was with. I kept it short saying I was out and I'll have to call you later, but I'm not going to call. If you are having trouble go rent a really funny movie. I watched "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" today. Hilarious!

[cookiedough1]

Day 2 for me too....

I'm having trouble convincing myself I'm doing NC for myself, and not for getting my ex back. I feel like I keep compulsively checking my phone or email. I hope with some more time, I start doing this for myself....

[crab62]

Day 2 for me too....

I'm having trouble convincing myself I'm doing NC for myself, and not for getting my ex back. I feel like I keep compulsively checking my phone or email. I hope with some more time, I start doing this for myself....

 

i honestly can say in the beginning of my NC, I was doing it to get my ex back too... I think that's common. It's hard to lose your partner and break-ups are hard.

 

but as time goes on, it will get easier. although my exbf made it easy on me cause he has not tried to contact me... so i had really no choice but to continue with nc. i broke it once and he lashed back horribly, so i would never try to break it (call him) again.

 

but now i could not go back to him if he called, no way. way too much hurt. it has been 7 weeks since the break-up, and there's really not much i would want to say to him anyway. i mean what do you say to someone who walks out on you and never calls to see how you are handling it?

 

so hang in there. i don't know much of your story... did you post about your breakup somewhere?... but hang in there and be strong... over time NC will become more about you, and that's when you know you're starting to heal.

 

{{{HUGS}}}

[Imissher]

She contacted me today. I believe it is still best for me to go NC.

 

I will now be starting this. Dezember 27 16.15

 

Day 1 - Feeling pretty good, but lonely.

[cookiedough1]

Thanks crab62....it's one of those things that you just want time to pass by quickly, because i'm sure it will be easier a month or two down the line. My backstory is pretty much that we were having some issues (related to how we dealt with problems; he's nonconfrontational, im not...so over time the lack of communication compounded any small problems we could have worked out earlier). I could tell he wasn't into me as much as he was before, and it really hurt...and I asked him to try and give us a chance....needless to say, here I am now. He said he felt that we were both hurting each other and that it would end in the future someway or the other....he didn't feel "that spark" anymore. I know there's no other girl in the picture...making it almost harder to get over....

 

i hope i get to where you are someday soon!!

[cookiedough1]

you can do it imissher...one day at a time

i'm personally looking forward to going back to work so i will have something to do with all this time....

[ncGuy391]

It's going on day 3 for me. My ex has been spending time the past couple days with a new guy. It's hard but I'm getting through it.

[crab62]

day 29 NC for me...

 

I guess I should thank my exbf for making this easier for me. I'm sure it would have been much harder had he tried to call...

 

Let's see... I haven't cried since Tuesday's, that's progress. I have no idea what he's doing, how he's filling his time, but I find it absolutely amazing that this man cut me out of his life in a moment's notice and has not even once called to see how I am

 

but that's okay...I am healing, and I feel alot better this past week. He has lost alot of his power in my head... and thinking of the break-up night really doesn't sting as it did before. I still miss him alot of the time, and I think of him... but not all the time anymore, hehe. When I leave the stables after taking my lesson and being with the horses, when I get into my car I realize I hadn't thought of him in hours. I like that.

 

So here I am...one day shy of day 30 NC. I can't believe I'm here. It's been a pretty painful experience, that's for sure... I would not want to go through it again. I think the hardest part was half way to day 30... when I hadn't heard from him, and I realized he really didn't care but at that point kind of came a turning point. I cried so hard cause I knew he was gone... and at that point, I had to say goodbye to him cause it was hurting me too much to keep holding on to him and I started focusing on me. It's hard for me to say goodbye to him, but it's the only way I'm going to heal.

 

So I might keep posting after day 30... cause it's good therapy at times.

 

Well I hope my exbf is happy... I can't imagine what we had that was so horrible, but that's not for me to worry about anymore. He is gone, and I moving on...

[SighSob]

Lucky you, crab...I'm still in the denial phase, hoping for such a not-likely change in her mind...I am not moving on at all, even though I am in sorta NC and I am working on myself...