THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[extraextra]

Day 3 of NC:

 

So the ex's complaint was that I was a talker and not a doer, so when she said if I wanted to be her friend to do so, I did. Then I told her I didn't want to pretend and feel obligated to do it, so for myself, I wanted to go NC. I wished her the best in life and said goodbye.

 

That same day, I hear she got really drunk and emotional and was kicking her own ass thinking about it.

 

huh? new boyfriend less than a week after we broke up, completely changed your life...I thought you were over me?

 

Apparently I announced NC and it hit her like a bomb.

[challenge]

I did it. I sent the email. I slept on it, and still feel the same way I felt yesterday.

I love this woman.

[babes23]

I did it. I sent the email. I slept on it, and still feel the same way I felt yesterday.

I love this woman.

 

Well sometimes these things need to be done, remember though if nothing comes of it then to not keep on repeating the same patterns over and over again, otherwise you're going to drive yourself insane. Then you yourself will know that next time it needs to be for real. Either way i hope you get the response that you want.

 

I've been reading your previous posts and you've done really well, i see some days you went no contact for 14 days, 2 whole weeks, so you know you can do it!!

 

Give us an update when you receive a reply xx

[thedude27]

I would have to think long and hard about reconciliation if she were to come back. I just don't think I could ever trust her again. I just need to let that thought go.

 

 

I am maintaining NC I am now on Day 11.

 

 

Good job on 11 days. The reason I brought up reconciliation is becuase now is the time you could see her try. She is getting desperate and something is going to break. Its likely her other relationship is going to self destruct soon so I would be prepared for whatever your response (if any) will be.

[challenge]

She invited me to a holiday family dinner. I don't know... am I a friend or a boyfriend? She misses me like hell, maybe I should just let her miss me. Bu the holiday could be a great opportunity. Any thoughts? I think it may be promising, but won't affect things one way or another.. I guess the worst thing that could happen is it's awkward..

[cas]

Hope everything goes well Cas. Be sure to give us an update, fingers crossed x

 

She wrote me back that she's really busy at the moment. She has a big assignment to do in school, and she is going to visit her dad out of town. But that we at least would see each other at the christmas party at work in ten days time.

 

When she's available for a "date", I'm thinking about taking her out for some dance lessons. She used to complain that we never danced enough, so wouldn't this be a great opportunity? I'm sure it would surprise her!

[babes23]

She invited me to a holiday family dinner. I don't know... am I a friend or a boyfriend? She misses me like hell, maybe I should just let her miss me. Bu the holiday could be a great opportunity. Any thoughts? I think it may be promising, but won't affect things one way or another.. I guess the worst thing that could happen is it's awkward..

 

Well why don't you set it out straight to her, ask her what's both of your next moves from this. Or you could go along and take it from there? I dunno, just tread carefully. If you want to get back together then make it clear from the start to save disappointment further down the road.

[babes23]

She wrote me back that she's really busy at the moment. She has a big assignment to do in school, and she is going to visit her dad out of town. But that we at least would see each other at the christmas party at work in ten days time.

 

When she's available for a "date", I'm thinking about taking her out for some dance lessons. She used to complain that we never danced enough, so wouldn't this be a great opportunity? I'm sure it would surprise her!

 

That's great that you got a response cas. The dance lessons sounds fantastic and would be a wonderful surprise

[cas]

That's great that you got a response cas. The dance lessons sounds fantastic and would be a wonderful surprise

 

Thanks, babes. Well, she has always responded me, I was just more nervous about the outcome. But I believe I can get her out some time.

 

I have to do some research about the dance lessons. Which kind of dance would be best?

[babes23]

Thanks, babes. Well, she has always responded me, I was just more nervous about the outcome. But I believe I can get her out some time.

 

I have to do some research about the dance lessons. Which kind of dance would be best?

 

Depends what kind of dancing she is into?

 

My ex still hasn't sent my money a friend is going to send him a message reminding him. That's not breaking contact on my part is it? He won't reply anyway, which i don't want him to!! I just want what's mine back.

[cas]

Depends what kind of dancing she is into?

 

My ex still hasn't sent my money a friend is going to send him a message reminding him. That's not breaking contact on my part is it? He won't reply anyway, which i don't want him to!! I just want what's mine back.

 

Nah, I wouldn't say it is. Frustrating that he won't give them back.

[babes23]

Nah, I wouldn't say it is. Frustrating that he won't give them back.

 

Well i'm not contacting him personally. I know yeah don't see what his problem is!!! Surely he must know i'm not going to forget about it, arrrgggh.

[Robert013]

Good job on 11 days. The reason I brought up reconciliation is becuase now is the time you could see her try. She is getting desperate and something is going to break. Its likely her other relationship is going to self destruct soon so I would be prepared for whatever your response (if any) will be.

 

I do not see it going long term unless I stick around. The holidays are going to be hard for her. My son and I were always a big part of her family during the holidays. We were always there during thankgiving and christmas. I was asked to be in her brothers wedding this summer before the break. My son cannot be replaced, and I don't think I can be replaced as easily as she thinks I can be. She will be getting alot of questions about us from her family. When she doesn't have the answers it will make her think. Her family really liked my son and I. I wanted to keep in touch with them but it is to soon for that.

 

I have noticed that the day after she tries to make contact with me it is really hard. The urge to contact is somehow amplified. I will not contact her though. I am going to just stay strong and resist the urges.

[hulk7280]

She wrote me back that she's really busy at the moment. She has a big assignment to do in school, and she is going to visit her dad out of town. But that we at least would see each other at the christmas party at work in ten days time.

 

When she's available for a "date", I'm thinking about taking her out for some dance lessons. She used to complain that we never danced enough, so wouldn't this be a great opportunity? I'm sure it would surprise her!

 

not to burst your bubble but it sounds like she is giving u a bunch of excuses.. like dave talks about it.. she is giving u scraps and ur accepting it.. you need to be stronger... u deserve more then.. oh im busy when i have time i will see u.. like its an inconvenience..

[cas]

not to burst your bubble but it sounds like she is giving u a bunch of excuses.. like dave talks about it.. she is giving u scraps and ur accepting it.. you need to be stronger... u deserve more then.. oh im busy when i have time i will see u.. like its an inconvenience..

 

Maybe you're right. I thought about it myself. Maybe she's giving excuses, maybe she's not. Either way my life does not hinge on this. Maybe I should wait for her to make the next move.

 

PS. I'm tired of 'maybe's'.

[babes23]

The ball is in her court now Cas, wait for her to make the next move.

 

Well my friend sent him the message regarding the money, he hasn't replied to it as expected, i don't want him to, just want him to send the damn money now!!

[cas]

I will, babes, thanks.

 

He's acting like an idiot, if you ask me.. I'm glad you're not together with him anymore..

[thedude27]

I know you are in the UK and I dont have a clue how their legal system works. However in the US I would either have my lawyer send him a letter or just file in small claims court (only costs a few bucks) and get it back. I dont know if there is something similar you can do in the UK but you might want to look into it.

[needs]

Day 6

 

I keep thinking about the little things. I cleaned out my garage today and found some stuff of hers that made me think about it more. I tossed them which made me feel a little better but I just cant seem to kick this. My mind wanders to how the holidays are going to be without her. Or if she'll be thinking of me and how we spent it last year? So tough to understand

[babeebugs]

Hiya, i think this is great!!!!... I really want to have no more contact at all with my ex!...

We broke up 9 months ago, i thought i had moved on and that i didnt love him... But i did, i left it to late and after a 3 week trying period it ended... 4 days later he started seeing my best friend. I have tried my hardest to be a friend to him, but the pain is unbearable. So i feel if i dont see him, hear from him e.t.c that pain will disappear we do have 2 kids any ideas to still do this, when u have kids???... Im so ready to move on, and have no contact!

Today is: 11 november 2008

day 1: I feel positive that im taking charge on no more hurt no more pain... I will try my hardest to keep this going!

 

X

[babes23]

That made me giggle, thanks for that

 

It's not a huge amount of money, it's not the amount i'm bothered about, it's the principle of it. If he doesn't send it me this time then i have no choice than to let it go, least that way that'll be my last memory of him, the a**h*** that he is!!!

[babes23]

I will, babes, thanks.

 

He's acting like an idiot, if you ask me.. I'm glad you're not together with him anymore..

 

Weird how a person changes isn't it? He's a headf*ck and i'm glad i'm out of it

[Robert013]

Hiya, i think this is great!!!!... I really want to have no more contact at all with my ex!...

We broke up 9 months ago, i thought i had moved on and that i didnt love him... But i did, i left it to late and after a 3 week trying period it ended... 4 days later he started seeing my best friend. I have tried my hardest to be a friend to him, but the pain is unbearable. So i feel if i dont see him, hear from him e.t.c that pain will disappear we do have 2 kids any ideas to still do this, when u have kids???... Im so ready to move on, and have no contact!

Today is: 11 november 2008

day 1: I feel positive that im taking charge on no more hurt no more pain... I will try my hardest to keep this going!

 

X

 

The best you can do is limited contact if you have kids. Only talk about the kids when you make contact. Don't call unless it is about the kids. Do not do anything unless it is about the kids.

[thedude27]

Day 20

 

Another day, and more silence..shocking

 

 

[dqueen]

Thank you thedude27 for your thoughts. You're right about sticking to NC...and there is nothing wrong with crying! I know my ex cried when we broke up, and I didn't think any less of him nor would I ever for any man that cries. It's a very rough time for all of us...but we have no choice but to keep fighting.

 

Day 5

 

I'm not going to lie. Today was a lot more bearable than yesterday...only because he emailed me this morning like I knew he would. He said "So, what's happening? Are you serious about not ever talking to me again?" I felt this little pang of hope and victory that he still wants me but since he has a girlfriend, I am not sure what it is that he is after. I think he wants his cake and to eat it too. He is in London, UK and I am in North America. He has a girlfriend whom he kisses, shares intimate moments and thoughts with, gets naked with and has sex with her. How can I stand back and watch all of this? How can I lower myself to second place? What is it exactly that he wants from me???

 

I have not responded back to him even though I really want to. I thought that if two people loved each other, they will do anything to be together no matter the distance. Instead, he tells me "I'm here, you're there, and I have a girlfriend...but also, I love you and want to be with you." Ummm...WHAT? All of this sounds so pathetic it doesn't even make any sense. I should be glad I'm no longer with him anymore after hearing him say this but my heart cannot lie. I still love him.