PrettyGood Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Day 27 Everything is almost fine nowadays. By the way, some people doesn't understand me how can I communicate with my ex if it's NC method. Well, I'm using it to get back my ex to me. And now I'm living for this week at his house. It's his trial period given to me. So I think I will end this NC test, if after this week he will suggest to live at his home forever. I will find it out the next week. And till now I want to tell about yesterday. All the day we haven't any quarrels. He was playing his computer games. It's like some mania, but it's his biggest hobby. The only sad thing is that he lead me to bed yesterday, told me goodbye, kissed me with a French kiss and then returned to play his computer games (!) I promised not to complain for his hobbies, so when he closed the bedroom door, all the evening I listened to relaxing music. It's sad when men doesn't want to make love or sleep with women, but give all their spare time for their biggest hobby. Link to comment
exploding head Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Day 6 after 50 days NC I've had a great weekend with friends, hiking, camping, meeting a few new girls, and generally feeling up for a change. I'm thinking of travelling again for a few years. Nothing ever quite made me as happy and the soul does need re-charging. The ex called me, I was shocked. I told her How she had hurt me, and then there was a sense of guilt from her. She did apologize. I really laid it all out that I was extremely depressed, "thrown away" I have been noticing that I'm having trouble sleeping, but it's not because of depression, much the opposite? I cant shut down. Feeling excited to hike, work, do anything. I've been reading a lot of Buddhist literature dealing with loss and anger, and I kinda woke up one morning thinking positive and well, I didnt sleep for 37 hours afterwards. Not sure how I feel about her anymore. I do miss talking to her, but I feel disrespected and just thrown away. She knew from the beginning of our relationship that we can never go back to friends again. (known her since I was 16, 31 now)And that TOTALLY sucks. Link to comment
Trei1972 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 day 11.. feeling ok.. kinda sad.. but disconnected from him, like we are on different planets. Which is so strange because we always had such a connection, even when in different cities or states, I felt the pull back to him. But he is married to another woman now.. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I have to start day 1 again... (and I am sure there will be more) I feel like an idiot. I do not know why I keep doing this to myself.. I just miss him as a friend and I know you will all say well he was not a good friend. But he was my friend and the closest confidante I had... I accidentally sent him a text yesterday. I meant to send it to a guy with the same starting initial breaking plans for coffee nothing big. I realized it a bit later. I immediately shut my phone off as I realized he was on the plane home and I did not want to deal with it.. I was just over-reacting of course (go figure)... So I turned it back on to a few texts of who is M... I just told him the truth. He did not respond back and I felt really good about that. Did not hear from him for the rest of the night.. I slept awesome.. Until I woke up in a panic of he does not care I am dating (I know selfish and trying to fulfill my needs when he does not have or want to pathetic). So this morning I text him saying it is easier to have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I know this sounds so stupid but when he is my friend I feel safe and can move forward and even went on a few dates. It is when he is not my friend that I am weak. Even if I do not see him or talk to him everyday when he is my friend I am ok... When he is not I feel lonely... I guess it is my own fear of being completely alone. After I found out he was dating someone else I was devastated (only becuase he was still sleeping with me) and I got over it and this morning I thought to myself maybe he is with her and that is why he is not texting me back and guess what I was ok with that. I said if he is he is happy and than I am ok. I do not care if he dates others as long as we are friends. Does that make sense... And I do not want him back only because I know we did not work and would not work. There are too many problems and I know personally I could not let them go so know my future lies in someone else, but I still want to be his friend... Link to comment
WadeCure Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Day 8 Doing well. Maybe not as good as yesterday but I'm doing well. There are times where I feel like I've let go of the relationship but then for some reason I grab back onto it knowing full well it's painful to do that. I liken it to grabbing a flaming hot coal just because I don't know anything else but the flaming hot coal and I'm scared of what I don't know. But what I am doing is praying and asking Him to help me trust Him in knowing that what I don't know is going to be just as good if not better than what I had. Praying is something I'm finding unbelievable comfort in... and I've prayed till the point where I've ran out of words. Honestly for those of you struggling with NC and broken relationships, try prayer - it does work and God will comfort you. I'm proof of that. Let it all out, every bit of what you are feeling and your fears and everything. I've been able to take an objective look at the relationship. She said "I've given you all of me and got nothing in return." I don't feel that's true. I put up with an unbelievable amount of stuff in the relationship that other people probably wouldn't have. You can read my past post history to see a sampling. It's telling the replies I've gotten here pretty much saying she's immature, bullying, more in love with getting married than with me, etc etc etc. I know now in the future if I'm in a relationship and this kind of thing happened again, I'd probably leave a lot sooner. It's telling also that I'm not missing her so much as just missing having somebody. I think that's a good indicator that the relationship I was in was not the right one for me or healthy for me. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Rex is still my heart's desire, but I've not made contact. My date went fine last night. The new guy is nice, seems rather interested, and would like to go out again. I said I'd be delighted to see him again, but I realized later I'm only going through the motions. Still, I think it's important that I continue taking positive, self-affirming actions. It was nice to feel that someone pleasant was so interested in me. I have a date with another fellow on Saturday, one I've already met. We're going to dinner and to see a concert of one of my favorite singers. I'm looking forward to the date, and this guy also seems very nice. I'm trying to be open to life's possibilities. Link to comment
ilianna Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I love your idea!!! Thanks for putting a smile on my face on day 1 of my NC Link to comment
geamoiri Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 DAY 9 I still miss the time we were together but i think of her less than day 1. I am a little sad but i started to accept and realise my faults and hers for this brake up and so i think I am making progress and i feeling more like the person i was before i met her. Link to comment
WadeCure Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Day 9 I'm starting to feel like myself before the relationship with my ex. Most people would say this is a good thing. I'm not. My ex was my first official real girlfriend. I was 24 at the time that we got together. I'm 26 now and in two months I'll be 27. Before my ex and I got together I was extremely and immensely depressed, had horrible self-esteem, and etc. I do not want to return to that state. I want to be myself but post relationship not pre relationship - with a ton of confidence and no worries about my appearance or whatever flaws I've got. Well lately I've been thinking when I re-enter the dating world (probably months away, I'm simply not ready and I don't want to rebound) that my self-consciousness will return. Last weekend I hung out with a friend who was unsure if a girl liked him or not, and I told him flat out "ask her out," and he was very hesitant (I'm sure because of self-consciousness or whatever). You have to make the bold step forward to make success. But I'm sure he's afraid of rejection and failure. At the time I was immensely confident and told him, "hey, if it doesn't work at least you know where you stand and you can move on." At that time I felt confident in approaching somebody for that and if I was rejected I'd just move on to the next one. Now... I'm afraid I'm going to turn out like my friend. I pray daily to retain the confidence that was gained in this relationship for when I do return back into that scene. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Well the section of "No Contact" in forum is called "Getting back together". So I understand that NC must be used to get back together by NC method or not get back. I'm trying to get back. And it's my improvement time when getting back together. Hi New Dilemma, Thanks for your considered response. I can see your point of view, even if I have a different perspective. All best, -Rosie Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 I just deleted Rex's name from my instant messaging account (AIM). Until this event, even though I'm doing NC, I felt comfort seeing his name live on AIM. What prompted this action is today I noticed that he added a personal picture to his account, rather than an avatar. Seeing the change made my heart go hot (I'd say freeze, but the sensation is heat, like a tight fist of fire in my heart). I didn't like the way that felt and it seems I left myself open for an event to disturb my precious balance, or shall I say peace of mind. I guess this is one more step towards letting go of Rex, literally and symbolically. I haven't blocked him, because it isn't my attention to completely block him from my life ... and least not yet ... but I did minimize another opportunity for me maintain an emotional hook. Now some happy news On the subway home last night, I noticed a striking and rather interesting looking man seated accross the train from me. I glanced at him several times during the short ride, feeling a great sense of attraction, and then it occurred to me this was an opportunity I could take to make a step towards someone I fancy. I wrote a note that said, "If you're single, give me a call. You look interesting to me," including my name and cellphone number. I managed to write the note right before my stop. When I approached him, he looked at me with curiosity. When he read the note he flashed me a big smile, and then I had to step out of the train. It would be fun if this led to something, but even if it doesn't, it still seems like a valuable experience. I took a risk, was rewarded with a beautiful smile of appreciation, and I felt like a million dollars. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Ok so I have not contacted him today but he came over last night as I was lonely... Which makes me fine today. I am always fine after I see him and do not have to talk to him. I am going to wait until I have some time to join this thread. I think the pressure of saying I am going no contact makes me contact him. It is like I am challenging myself like I always do. I do not understand how I can stay sober as an alcoholic for 95 days now but not stay away from contacting him... It baffles me. I sometimes wonder if I am addicted to him and transferring some feelings... Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Day one of forever of NC! Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 OK, Day 4, which is pretty good for me. Previous best was three weeks. I think I'll smash that this time, as I really don't want to contact her. Ho hum ... Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 OK, Day 4, which is pretty good for me. Previous best was three weeks. I think I'll smash that this time, as I really don't want to contact her. Ho hum ... My record with my ex was one week shy of 4 months, I guarantee I'll break that record a million times over this time, I ensured today that We will never speak to each other again! Link to comment
Pollywolly Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Day 22 Had a tearful couple of days but feel better this evening. My dog who is 14 years old is getting signs of senility so I have been worrying about him recently as he has been waking me up in the night....(Is his dementia rubbing off on me also, I wonder ?!!!) Still have been in NC, hard to believe that I could get this far and not text, email or phone him but NO, I am being tough but know that its for the best. Think about him alot though and wonder what is going on in his life. Feel that my life may change quite dramatically soon if I decide to move and I really hope for the better. Link to comment
Trei1972 Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 day 12.. feeling ok about not talking to or seeing him. REally suffering financially now that he's stopped paying child support/alimony. phone shut off yesterday and not sure how I'm gonna pay daycare tomorrow. Very angry and resentful towards him, as I heard today about the wedding ring he bought his young wife.. a rock so big you could see it from space, is how the person described it. Nice... Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 It's probably because I'm so tired, but I hit a wee rough patch this evening. I don't know if I'm mourning the loss of my dog in July or Rex. Probably a combination of both, because I was think about Rex, and when I got home this evening I missed my doggie standing at the door, so excited to see me. Link to comment
littlestar Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 This challenge sounds great. I am in nc at the moment and it has been 5 days for me. But not sure i am going to take up this challenge as my situation is slightly different (dont want to get into details) Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Day 28 We had a perfect week living together. I could say we're back together, but I'm still in doubt. Before we back, he slept with another woman, and I read a lot of lovely sms messages from his phone, how he's traiting her. So I still don't know do he love her or even do they still corresponding sometimes. This week was his trial week given for me to live together to see what happens. It was perfect, I did everything I could, we even made love much times. But today I have to leave, because I have a lot of work till the end of this weekend. So when I return, I planned to return to my home, but he asked - "Don't you want to return to my home?" He say that if I'll be a "good girl" (what a *** ?) we will live together. However, I'm still thinking a lot how could he make love so suddenly with another girl when we were separated as a couple. He's telling me that all information about that girl is not my business. But if he has a secret, then it means, that he's not very honest with me right, guys? Or does it mean that another girl is really not my business? Link to comment
WadeCure Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Day 10 One-third of the way there... whew. I think I can do this. Matter of fact, I know I can. As mentioned in days prior I'm finding myself not missing her but rather just missing having a relationship or at least having people to hang around with. Tomorrow I plan on hanging out with friends from college and doing a little "retail therapy" by getting myself a new bike. I plan on taking up biking and doing it quite a bit... should be good exercise. Yesterday was an interesting day, as I mentioned I was feeling pretty bad but I went out for a walk and found a nice place and prayed for a while. Now again I'm feeling better. That's the plan I'm taking and it seems to be working well - when I start to feel myself slip or feel bad I stop in my tracks and take my concerns to God right then and there. Praise God, it really does help each time that I do that. I realize that I've got a lot of thinking to do about my career and etc. so I've got some distractions, plus I plan on doing some more "retail therapy" by getting myself that drum set I always wanted. Things are looking up. Just 20 more days of this.... but even after the 20 days of the challenge, no contact will be a permanent thing. I've already decided if I get any attempt at contact from her, I'll discard it immediately regardless of what she has to say. This weekend I plan on doing a list of everything bad about the relationship just so I can have something to reference. I have no doubts that the list will be big. I won't be able to post this weekend because I'm making an effort to get away from the internet/computer and do other things. But I'll post on Monday the results of Sat and Sun. Thanks everyone for listening. Link to comment
createhappiness Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 20 days NC. he emailed about apartment issues, but i had no reason to reply, so i didn't. still feeling deeply saddened, hurt, and longing for what we once had (before he started acting like a jerk and ultimately cheated on me). still deep down have a flicker of hope he will change and want to reconcile. i know deep down the chance of that happening and us succeeding is slim. just really sad. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 When I got home from work, I had a piece of mail from him. I started crying the moment I saw it. I was so afraid. When I opened it, there was a tiny square package. It contained two pairs of earrings and a note that said, "Dear Rosie, I bought these for your birthday and wanted for you to have them. Love Rex" So I called him. And I left a message. And said he could call me ... if he wanted. And I said, twice, that I love earrings. He didn't call back. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 Wish I'd waited until the end of my 30 days to call him to acknowledge his present. Now he knows nothing has changed and I'd take him back in a second, despite his heartless behavior Labor Day weekend. I do have a date tonight, something I've been looking forward to for weeks. And for that I am grateful. And excited. Link to comment
blue_dahlia Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 Wish I'd waited until the end of my 30 days to call him to acknowledge his present. Now he knows nothing has changed and I'd take him back in a second, despite his heartless behavior Labor Day weekend. I do have a date tonight, something I've been looking forward to for weeks. And for that I am grateful. And excited. Hi ya, Rosie. On his v/m, did you say you would take him back or is that just how you feel you acted? Link to comment
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