THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Pollywolly]

Day 8 still NC. Finding it a bit easier to not get tempted if I have something else to do. Did some exercise for a couple of hours this evening. Don't seem to be waiting for a text or the phone to ring and for it to be him......

 

A bit worried about going out with friends tomorrow evening to see a band. What if I bumped into him? What if he was with another girl? But got to be strong.

[lkonohalanbu]

I don't know, just feeling down i guess. Yeah i will, he's never going to change and me contacting him will only give him that ego boost, nothing else.

 

i know you care for the guy, but you need to realize he chose to walk, instead of contacting him next time, call anyone else but him!

 

i went crazy yesterday and needed to vent, i was filled with anger for no apparent reason, i need to get my emotions in check, i am not normally like this

 

he's not going to realize what he's missing if you don't give him space and you're not going to move on hanging on to him

 

if you need somebody to talk to, post here, superdave mentioned that you cannot push somebody further away from you if you don't say anything

 

don't use NC as a means of manipulating him back to your arms, it will only make you crazy and you will suffer more if he doesn't come back during your time frame

 

give yourself time and space to cool down and let the emotions die down, return back to your happy self that isn't acting on negative emotions

 

i'm sure you have friends and family that can support you through this, i don't have many options, so i come here and it has been a great help

 

if you can make it through this, imagine how much stronger and much more knowledge you will come out with

 

also consider the person you think you love, would somebody you love, at your darkest hours abandon you? FOCUS on the bad to stay in reality, do not focus on the good times as they will give you more incentive to call and HURT

[lkonohalanbu]

family problems, asking me for money, me refusing, i get emotionally scarred once again for saving money for me and nobody else

 

so very close to breaking NC

 

i remember why i was living on my own for awhile

 

thoughts of suicide at first, but those faded, i will make it through this

 

i'm hurting good, i haven't hurted liked this since childhood

 

she would be the person to speak to but she's gone

 

i don't really feel like being at home, i think i'll crash at the park in my car

 

i'm dying one day at a time

[blue_dahlia]

Could kick myself in the ass for re-opening the door.

 

Did you re-open the door? Did you respond (text, email, phone, in person, sky-writing, braille, um, you know)...

[StillSmiling]

family problems, asking me for money, me refusing, i get emotionally scarred once again for saving money for me and nobody else

 

so very close to breaking NC

 

i remember why i was living on my own for awhile

 

thoughts of suicide at first, but those faded, i will make it through this

 

i'm hurting good, i haven't hurted liked this since childhood

 

she would be the person to speak to but she's gone

 

i don't really feel like being at home, i think i'll crash at the park in my car

 

i'm dying one day at a time

 

Stay with us here. You are not dying one day at a time, you are re-learning how to live.

 

We all are here. And I share your pain but be have to KNOW that this is not forever. We will come out the other side, and as better and stronger people. And more prepared for the next round ...

 

*Hugs*

[txbboy]

Well it's been 3 weeks since I had any contact with my ex. Although I did see her at Wal-Mart but she didn't see me. The first 2 weeks weren't that bad, but it seems to be getting a lot tougher. See me and her are both in separate bands and their band is playing next weekend. They kept on advertising it on my favorite radio station today. And it made me think of how much fun we used to have going to see other bands. I kept seeing this image in my head of her laughing and having fun without me. And there's no way I'm going because she'll definitely be there. I'm going to be stuck wallowing at home. I still owe her money and depending on how much I get paid tomorrow, i might pay her soon. I was thinking about giving to her by grabbing her hand gently and placing the money there. That way she might respond to me not touching her hand in a long time. And looking at her in her eyes, smiling, and telling her thanks a lot for letting me borrow it. And saying bye and then leaving quickly. What do ya'll think?

[StillSmiling]

Did you re-open the door? Did you respond (text, email, phone, in person, sky-writing, braille, um, you know)...

 

No, but thank you for asking. I have let that email sit, and had to actually put the flowers off in another room to not cry every time I saw them.

 

I am pretty sure he will call next week for "that martini" date". I struggle with if it is a good idea.

 

One side of head says STOP IT! IT's over. Heart says: you have to play it out one more time.

 

For now, I won't decide.

 

How are you holding up?

[blue_dahlia]

No, but thank you for asking. I have let that email sit, and had to actually put the flowers off in another room to not cry every time I saw them.

 

I am pretty sure he will call next week for "that martini" date". I struggle with if it is a good idea.

 

One side of head says STOP IT! IT's over. Heart says: you have to play it out one more time.

 

For now, I won't decide.

 

How are you holding up?

 

I am SO proud of you!! So please, quit saying you broke NC and opened the door because you didn't, got it!?

 

And I'm telling from experience, that your ex is like a drug.

 

You see or hear from him and it gives you this high. Then the distance between sets in and the withdrawls begin. You go a few days and it gets worse and worse. All you can think about is that contact and how it will make you feel better. So you send a text or set up a meeting. Well, it gives you another temporary high. You may not hear from him. This will upset you. Or, you may hear from him, but then nothing more. Now you're left wondering, confused and hurt all over again. This cycle repeats until you break it. Your healing will be delayed that much longer.

 

You have to get past the bad stuff - past the withdrawls. You will eventually get to a point where you understand that talking with him = pain. You will choose and decide that it's not worth it.

 

I urge you to ask him if there's a chance for the two of you. If he says no, I strongly suggest that you don't see him.

 

(hugs)

[DavidWRosario]

Day 7 - for the 6th time

 

I have come to a conclusion. It is over. She is gone.

 

For the last 22 years of my life, she was my life. I will always love her, and will never love like that again. I resign myself to that fact. I can live with that and I can go on. Seeing her now, and talking with her, it is a different person all together. I am in Love with a memory. I can accept that too.

 

I have been sitting here wondering how to move on. There really is nothing to move on to. Close this chapter of my life, stop trying to figure out how to put a square peg in a round hole.

 

This may seem like rambling, but it works. The pain stopped. That is what we are all here for. So since there is no relationship to fix and nothing to get back. The next 23 days should be a breeze.

 

I just wish I hadn't wasted 22 years of my life.

 

damn

[livingitup]

Day 2 of NC...the third time I've tried it...

 

Was feeling pretty good. Then heard that "she is having a hard time getting used to not having her go to person of the last four years but is trying to get used to it." Even though she dumped me, i feel terrible. I want to be there for her because I know she needs me.

 

I wish I was still her "go to person." I'd jump at the opportunity. I want to call her and tell her that I'm there for her.

[babes23]

Thank you so much for this post, it really helped.

 

Today is Day 1 of no contact once again, still tearful, it feels as though all my energy as gone and i know that anything i say to him now won't make any difference whatsoever. Think i'm into that acceptance stage, he's gone and i must start moving on now. Trying over and over again with him was exhausting, i deserve a rest.

 

Hope you're okay, just hang in there and remember how far you've came!!

[PrettyGood]

Day 15

 

He didn't write me. Today is a holiday time for both of us spending separately.

[StillSmiling]

Blue Dahlia,

 

Thank you again for your words. I KNOW I should not see him, or email, or whatever ...

 

I went 36 days before and was telling others the same thing you are telling me. When he put me back on his buddy list after all that time .. WHAMMO! He was sniffing around and I got weak and emailed him. Then a brief phone call, not much discussed, and now the flowers for my birthday ...

 

I'm not sure WHY I can't just ask him about his intentions. Perhaps I fear it will just slam the door for good when he says "NO". Perhaps I fear he is not ready or able to even discuss that so blantently on the phone? That I need to actually look him in the eyes to see what is really there? Or not?

 

He DOES believe I am involved and have moved on ... it's a long story but I lead him to believe that. So maybe part of seeing him is to correct that lie.

 

Going crazy here ...

[Steve 7745]

Day who knows.

 

Spoke to the ex. Found out she already returned my book, but she left it in a bag which I thought was someone else's. I kept it light, made a slight joke and was polite enough to say thank you.

 

Feel like when I wake up tomorrow, the anvil is going to fall. Like something is going to block out everything. Everytime I think about the memories of any of my most recent ex, I see a haze instead of her face, or a crack like some mirror was broken over where she was supposed to be. I can't control this. I feel like someone's screwing with my head, like there are maggots or worms wriggling inside and eating my memories.

[StillSmiling]

David,

 

You sound in a much better place now. But I wish you would not program yourself for never having a future with another. You just never know ...

 

And I'm certain there were many great times in those 22 years. Don't regret. Be grateful for them.

 

*Hugs*

[StillSmiling]

Day 2

 

While I'm not quite back at square one, it sure feels like I am hovering over it.

 

That stupid tiny voice of hope is back at tickling in my thoughts. I felt so much better a month ago when I had finally resigned myself to the fact that there was no chance for it ever again.

 

I was even able to FINALLY see all that was wrong about it. The work that HE still needs to do. He has not changed, only I have. I could remember how he threw it all away without even trying ... and now I am forgetting that. The bad is starting to fade again in my memory and I am trying so hard to hold onto it.

 

I saw him log on and off rather quickly last night. Pretty certain it was to check and see if I had answered his email. No mail from me. And I will sit still for now until I can figure this out.

 

It is like Blue Dahlia said; an addiction. (thank you) I almost had it beat, then took that tiny taste again when I emailed him and he called me. And wants to meet up next week.

 

Perhaps I need the one last meeting, get my heart stepped on one more time, and go back to remembering it really is over and there is no chance. We really both have said all of it already. He has already told me numerous times that he can't go back. So WHY this friggin hope again?

 

I wish I could ask him if he ever questions his decision to have ended it ... I just want this over with and be able to move on. I just want to stop crying again ...

[blue_dahlia]

It's a hard question to ask. I'm speaking from experience - I asked my ex that question a week ago. But I had to know because I was dead-set on moving on if the answer was no chance of reconciliation. And I would have! I learned that from my break-up with (K) (the love of my life) and © a man I dated after (K).

 

You're being very strong! 36 NC days is amazing!! I promise you that you will eventually reach the point when you will just wake up one day, and announce that you're done! Enough is enough! I'm not doing it anymore.

 

Until that day comes, just continue with your grieving and healing. It's all a natural progression. Heal - set-back - heal - set-back. Soon, the healing will outweigh the set-backs.

 

(hug)

[Pollywolly]

Day 9

 

The start of the weekend seems to be harder for NC as this was always when I used to see him. Been thinking of some of the negative things that he said about me, from my past and present life, making me feel bad about who I was as a person. Makes it a bit easier not contacting him. Think that is what NC can do, it can make you focus on what caused the break up and make things seem a bit clearer in the head through not seeing him or talking to him.

[blue_dahlia]

Day 2

 

While I'm not quite back at square one, it sure feels like I am hovering over it.

 

Perhaps I need the one last meeting, get my heart stepped on one more time, and go back to remembering it really is over and there is no chance. We really both have said all of it already. He has already told me numerous times that he can't go back. So WHY this friggin hope again?

 

I wish I could ask him if he ever questions his decision to have ended it ... I just want this over with and be able to move on. I just want to stop crying again ...

 

Please don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing a fantastic job. Allow yourself some weakness. You're going to make mistakes. You're a much stronger person then you think, and you will grow so much from this experience.

 

Whatever you decide, we will be here for you!

[blue_dahlia]

Day 9

 

Been thinking of some of the negative things that he said about me, from my past and present life, making me feel bad about who I was as a person. Makes it a bit easier not contacting him. Think that is what NC can do, it can make you focus on what caused the break up and make things seem a bit clearer in the head through not seeing him or talking to him.

 

That's right! Write it down if you have too. There's a journal section on this site too where you can write down anything you want. You can make your Journal private so that only you can see what was written.

 

NC is about you. Making you strong, happy, confident, independent and self-sufficient. It's about reflection, truth, grieving, understanding and confusion. I know it's so frickin' hard, but in the end it's worth it.

[blue_dahlia]

6 days NC. Go girl!

[lkonohalanbu]

Thank you so much for this post, it really helped.

 

Today is Day 1 of no contact once again, still tearful, it feels as though all my energy as gone and i know that anything i say to him now won't make any difference whatsoever. Think i'm into that acceptance stage, he's gone and i must start moving on now. Trying over and over again with him was exhausting, i deserve a rest.

 

Hope you're okay, just hang in there and remember how far you've came!!

 

i don't need to hang on, i need to let go =D

 

what is pushing me is my desire to become a better person and surpass the old me, i cannot go back to where i was, sick of being tired, lonely, depressed and whatever negative emotions going through me

 

a little more detail is a person in my family comes to me for money, i refuse because i am saving for school, i am called a bastard child, i'm like my mother, blah blah (more childhood repressed memories resurfacing)

 

i had an emotional night, but what kept me going is thinking, i am alone, i am strong, i don't need anyone to pull me through this and i will make it

 

i was literally one button away from text the ex to crash at her place because i did not want to be at home, but she walked away and i cannot see her as a viable option

 

i am determined to let go and let go for good, i'm proud of myself for making it through that night

 

and another day i face alone, i will conquer it!

[babes23]

Well done you, how awful of the family member, distressing i know but don't give in to them!! So you should feel proud of yourself, you're doing fab!!! Hope i can say the same in a few weeks time.

[lkonohalanbu]

Well done you, how awful of the family member, distressing i know but don't give in to them!! So you should feel proud of yourself, you're doing fab!!! Hope i can say the same in a few weeks time.

 

people will disappoint you but it's your choice to sit there and endure it, i've chosen to be bigger, walk away and not say anything back

 

more fuel to my motivation, failure is when i stop getting back up

 

you can do it, read my posts, you can definitely see my mentality change within the first few weeks, i think about her but i don't want to contact her, i don't have any urges to tell her anything

 

i'm finally getting emotionally unattached to this person, music is the medicine to sooth my soul and working out is the medicine to let out my emotions in a constructive way

[babes23]

people will disappoint you but it's your choice to sit there and endure it, i've chosen to be bigger, walk away and not say anything back

 

more fuel to my motivation, failure is when i stop getting back up

 

you can do it, read my posts, you can definitely see my mentality change within the first few weeks, i think about her but i don't want to contact her, i don't have any urges to tell her anything

 

i'm finally getting emotionally unattached to this person, music is the medicine to sooth my soul and working out is the medicine to let out my emotions in a constructive way

 

I sent one last meaningful text, got everything off my chest. I figured if i do it now whilst my no contact count is low then it's got to be better than doing it when it's more progressed. From tomorrow it'll be no contact, he'll read the message on his phone wednesday the earliest. If he replies and it's negative i won't reply as i'll be 6 days No Contact when that time comes.

 

You have came so far, proof that no contact really does work.