THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[PrettyGood]

Want to add more about yesterday (day 10):

 

At about 01:30 a.m. (late night) he wrote me again third time by Skype:

 

"Why don't you sleep?"

 

I'm interested is he really interested or just feel lonely? Hmm...

[lkonohalanbu]

almost half the battle is almost over WHOOO!

 

no i don't mean ill go straight back to pining over her and calling her as soon as this over, but i figure the 1st month is the hardest and i'm half way there!

 

1st break up

1st gf

1st love

 

starting to see light at the end of the tunnel, i love the girl, so sue me! can't change how i feel, but i don't need to be sad about anything, just move on, be happy and enjoy life a day at a time

[SexinmyCity]

No contact has always worked for me, but usually I need more than a month. At least two months, for sure, before the sting is gone.

[Ixtapa]

Finally found the strength yesterday to delete him from my MSN contact list !

Seeing that he was online and not contacting me would make me feel bad... Maybe at a later date we can be friends again....but not as long as I still have hopes of being together with him. I still feel like I miss him and want to see him at all costs. Im starting to get angry at myself for giving him that much power over me. I want to stop wasting so much energy on a guy who doesnt deserve all that attention from me. Hopefully soon I will really feel better...Im tired of being in that half depressive mood....

[DavidWRosario]

I like the way you think, you can not be pushed off your view. You make me feel very old when you say your generation. Are you really that much younger ? The cold war only ended in the 80's. One thing you have to remember is what made this country great, and what will keep it great. Is men and women, who will not give up, no matter the cost. Men and Women who are willing to disagree and yet go to a foreign land and lay down thier life for a person they disagree with to have that opinon. I still would.

 

As far as Iraq is concerned, Check your history, we have not left many countries after "helping". The Spanish American war happened in the 1800's and were still in Cuba. The only place we left was Nam and I think if given the chance we'd be back.

 

BTW dont believe we dont have a score to settle with Iran.

 

I have really enjoyed speaking with you. It has helped take my mind off of relationship BS.

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Hey there,

 

Can we drop the politics and belief systems conversations please?

 

Now, my NC challenge. This is early morning of day 13. I feel like I am slipping backwards, I feel like I will crack and call her, and ask "WHY WHY WHY" or say "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE."

 

I've started asking myself questions, wondering what she is doing now, and with whom.

 

I'm completely in panic about my future. Every time I see a couple, or a baby, it is a stab, or a punch.

 

I don't know how to get through this, even though I did it before with her. I keep thinking "she's going to see sense soon". I will probably still be thinking that when she gets on the plane to leave the country for ever.

 

Your right we should drop the Politics and God conversation - It was just a alternative thing to talk about. I much prefer the obsession I have with getting my family back, the restarting of a 20 plus year relationship in the crapper. I cant imagine what I was thinking. I am so sorry. I much more enjoy trying to figure out important issues; like: Will I ever love again ?, Do I have any of those emotions left ? Am I really a SOB, Do I deserve to stay on this planet ? If I ask forgiveness a split second before I pull the trigger and end my miserable suffering will God still forgive me or will I stay in hell forever. your right I am wrong, lets get back to all that.

 

](*,)

 

Dave

[Ixtapa]

Besides many countries "over there" are apeasing or embraceing Islam and that is not going to cut it in my book.

 

The very beauty of this World is that it is multi-ethnic, multicultural and multireligious. We have a lot to learn from other cultures and religions. Sure, there is lots of things I might disagree with....but who can honestly say he detains the truth ?? I find it sad that some people are so quick to dismiss the beliefs and ways of life of others when they know very little about it and judge without knowing (and no, the local news is not enough to get a non-biaised opinion). On another note whatever happened to "love thy neighbour..." ?!)

[DavidWRosario]

The very beauty of this World is that it is multi-ethnic, multicultural and multireligious. We have a lot to learn from other cultures and religions. Sure, there is lots of things I might disagree with....but who can honestly say he detains the truth ?? I find it sad that some people are so quick to dismiss the beliefs and ways of life of others when they know very little about it and judge without knowing (and no, the local news is not enough to get a non-biaised opinion). On another note whatever happened to "love thy neighbour..." ?!)

 

I love my neighbor, just have a small problem with him wanting to kill me because I have a different belief. I enjoy keeping my head where it belongs. I have friends who have different views and beliefs in God. Jeovah witness, buddist, Mormon, even knew a Isamic, however the Koran states to kill the infidel if they will not convert. Now I am not saying we need to invade them, but if they strike me twice, My lord has left no further instruction.

[DavidWRosario]

The very beauty of this World is that it is multi-ethnic, multicultural and multireligious. We have a lot to learn from other cultures and religions. Sure, there is lots of things I might disagree with....but who can honestly say he detains the truth ?? I find it sad that some people are so quick to dismiss the beliefs and ways of life of others when they know very little about it and judge without knowing (and no, the local news is not enough to get a non-biaised opinion). On another note whatever happened to "love thy neighbour..." ?!)

 

 

I like your signature block, Ms Naylor, may be right

[Steve 7745]

Day 31.

Alright, I slacked off in my diet and other training aspects the last week.. Here's my schedule:

-Morning meditations

-Lift weights, run on treadmill an hour

-Eat breakfast

-Finish book

-Box

-Eat mid morning meal

-Practice guitar

-Jog outside

-Lunch

-Pay bills

-Practice C#

-Swim (if possible)

-Mid-afternoon meal

-Take it easy after that

[Hopelives]

I miss him.

 

I think it's been about 6 weeks since I last wrote him in response to his questions...

 

Silence is dignified.

 

Silence is respectful.

 

But I really wish I'd hear from him that we need to work through this and he misses me too.

 

/sigh

[Ixtapa]

I love my neighbor, just have a small problem with him wanting to kill me because I have a different belief. I enjoy keeping my head where it belongs. I have friends who have different views and beliefs in God. Jeovah witness, buddist, Mormon, even knew a Isamic, however the Koran states to kill the infidel if they will not convert. Now I am not saying we need to invade them, but if they strike me twice, My lord has left no further instruction.

 

As I understand, political discussion is not allowed on ENA so I will not argue. Its one of those "let's agree to disagree" moments. A couple of my close friends are muslim and I love them dearly, that is why it is hard for me not to react to criticism toward their religion.

[Ixtapa]

I like your signature block, Ms Naylor, may be right

 

As long as we feel....we are alive, aren't we ??

Sometimes its hard to accept the lows......but then again, the lows are what make us enjoy the highs even more, right ???

 

I miss my guy so much still.........and yet Im hopeful that someday I will fall for someone else and feel great again !!

Falling in love again and feeling happy is what Im wishing for all of you writing on this thread !!

[Rosie007]

Well, here I am again. With no faith I have the gumption or wherewithal to take care of myself and stick to NC the way a person with self-esteem should, could, or would.

 

Why am I here, you might wonder? Well, I guess I started feeling a little sorry for myself when I was left to my own devices, while another woman stayed at my beloveds for the weekend.

 

Written in sarcasm: "Oh, woe is me."

 

I did block him on IM, but if I hold true to form, I'll probably unblock him by about 11:30 tomorrow morning. It turns out I'm an absolute glutton for punishment. Yay for me.

 

For the record, we're not broken up. This fun has the potential to last for years. It's been two years so far -- not counting the 90 days of NC I did here, and the 4 or 5 other times we broke up (can you break up if you weren't truly together?) -- and then hurried back to his noncommittal arms.

 

In truth, I'm not sure if I should be posting here. Maybe I should be posting under Self Injury or Mental Illness or something.

 

If I'm a disruptive or negative force him, please let me know and I'll find a more appropriate place to sing the blues.

[atelis]

day 11 and i'm probably feeling the calmest i have felt. still think of her every minute, but without the angst and emptiness i have felt.

 

i keep asking myself, 'is she missing me or think of me at all' and 'how will she react if i call her'. i keep asking those questions over and over.

 

it's strange because i know there will be days ahead of me where i wake up and the pain hits me again

[Trei1972]

first of all, He2ectic.. you have my deepest respect for this:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trei1972

I enjoyed your post and would go into detail about my thoughts on the specific sitch you mention, but am short on time. But I feel like your argument reaches far beyond that specific. Some of us on here were "left" because of adultery. This used to be shameful. Not so anymore in our culture of anything goes. Not that I'm saying we should go back to Puritan times and require a scarlet A. But it is just soooooo accepted, it's sickening!

 

When my husband left, he originally rented an apt over our shop downtown, saying it was just to crash in, if he was working super late. Said we were still a happy family, blah, blah, blah. He didn't even take anything there but a few changes of clothing. Not like he moved in. When I found his 23 year old secretaries clothing and toiletries there a few days later, I flipped. He then told me he wasn't happy with me, but it had nothing to do with her. I was devastated. I went home and packed his clothes and brought them down to the shop. SHE was there. I called her a homewrecking skank. She had the nerve to tell me I was being rude, and that it was a public place, I should lower my voice. The other employees acted like they agreed. Like I was the one out of line! Like I should just accept that my marriage was over, and that they were together now, and why couldn't i just politely deal with the business at hand! It had only been 2 days!!! I've run into that attitude with the real estate agent who rented us the shop and then later his apt. Like, get over it already. Also, a lot of our supposed friends, are like "these things happen, you just have to move on" as they welcome her into their homes as his new woman. Where is human decency??? How can you not, at least for a short time, act shocked at such a situation? And feel some sympathy for the heartbroken party? Is there no collective conscience anymore???

 

 

 

Originally posted as a response by He2ectic:

I've had enough.

 

I'm going to remove a friend from my connections and tell her that her actions are wrong. She has been seeing a guy who has a girlfriend and feeding this problem. She knows what she's doing is wrong and she still does it. It may cost me a friend, but I don't want to be friends with her if these are her actions.

 

I've come to realize that judging people is the only way to truly protect ourselves from what is wrong. You can tell me that it is wrong to judge, but I say that tolerating indecency is even more unacceptable. I used to easily trust that people were prone to mistakes, but we have become so accepting of this that our standards loosened. People won't like me for it, but I am under no such obligation to care. I'll live how I see fit.

 

Enough. This has fallen far enough. "All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing."

__________________

A day without questioning your morals is a day wasted.

 

 

 

Next.. it's day 8 of no contact with the ex. Strangely I don't miss him. It's like him remarrying has exorcised him from my heart. Like I should have felt when I found out about them sleeping together, I'm done with him. Finally! I know I may have my moments of missing him, as I still dream about him, so he is still there in my subconscious. But even most of those are now with the realization that we aren't together. Like I dreamed the other night about seducing him, and it was only so SHE would find out about him cheating! So weird. I didn't feel any attraction towards him, it was only so it would cause them problems. This is so strange cuz it's not like me at all, I would NEVER, could NEVER, do something like that in real life. But I must be working through some revenge feelings. But anyways, he did try to call me a few days back. Didn't answer and didn't return his call.. and it felt GREAT! I'm so sick of being pathetic and calling him when he really truly is done with me. It feels so good to be ok with that!

[PrettyGood]

Day 11 (Yesterday)

 

He didn't write me. As I understood from his friend, he made a plan with one woman in my house and she's always telling him, what I'm doing. So it wouldn't be a surprice, if she told some nonsenses about our connection with his friend.

 

Ok... if it's the game he's playing, then I'll create my rules.

[Rosie007]

Let's see, it's been about 90 minutes, and I've already unblocked and blocked his IM.

 

If I had the commitment to stay away from him, NC would be a piece of cake. How do I muster this type of resolve?

 

Someone once mentioned plucking me out of this situation and putting me on a desert island until I got some semblance of sense back.

 

It's been so long that I've showed up for this twisted situation, I suspect some part of me is lost. On the other hand, it often feels like some sick part of me was awakened with him, and I've got to put it back to sleep ... and fast!

[atelis]

just do it one day at a time. each day you wake up, pretend that was the day you went NC and do that each day. you will soon rack up the days of NC and start to at least rationalise things and give your mind a chance to regain some strength. the pain will be there and it will be immense, but do this each day and you will be able to stick to NC........the temptation will be so great to leave NC, but you have to stay strong. I'm in day 11 of NC and although it has been a killer, it has given my mind a chance to regain some control over my own thoughts.

 

the loss and pain are still there, but i am inching forward in my head at least.

 

the problem i have found is that each day seems to take forever.......you lose your sense of time and it feels like you are running out of time to do something to save yourself or the relationship. But in reality, one or two weeks is such a short space of time and the world won't change for you in that time. Try not to panic.

[PrettyGood]

Day 12

 

Not so long ago he wrote me by Skype. Again. Seemed very angry. In the beginning he asked me how am I, and told me that he will go to sauna after job near my home. He didn't asked me to go together, so I told him that I also plan a travel to another city to the water park. Alone. He didn't believe me.

 

I understand, I was lonely person for all my life. So now it sounds like a lie that I can travel somewhere alone. Maybe he felt jealousy and thought that I have a new partner, but I disagreed. I asked him, what does he hope from me if he's not contacting me, not dating me and not loving me, but living alone and doing what he wants. Should I sit alone at home? He told me - "I didn't say so". And suddenly he became so angry on me, even cursed me, that I'm still can not stop pushing him to decide, and trying to force him to be with me or not to be at all. I suggested to change topic then, but he remained angry and didn't talk to me at all.

 

WHAT WAS IT?????

[DavidWRosario]

Day 4

 

This recycling is getting old. It's like she wants to fight just for the sake of fighting. I wish this was all a bad dream. I was reading a post @ healing after divorce about being comfortable as single before going on. How long does that take ? What would we be if not ? Hopelessly attached. One day at a time, sweet jesus.

 

](*,)

[Steve 7745]

Day 32.

 

I didn't get as much done yesterday as I hopped. I had to skip jogging outdoors and the boxing because a whole host of other chores popped up that needed doing, such as lunch making for today, a spot of cleaning, etc, etc. I still managed to squeeze in some guitar playing. And I sat down to do some C#, but instead it became data entry as I had to make a few data bases for the sake of developing my ideal application, so I didn't learn all that much new stuff.

 

Boy, I'll tell you what. (Sounding like Holden Caulifeld right now,) right now all I can think about is autumn. The smell of pumpkins and all the things that come from them. Allergies, dying leaves that become a myriad of golden colors on chilly days before the spectacular sunset. I started thinking about that ex from two years ago, pushing down every urge to talk to her. I'm suddenly in the mood to really write some good stuff. That kills me.

 

I think I have an idea about how men seem to have it slightly easier then women when it comes to going NC. Hobbies. I mean with men, they have a lot more independent hobbies then women typically, like model building or video games. Stuff that really drowns out those nagging emotional voices. And I begin to think, maybe women could try throwing themselves into their own hobbies more often. I'm not saying that they should definitely get a copy of Warhammer Online when it comes out, although if you do please send me a PM so we can rock out. (Alright, alright, I'm dorking out right now.)

 

But seriously, just having these moments to dork out and pursue intellectual hobbies, your mind is so wrapped up in doing something else that you forget about your ex. And by the time you think about them again, it gets easier and less painful. Maybe this post makes it sound like women DON'T have such hobbies- I know that they do. We all had a life at one point, but usually it gets left in the dust when a significant other comes along.

 

The Architect of Fate calls to me... and bids me to war! Hail Tzeentch!

 

...I may disappear for weeks at a time come September 18th. Warhammer man, Warhammer.

[Steve 7745]

P.S. Had a thought today I think I should share.

 

When in a relationship these days, I think it best to fully expect it to end tomorrow. It probably WON'T end just tomorrow, but expect it to. People can be gone instantly. In the blink of an eye they can lose interest and walk out of your life.

 

So assume that it will be over with tomorrow. Sticks to your morals of course, but never anticipate there being much more in it. And when they're still with you tomorrow, be surprised and elated. Enjoy their company, but never hope for a day beyond today. This way, you can never be disappointed.

[Ixtapa]

Went to see my ex-boss (worked for him between 92 and 95). The guy is 84 years old and full of good advice. Grew up in Cairo as a poor jewish kid and had to flee Egypt. Ended up in my country, worked his butt off and made a fortune in the process.

 

Most important thing though is the quality of his heart which is amazing. Wow. After all those years he is still incredibly kind and welcoming to me.

We had the greatest conversation....Of course I didnt tell him about the trouble with the last ex....but he made me understand that I deserve SO MUCH BETTER than all the crap I've been through (the amount of dirt I'm willing to take before I finally realize I've been fooled once again is incredible).

 

Anyway, exit the stupid ex who doesnt know what he is missing by letting me go. Don't know if I will post on this thread anymore coz he is not even worth all this trouble. I have to take care of myself first. Forget about the rest....

[lkonohalanbu]

reflecting on the past weekend, i randomly started to break down and cry

 

anything would set it off, a song, a thought, a smell, woke up today after dreaming about her, my heart was racing, looked to my left, she wasn't there

 

it hurts, i want to be healed already, tired of the pain, the burning, the aching, the wanting, i want to let go and be done

 

these lingering feelings and thoughts are hurting me a great deal

 

just let it go! bah!