THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[ccali78]

Yankee be careful. I do not want to see you get hurt. I went LC and now I am happy we do not talk and I think I have a crush which is fun and will keep my mind off of the ex.

 

That is all I ask be careful and make sure you can handle any outcome good or bad going in...

[yankeefan74]

Thanks...there's no way i'm going to get a drink with her. Maybe in a couple of months, but not now. There are lingering feelings on both sides (though, admittedly, far more powerfully in me), and I can guarantee that something would happen - even just a kiss. And that would just translate into more anger that she'd have towards me. We've gotten to the point where we can say hello, how are you without too much drama. i want to keep it that way.

[lkonohalanbu]

sore everywhere from the gym and pushing myself

 

listening to my ipod, keith urban - tonight i want to cry

 

it brought a tear to my eye and reminded me of everything that walked away from me

 

i will never know if she is dating somebody else or if she left me for somebody else, i hope she is happy, i am continuing to be strong and moving on

 

if somebody walks away from you, let it go

 

powerful sermon that i probably listen to 3 times a day to calm my heart

 

another battle awaits and uphill struggle awaits

 

i know i wont contact her because she will never know what it is like if i am constantly contacting her and i am glad i have self control to not check her myspace or any website pertaining to her like a mad man

 

i don't want to find reasons to hurt myself nor do i want to know and try to create a story for the worse

[Steve 7745]

Day 28.5

 

I thought about it, and I decided carefully.... Reply #10000 is mine. MINE! HAHAHAHAAH!! (Clutches it evilly.)

[thatdoggirl]

DAY 15

 

Oh yeah? Well... reply 10001 is SO much cooler! YEAH!!!1!!1!

 

And I'm totally doing good today. Kinda have the urge to contact the ex but I think I've completely let go of the hope of any sort of relationship with him... maybe I can be his friend in the future some day but not now. I just have some things I want to let him know while I'm focused on my life. However, I'm going to wait til after the 30 day mark. I'm also fairly close to accepting everything. I still don't know how I'd react if I saw him with someone else... I think the feelings are still there for that matter and he was my first bf and stuff so I'm sure I'll feel jealous at first but I know enough to know that I couldn't be in a relationship with him anyway... it wouldn't be best for me. So I'm sure I'll get past that jealous feeling one day.

[Trei1972]

I enjoyed your post and would go into detail about my thoughts on the specific sitch you mention, but am short on time. But I feel like your argument reaches far beyond that specific. Some of us on here were "left" because of adultery. This used to be shameful. Not so anymore in our culture of anything goes. Not that I'm saying we should go back to Puritan times and require a scarlet A. But it is just soooooo accepted, it's sickening!

 

When my husband left, he originally rented an apt over our shop downtown, saying it was just to crash in, if he was working super late. Said we were still a happy family, blah, blah, blah. He didn't even take anything there but a few changes of clothing. Not like he moved in. When I found his 23 year old secretaries clothing and toiletries there a few days later, I flipped. He then told me he wasn't happy with me, but it had nothing to do with her. I was devastated. I went home and packed his clothes and brought them down to the shop. SHE was there. I called her a homewrecking skank. She had the nerve to tell me I was being rude, and that it was a public place, I should lower my voice. The other employees acted like they agreed. Like I was the one out of line! Like I should just accept that my marriage was over, and that they were together now, and why couldn't i just politely deal with the business at hand! It had only been 2 days!!! I've run into that attitude with the real estate agent who rented us the shop and then later his apt. Like, get over it already. Also, a lot of our supposed friends, are like "these things happen, you just have to move on" as they welcome her into their homes as his new woman. Where is human decency??? How can you not, at least for a short time, act shocked at such a situation? And feel some sympathy for the heartbroken party? Is there no collective conscience anymore???

[GoldenHillGuy]

Day 1..............

 

I'm in again, after 28 days, I wrote her to decline friendship again. Shoulda let it be, but anyways, I'm back here and my goal is at least 60 days this time.

[Steve 7745]

I've had enough.

 

I'm going to remove a friend from my connections and tell her that her actions are wrong. She has been seeing a guy who has a girlfriend and feeding this problem. She knows what she's doing is wrong and she still does it. It may cost me a friend, but I don't want to be friends with her if these are her actions.

 

I've come to realize that judging people is the only way to truly protect ourselves from what is wrong. You can tell me that it is wrong to judge, but I say that tolerating indecency is even more unacceptable. I used to easily trust that people were prone to mistakes, but we have become so accepting of this that our standards loosened. People won't like me for it, but I am under no such obligation to care. I'll live how I see fit.

 

Enough. This has fallen far enough. "All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing."

[KaylaJoy]

(((luck)))) still smiling!

 

Hey Dave! Thanks for the encouraging words.

 

I'm doing ok tonight...it's day 14....I told a couple of friends today that i thought Mark had written me off....I don't know what he's thinking. It's still frustrating for him to tell me two months ago that I should "relax and trust" him, "have confidence" in him, when he gives me nothing to go on. I cried today over him, first time in a while, but it was OK, and I know God understands.

All is well.

[PrettyGood]

Day 8

 

I have no self-confidence and also no respect for myself. Yesterday I wrote him again maybe 1.000.000th time (joking) " Do you want to forget me and not contact me anymore by giving me no communication?" And send 3 soft sms messages about my dreams to be with him. Guess, did he reply to any of them? NO! What a stupid girl! Why am I doing this pain to myself? Sure, he don't wanna this communication anymore! ](*,)

 

Also yesterday a nice boy wrote me by Skype and told me a nice story how he was pissed off his girlfriend. His girlfriend wanted to know about his every move in life. So he felt like in jail and left her finally. He advised me to forget my ex and start living myself, search for a new boyfriend. He also told me: "Your ex doesn't love you, if he would, he brought you 100 roses after 10 days". I liked his sincerity. It was like a big kick to my dignity.

 

Also my mother called me again and asked how am I? And today my job colleague told me a story how she left her boyfriend, because he corresponded with other girls. She gave him no attention and after 2 years, he's still calling her and asking to forgive him. So she used NC tactic.

 

And one more thing, I'm still afraid to find another person. Yesterday suddenly I saw a short movie about the dating online. Young man asked young woman to go to a date. They went to a coffee bar. Then she brought him to her home. Suggested tea, but he attacked her and raped horribly. I was in shock. He seemed a normal guy, so how should I know that my next boyfriend won't be a serial rapist? Or a man who using force against woman? Or anything else? I'm so afraid... I looked at a lot of men photos in dating website (I don't have much time to go to dates in reality) and they all looked scary for me.

[DavidWRosario]

(((luck)))) still smiling!

 

Hey Dave! Thanks for the encouraging words.

 

I'm doing ok tonight...it's day 14....I told a couple of friends today that i thought Mark had written me off....I don't know what he's thinking. It's still frustrating for him to tell me two months ago that I should "relax and trust" him, "have confidence" in him, when he gives me nothing to go on. I cried today over him, first time in a while, but it was OK, and I know God understands.

All is well.

 

for those of that believe. God grants us a peace. No one can take your peace. You have to give it away. I submit when you give your peace away ask God for more. You know he will give it to you. He's will never leave or forsake you. Those are really cool promises.

 

My life is really starting to turn the corner. I see her now, everyday, not sure what I ever saw in her. She is so bitter. She threw me out, said she was going to be happy whatever the cost. I am not seeing it.

 

I am not doing cartwheels, but I can breath and not feeling like a elephant is on my chest.

 

God has put some new friends in my life and I can handle that. After 20 yrs, I thought I wont love like that again. At this point, it does not seem that important.

 

Gods grace is enough for me

 

Dave.

[DavidWRosario]

Well we were 2,5 years. I think I should pass the same period to heal and not to react spontaneously.

 

I find the longer the relationship, the longer the healing period. Keep the faith, I had 20 years married + 2 years dating. It has almost been 4 months and I dont cry everyother time I breath.

 

Doing much better now. I can think clearly. You will be fine.

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Wow,

 

There are so many things I want to say about this post. I am not offended.

I AM a Sinner saved by Grace. I have more contempt for my sins than any committed by any other person.

 

There is a God. He is Good. He loves all of his children, no matter what they are doing or have done. He wants them to come home and have a personal relationship with him. There are things we all have to walk through. Good or bad. He will use it to make things good or us stronger. I dont blame him for what has happened to me, I praise him in the good times and the bad.

 

I wont try to force you to change your position. It's your point. I submit for review, however, that there are to many thing that have happened in the world since the beginning to believe that it was all coinsidence.

 

Yep, I am a Jesus Freak, Love every minute of it. I walk with God everyday, 4 months ago, I was in hell. It was a dark, horrible place, considered committing suicide. I wanted to die. I knew there was no one there. I had the capability to do it. God stopped me. I have known of God all my life. Just couldn't handle it. I pray'd for peace and got it. I have seen the hand of God in action in my life and the lives of other. Jesus is there always leading me and watching over my life. Someday I will understand all of this. Might be sitting with him when I do. I can accept that.

 

My 2 cents

 

Dave

 

Ok one last thought

 

Jesus knows YOU, He loves YOU, He cares for YOU, He wants YOU to know him. Its on your schedule, not his.

 

Peace and Shalom

[Steve 7745]

Day 29.

 

Some idiot thought it would be cute to call me at 4 am. She was drunk as you would not believe. Wow.

 

David- I'm still not a believer in God or any organized faith, to be blunt. Much of what I feel, I've arrived at my own conclusions without much of a look at religion. I believe that human beings are generally good, but easily misguided. And as of late, we turn and denounce God, believing more in each other. Only this is making our weaknesses more and more apparent.

 

I respect that God is something of a necessity I suppose. A place we can put our faith, something to believe in to give us a spiritual focus. Just because I don't believe in God doesn't mean I don't believe in faith. Faith is essential, it's necessary. We need something to believe.

 

Basically, I feel like humanity needed a guide in a way. A shape, an altar to lay down what was altruistic, and make civilization possible. Sometimes, people do these things, engaging in debauchery, etc etc. Others claim, "How is this destroying civilization? Give me a break..."

 

But it's like a downward spiral that humans are so well known for. We get depressed because we're rejected, we get rejected because we're depressed, we continue to fall. We do destruction because we are angry, and oddly enough we may even feel angry because we do destruction. The more you do it, the deeper you go.

 

There is the capacity for great harm in too much sexuality. Emotional, physical. My friend swears up and down that if it's consensual and safe, it's okay. But the more you do it, the more that a single lie can tear down that house of cards. Say someone didn't know they had HIV, someone forgot to take the pill. Someone gets pregnate. Someone takes choking too far, BDSM too far. I know too many women who have been raped because someone thought it was okay. Because someone fumbled when it was time to say no. Most rapes aren't vicious attacks on the street, they're date rapes. Someone you knew, someone you trusted to a point.

 

I've known specific examples of all the above. And they all said things to the effect of, "Yeah, yeah, I'll be careful..." before it was too late.

 

Somehow in all of this, infidelity in marriage and partners became commonplace too. Funny word, infidelity. An infidel is an unbeliever. It implies a lack of faith. Curious.

 

I think this path is a lot harder. Because I'm not entirely sure just how to put what I see or feel into words. Other people say God, and there is over two millennia of history to back that up. Lord knows they got the resume for it. I see why religion was necessary in the first place, but I ask how we can learn morals without it.

[ccali78]

Day 4. It is hard today. I cannot believe how I feel. So sad. Probably grief. I cannot contact him it will make me feel worse and not help in the healing process.

 

Why do people have to be so mean. Can they not just leave for the sake of leaving. Why do they have to find someone else first. This is my second long term relationship and the second time it has happened.

 

I feel like it is me. I am too nice.. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I give too much. I do not know.

 

I just sent my first ex a text that I am completely over asking what was the worse mistake I made in our relationship. We broke up 8 years ago so I think I can take his response LOL.. No feelings there...

[Mutley]

Day 4. It is hard today. I cannot believe how I feel. So sad. Probably grief. I cannot contact him it will make me feel worse and not help in the healing process.

 

You've been broken up since April though, right?

 

I think I'm around day 45. I'm not letting thoughts of the exes bother me anymore. It's done. On to better things.

[GoldenHillGuy]

Day 2 again. Feeling much like day 27. Freaked out and sent an email. Hurt for a day REALLY badly. Back to day 27 feeling. I'm liking this. I will have a major setback, but the duration of these setbacks are ALOT shorter. I'm digging NC.

[Steve 7745]

Day 29.5

 

The media bias against McCain has finally ticked me off. I've shrugged it off before, but I was just witness to how much someone is screwing with the stories. I understand how some facts are illustrated. When I loaded the story on MSNBC about McCain's VP, the points against her with normal text.

 

When I reloaded the page, they were in bold.

 

Now they're normal again. Do not attempt to accuse my browser settings.

[lkonohalanbu]

wondering what she is up to

 

not allowing myself to check her myspace to give myself a reason to hurt

 

3 day weekend, those were the times when we would spend every second with each other and enjoy lazy time

 

any who, ever since i got dumped all these girls have invited me to party, going out to socialize

 

the urge to contact her is easy to manage, but wanting to know what she is up to is hard

 

the longest i've went without checking her myspace is 4 days

 

a little setback, but a little relief that she seems to be fine

 

i guess i'm not as heartless towards her as i thought i was, emotions getting in the way

 

hope she is well!

 

another glorious day of NC awaits, meaning another day of ME ME ME ME time

heh.

 

good luck to all who endures this self test, you will only become stronger and learn more about yourself, even though i hate to admit it, i got to thank the ex for dumping me, making me do things i wanted to do to get my mind off her

 

getting in shape, getting better at singing and being single, not having a care in the world about what i say or do and who it will affect except me!

[ccali78]

Broke contact I stink. Puppy was neutered is my dog but in X name and Vet hospital would not sign over to me. He had to call. I needed to get some advice and the vet said needed to speak with owner of dog. Explained situation was not good enough. Uggg...

 

SO it is all set he is in my name now...

[lkonohalanbu]

Broke contact I stink. Puppy was neutered is my dog but in X name and Vet hospital would not sign over to me. He had to call. I needed to get some advice and the vet said needed to speak with owner of dog. Explained situation was not good enough. Uggg...

 

SO it is all set he is in my name now...

 

you get a dog and you get to reset, sure it's a set back, but you will recover quicker, keep in mind that it's one less excuse to give the ex a call

 

 

i'm on day 10.5 miss her like hell, but not going to stop me from living my life, good luck and continue strong, just use the experience you've gain to push you further along the NC contest

 

as long as you break it, learn from it, you'll be fine, you're only human and you can only hurt for so long before you let it go

[DavidWRosario]

Wasn't trying to convert you from your views, just tried to let you know some of us believe what we know to be real. You seem really upset, I hope you find some peace in all this. My situation is rather unbearable at times, but we continue on. If God did not exist for me I could not see the sense of trying to go on ( for me that is). This world seems too hard to deal with sometimes.

 

Dave

[PrettyGood]

Some things I want to update about this evening (still day 8). He still didn't write me. He's in "Busy" status on Skype. I think that he's having a perfect and not sad evening with any of unknown beauties... ehh...

 

And I'm sitting at home, because I'm still not ready to go to clubs to meet people, beautiful girls and beautiful guys. I'm just sitting here, playing online games, watching tv and want to drink...

 

But no! I don't let myself to drink alcohol even a little drop! I even don't let myself to buy it and to keep any of these beautiful bottles at home [-( Because it would break me finally. I better cry a lot to ease my pain than drinking. I won't let myself to drink until I feel happy again. Because if I drink now, it will associate me with this bad experience. So... I'm trying not to cry and not to drink. I'm helping myself reading book about self-help psychology. It works some, because I'm not happy, but in possitive mood. That's better.

 

Ok, good night, everyone. Hope, you're with me.

[lkonohalanbu]

plans for this weekend is going to a house party today

 

bbq tomorrow

 

and random girl asked me out to eat and the beach

 

i feel kind of weird, maybe i'm not fully ready, but i'm not expecting anything out of these invites

 

i feel like i am betraying her, but she's probably out having the time of her life, so must I

 

i'm a weirdo.

[ccali78]

I realized today that although I love him. I am not in love with him. Just feeling rejection. It is a strong thing to know that I too had fallen out of love but I was willing to try.