StillSmiling Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Hey He2, hang tough. And play that new guitar. I think you are right about allowing yourself to feel the pain. If it does not come out, we can't heal. And you seem like a stong enough man to NOT act on it ... good for you! We can't change thier minds. I assume most of us already tried that before we got to this point. You will have new, sweet times on down the road with another ... just hard to see right now. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Day 10.7 I broke NC slightly by looking at my recent ex's profile on Facebook and the old dating site. Oh god, I feel ill, like I want to throw up. I mean there's nothing dramatic or surprising or new there. She's still single and all. I just feel ill. I feel like I did something wrong, like I shouldn't have. I mean, there's nothing there that scares me, but still I don't know why but I just want to vomit or something.... Link to comment
mattysfun Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 i think about him randomly. mostly when he's new bf is texting me. but im mad. and i have a right to be mad. and im going to stay mad until he tries to say srry btw. he's new bf totally cheating on him =] made my day Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 When the pain of the memories dies and the tiny voice that still hopes for reconcilliation shuts up is when a true friendship may be possible. But you can't rush it ... What a great piece of advice! Thank you StillSmiling!! Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Day one too many.... OK, really it's day 13 I think. Or is it 12. Seems like it should be alot longer. I miss my friend tonight. Don't care about the romance in particular tonight, just miss my friend...miss hanging out. Talked to his brother tonight on the phone, and apparently I'm not the only one who hasn't seen him around; his brother says they haven't seen much of him either. Eases the brunt of neglect a tad bit, but doesn't really matter in the big picture I guess. Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I successfully resisted contacting him. My head is winning over my heart, and I've got so much going on in my life I don't need the drama anymore. Anyway, today I plan to have a good time, and it's well earned. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Hey you! I wondered about yu going "poof"! Yu sound pretty upbeat today .. that's great. Remember, you don;t always have to "be good to anyone here". Sometime yu just need to type/talk and we will listen/read. Congrats on Day 17. Thanks, It is amazing how hard this all is. This site and the great people on it are like a life line. Its really good to know people like you are out there. Thanks Dave Link to comment
journogirl Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 i have been split up 3 weeks have to be in touch though as sorting out finances so so hard waht rid of contact for good but do i? argh! x Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Day 18 Things seem well. Got a package yesterday. It was sad and happy. My friend that passed away during all this had his portait done weeks before he passed as my Christmas present this year. His mom sent it to me. It is sad because he was always a good friend. I am happy because his picture will hang on my wall and I will always remember him and be able to say hi and talk. I know it sounds crazy and most of you think soldiers are heart breakers and life takers, but there are a few in the bunch who are truly men of God and would do anything for a total stranger. Randy was one of those men. I hope that someday, I can be half the man he was. I get to see my son this weekend, WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOHHHHOOOO. I think we may do whatever it really doesnt matter. Just spending time is fine with me. It's funny, I think of the ex from time to time, but her venom and hatred just makes her uglier and uglier. She dumped me, she wants to have fun and be happy - which blows my mind since she was able to do whatever she wanted to do. Now she is still miserable, guess it was'nt my fault. How do I know all this - remember I am LC/NC, we spoke yesterday about me picking up David for the weekend. Grace is going to one of her friends. She got into speaking about the challenges that she is facing. I let her finish her thought and ended the conversation. She knows I am a fixer and I think was looking for a way to get simpathy from me. Not going to work I have seen that little user game before. Ended the conversation said I would pick up David Saturday morning and said bye. I really hate the fact that we split and would work on it till the end of time. But I know myself way to well. I dont burn bridges, I nuke em. I told her when she ended it, not to let it get so far that we couldn't turn back. We are there. Charges set. Timer engaged. May 9,2009 cabluewe. I think the bridge is already gone, i just have to have a offical day and time. Dave Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Day 11. I have never in my life had a reaction to seeing a picture of my ex like that. Like I said, I broke down and just looked at her on Facebook and the old dating site we used to frequent. There's no real changes (except perhaps a slight promotion at work) and I just suddenly felt cold, and extremely ill. Like just seeing them made me go into shock. I went into my bed and laid down and my entire body was just shivering. I slept on and off for three hours and felt the strangest sensation in my body. Like on the inside was a glass sphere that shined with the stars at the top in the darkest of night, and toward the bottom the violet of twilight ended with the earthly brown of desert soils. And I saw myself bouncing about memories of all my previous relationships, flings and anyone I've ever invested emotions in. My roommate came home not long after and I decided to try and be useful. I got up and chatted with him and he related. He falls for his girls pretty hard too. Afterwards, he had to take off to get his friend at the airport, so I played some Diablo (we agreed to play together), and then I got to work on some self improvement. I strummed my notes on my guitar and started to work on some songs. Although there are only three notes to them, it was harder because it was solid practice on how to jump from fret to fret on the neck. Finally, I programmed a basic web browser in C# as part of the training to start advancing my career. I didn't break NC by much, but it was sickening enough for me that I don't want to do it again. I feel like I did something wrong. Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Day 11. I didn't break NC by much, but it was sickening enough for me that I don't want to do it again. I feel like I did something wrong. I donl't know why we do thsi too ourselves. I have been guiltyof it in the past and have learned my lesson. Sets me WAY back. Be strong ... Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Day 22 Well, I'm not exactly having a party, but when I recall how I felt when it all first happened, and even 22 days ago, I guess I am really healing a touch. Someone on another thread discussing how hard NC was, said "just imagine them dead". At first I thought how trite and silly and how could anyone possible do that. But this morning, as a pang hit and I thought about that stupid canvas and the excuse it would give me to stir it all up I thought: He's Dead. There is no place to drop off the canvas. Interesting how it stopped the thought of it ... Last night went to another MeetUp at the beach. Only a few people showed up but the sun and the surf and the all the active, pretty people was fun to be around. Met a few new people and a young guy flirted with me and bought me a glass of wine and shared some food. Also met a an interesting gal from France that could be fun to hang out with. I highly suggest link removed for anyone looking to just connect for things to do. There are 100's of groups in my area and I've done everything from surf kayaking, salsa lessons, yoga on the beach, to just dining out with a few. My favorite group is Fun Friends as it a combo of couple and singles and no pressure like going to the Singles Groups. Tonight I have a date from one of the dating sites. Yikes! He seems very pleasant on the phone, seems to have his act together and his photos are not hard to look at. I delete most of the hits I get, but this one is worth an hour or two to see what he is all about. Wish me luck! It's nice to have something to look forward to and stay busy. And a bit of attention doesn't hurt either ... Here's wishing us all more healing and another successful day of NC. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I donl't know why we do thsi too ourselves. I have been guiltyof it in the past and have learned my lesson. Sets me WAY back. Be strong ... Yeah, totally. I guess curiosity got the best of me. At least I didn't try to TALK to her. That would have been worse. Thanks for the kind words. Link to comment
mattysfun Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 i think im at about a week or so. maybe longer. havent really been thinking about it. woke up today and wanted to die. missed having him there rubbing my back. missed everything missed his face. today will be a long day. tomorrow will be better hopefully.. Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Wow, I can't believe it's only seven more days until the challenge is complete. I've come a long way over this time, and though I've had my moments of doubts and relapse. I'm staying strong. Let's do this! Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Day 12. Yesterday, a friend I've known for three years gives me a call and we joke around. I tease her, instead of saying "What're you up too?" I say, "What're you wearing?" To which she automatically replies, "Nothing." When she realized the joke, we could not stop laughing. We played a game where we'd ask each other questions to see what's up. As it turns out, I was a little surprised by her answers. She was a virgin and wants to remain one until marriage, but it seems she had run into a case of morality anyway. Namely, she had been seeing a guy for the past couple of weeks that she really liked. Unfortunately, he was in one of those "kinda sorta have a girlfriend but it's over only she's coming back from abroad on the 18th" things. I listened to the excuses, saying stuff like, "It's only for another week," or, "I'm not the one cheating! He is." And I flat out reminded her of several things such as trust issues. If this guy cheats on his girlfriend for her, then what's to stop him from cheating on my friend? Meh. Link to comment
broken_arro Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 DAY 18 Feels like after the 14th day, it got much easier to handle. I am trying to keep myself occupied, started going to the gym again, watching movies, hanging out with friends, focusing more and more on my job... Everything seems fine ! Even the thought of her sleeping with the guy she's been with for the last 2 months doesn't bother me that much anymore !!! Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Day 19 Little reflective today, Little Blue - could be all the rain today. Sometimes I sit and wonder what went wrong ?. hmm I Dont think I want my previous life back. I am just not sure how to start the next one. I really dont know If I want to share my life with some one again. Kinda feel today like I want to seal my heart up in a sealtite box. who knows This too shall pass. Dave Link to comment
Trei1972 Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 So I have children with my ex-husband which makes no contact harder. But I think it would help my peace of mind. I have to get through one more court date next week and then I want to be in TOTAL incommunicado. Even exchanging the kids, I am trying to have someone else arrange. Every time we exchange kids or communicate at this point, it is upsetting to me. Not the crying, sobbing, wanting to die mess, that I was initially. But sad. and confused, and angry, and frustrated, and wanting revenge occasionally. This isn't good for me or the kids, or to be honest, the new relationship I am just venturing out into. When my ex left me for the secretary at our business, who is half our age, he took the house, the vehicles, and the business we built together. My 5 children and I lived in shelters for months before finally getting back on our feet, at least with a home. It's been almost 6 months, and we still have no vehicle, and this just makes me seeth with fury when he pulls up to pick up the kids in yet another very expensive, brand new vehicle. (latest one is a lifted Black Hummer, with all the bells and whistles) The motorcycle shop we started together must be doing well, cuz I see him all over town, on a different chopper everytime, roaring by, as the kids and I sit at the bus stop. Anyways, you get the picture. My anger towards him threatens to consume me. And I've somehow become obsessed with checking his myspace page! Mainly cuz I think he is cheating on the girl he left me for (who he got engaged to within 2 months of walking out on us), with one of the models in the calendar he just had made for the shop. Our daughter saw him with the model on several occasions around town. And I want soooooo badly want to see him cheat on the little homewrecker he's engaged to! I know all this sounds obsessive. That is why I'm here. I can't tell my friends that I still get so worked up over all this! But I want to and need to get past this. So once I get past the court thing next week, I am going dark, as in underground and hidden, as far as he is concerned. No more checking up on him, no more seeing him every other weekend to exchange the kiddos. I'm gonna spend a month focusing on just me. Maybe all the extra energy I've been wasting on him, will be just what I need to finish healing. Please feel free to send advice or insight my way!!! Link to comment
Trei1972 Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Mattysfun and Dave.. hang in there.. we are on your side! Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Day 22 Moving along a touch more each day. My date last night was pleasant, but I also feel a bit shut down. Some days wonder if ANY relationship ever really works. Continue to use my "He's Dead" thoughts to push him out of my mind. I am not as consumed as before, but there are still those moments. I guess acceptance is starting to settle in a bit more. Mad Pagan: We are on the same day. And yes, we have come a long way. We WILL stay strong. Monday will be the 18th and 3 months since he walked out. Hard to believe that much time has passed already and I have wasted that much time feeling so crappy. Energy and interest in life is starting to come back slowly but surely ... Wish us all another successful NC day with a few smiles tossed in. Link to comment
Shattered21 Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 StillSmiling I know it seems hard but some relationships do work... Take my parents... They met in high school (they went to brother and sister catholic schools) my mom was 15 and my dad was 16... 37 years later they are married have 3 kids and have developed an amazing life together. In these years they both lost their fathers, had money issues, built a home together, has a child with addiction problems, has a child who got in trouble many times with the law, watch their friends divorse, and also built careers while having a family. They still eat dinner together every night, and sit there talking and catching up for at least 45 mins after dinner. They take vacations together, go to concerts, and simply just enjoy each others company. There is love out there and it takes time and effort. In the end it isn't how gorgeous your partner is, or how you met, but rather can you converse and be supportive and really know each other in and out and love each other in and out. -FYI, my mom hated my dad when she first met him! haha also my mom said if they both chose to go away to college rather then do night school she doubt they would have worked out. This ofcourse is the guy of her dreams and she wouldn't have anyone else, but she is also realistic and know times have changed so do the way relationships develop and fail. Stay hopeful Link to comment
bepositive Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Day 10.7 I broke NC slightly by looking at my recent ex's profile on Facebook and the old dating site. Oh god, I feel ill, like I want to throw up. I mean there's nothing dramatic or surprising or new there. She's still single and all. Funny how that works... I don't want to ask my ex for a status update, and trying to read into her e-mails is pointless. (And I don't have a Facebook account, thank goodness!) But, I did Google her name, and the name of her new bf to see if there were any major announcements. All I found was an alumni magazine from her college that had news of a recent area get-together, and a small pic of her as one of the attendees. It really made my heart race, and renewed my longing for her. She's done some impressive things. On top of that, the girl I'm seeing now is becoming super high-maintenance, so I'm going to have to bail out soon. I went into it telling her that I wasn't interested in a LTR, but she's going for it nonetheless. ](*,) Take care, BP Link to comment
StillSmiling Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Thank you shattered for your words. Funny, HIS parents have been married for 50 something years and still loving life together. I saw that as encouragement that he understood and was able to develope a LT relationship from such a role model. Only one of the 4 boys has been married and stable for many years, well, other than being a recovered alcoholic. LOL Go figure .. we live in a disposible life now ... Link to comment
Nearwater Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 "Go figure .. we live in a disposible life now ..." Boy did that knock me back, I have just been disposed of THAT I think I why I feel so effin' bad, Because I can and will fix anything and the ex just tossed us away... Link to comment
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