THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[KaylaJoy]

Hi Still smiling, welcome back home from your trip!

Ummmm...I think I was referring to the FWB thing because someone else had mentioned they were considering it. My Mark and I started out very tentatively, and what ended up being a full blown head over hills in love with him thing for me, was really just a FWB thing for him. In the end, he felt bad because he wasn't in love with me, and knew I was in love with him, and he decided it wasn't fair to me or him, and broke it off. I say it was a FWB thing because, while I know he was attracted to me, he was not in love with me, and thought it would be very easy to just stop sleeping together and remain the best of friends. Because, after all, in his eyes that's all we really were. It still kills me to think of that and realize it, although he did give me a point of validation when he told me that looking back, he thought we really could have made it. He also told me last week that he's even thought about the possibility of us getting back together for a real relationship, but he says when he thinks about it, it never seems like a good idea, so he doesn't do anything about it.

 

As for the pictures, I took them back down like a day or two later. I was OK, and it was a temporal thing. They are tucked back safely in my bottom dresser drawer where they live most of the time! And yep, I understand lonely nights. And lonely days. And lonely mornings. And lonely afternoons. And lonely evenings. And.....well, you understand.

 

I have had many moments where I have been tempted to give in and just be his FWB if that's all I can have of him, but the realistic Kayla then steps in and reminds me that I'll just go thru the hurt and heartbreak all over again. And he and I both know if we put our self in that situation, it will more than likely happen and we would regret it immediately after. It's not worth it anymore. The sex was never what drew me to him, I loved him for a long time before we ever kissed, so that's not the glue that holds us. That was just what put our relationship on a different playing level. I want it all - the heart, the love, the emotions, the commitment, all of it. If I can't have that, I don't want to settle for a kiss. 2 years ago I did. I'm not that person anymore and neither is he, and we both realize the rules have changed, and he knows I'm playing for keeps now, and I know him well enough to know he won't "play" if he can't play for keeps, and right now he doesn't think he can. I respect that about him, and appreciate that about him.

And I still love him.

[xxmacbethxx]

she just texted me,

 

I AM NOT DOING IT BACK

 

MUST RESIST

 

 

its only been almost 4 hours, and my heart is racing, this is least we have talked since we have been to gather besides sleeping

[Steve 7745]

Don't respond MacBeth.

[StillSmiling]

had a rough day today. some other stuff going on, and i just feel exhausted emotionally. and there is no one that i can turn to. it sucks.

 

felt pretty peaceful this morning, though. so i'll try and think of that.

 

i hope you are well. thank you for thinking of me.

 

xo gg

 

gg, stay strong and know if nothing else, there is this place of other broken hearts for the TIME BEING to come to.

 

I had a rough one but am grateful for a good male buddy that is visiting after camping to have a shoulder to cry on. It sucks to think about forever. At Day 13 I can come up with 100 stupid reasons to contact him. But I have to be strong and not do that. I hurt only myself.

 

It's goinng to get better. And I will continue to try to keep the door closed myself. My birthday is in a few weeks and already I am thinking about if he will call me. Awful.

 

Hope themorning is better for all of us still ouching.

[StillSmiling]

she just texted me,

 

I AM NOT DOING IT BACK

 

MUST RESIST

 

 

its only been almost 4 hours, and my heart is racing, this is least we have talked since we have been to gather besides sleeping

 

 

Agree. Hold tight and don't answer the calls.

[xxmacbethxx]

7 hours, almost 8 hours she txted once, im actully kinda worried about her, im sure if she was hurt she would have called though or some one would have,

 

some of you are so strong going for months im barely making it a 1/2 a day gotta hold out tell Wednesday,

 

shes out with friends i think feels like she forgot about me a bit, hopefully she is just having fun and being happy

[xxmacbethxx]

she txted as soon as i hit reply

 

gotta stand strong

[mattysfun]

No Contact starts now.

YAY

high fives all around

[The Mad Pagan]

It's been two weeks now since I started the challenge, and over two and a half months since I heard my ex's voice.

 

I still thought about him a lot today, but I'm not going to contact him. This is getting much easier as time goes by (I said that already, didn't I? ).

 

Sixteen more days! It's an arbitrary count, though, since I still won't contact him after that

[mattysfun]

stay strong macbeth

[Steve 7745]

Day 4.

 

Felt like crap last night. Thinking about C but not wanting to dwell on it. Skipped working out today. Gone to work.

[DavidWRosario]

Day 10

 

Hey everybody, I'm back what a awesome weekend in WVA. My son and I shot guns, chased snakes, lizards, acted totally foolish. What a blast. He rode his first ATV, thought we would never get him off that. Thinking about going up again next weekend.

 

Thought about her a little when things got quiet. Also thought how my life is with out her. I am really beginning to find me. I like me and think me is pretty awesome. My time with my son was like winning the lottery. We laughed, talked, pondered - it was priceless.

 

Had to see the ex when I dropped off my son, she wanted to talk in private and my son did not want to leave. I hate when she does that it usually means i have done something. She is such a noodge. Think I will let her know. This point forward if she needs to discuss something in private regarding the kids - email or phone, in person I can not be bothered with the kids around.

 

gg, kaylajoy, Mp - Whats up how have things been going ? I hope you are all well.

 

I will catch up on reading post this evening, CU all then

 

Dave

[StillSmiling]

Day 14

 

I had a dream about seeing him again. I hate that!

 

It's now been 2 1/2 months since he walked out the door. But 2 weeks of emails, a meeting in the park and stupidly an attempt at "buddys" going to a festival on

June 28th. I regret that I made contact any of those times. The last time of seeinghim was awful and put me back to square one.

 

WHY was I so stupid to IM him 2 weeks ago which resulted in him calling? While I pretended I was just fine. I fell apart again afterwards. I suspect he did too. And I noticed he checked my profile on a dating site about the same time. (can't tell for sure the date)

 

I needed to hurt him back with that last call and pretend how wonderful all was going. Not certain why. Wanting to hurt him like he hurt me? Or hoping that he would try to grab me back from another possible man? Or just trying to push him away farther because I know it's not right to be with him.

 

I wish I could say I felt better at Day 14, but I don't. Instead I am checking off the days to 30 so I can find some stupid excuse to contact him. Not good. Gotta get back out there and find some new fun I guess. *sigh*

 

Dave, you sound great and in control again. Congrats! And congrats on how you are feeling about yourself. I am still walking around with low self esteem and tons of guilt that it was me that didn't live up to what he wanted. I HATE that! What about what I wanted/ needed?

 

It was SO wrong and yet it is still so painful. Encouraging to read about those of you that are healing. Thank you all ...

[GoldenHillGuy]

DAY 4

 

I'm feeling much better than I thought I would. Still woke up thinking about her. Its actually remembering the sex thats hurting the worst. Thinking about her with someone else down the road sucks. Oh well.

[xxmacbethxx]

day 2

 

she called 2x last night i answered 2nd time cuz i was sleeping we dint really talk, as soon as i relised it was her i said i was sleeping and i wanted to go, it was kinda a relief though i was starting to think she wouldn't call, and she forgot.

we talked for less 1 minnothing really said so im not gonna count it

 

today i am going to stay busy maybe go work out with my dad, i go to work at 430 it will get easier when i get there lots of little things keep me busy though i still have a lot of access to ways of contact while there

[meinreallife]

This is stupid.

 

Why do I pine?

[xxmacbethxx]

i hate this geez barely 24 hours, and i am aiming for another 48, she is probably happy she still wanted to talk through this because i am her best friend but i cant be tehre for her if she wont be for me.

 

i want her back so bad, but i am thinking maybe i should give up and just get over her

even though i thought she was my special some one,

one year 8 months not a fight all the sudden just this when she is about to move to college that is even closer to me then her house. sometimes it gets so hard because everything i do and own remind me of her. her smile her soft skin her soothing voice

 

 

every thing still tells me she is my special some one

i just dont know

i write here to pass the time and reading through them helps to

 

i know this will work if she feels for me the way she says, and if not it will help sooth me of her, if its not meant to be

 

=(

sad panda

[StillSmiling]

This is stupid.

 

Why do I pine?

 

Hell if I know, but I am doing the same damn thing.

 

All logic says it is over, it was right to begin with, I should have seen the red flags, it would have never worked as life partners ... yet I pine.

 

And worry if I will ever feel that happy again ... but it wasn't real.

 

Hang in there Me ... know you have company here.

[StillSmiling]

xxmacbeth: We were all best friends with our lost loves. That is the part that makes it so hard and so painful. We need to turn to our friend, but they are the one that hurt us. It simply is sad.

 

Hang in there. I felt he was the "special one" as well, but I have to accept that in reality he wasn't, no matter what he told me, or he would not have done what he did in tossing it away to easy. His actions over his words spoke volumns.

 

I live now with, "it wasn't meant to be". And if a million years on down the down it is meant to be, than it will happen. But we can't force it.

 

I read here as well to find the solitude in others that understand the hurt we have and how we are working through it. I know in my heart that this pain will end, and the hope will stop and I will move on. Just tough for us getting through this patch of landmines ....

 

Hugs to ya .

[xxmacbethxx]

she texted me again i want to respond so bad i want to tell her that i dont want to talk to her tell wed, but i cant she makes it hard for me when she does this, i want to talk to her but i dont i want her to be mine, im afraid that if i tell her that i dont want to talk she will get mad,

[StillSmiling]

she texted me again i want to respond so bad i want to tell her that i dont want to talk to her tell wed, but i cant she makes it hard for me when she does this, i want to talk to her but i dont i want her to be mine, im afraid that if i tell her that i dont want to talk she will get mad,

 

Perhaps TXT her back ONLY to say ... "I feel itis best for both of us to not have contact at least until _________."

 

Couple of days is not going to solve anything if you are trying to get over this. Sorry to be so blunt.

[Hopelives]

WOOT!

 

And while I miss him, my eyes water sometimes with the sadness, may I continue to live my life without him in my thoughts, life, and arms; gracefully and with dignity.

[KaylaJoy]

day 5 - and I really miss him. I talked to a friend over the weekend who had talked to him last week, and she asked him if he ever saw a certain old flame of his, and my friend said that he told her that he had told this particular girl he wouldn't play her fool anymore, but that he somehow found himself still playing her fool.

I was a little crushed, because I thought that was over and done. This old flame of his has a very steady boyfriend, and had told my Mark years ago that she didn't see him as anything other than a brother. So for all these years apparently he's held on to something, and it kinda hurt a little, because he and I just talked two weeks ago, and he told me that he still thought about us getting back together sometimes, but then he must not be thinking about it too hard, because he told my friend that he is still playing "her" (the old flame of his) fool.

I thought about calling him - he acted like he would call me more, but he said when it's been awhile he is afraid to call because he's afraid he'll walk into a wall of hostility with me - like he's afraid it it's been awhile since he'd talk to me, that I would be mad at him.

so then after I heard that I thought it wouldn't do any good for me to call him or text him right now anyway, because he's still worried about "playing the fool" over some one else.

 

I'm just feeling a little down tonight - I still believe it's all in His Hands...I know He knows best...just one of those nights when I miss Mark and wish he missed me back.

[KaylaJoy]

WOOT!

 

And while I miss him, my eyes water sometimes with the sadness, may I continue to live my life without him in my thoughts, life, and arms; gracefully and with dignity.

 

That was beautiful!

I second that emotion!

[mattysfun]

24 hours down.

and guess what?

best 24 hours in the past month.

im not saying i wont have a bad day soon.

but its no longer about him missing me.

or him talking to me.

 

its about me.