Losin Confidence Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I want to the take the challenge and i will!! DAY ONE HEHEHE Link to comment
bronte Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Round 2, Day 8...I've decided I'm going to continue to do this till May 15th, then unblock him on AIM and go on with my life--I'm not planning to actually contact him, but I feel like I'm a psychologically healthy enough place that I'm ready to let go of this extreme focus on him and that by then I should be able to handle short conversations with him on AIM if he contacts me (which he probably will) without reading into them. So, in other words, thinking about "graduating" from NC.. Let's hope y'all don't see me back here on May 16th all messed up again! Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Day 22 - I'm getting there. Today the ex calls me and e-mails me. I actually sent her back a very terse response because I believed if I didn't, the text messages would be next. And since she was partially contacting me about "business" (our taxes and the cat getting sent to her), I think I had to give her some feedback. I don't consider it breaking NC. In fact, for the first time, I didn't sign an e-mail "Love, Eyes." I just signed it "Eyes." It has nothing to do with me not loving her, I'm hoping maybe she'll get the hint that when I told her I wouldn't be in touch for a while, it meant she shouldn't be in touch with me, either. She e-mailed me Saturday, I got a package from her Monday, and today was the voice mail and the e-mail. I believe she's leaving me voice mails because she wants to talk to me (twice during the voice mail she said she wanted to know how I was doing) and she can live without knowing that for another 8 days...or more, depending on when I feel like I want to initiate contact. From another standpoint, each day I don't have contact is another day she gets to see slimeball for who he really is. In her eyes, that could be good or bad, and either way hopefully it lets her get closer to sorting out her mind. Plus, from her voice mail, I suspect she's not loving Texas as much as she thought. But enough about her. I flirted with my physical therapist a bit. During the appointments we spend a lot of time talking about our past relationships and then the work we are doing on ourselves. Ironically, her latest ex (Lit would like him, he's a commitmentphobe) has the same name as my ex's bf. She was talking about how she has a profile on link removed. She thinks I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I told her if I was healed enough, I'd probably be checking out her profile. Which I would, because she's intelligent, funny and kinda cute. Very short, though. I was amazingly unproductive at work, which is typical of me after tax season. I really think I have to step it up. I scheduled another phone consult with Al Turtle for next week. I'm looking forward to it. I'm full o'questions. I was supposed to go out with nickbroken for his birthday tonight, but he got sick, so we're rescheduling. I did get him a card and a present, though. So, its a relaxing night. I'm watching American Idol now, I'll go upstairs after its over, have my nightly "talk with the ex", do some reading and crash. All in all, not a bad day. Link to comment
Brokenhearted87 Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Billionth round: Day 4 Woke up and cried. Miss talking to him. Everything reminds me of him lately, it's like every song, movie, or tv show which was "ours" has crept out of the woodwork and onto the airwaves and tv schedules. Also his name! And the road he lives on was on tv last night too!!! I was having all these flashbacks of walking it, with him Uh I won't break NC, not that I can really, apart from texting him or calling him (if he hasn't changed his number by now ) to which he never responds, so what's the point. It really hurts that he doesn't care. I get a pang every time I think that we will probably never speak again. Oh well................day 4 Link to comment
Mustang Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Day 29 I accidently poked my ex on Facebook last night. I didn't mean to. I was trying to poke the person below her. I was a bit drunk. I am not ready, willing or able to talk to my ex yet. I hope she ignores it. I never thought I'd say this but I don't want her to contact me. I'm just a bit annoyed because I didn't do it deliberately and now she's getting a free ego boost. If she does contact me, should I just ignore it? Then maybe she'll get the message that I did it by accident? Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Day 9 of NC. Almost a full month since D-Day. Sleeping better, concentrating a bit better. Still running all those text messages I saw through my head. Very angry sometimes still, other times I know its for the better. She didn't treat me well. Still other times I feel sorry for her. It is getting easier. Swimming and playing water polo like I used to has been a great help, and a great way to start the day. But waking up without her next to me still sucks, and I imagine it will for awhile yet. ENA has been a tremendous help with lots of great people. Thanks all! Link to comment
Jinky Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Day 2, its hard because she just popped up on my friends on facebook- seemingly uncaring. I didnt check her page though, so thats alright. Thought i was feeling nothing. Until just now.:sad: Link to comment
theredrocket Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 day 10; 35 days to go I am noticing that my confidence is starting to increase other than that nothing much. Feel good Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 day 10; 35 days to go I am noticing that my confidence is starting to increase other than that nothing much. Feel good If you mean 35 days til you make contact again think very carefully about it Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I feel off the wagon. off the wagon? Link to comment
justagrl Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 oh I woke up SO angry about it all today. I have been feeling ok, good days and bad, more good than bad, at least during the week. Weekends are still tough. I woke up soooo angry about it all today, and I don't know why. He is no longer the first thing I usually think of when I wake. Until today. From the minute I opened my eyes...he was on my mind. And I was so mad all day....I just (minutes ago) texted him. I said I woke up so angry with you this morning. dont know why, havent felt bad about things in so long, now today. I can't make it stop and it's making me mad and I dont know why I'm telling you other than I need to say it to you and i know it doesn't matter. I'm just so mad at all of it. Oh why did i do it. It will hurt not to get a response. I want a response. I am dying. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I'm sorry but there is nothing you can do now it is sent. If he answers dont reply xx Link to comment
Mustang Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 ah the poke? Indeed. She poked me back this afternoon and I sent her a text this evening saying: "Oi you! Don't poke me. I'll let you off it as it's the first of the month and what not but don't do it again. How's life?" Her response was sent three minutes later saying: "Hey! I was only returning the poke that you did to me! Yeah life's good thanks, how you doing? xxx" I haven't responded. She updated her Facebook status tonight saying that "she's off to Glasgow! x". She knows that I must check her profile if I poked her so she knew I was going to see it. Although, I am a tad confused as they're supposed to be at uni now. I won't respond to her text. I will leave her to it. I am not giving her the satisfaction of telling her how I am. Even though I am doing really well at the moment. If I respond, she won't wonder. If I don't, she will wonder why I didn't. I am making sure I am in control and it's on my terms this time. That said, I don't think she'll care either way to be honest. I'll be OK. It was just a blip. I always said I'd wait until the Foos gig. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 well I think you are very string not to respond to that good text though. Makes out that u didnt know u poked her in a good way lol Link to comment
justagrl Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I'm sorry but there is nothing you can do now it is sent. If he answers dont reply xx why did I have to have such a damn bad day??????? screwed myself royally. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 why did I have to have such a damn bad day??????? screwed myself royally. we all get them, dont be too hard on youself just go back to NC now and you will be fine. To be honest, I dont think I would respond to a text like that as I dont think I would know what to say so dont let it get you down if he doesnt reply x Link to comment
justagrl Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 we all get them, dont be too hard on youself just go back to NC now and you will be fine. To be honest, I dont think I would respond to a text like that as I dont think I would know what to say so dont let it get you down if he doesnt reply x I know, and truthfully, before I sent it I wasn't really looking for a reply? just sort of needed to vent I guess, but after hitting the send button, now of course I want a reply and I wouldn't know how to respond either.....dammit. Link to comment
Mustang Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 well I think you are very string not to respond to that good text though. Makes out that u didnt know u poked her in a good way lol I also didn't put an "x" at the end either. Which again is such a small thing but it does show her that I am not trying to win her back. I've started to get to the point where I think that she is the one that has to win me back. She was pretty damn quick to reply. I'll take that as an ego boost. I'm due one. If I do respond and tell her that I'm good and what not then that'll be that. She'll know what I'm up to and what not. She'll expect a reply from me. We've not spoken in a month after all. I do miss her and I really do hate having to play these games but I've learnt that it's the only way. She's going to Glasgow. Not sure why but she is. He lives there. She's obviously seriously involved with him. Why else would she travel miles and miles to see him? There's no point me getting upset about that mind you. I very much doubt it but she could be asking herself things like: Why has he contacted me? Why wasn't there a kiss at the end of his text? Why hasn't he responded? Is he OK? Has he moved on? What is he up to? Does he still care about me? etc It is very hard at the moment because all I can imagine is her and him having sex tonight now. But she doesn't have to know how I am feeling. I am determined to give her the impression I have moved on until I actually have. Right now, my motivation is to carry on as I have been. Eventually I will become the person I want to be. That said, I do want to see her again and I miss her more than anything. Not just as a girlfriend but as a best friend too. But Scottish boy has her heart now. God knows why. I want to look amazing at the Foos gig. I want to be happy and content by then. I am not chasing her anymore. She is the one that has to chase me. She won't mind you. My "poke" and text to her was just a little reminder that I am still here. That could be viewed as a bad thing and I do worry that I look weak, but I wasn't talking to her like I wanted her back and me not responding is the only thing I can do. I'll be honest, I really do want to text her back but I know there's no point. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 yeah i know how that feels. When i first sent a text to mine i wasnt expecting a reply, i knew i'd get one but i was checking the phone all the time Link to comment
justagrl Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I know, and truthfully, before I sent it I wasn't really looking for a reply? just sort of needed to vent I guess, but after hitting the send button, now of course I want a reply and I wouldn't know how to respond either.....dammit. OK, so it's like 15 min later and I just got a text alert. I havent gone to read it..actually afraid to.....I wish someone else was here to look at it. I just actually made myself a drink.....oh I can't bear to look at it. I don't know what I'm about to see....... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Mustang, you have a very good attitude towards it. I'm sure she is thinkg at least some if not all of those things. I also think now that it is up to my ex. I cant play games anymore because it's exhausting. Link to comment
bronte Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 Round 2, Day 9...He sent me another Facebook message earlier, though, so I think my NC will officially draw to a close tomorrow or the day after. He's clearly feeling like now that he's given me the month I asked for we should be talking again, and while I still intend to keep any interactions as brief as possible, I'm not still so angry/hurt to justify ignoring him. Still not unblocking him on AIM just yet, though... Link to comment
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