THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Mustang]

Day 17

 

I'm so hungover today. Apart from that, I'm much the same as ever. I've not got any urges to contact my ex. So that's something. That said, I am still thinking of her constantly but I doubt she is so there's no point worrying about it is there?

[pumpkinmoon]

Day 17

 

I'm so hungover today. Apart from that, I'm much the same as ever. I've not got any urges to contact my ex. So that's something. That said, I am still thinking of her constantly but I doubt she is so there's no point worrying about it is there?

 

I'm hungover too lol horrible!

[pumpkinmoon]

 

Anyways, it's been 5 days on my 4th try in 5 months. Hello to you all.

 

Hello to you too Just try to stick with it, you will get there, im on day 28 now and I think if I can do it anyone can x

[Stella Sleepwalks]

If I get in touch with his mother..... is that breaking NC?

[pumpkinmoon]

If I get in touch with his mother..... is that breaking NC?

 

Why do you need to get in touch with his mother?

[Ashsun87]

Day 23.

 

It's been a week since she contacted me, asking me "how i'm doing".

 

I didn't reply.

 

Kinda wondering if that was a mistake, but I know deep down inside it would have been a mistake TO reply.

 

Ugh, I just wish she would come back already. I didn't do anything wrong. I was a loving, caring boyfriend. How is this lifestyle of drinking and sleeping around so much better than our love we had for each other?

 

I'm getting stronger everyday, but I am so sad when I realize I am slowly letting go of the one girl I loved with all my heart. :sad:

 

I will probably never talk to her again.

[ramsickle1369]

Back to NC... On day 20. One message a week ago asking "you around" and I responded (BAD ME!) No more responding...

 

Ash--I know what you are saying... I did respond and regret that. I guess we just can't win....

 

Good luck to all!

[Ashsun87]

Back to NC... On day 20. One message a week ago asking "you around" and I responded (BAD ME!) No more responding...

 

Ash--I know what you are saying... I did respond and regret that. I guess we just can't win....

 

Good luck to all!

 

I think we're the ones that win in the long run. We become stronger from having to actually face the pain rather than running away from it, in the case of my ex.

 

Its just that while we're dealing with this pain, it sure as hell doesn't feel like we are winning, that I will agree with lol.

 

It's so hard to stay strong. But what other choice do we have?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Why do you need to get in touch with his mother?

 

My mum wants to get in touch with his. She's having surgery. My name would be mentioned. So far, she is obeying my wishes to leave it be.

[pumpkinmoon]

My mum wants to get in touch with his. She's having surgery. My name would be mentioned. So far, she is obeying my wishes to leave it be.

 

Is your mother friends with his mother?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Yeah, all four of us were really close. We were a little familly in our own right. Both our mums are widows and never re-married, so we got close.

 

I have posted a thread called Family in "Healing" which discusses it. Don't wanna take up the NC thread

[pumpkinmoon]

Ah, well I dont think it is breaking NC on your part. If you feel comfortable then I would let her make the contact

[replicator]

Can someone tell me what the goal of no contact should be? Should it be to forget the person who dumped you, or make them miss you? I miss her, but NC will increase the chances she'll miss me and want me back, I think I can stick to NC. But I know if she calls me, my heart will jump and I will have to pick up, because I'll be hoping she'll be saying lets try again, and I don't want to miss that.

[musashi]

Day 34

 

Man, I feel like crap right now. The day started off fine. I was actually in a good mood this morning for the first time in weeks. I did not think about my ex hardly at all. Then, while channel surfing, I came accross a rare movie that her and I talked about alot. I had highly recommended her to watch it but we could never find it. I was going to give it to her for her birthday (coming up in a few weeks). I watched the movie thinking about her watching it. I even thought about sending it to her anonymously for her b-day. I was fine until about 4 hours ago. I was going to go to a party but decided to stay home and spend some alone time with my son. Then it just hit me. She is probably out with her new guy and I am sitting at home. I started getting angry.

 

After being angry for about 2 hours it turned into self-pity. She dumped me for an Army Special Forces guy. Someone who is perfect for her and the exact opposite of me. It really started getting to me. She is probably in awe of him. She is probably worshipping the ground he walks on. She is on cloud 9. She thinks god has sent him into her life. Blah, Blah, Blah. Doing the imagining crap in my head is killing me but I cannot seem to stop. Plus, as I alluded to yesterday, what am I going to do with my life? He is career military, I have no career. I know it is not a good idea to compare myself to him, it is my life, but I cannot seem to stop thinking about how sucky my life is, especially compared to his. I have got to get my act together.

[MeSilly]

I think it's time to heal your own wounds. Don't do this for her, do this for yourself. Do it to learn you are strong enough. Do it to be you again. Distance can make you see things more objectively. This objectivity will lead to insight, and I believe there will come a point when it will become clear what the goal of NC is. I know this is vague. As someone who has attempted NC 3 times already in the past 5 months, only to end up making contact, I can tell you that I now wish I hadn't. Both people need time to heal, to see things more clearly. Yes, sometimes that clarity can make you realize you love the person more than you ever thought possible; likewise, sometimes you will see that maybe the break-up was for the best. I'm less lost than I was months ago, but it is a long, ongoing process. I wish you luck.

[postscript]

I really want to start the NC Challenge but I am afraid.

I don't have the strength for it, I know that every time he calls or initiates conversation, I will give in.

[MeSilly]

postscript, you can do it. trust me. i have OCD, which makes my urge to contact my ex literally uncontrollable at times, and yes, i've made contact and broken the rules, but it's to be expected. there will likely be many instances of this. but if you take it one day at a time, soon you will see the days start to add up. maybe after enough time has passed by forcing yourself to make NC, you will gain some insight that will allow you to make some sort of limited contact. Or maybe you'll realize you don't need any contact at all. I don't know. It works different for different people, I guess.

 

I'm on day 5... and today it was hard not to call.

[postscript]

Okay, I bite the bullet. I know this is good for our relationship.

 

DAY ONE. 12:00PM.

Today has been the best day out of 21 days since we broke up. I managed to go to bed last night without crying, without needing to talk to him, and i woke up this morning without the need to tell him how much i miss him, even though i still am.

I am doing this because he wants space. He says that I am able to call him whenever I want, and he often messages me reminding me of things, or just to tell me something pointless.

I figure, if I can go weeks without seeing him, then I CAN give him space by NC.

I will only talk to him when it is important. Maybe not LIFE OR DEATH important, but you know, within limits.

I still have things of his and he has things of mine, and I will need them back soon, but that can wait a little longer.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Day 11 - I'm out of town in a room with 20 guys and 1 girl...no, she's not a stripper. lol. I'm in San Francisco and went through Japan Town today, a place we've gone several times together. I saw so many things I would have liked to buy for her...but me getting her gifts isn't the way things work anymore. It was hard to resist, though...I think these things would make her smile, and her smiling and being happy means so much to me, because she's so unhappy most of the time. It was kind of tough being here without her, although this is not a trip she would go on with me in any case in all likelihood. I've been too busy today to think about her a bit, just times like now when its slow. There's part of me that wonders why she hasn't broken down and contacted me recently, and then there's that part of me that thinks she's just respecting my wish for no contact. 'm still waiting for the tax return in the mail, and wondering if she'll put any sort of note in it. She may also be posting in her live journal and thinking I'm getting updates on her life that way, although I blocked her live journal, so that wouldn't be working.

 

Its sad...I miss her so much, but every day goes by the realization that we are just not together anymore and are not the part of each other's life we were before sinks in a little more. What a frickin waste. There was so much good in our relationship, and the more I'm learning, the more I realize that our problems are resolvable. Instead, she's with another guy and I'm 1,200 miles away and we may never be together again. Some days its really hard to take the long view and realize that this is a process that could take months or even years to fully resolve itself. Today I just really miss my best friend.

[pumpkinmoon]

Day 29,

 

Woke up crying again this morning although I can't remember the dream. Getting nervous now that my 30 days are nearly up. I hope I have the self control to act rational, I know I couldn't contact as I was in the NC challenge, it was like a brick wall stoping me but when that wall is gone (tomorrow) I hope I'll be ok lol

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Day 31...I was actually having a pretty good day until I logged onto Facebook and saw that he's posted a picture of him with his new girlfriend.

 

Theres two ways of looking at it, yes he might have moved on lock stock and barrel but I doubt it so soon? how do you know its not been done to make you JEALOUS?

[Mustang]

Day 18

 

Very hungover AGAIN. But that's my own fault. I've had an awesome weekend. I've been out there and in the past few days I've found a lot of confidence in myself for the first time in a while. I have met a lot of girls over the weekend. Nothing happened but it kind of gives me belief after my ex made me feel worthless.

 

That said, I am finding it increasingly hard not to contact my ex. Just to say hi and what not. But then I know if I do, I will look weak. I have no reason to speak to her anymore but it is SO HARD. She was my best friend as well as my girlfriend and I still think of her CONSTANTLY. We were so close. It's hard to just have NOTHING now. But I know it's the only option. She did * * * * me over without a care in the world. But even last night when I was at an aftershow party with a free bar, I kept thinking to myself "She'd love it here" and "if we were together then she'd be here now" etc, etc

 

I haven't contacted her yet and I don't really think I can. But I do hope that she's thinking about me at least.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Can someone tell me what the goal of no contact should be? Should it be to forget the person who dumped you, or make them miss you? I miss her, but NC will increase the chances she'll miss me and want me back, I think I can stick to NC. But I know if she calls me, my heart will jump and I will have to pick up, because I'll be hoping she'll be saying lets try again, and I don't want to miss that.

 

hi rep, well its two fold really. Firstly, by NO CONTACT whatsoever your making sure you dont say or do the wrong thing to push them away further. It also helps you break your 'habit' of them if they are someone you are used to seeing or speaking to daily. Its a way of basically training your brain to not expect that contact.

 

Its also giving the ex the space they asked for when they finished it. And letting them truly experience what life is like without you in it. Its a chance for them to miss you and maybe realise they dont want their 'freedom' after all. That part isnt guaranteed, but its as good a shot as any which is why we're all doing it.

 

The added benefit is that you can work on yourself while you in NC so that if you do bump into them you will look great!

 

good luck x

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I am five weeks no contact today, and I have to say its probably my WORST weekend yet.

 

He has had someone staying over at his. Not sure if its the first girl he was with or if he's got a new one now (someone told me he might have a new girl) and it doesnt make me feel great I gotta say.

 

right now im blanking it out of my head la la la la, coz if I really think about it I think I will crack up big time

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Day 18

 

I haven't contacted her yet and I don't really think I can. But I do hope that she's thinking about me at least.

 

You know what Mustang? I'll almost guarantee it. I dont know about you, but Im finding that the further away from the break up and last contact Im getting, the MORE im thinking about the ex? so it must be happening to them to.

 

dont contact her, stay strong. With your emotions running this high if you dont get the response you want it might set you back BIG TIME.