Ashsun87

I miss you Joanie. A lot. I get through each day, it's a struggle, but I do. I loved you so much, what in the hell were we thinking? What were we doing together, when it was so obvious we never had a future? Were we afraid to be alone? I don't get it. I wanted to start a family with you, you wanted to be single and have fun. What's funny is I understand completely, we're really young... and you were an exception, not the rule. You were the only girl I've been with who I wanted to have a future with. I'm not even mad at you, I'm just hurt that I had to cut you out of my life. We had such a great connection, I feel like I'll never have that again, and that scares the hell out of me. I can't talk to you, so that's why I'm writing this here. I have a lot of emotions built up in my head... fear, jealousy, sadness... it doesn't really stop. You told me to get over you, and I am. I'm not doing it because you said so, I'm doing it because I have no other choice. I can't do this anymore. I can't miss you like this, or it will destroy me. My heart will literally stop if I continue to let you in my life. It's been so hard to wake up every single day and not grab my phone and ask you how you've been. For once in my life, I'm doing the right thing... and as they say, doing the right thing is never easy. It feels good to know I'm strong enough to cut you out. I literally saw the decimation of a world in you when you left me, because you were mine. It wasn't infatuation, it wasn't fake, I really loved you Joanie. I know that you know that, but everything happens for a reason. Maybe you were supposed to show me that the world isn't such a terrible place. You gave me so many happy memories, and I know I gave you the same. You can tell yourself all you want that I'm not the man for you, but I think you're wrong. I respect you still, because I still love you, and that's why I'm letting you go. I won't love you forever girl, and one day soon I really am going to move on, and this will no longer hurt. I'll love another woman someday, and she'll love me too, and maybe she'll be the one for me, maybe she won't. One thing is for sure: I loved you with all my heart. I held nothing back. Goodbye.

Made it over 30 days, not sure how many I'm at exactly. Didn't check her facebook once, myspace one, didn't text her or call her, and I didn't stalk her. Whew. I feel good. Not great, but good is enough after the pain I was experiencing. Moving on feels good.

you aren't alone day 2. sucks. woke up feeling like * * * * . still feel like * * * * . i know im doing the right thing, but that doesnt mean it feels good.

day 1... changed my number and deleted her off facebook. NC forever.

Day 31... I should have celebrated yesterday, and I guess I did. I got drunk with my buddies, lol. I still miss her, I'm still confused, I still don't understand why she left, I still don't understand why she isn't with me right now sitting on my lap. Ya know, I'm trying to be optimistic... i really am... but saying these are "hard times" is a gross understatement. I HAVE stayed strong though, I have NOT contacted her, and I am proud of myself. Here's to another 30 days!

I think we're the ones that win in the long run. We become stronger from having to actually face the pain rather than running away from it, in the case of my ex. Its just that while we're dealing with this pain, it sure as hell doesn't feel like we are winning, that I will agree with lol. It's so hard to stay strong. But what other choice do we have?

Day 23. It's been a week since she contacted me, asking me "how i'm doing". I didn't reply. Kinda wondering if that was a mistake, but I know deep down inside it would have been a mistake TO reply. Ugh, I just wish she would come back already. I didn't do anything wrong. I was a loving, caring boyfriend. How is this lifestyle of drinking and sleeping around so much better than our love we had for each other? I'm getting stronger everyday, but I am so sad when I realize I am slowly letting go of the one girl I loved with all my heart. :sad: I will probably never talk to her again.

Day 16 I think... not too sure. She contacted me two days ago, asking me how I was doing. Didn't say anything. Sometimes, this feels like the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and other times... it feels like a GREAT weight has been lifted off my shoulders. One thing is for sure, NC is the ONLY way.

It's been about... 1.5weeks, not really sure. I haven't been counting. She has made no effort to contact me, I wish she would. I just want to know she is thinking of me. :sad:

I'm on day 3 of NC. Had a text yesterday saying she "missed me" and yadda yadda. You know the drill. This is hard, but I have to do it for me.

Thank you for the quick reply. I'm having a tough time tonight. I'm not sure if I acted out of line, because there have been a few things that have bothered me lately. For one, she went from wanting to hangout with me everyday to, once or twice a week? Also, I went to my grandparents this past weekend and she said she wanted to go, and we didn't have to leave for 4 hours. I called her when we were supposed to leave and she said she was doing her toenails and asked me if I could wait for her to get done so i could drive with her there... but I wasn't able to as it would be too much gas. I don't understand how it takes 4 hours to get ready. It just seems like she doesn't care. She said she was going to call at 9 tonight, and it's 11:28 right now and no call. I don't know what to do, should I call her tomorrow? This feels so terrible.

Today my heart was destroyed. I lost the girl of my dreams. The one person I actually cared about. We've been going out for about a year and a half now, which I know doesn't seem like a long time... but it truly had been amazing to me. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else EXCEPT this girl. I'm 20 and she's 21, and she just got a job recently. Ever since she got this job, she has been acting different. More distant, not wanting to hangout, ect. I'm not sure what has caused that, and I don't think I want to know. Well we were hanging out one day, and all she was doing was texting her friends. I mean, literally, she was getting a text every 30 seconds and was basically ignoring me. I blew up on her and said I was taking her home. She called me psycho and we basically fought in the car on the way home. She went inside and I just left, basically crying. She texted me later in the day but I never replied to her. She said she wanted to "talk" and she said she missed me, but still I did not reply. Two days later (today) I called her asking if she wanted to work things out, and she said she wasn't sure and that she would have to think about it. She said she was tired and was taking a nap as I called and she would call me at 9. Well, 9:30 rolled around and I called her again but she didn't answer, so i left her a voice mail basically saying that I guess her answer was no, and that I had an amazing time with her, and that I hope she finds someone who loves her more than I did, and that she is always happy in life. Guys, I'm a wreck right now. I've been crying off and on ever since I left this voicemail. I think I made a mistake even calling her trying to work things out. I think I made a mistake getting mad at her for texting her friends too. I have jealousy and insecurity issues, and I think I just ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. If she calls, should I talk to her, or should I just go NC and try to work things out? By the way, SuperDave... you helped me get this girl back before, but I think I might have screwed things up too much this time. Thank you all for your support!