THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Sunday's are bad for me in general!! ((((Stella)))) Be strong...remember that you are an AWESOME woman!! ;-)

 

Thanks babe! xxx

[musashi]

We all know how exciting the first few months of a new relationship are. That is what kills me more than anything. To think that my ex is potentially becoming closer and closer to somebody new as each day goes by.

 

I am with you 100% on this one, my friend. Even if, miracles beyond miracle, that she breaks up with him and comes back, the thoughts of the relationship they built during their time together will plague the mind. The little inside jokes they had. How often will she think of him? She will be a different person because of their relationship and what kind of person will she be?

 

These are things I think about that help solidify the fact that it is over. Even if she came back, those hurdles would be enormous to overcome.

 

BTW, one month today NC for me. yaaah.

[pumpkinmoon]

well done Musashi, I'm only 1 day ahead of you

[musashi]

well done Musashi, I'm only 1 day ahead of you

 

Thanks. I am definitely in a better place but am still unmotivated to do anything. Going out with friends and drinking seems to be the only joy I am getting but that is self destructive behaviour. I am still waiting for inspiration to kick me in the butt.

[pumpkinmoon]

I think I'm in a better place too but when I have bad says theyre really bad. It all seems such a blur atm. I don't really do anything either. I have been out drinking a few times but I can't wait to get home when I'm out. I want to be alone all the time atm.

[cr44hill]

Congrats to Litgirl, Musashi, and TSF(belated) on making one month NC! I am jealous and can't wait to join the club (today is Day 18 for me).

 

Like you, the weekend is really hard for me, I almost didn't go to the running store I usually go to becuase is it near her home. I did go but found myself almost expecting to see her and wondering what I would do if I did. I don't want to operate like this, I live in a huge city and it is almost paranoia.

 

Question for the group: Have you started dating, even casually? I am torn as I feel like it is the spring and I need to do some light dating but when it gets down to it I don't think I'm ready. We broke up in December, then she agreed to go on some dates at the end of February. This got my hopes up obviously, but only for her to call in early March saying she can't do it and she's trying to move on. I accepted this but then sent her a bunch a emails at the end of March. She responded but it was just everyday type of discussoin. Since then I've gone NC. I know my heart needs to heal but my head is almost saying I need to be out there, that it may be theraputic.

 

Anyone else going through this quandry?

[AngryHeart]

Day 28!! - The one month mark..yay. Because I found out he's probably got a new gf the other night, these last couple days have been hard again. The fact he's apparently only been with her a couple weeks, and claims she's the love of his life, gives me mixed emotions. On one hand it makes me feel like crap. Like garbage that's just been tossed and replaced! On the other hand, I can't help but giggle. This man is 28, and he says this about someone he's been with just 2 weeks?! That's a big red flag I think, and it probably won't work out in the long run. Ha ha.

[Mustang]

I am with you 100% on this one, my friend. Even if, miracles beyond miracle, that she breaks up with him and comes back, the thoughts of the relationship they built during their time together will plague the mind. The little inside jokes they had. How often will she think of him? She will be a different person because of their relationship and what kind of person will she be?

 

These are things I think about that help solidify the fact that it is over. Even if she came back, those hurdles would be enormous to overcome.

 

BTW, one month today NC for me. yaaah.

 

Firstly, well done on completing the challenge! Well done to everybody for that matter! I've not got an end target date. I'm just taking each day as it comes and avoiding all contact with her.

 

You know what, I know what you're saying and I think that's sometimes what makes me more upset because as you said, even if she came back, I'd never be able to look at her in the same way again. Plus I will always be paranoid about her doing it again and I'll always feel like her second choice.

 

I don't even know if she actually is with anybody right now, that is the strange thing. It makes sense mind you.

 

But you know what, I think I'd still get back with her despite all of that but it would take a lot of work. Am I willing to work things out? We all know the answer to that one. Is she? No. Even if for some reason she did miss me and want to come back, she probably wouldn't because it's probably easier not to. She didn't even have the bottle to break up with me properly, why would she do anything more to get me back?

[bronte]

Question for the group: Have you started dating, even casually? I am torn as I feel like it is the spring and I need to do some light dating but when it gets down to it I don't think I'm ready. We broke up in December, then she agreed to go on some dates at the end of February. This got my hopes up obviously, but only for her to call in early March saying she can't do it and she's trying to move on. I accepted this but then sent her a bunch a emails at the end of March. She responded but it was just everyday type of discussoin. Since then I've gone NC. I know my heart needs to heal but my head is almost saying I need to be out there, that I may be theraputic.

 

Anyone else going through this quandry?

 

I understand where you're at--my break-up was just after Thanksgiving but it was only in March that he really made it clear to me that he was never coming back.

 

I'm dating very, very casually right now and it does help in some ways...It reminds me that I am a desirable woman and that I will eventually find someone else to be in love with who will love me back. But it also complicates things, in that I have to be very careful not to give misleading cues to the guys I date--though it would be nice to meet my Mr. Right tomorrow, I also know I'm not anywhere near ready to be in an exclusive, serious relationship right now.

 

So my thought is that yes, dating casually can be a good idea, but you have to be really careful not to end up hurting another person or rushing into something serious just for the sake of "replacing" your ex. And if you're just not ready, it's okay not to date! I think there are advantages and disadvantages to either route...

[theredrocket]

had my first date last night. It was a mixed bag. Like bronte said it felt good to feel attractive and see a girl get more and more interested in me as the night wore on. On the other hand it made me sad because it was another step away from her which is not what I want

[EyesOnThePrize]

Day 5 - I had a weird dream about her last night, although I'm pretty sure I know what triggered it. I won't say I thought about her less today, I thought about her differently. I'm really not worried about what she's doing now, because all I can do is speculate, and and even then I'd probably be wrong. I drove my housemate into work, and joked a little about my dream and what a mess her place probably is right now. Mostly, though, I focused on me and got more work done in the office. With her out of the house, my stress levels are way down, and I feel like my forward progress is accelerating. The "prize" is closer today, and still far enough away that I'm not about to let up the pace.

 

I was walking accross a parking lot a while ago (from Petsmart to Borders which didn't have the book I wanted, so accross the street to Barnes & Noble) and was thinking that it will be about 11 weeks until she comes back to town and she says she wants to see me. I was thinking about how far I will progress in those 11 weeks and what a different man she'll see and how committed I am to making significant changes in those 11 weeks. I still won't be perfect, and I have no idea where her relationship will stand at that point, and I'm pretty sure she'll be able to start thinking "Wow, he was serious about turning things around." I'm not sure how long I'm going to do NC. We may have some LC before 30 days, just because we have to deal with things like taxes and possibly sending a cat to her, however with that exception I plan to keep it for a minimum of 30 days and maybe 45 or 60. That being said, it wouldn't shock me if she started texting me sometime in the next 2 weeks. That being said, it wouldn't shock me if she didn't. I no longer look at the phone hoping it will ring and be her or hoping for a text message from her. If it happens, it happens. I've got other things going on.

[Mustang]

I went out with a girl in mid February. I was a bit reluctant and didn't feel like I was ready but I forced myself to do it because I thought it was time I moved on.

 

The trouble is... the date went really well but I wasn't ready for anything. Even now, I have nothing bad to say about the girl I went out with. I just didn't feel "it". Everybody says I'm an idiot for passing her up but I just didn't feel ready.

 

So I'd say, even if you are trying to move on, don't go out with anybody because it will just make things worse. Not only will you still miss your ex but you will also feel horrible for "using" somebody else to make yourself feel better.

[EyesOnThePrize]

I still haven't gone on my not-date yet...I'm in no rush.

[Mustang]

To be honest, at this point in time, I prefer going out and getting drunk and being able to act immature without worrying what people think.

 

I can't get drunk and act immature on a date. Well, I could but it probably wouldn't last very long! Haha.

[cr44hill]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

 

It definitely sounds like a mixed bag on the dating scene which is what I feel it would be like. I think I should go on a few casual dates. I see what Mustang is saying and bronte/TRR too.

 

I know every individual is different. I'm planning to go on a few to test the waters. I don't feel like it's using them, well, I kind of do but who knows what their situation is and where they are coming from. I think I'm trying to tell myself it's ok. I'm so sensitve and fragile now that I assume the other person is the same way.

 

Next weekend should be a start. Slow is the key word here. The pisser is part of me feels like I'm betraying my ex by going out on a few dates, what a sham! Objectively I should be out there doing what I want, but it's that darn emotion again. I'll be sure to report back next Sunday.

[hfc65]

Day 22

 

Got back today from seeing my Mom

 

Feeling good now but was thinking about her on my flight home and was a little sad coming home to an empty house.

 

She wanted to be friends when she dumped me but I wanted nothing of it and stormed out and haven't spoken to her since.

 

I do want to be friends and/or get back together so I will contact her next week,If it's just as friends I think it will be ok

[cr44hill]

hfc,

 

Congrats on Day 22. Sometimes going away can increase the pain. I think you are smart to wait until you contact her. You know what is best for you, but please make sure you can handle just being friends.

 

Again, nice work. Keep it up!

[hfc65]

hfc,

 

Congrats on Day 22. Sometimes going away can increase the pain. I think you are smart to wait until you contact her. You know what is best for you, but please make sure you can handle just being friends.

 

Again, nice work. Keep it up!

 

Thanks I am willing to try the friend thing,If it doesn't work then that's ok to I know I will eventually get over her.

 

I purposely tried not to get to close in case this is what happened so I will be fine unlike the last breakup where I was a basket case for months,I have grown

[pumpkinmoon]

well done Musashi, I'm only 1 day ahead of you

 

Sorry just realised. Im not one day ahead I'm 9 behind lol silly me

[Litgirl01]

Shoefairy...you are one late night girl!! LOL

[whes]

I saw him drive by with some friends today and it really made me angry. I don't even know why, because I was with a friend as well and was having a perfectly good time. It almost ruined the rest of the day, but I ran it off. How can he affect me still, after so long?? It's almost unbelievable what I'll put myself through for him.

[pumpkinmoon]

Shoefairy...you are one late night girl!! LOL

 

Oh yeah, there is no day and night anymore, just minutes and hours

[Mustang]

Day 12

 

I had another nightmare last night which I can still remember clearly as if it actually happened. I suppose it's bound to happen when I seem to think of my ex the most in the evenings and especially just before I go to bed.

 

Wednesday will be the longest I've ever gone NC so at least that's something to be positive about. I've not really had the urge to contact my ex yet. I think me telling her that I couldn't contact her anymore helped because I know that if I contact her anytime soon I will look weak.

 

I've got all the same worries that I've had since day 1 and to be honest a lot of them are getting worse by the day, not better but I don't have any reason to break NC so I won't.

[pumpkinmoon]

Day 22,

 

Not feeling too bad today. Listened to my quit smoking thing last night and it seems to have helped even though it was a bit scary with voices coming from everwhere, not sure if I fell asleep or not but then as soon as he (Paul Mckenna) started to say wake up, I did. lol hmmmmmmmmm.

[pumpkinmoon]

And now... I'm having a cigarette!